1. How your child behaves is a reflection of the way
he or she has been brought up. Parents play the
main role in inculcating good manners in children
followed by the teachers and others around.
Nowadays most parents find it difficult to deal with
their kids and are not sure about how to develop
good behaviour in them. Here are a few tried and
tested ways in which you can make your child
behave properly.

2. When you want your child to follow certain manners, be sure to practice this
yourself. Children, right from a very early age, show an inclination towards
imitating their parents. So if you are well-behaved chances are that your child
will be too. Some basic rules to follow would be-
 Do not use bad language.
 Do not talk foul about others.
 Follow good food habits and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
 Do not give in to mood swings.
 Do not shout at your kids or anyone else.
 Follow good habits of cleanliness.
 Behave properly with elders so that your child can emulate your behaviour.
 Exercise regularly so that your child also does so and keeps fit. Studies have
shown that physically fit children are happy kids and rarely throw tantrums.
 Follow good table manners.
 Be tidy and keep your house and surroundings clean.

3.  Sometimes it has been seen that people around the child
have a deeper impact on them than their parents. This is
especially so in the pre-teen age group. Discuss your child’s
behavior with his or her teacher or grandparents, neighbours,
etc. Ask your child’s grandparents to talk to him or her about
good manners and reprimand mildly when they do not follow.
When my daughter visits my sister and her family, she
returns home better behaved than before. It is not that my
sister teaches her anything different than what I do at home
but a different messenger can have a greater impact than the
same one who the child has to listen to all the time.

4.  Threatening your child with dire consequences will not instill good manners in him or
her. In fact this sends out a wrong message that learning manners can be terrifying.
Instead make the process enjoyable with lots of laughs thrown in. Use affirmative
language while speaking to them. Replace ‘foolish’ with ‘not clever’ or ‘boring’ with
‘not fun’ and so on. When they demand things in an impolite manner teach them how
the same demand can be replaced by a request and can be a lot more effective in
getting them what they want. Many kids shout out their wishes in the hope that
shouting will be more affirmative. For example when they want a particular object
they may say “You have to give me a new video game or I will not study”. Yes,
children do use threats and parents have to thank themselves for this because this is
what we teach them. “If you don’t study, you will not watch television” or “you will get
a new cycle if you behave properly”. This sends out a message that the child needs
to behave well only for a short period of time until the wish is fulfilled. Teach them to
rephrase their wishes and voice them out like request. The wish for a new video
game can be rephrased and said politely as “Please can I have the new video game
after my exams are over?” But they should also be taught that they cannot have
everything that they ask for even if they request politely. You can explain to them the
reason why you think that their wish cannot be adhered to instead of a big ‘No’ which
will make them more rebellious.

5.  When your child is whiny or speaks rudely, imitate
them with a smile on your face. Even aping their
facial expression works here. You will find that
instead of being strict and reprimanding them at
all times, being silly also works at times. Kids can
hear what they sound like and feel silly about their
behaviour. Chances are they will stop repeating
the tantrum. Just be careful that you do not cross
the borderline here. You are still the parent.

6.  Role play situations with your child and make it fun.
Pretend that both of you are at a store and show your
child when to say ‘Thank you’ or ‘Excuse me’. Also
demonstrate how to wait patiently for your turn. You
could act out a situation where a visitor comes to your
house and is met by your child at the door. Or when
you are visiting somebody and the proper things to
say. Sometimes children misbehave because they are
not sure of the right things to say in a situation.
Learning through role play will be fun and more
impressionable.

7.  It is a good practice to eat meals together as one unit. This may
be possible only for dinner and when your child does not need to
be fed. This is the best place to practice the right etiquettes such
as how to ask for something that is away from you, how to chew
your food properly, how to eat slowly as well as ensure that your
child eats a little bit of everything that is laid out on the table.
Encourage the child to eat a variety of vegetables in small bites.
Also discourage overeating and talking with the mouth full.
Although it is recommended that you do not give in to your
child’s food tantrums by giving him or her only junk food, don’t be
very stern about what he or she eats unless you feel it’s not
healthy. If you feel that he or she is rejecting a particular food
often, then withdraw the item for a period of time.

8.  We adults tend to impose our ideas on our kids too often.
We feel we know best what is right and advice them
accordingly. Just like we do not like lectures, our children
also get immune to the lecturing after sometime. They stop
listening. This is a deplorable situation and should not
occur. The best alternative would be to ask for their ideas.
When they have behaved improperly, ask them how their
behaviour could have been different. When you see
another child behaving improperly, ask your child ‘what is
wrong in the situation’ and you will be surprised how
mature his or her understanding is. Sometimes it is
necessary to treat your child like an equal. Get their whole-
hearted participation and let them find out how to behave
well.

9.  Good manners need to be inculcated and not imposed on
children. Following good manners should come naturally
and should not seem to be affectations. Behaving well and
following good manners yourself will foster these in the
children too. Being more of a friend instead of a stern
disciplinarian works better in most situations. However,
giving in to your child’s tantrums is not a good idea. Be firm
without sounding repetitive in your quest to instill good
manners. Make learning of good manners fun with role
playing and imitation so that the child learns the folly of his
or her ways. One last word, do not expect your child to
behave like an adult. Kids will be kids and expecting
mature behaviour will spoil the fun of growing up.

10.  Good manners need to be inculcated and not imposed on
children. Following good manners should come naturally
and should not seem to be affectations. Behaving well and
following good manners yourself will foster these in the
children too. Being more of a friend instead of a stern
disciplinarian works better in most situations. However,
giving in to your child’s tantrums is not a good idea. Be firm
without sounding repetitive in your quest to instill good
manners. Make learning of good manners fun with role
playing and imitation so that the child learns the folly of his
or her ways. One last word, do not expect your child to
behave like an adult. Kids will be kids and expecting
mature behaviour will spoil the fun of growing up.