The document describes the author's experience with depression after losing her grandfather at age 12. When she learned of his death, she went into denial and spent days crying and isolating herself. Her mother tried different ways to cheer her up but nothing worked. A family friend who was a psychologist counseled the author by sharing her own story of loss. This helped the author realize she was not alone and had support from loved ones. It took a year for her to start feeling normal again, though she still deeply misses her grandfather.

1. Well, starting with how I met depression. At the age of 12, I
lost my grandfather to Cancer. It was a shock for me to hear
that my grandfather is gone. I still remember when my older
sister came to me crying, and told me that our grandfather
passed away. I pushed her and said no! You’re lying. I went to
my mother and asked where my grandfather was. She hugged me
and cried badly. I wasn’t prepared for at this sad news, because
my grandfather was everything to me. I then ran towards his
room to see him but I found nobody there. I started shouting and
calling my grandfather. I used to call him daddy. I was shouting
dadddyyy where are you? Daddy, daddy. But he didn’t answer
me. Usually when I came back from school I shouted daddy
where you are? And most of the times he was in the living room
hiding behind the curtains, trying to scare me by making all sort
of sounds. I knew that there’s no ghost over there, that it my
grandfather but I used to overreact as if I was afraid and then he
hugged me, took out sweets from his pocket and said” My doll
is getting afraid, next time I’ll scold this ghost who scares my
little princess. After that, we both laughed together. I used to
tell him my whole day routine, everything I have done in
school. All the stories and incidents that happened over there.
And he used to suggest how to react in every situation. What’s
good or bad for me? I was attached to my grandfather a lot. He
meant the world to me. I remember when was ill. He was
diagnosed with liver cancer. I was only 11 years old then, I
didn’t know exactly what sort of this disease it was. My father
used to take daddy to the hospital everyday, and I wasn’t
allowed to go with them. Those days were worst day of my life.
I used to write letters to my daddy that it was okay if I am not
supposed to see you but I needed to you etc. He started
chemotherapy therapy, and this was not an easy treatment to
deal with. There are ups and downs. And there was a time came
when doctors clearly said that he can die at any time. After

2. listening to this life-ending sentence, my father cried badly. He
used to spend his most of the time with daddy. One day, when I
was back from school, my father came and said daddy is calling
you. I was like oh wow now I can meet him after a week. And I
rushed towards his room. As I entered he was lying on his bed,
for an instance I thought that he is someone else. He was not
looking like my daddy. He became too weak. And then I asked
my father he is not my daddy. Where he is? My father didn’t
replied but left the room while crying. I was staring at my
daddy. And when he called me “my little princess come here” I
recognized his voice. I ran towards him and asked what had
happened to you? He said nothing I am fine. But you know one
day everybody has to leave this planet. You have to make a
promise to me that you will take a lot of care of your parents.
You will become my brave girl. You will always consider what
I taught to you. At that moment he was holding my hand and I
clearly remember that drops from his eyes touched my hand.
And that point I can clearly feel my heartbeat. I also started
crying. I asked him why you’re saying all of this. He in return
only smiled. And the next day he was died. 7-sep-2005.
After all of this, I didn’t went to school for around two weeks. I
thought my life has ended up here. I didn’t talk to any of my
friends or family. Whenever anyone tries to talk to me I used to
ignore them. i was on silent mode completely. I used to have my
daddy’s picture and I always talk to that picture. At that I used
to cry a lot. Like my whole day was spent only crying. I didn’t
take my proper meal. I started thinking that I can die at any
time. Because the one person I loved the most has left me now
how I can imagine my life without him. My family used to talk
to me normally as if nothing has happened. My mother bought
games and different toys so that I can move on in my life but I
was getting into depression. My sister usually asks me always
that what I am feeling or what is going inside me. But I always
ignore her. I used to cry whenever I was alone. My mother
forcefully sent me school so that I can divert my mind but this

3. didn’t worked actually. I was not getting out of that my daddy
has left me. My mother then took all of daddy’s photos from
me. She used to say always that she and my father is there for
me. Why I am so sad. My sadness won’t make my daddy happy.
In short she tried every possible thing to get me back in life but
she failed. I didn’t sleep for many days. My eyes were swelled.
I always started talking about death. I used to read death
stories. How a person dies what happens then. And then I
imagine all this as if it is happening with me. Whenever I used
to come back from my school I always miss that how my daddy
was there always to make me surprise but now all of these were
hurting me inside She realized this thing when my mother’s
friend who was a psychologist came to our home. She asked my
mother that why sarah is looking so weak. My mother then told
her all what has happened. She asked my mother whether she
can talk to me alone or not. My mother allowed her. She came
into my room. She didn’t ask my why I’m like this. Rather she
started talking normally. She was telling her own stories. And
in between she started crying. Though I wasn’t paying much
attention to her stories but when she started crying I asked her
that what has had happened? She was said she has lost her
parents in a car accident. Now she is all alone. I stared at her.
And thought that if she has lost her parents then how can she
laugh even? But the way she did my counselling made me
realize that yes I have lost my daddy but still I have my parents
and friends around. She used to spend 2-3 hours on daily basis.
She used to play with me like my daddy and she made me feel
as if my daddy is somewhere around me. She was the one who
made me realize that life didn’t end up here. Healing was a way
long process. But throughout my depression she was with me,
my parents my friends they all helped me a lot. Because I
started thinking I can die like my daddy. Depression was a
horrible thing to go through, but it did make me appreciate life.
That I have my parents, my sister and my friends around. Then I
started taking interest in my studies so that my daddy would be
proud of me up there that his little princess has got a position in

4. her class. It took almost a year to get back normal in life. But
whenever I used to remember the time which I have spent with
my daddy I still feel that there’s some slot free inside me. That
slot can only be filled by my daddy, I miss him a lot.
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