2 ....... ....... INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by … ACTIVELY engaging students by appealing to their interests in popular culture, media, and technology. SHOWING students how online connections affect the media generation and the dynamics of the interpersonal experience. PROVIDING abundant opportunities for students to actively apply and practice what they are learning. EXPLORING how gender and culture influence interaction. SHEDDING NEW LIGHT on the everyday interactions and relationships of students. This text uses an applied approach and an interactive style to engage students. Every chapter considers how media and technology affect the dynamics of relationships and self-expression. The authors also focus on diversity and developing cultural understanding through explorations in every chapter of how gender and culture help shape experiences of interpersonal communication. INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including: Learning Objectives What Do You Know? “I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even read the chapter.” —Margaret Rountree, Student Old Dominion University 3 “The ‘What Do You Know’ sections are excellent because they provide a framework for students to read the chapter. It helps them determine what is most important.” —Todd Lee Goen, Professor Christopher Newport University 4 Try This “My favorite feature is ‘Try This.’” —Wayne Thomas, Student Old Dominion University “I really like the ‘Try This’ because it provides instant ability for students to put into action what they are reading about in the text. Application is often the best way to learn so this is an awesome addition.” —Christa Tess Kalk, Professor Minneapolis Community & Technical College “The ‘Try This’ sections really seemed to spark some good discussion in the class. This allowed students to see their communication as effective or ineffective, appropriate or inappropriate, and allowed them to look inward. It gave them a chance to reflect on how/why they experience difficulties in relationships and how they can better approach conflict.” — Lee Lavery, Professor Ivy Tech Community College 5 .......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building Connections Together puts students in the center of interpersonal communication through abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text, including: Analyze This ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono Edward de Bono is a physician and leading authority on creative thinking. What does the following excerpt from de Bono’s I Am Right—You Are Wrong suggest about how the Japanese handle conflict? Every day the leading executives in the Japanese motor industry meet for lunch in their special clu.

1. 2
.......
.......
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building
Connections Together
puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by
…
ACTIVELY engaging students by appealing to their interests in
popular
culture, media, and technology.
SHOWING students how online connections affect the media
generation
and the dynamics of the interpersonal experience.
PROVIDING abundant opportunities for students to actively
apply and
practice what they are learning.
EXPLORING how gender and culture influence interaction.
SHEDDING NEW LIGHT on the everyday interactions and
relationships
of students.
This text uses an applied approach and an interactive style to
engage
students. Every chapter considers how media and technology

2. affect the
dynamics of relationships and self-expression. The authors also
focus
on diversity and developing cultural understanding through
explorations in every chapter of how gender and culture help
shape
experiences of interpersonal communication.
INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building
Connections Together
puts students in the center of interpersonal communication
through
abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text,
including:
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
“I liked how it had a true/false section in the beginning of the
chapter
so you can see what you know before you even read the
chapter.”
—Margaret Rountree, Student
Old Dominion University
3
“The ‘What Do You Know’ sections are excellent because they
provide
a framework for students to read the chapter. It helps them
determine
what is most important.”

3. —Todd Lee Goen, Professor
Christopher Newport University
4
Try This
“My favorite feature is ‘Try This.’”
—Wayne Thomas, Student
Old Dominion University
“I really like the ‘Try This’ because it provides instant ability
for
students to put into action what they are reading about in the
text.
Application is often the best way to learn so this is an awesome
addition.”
—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor
Minneapolis Community & Technical College
“The ‘Try This’ sections really seemed to spark some good
discussion
in the class. This allowed students to see their communication
as
effective or ineffective, appropriate or inappropriate, and
allowed them
to look inward. It gave them a chance to reflect on how/why
they
experience difficulties in relationships and how they can better
approach conflict.”

4. — Lee Lavery, Professor
Ivy Tech Community College
5
.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building
Connections Together
puts students in the center of interpersonal communication
through
abundant interactive pedagogical features throughout the text,
including:
Analyze This
ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono
Edward de Bono is a physician and leading authority on creative
thinking. What does the following
excerpt from de Bono’s I Am Right—You Are Wrong suggest
about how the Japanese handle
conflict?
Every day the leading executives in the Japanese motor industry
meet for lunch in their special
club. They discuss problems common to the whole motor
industry. But a soon as lunch is over
and they step over the threshold of the club, out into the street,
they are bitter enemies seeking to
kill each other’s business by marketing, technical changes,
pricing policy, etc. For the Japanese,
who do not have the tradition of Western logic, there is no
contradiction at all between “friend”
and “enemy.” They find it easy to conceive of someone as a
friend–enemy or enemy–friend.

5. SOURCE: Edward de Bono, I Am Right—You Are Wrong, New
York: Viking, 1991, p. 196.
Reflect on This
“…so many opportunities to really engage learning throughout
the
chapter with reflection questions, application ideas, etc.
Excellent!”
—Christa Tess Kalk, Professor
Minneapolis Community & Technical College
REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect
Researcher Noelle Chesley wanted to find out if the time people
spent on cell-phones enhanced or
detracted from their overall feelings of happiness. To answer
the question, Chesley surveyed more than
6
1,200 adults, concluding that a correlation existed: the more
time individuals spent on cell-phones the
less happy and less satisfied they became with their family
relationships. Chesley attributed this, at
least in part, to the work lives of people spilling over into their
personal lives and causing stress at
home.
Consider these questions:
1. Do your experiences confirm Chesley’s findings? Does time

6. spent on your cell stress the
relationships you share with people important to you, perhaps
because you divide your attention,
with less attention being paid to the person(s) with you?
2. Do you think Chesley would have found the same results if
she had studied the time we spend on
tablets or computers? Explain your answer.
3. What recommendations can you offer for alleviating such
relationship stressors? For example,
would you expect others to abide by rules specifying when to
use cell phones or other digital tools?
Source: Noelle Chesley, “Blurring Boundaries? Linking
Technology Use, Spillover, Individual Distress, and
Family Satisfaction.” Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 2005,
p. 1237–1238.
and with even more pedagogy like:
• Sections in every chapter which focus on Gender, Culture,
Media, and Technology
• Connect the Case feature ends chapter with a case study for
further application
• SAGE Original Interpersonal Communication Scenario Videos
• Review This section at the end of each chapter including a
• Chapter Summary
• Chapter Review
• Check Your Understanding
• Check Your Skills
• Key Terms
• SAGE Student Study Site Details

7. 7
FREE AND OPEN-ACCESS STUDENT SITE
“SAGE’s free and open-access site will be the biggest draw for
all of
those tools since many online accompanying tools usually cost
students quite a bit extra. The flashcards and study questions
would
draw my personal interest the most.”
—Lyndsi Earle, Student
Old Dominion University
SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at
sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both
instructors’ and students’ experiences.
Students maximize their understanding of introduction to
interpersonal
communication through the free, open-access Student Study
Site.
8
STUDENT RESOURCES INCLUDE:
• SAGE Journal Articles
• SAGE Original Videos
• Web resources

8. • eFlashcards
• Web quizzes
• Study questions
• Social media guidelines
• Video resources
• Self-assessment quizzes
PASSWORD-PROTECTED INSTRUCTOR TEACHING SITE
Strikes a never-before-seen balance between general education
goals
AND preparation for Communication majors (links to journal
articles in Communication are a major plus).”
—Kathleen Glenister Roberts, Professor
9
Duquesne University
SAGE provides comprehensive and free online resources at
sagepub.com.gambleic designed to support and enhance both
instructors’ and students’ experiences.
Instructors benefit from access to the password-protected
Instructor
Teaching Site.

9. 10
INSTRUCTOR RESOURCES INCLUDE:
• Test bank
• PowerPoint slides
• Sample syllabi
• Class assignments
• Video resources
• Web resources
• SAGE WATCH THIS scenario videos and video links
• SAGE Journal Articles with articles for every chapter
(includes
information on how to read and critique a journal article)
• Social media guidelines
.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building
Connections Together
puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by
asking
them what they think of our text. Here is what they are saying:
WRITING STYLE AND RELATABILITY
“The writing was really easy to comprehend. I really like all the
self-

10. assessments. After taking all the self-assessments I could learn
a little
bit more about myself.”
—Juliana Pires, Student
Old Dominion University
“The text is user-friendly, seems to be geared toward an
introductory
student level, and offers real-life examples that promote
understanding/application.”
—Lee Lavery, Professor
Ivy Tech Community College
11
“My favorite chapter was the constructive communication
behaviors,
and it has helped me by teaching me about the role reversal
technique,
which I didn’t know about before—it will allow me to see the
other
person’s side more clearly.”
—Gabriel Lopez, Student
Old Dominion University
ACTIVITIES, ASSESSMENTS, AND FEATURES
“I really liked the GUIDELINES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT
because having the proper knowledge to resolve conflicts can
help us
to improve our interpersonal skills and communicate better with

11. people, avoiding problems.”
—Rosario Villagra, Student
Old Dominion University
“The activities give a better idea of a complex subject. The way
the
information is written and laid out is simple to understand and
involves
the reader more. I liked how it had a true/false section in the
beginning
of the chapter so you can see what you know before you even
read the
chapter.”
—Margaret Rountree, Student
Old Dominion University
“The nonverbal chapter is the best I’ve seen.”
—Todd Lee Goen, Professor
Christopher Newport University
12
OVERALL TEXTBOOK EXPERIENCE
“…relatable stories and examples, as well as fun learning
activities.”
—Amanda Osborn, Student
Old Dominion University
“…interesting, easily understood, and I liked the fact that

12. current pop
culture examples were mentioned.”
—Stacy Evans, Student
Ohlone College
.......INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Building
Connections Together
puts students in the center of interpersonal communication by
offering
them a lower-priced option
SAGE VALUE PRICE
“Of course as a college student I think the SAGE value price is
great!”
—Melissa Temple, Student
Old Dominion University
“Price is always a concern for students. As educators, we need
to make
certain our students are getting the best materials possible at a
reasonable price.”
—Lee Lavery, Professor
Ivy Tech Community College
13
14

13. INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
........... Building Connections Together
...........
TERI KWAL
GAMBLE
COLLEGE OF NEW ROCHELLE
& MICHAEL W.
GAMBLE
NEW YORK INSTITUTE OF
TECHNOLOGY
15
FOR INFORMATION:
SAGE Publications, Inc.
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Thousand Oaks, California 91320
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16
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Permissions Editor: Karen Ehrmann
Copyright © 2014 by SAGE Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or
utilized in any form

15. or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or
by any information storage and retrieval system, without
permission in writing
from the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gamble, Teri Kwal.
Interpersonal communication : building connections together /
Teri Kwal Gamble,
College of New Rochelle, Michael W. Gamble, New York
Institute of Technology.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978–2-4522–2-0 (pbk.)
1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Communication—
Psychological aspects. I.
Gamble, Michael, 1943- II. Title.
HM1166.G36 2013
302—dc23 2012046294
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
17
13 14 15 16 17 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

16. 18
Brief Contents
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
PART I FOUNDATIONS
CHAPTER 1 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A First
Look
CHAPTER 2 THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT
CHAPTER 3 PERCEPTION
PART II MESSAGES
CHAPTER 4 LISTENING
CHAPTER 5 COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS
CHAPTER 6 NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
CHAPTER 7 CONVERSATIONS
PART III DYNAMICS
CHAPTER 8 EMOTIONS
CHAPTER 9 TRUST AND DECEPTION
CHAPTER 10 POWER AND INFLUENCE

17. CHAPTER 11 CONFLICT
PART IV RELATIONSHIPS IN CONTEXT
CHAPTER 12 RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS
CHAPTER 13 INTIMACY AND DISTANCE IN
RELATIONSHIPS
CHAPTER 14 RELATIONSHIPS IN OUR LIVES: Family,
Work, and
Health-Related Contexts
GLOSSARY
NOTES
19
PHOTO CREDITS
INDEX
20
Detailed Contents
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS

18. PART 1: FOUNDATIONS
CHAPTER 1. INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: A
FIRST
LOOK
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
What Is Interpersonal Communication?
Interpersonal Communication Is about Relationships
Interpersonal Communication Takes Two
Interpersonal Communication Is a Lifelong Project
TRY THIS: Today, Who Is a Stranger?
Models of Interpersonal Communication
ANALYZE THIS: Are You in a Disguise?
People
TRY THIS: Rating Relationships
Messages
Channels
21
Noise
Feedback
Context
Effect
Visualizing Communication

19. How Does Interpersonal Communication Enhance Our Lives?
It Fulfills Psychological Functions
TRY THIS: Making Model Sense
It Fulfills Social Functions
It Fulfills Information Functions
It Fulfills Influence Functions
TRY THIS: Functions in Action
Understanding Interpersonal Contact: Characteristics, Patterns,
and Axioms
of Communication
Five Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication Is a Dynamic Process
Interpersonal Communication Is Unrepeatable
Interpersonal Communication Is Irreversible
Interpersonal Communication Is Learned
Interpersonal Communication Is Characterized by Wholeness
and
Nonsummativity
Interpersonal Patterns
Five Communication Axioms
Axiom 1: You Cannot Not Communicate
Axiom 2: Every Interaction Has Content and Relationship
Dimensions
Axiom 3: Every Interaction Is Defined by How It Is Punctuated
Axiom 4: Messages Consist of Verbal Symbols and Nonverbal
Cues
Axiom 5: Interactions Are Either Symmetrical or
Complementary
The Impact of Diversity and Culture

20. Diversity and Communication Style
Orientation and Cultural Context
Individual and Collective Orientation
High-Context and Low-Context Communication
The Impact of Gender
Gender and Communication Style
The Impact of Media and Technology
22
TRY THIS: What’s Okay with You?
On the Way to Gaining Communication Competence
Add to Your Storehouse of Knowledge about Interpersonal
Communication
Recognize How Your Relationships Affect You
Analyze Your Options
Interact Ethically, Respect Diversity, and Think Critically about
Your
Person-to-Person Contacts
REFLECT ON THIS: The Cell Effect
Practice and Apply Skills to Improve Interpersonal Performance
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Sylvia and Khalil
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills

21. Key Terms
CHAPTER 2. THE IMPACT OF SELF-CONCEPT
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Self-Concept: Your Answer to Who You Are
ANALYZE THIS: The Clown
TRY THIS: Who Are You?
How Are the Self and Self-Concept Related?
How Accurate Is the Self-Concept?
Self-Esteem: Assessing Self-Worth
High versus Low Self-Esteem
23
Self-Esteem and Performance
How Others Shape Our Self-Concept
We Reflect Others’ Appraisals
TRY THIS: Feelings about Age and Physical Ability
We Compare Ourselves with Others
We Have Perceived, Ideal, and Expected Selves
Goffman’s Dramaturgical Approach
Imagining a Future Self
TRY THIS: The “Authentic” Self
Reactions to You: Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming

22. Responses
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: The Influence of Positive and
Negative
Pygmalions
TRY THIS: Ups and Downs
Revising Your Self-Concept: Reexamining Impressions and
Conceptions
Diversity and Culture in Relationships: How Important Is the
“I”?
The Self in Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultures
REFLECT ON THIS: Changes
The Self in High- and Low-Context Cultures
The Self in High- and Low-Power-Distance Cultures
TRY THIS: Are You an “I” or Part of a “We”?
Attitudes toward the Self across Cultures
Gender and Self-Concept
TRY THIS: Young and Old
Seeing the Self through the Media and Technology Looking
Glass
REFLECT ON THIS: Beauty Standards and Dying to Be Thin
The Impact of the Media
The Impact of Technology
ANALYZE THIS: MEdia
Gaining Communication Competence: Ways to Strengthen Your
Self-Concept
Update Pictures

23. Take Lots and Lots of Pictures
Explore Others’ Pictures of You
24
Picture Possibilities
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Aisha’s Term Paper
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 3. PERCEPTION
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Our Perception Defines Our Reality
Do We See the Same Realty?
Perception in Action: The Process at Work
Selection
Organization
Evaluation and Interpretation
Memory
Response
ANALYZE THIS: The Deceptiveness of Appearance
Frameworks of Perception
Schemata

24. Perceptual Sets and Selectivities
REFLECT ON THIS: Attribution Theory
TRY THIS: Lessons Learned
Ethnocentrism and Stereotypes
Barriers to Accurate Perception
25
REFLECT ON THIS: Stereotypes
Age and Person Perception
TRY THIS: The Appearance Factor
Fact-Inference Confusions
TRY THIS: Can You Tell the Difference?
Allness
Indiscrimination
ANALYZE THIS: Is That All There Is?
Frozen Evaluations and Snap Judgments
Blindering
Judging Others More Harshly than Ourselves
Diversity and Culture: Interpreting through Different I’s
Gender and Perception
The Media, Technology, and Perception
The Media and Perception
Technology and Perception

25. Gaining Communication Competence: Enhancing Your
Perceptual Abilities
Recognize the Part You Play
Be a Patient Perceiver
TRY THIS: Facebook in Focus
Become a Perception Checker
Widen Your Perception
See through the Eyes of Another
Build Perceptual Bridges, Not Walls
Consider How Technology Is Changing How We Perceive
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Dax’s Trial
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
PART II: MESSAGES
26
CHAPTER 4. LISTENING
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Listening in Your Life
Differences between Hearing and Listening
The Differences between Effective and Ineffective Listeners

26. ANALYZE THIS: Understanding “Understanding”
Stages of Listening
TRY THIS: How’s Your LQ (Listening Quotient)?
Stage 1: Hearing
Stage 2: Understanding
Stage 3: Remembering
Stage 4: Interpreting
Stage 5: Evaluating
Stage 6: Responding
Styles and Types of Listening
Styles of Listening
People-Oriented Listening
REFLECT ON THIS: When Is Listening Not First and
Foremost?
Action-Oriented Listening
Content-Oriented Listening
Time-Oriented Listening
Types of Listening
Appreciative Listening
Comprehensive Listening
Critical/Deliberative Listening
Empathetic Listening
27
Listening Ethics
Do You Tune Out?
ANALYZE THIS: Active and Inactive Listening

27. Do You Fake Attention?
Do You Ignore Specific Individuals?
Do You Lose Emotional Control?
Do You Avoid Challenging Content?
Are you Egocentric?
Do You Waste Potential Listening Time?
Are You Overly Apprehensive?
Are You Suffering Symptoms of Listening Burnout?
Hurdling Listening Roadblocks
Responding with Feedback
Defining Feedback
Feedback Options
Feedback May Be Immediate or Delayed
Feedback May Be Person- or Message-Focused
Feedback May Be Low- or High-Monitored
Feedback May Be Evaluative or Nonevaluative
Culture’s Influence on Listening
TRY THIS: It’s in the “I”s
TRY THIS: Culture, Communication Style, and Feedback
Gender’s Influence on Listening
Media and Technological Influences on Listening
Media Influences
Technology’s Influences
TRY THIS: The Ethics of Illusionary Listening
Gaining Communication Competence: Becoming a Better
Listener
Catch Yourself Exhibiting a Bad Habit

28. Substitute a Good Habit for a Bad Habit
Listen with Your Whole Body
Consistently Use Your Ears, Not Just Your Mouth
See the Other Side
28
Don’t Listen Assumptively
Participate Actively
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Nonlistening Flora
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 5. COMMUNICATING WITH WORDS
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Defining Language
The Meaning of Words
The Triangle of Meaning
Removing Semantic Barriers
Differentiate Denotative and Connotative Meaning
Recognize How Time and Place May Change Meaning
TRY THIS: Measuring Meaning
Consider the Effect of Your Words

29. Euphemisms and Linguistic Ambiguity
Recognize Emotive Language
TRY THIS: Euphemisms and Strategic Ambiguity
Acknowledge the Power of Polarizing Language
Balance Politically Correct Language
Beware of Bypassing
REFLECT ON THIS: Which Do You Prefer?
29
Don’t Be Misled by Labels
TRY THIS: Is It Politically Correct or Incorrect?
Language and Relationships: Communication Style, Words, and
Feelings
ANALYZE THIS: Hurtful Words
Culturespeak
TRY THIS: The Language-Culture Link
Genderspeak
Language Can Diminish and Stereotype Women and Men
Language Practices Reflect Goals and Feelings about Power
Age and Language
REFLECT ON THIS: The Muted Group
Language, Media, and Technology
Experiencing Media

30. TRY THIS: How Would You Reengineer a Media Image?
Experiencing Technology
Gaining Communication Competence: Making Your Words
Work
Are My Words Clear?
Are My Words Appropriate?
Am I Using Words That Are Concrete?
Do My Words Speak to the Other Person and Reflect the
Context?
Do I Share “to Me” Meaning?
Do I Respect Uniqueness?
Do I Look for Growth?
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Wounding Words
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 6. NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
30
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Defining Nonverbal Communication
The Functions and Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication
The Functions of Nonverbal Cues
Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication

31. All Nonverbal Behavior Has Message Value
Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous
Nonverbal Communication Is Predominantly Relational
Nonverbal Behavior May Reveal Deception
TRY THIS: It’s Not Just What You Say ...
Reading Nonverbal Messages
Kinesics: The Messages of Movement
Face and Eye Talk
Putting on a Face: The Ethics of Face-Work
ANALYZE THIS: Facecrime
Gestures and Posture: The Body in Motion and at Rest
TRY THIS: The Ethics of Impression Creation
Decoding the Body’s Messages
Paralinguistics: The Messages of the Voice
Pitch
Volume
Rate
Articulation and Pronunciation
REFLECT ON THIS: Ummmmmmm ...
Hesitations and Silence
Proxemics: Space and Distance Talks
Spatial Relationships: Near or Far
Places and Their Spaces: Decoding the Environment
31
Territoriality: Yours and Mine

32. Haptics: Touch
Artifactual Communication and Appearance
Olfactics: Smell
Color: Associations and Connections
Chronemics: The Communicative Value of Time
Culture and Nonverbal Behavior
REFLECT ON THIS: Does Beauty Pay?
Gender and Nonverbal Behavior
TRY THIS: The Race Factor
Nonverbal Cues and Flirting: Expressing Interest or Disinterest
TRY THIS: Top Billing
Media, Technology, and Nonverbal Messages
TRY THIS: Can You Read the Cues?
Gaining Communication Competence in Nonverbal
Communication
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Messages
When Uncertain about a Nonverbal Cue’s Meaning, Ask!
Realize Inconsistent Messages Have Communicative Value
Match the Degree of Closeness you Seek with the Nonverbal
Behavior
You Display
Monitor Your Nonverbal Behavior
Acknowledge That Abilities to Encode and Decode Nonverbal
Messages Vary
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Surprised Sam
Chapter Summary

33. Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 7. CONVERSATIONS
32
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Importance of Conversational Contact
TRY THIS: Do You Like to Talk?
What Is Conversation?
TRY THIS: The Elevator
Conversation: Games and Players
Conversational Structure
TRY THIS: Conversational Analysis
The Greeting
Topic Priming
The Heart of the Conversation
Preliminary Processing
The Closing
Conversational Management
Turn Taking: Maintaining and Yielding the Floor
The Cooperation Principle
TRY THIS: Whose Turn Is It, Anyway?
The Dialogue Principle

34. ANALYZE THIS: Relationship Turns
Repairing Conversational Damage
Cultural Differences and Conversation
Gender Differences and Conversation
REFLECT ON THIS: Interruptitis
Media and Technology Talk
ANALYZE THIS: Don’t Finish My Thoughts
33
TRY THIS: Squawk Talk
Media Talk
Technology Talk
Gaining Communication Competence: Improving Your
Conversation Skills
Develop Metaconversational Abilities
Develop Awareness of How Culture and Gender Differences
Affect
Conversation
Strive to Improve Conversation Initiation, Management, and
Termination Abilities
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Company Party
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills

35. Key Terms
PART III: DYNAMICS
CHAPTER 8. EMOTIONS
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
What Are Emotions?
Why Emotional Intelligence Is Important
The Look and Feel of Emotions
Surprise!
Anger
Happiness
Sadness
34
REFLECT ON THIS: Can Exercise Make You Happy and Less
Stressed?
Fear
Disgust
Emotions: Primary, Mixed, and Contagious
Emotions Affect Evaluations
TRY THIS: Emotional Checkup
Relationships and Emotions
Are Your Emotions Facilitative or Debilitative?
What Do You Tell Yourself?

36. TRY THIS: Do You Have Resilience?
What Do You Tell Another Person?
ANALYZE THIS: Should You Tell?
What Is Your Emotional Attachment Style?
Culture and the Expression of Emotion
TRY THIS: Are You a Face-Saver?
Gender and the Expression of Emotion
Media and Technology: Channeling Feelings
Media Models
TRY THIS: Sharing Feelings
Technological Channels
TRY THIS: Modeling
Gaining Communication Competence: Communicating Emotion
Recognize That Thoughts Cause Feelings
Choose the Right Words
Show That You Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings
Share Feelings Fully
Decide When, Where, and to Whom to Reveal Feelings
Describe the Response You Seek
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of Late Jean
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
35

37. CHAPTER 9. TRUST AND DECEPTION
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
What Is Trust?
The Bases of Trust
The Components of Trust
Trusting Behavior
Trustworthy Behavior
TRY THIS: Can I Depend on You? Can You Depend on Me?
Failed Trust
Forgiveness: Rebuilding a Relationship after Trust Is Betrayed
ANALYZE THIS: Misplaced Trust
Cost-Benefit Theory: The Price We Are Willing to Pay for a
Relationship
Defining the Relational Situation
TRY THIS: Relationship Balance Sheet
Cooperative and Competitive Relationships
TRY THIS: Cooperative or Competitive?
Supportive and Defensive Relationships
Evaluation versus Description
Control versus Problem Orientation
Strategy versus Spontaneity

38. ANALYZE THIS: On the Defensive
Neutrality versus Empathy
Superiority versus Equality
Certainty versus Provisionalism
Deception and Relationship Ethics
36
TRY THIS: Cornered
Why Do We Lie?
REFLECT ON THIS: Building Company Trust
White Lies: Motivation Matters
Lying to Ourselves: Defensive Strategies
Displacement
Repression
Rationalization
Relational Counterfeiters
The Effects of Lying
REFLECT ON THIS: Richard S. Lazarus and the Case for White
Lies
The Effects of Gossip
Culture and Trust
TRY THIS: How Prepared Are You to Trust?
Gender and Trust
Media, Technology, and Lessons on Trust

39. The Media and Trust
Technology and Trust
Gaining Communication Competence: Nurturing a Trusting
Relationship
Be Willing to Disclose Yourself to Another Person
Let the Other Person Know You Accept and Support Him or Her
Develop a Cooperative/Supportive Rather than a
Competitive/Defensive Orientation
Trust Another When Warranted
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Trusting Agent
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 10. POWER AND INFLUENCE
37
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Control Factor: Exploring the Balance of Power in
Relationships
Feeling Powerful versus Powerless
Are You Socially Anxious?
Are You on a Power Trip?
Where Does Power Come From?

40. Power Categories
TRY THIS: What’s Your Power Orientation?
Reward Power
Coercive Power
Expert Power
Legitimate Power
Referent Power
Persuasive Power
Exercising Persuasion
The Role of Attitudes
What Is an Attitude?
TRY THIS: Powerful People and Power Plays
Where Do Our Attitudes Come From?
The Role of Beliefs
What Are Beliefs?
TRY THIS: Assessing Attitudes and Surveying Beliefs
Defining and Characterizing Values
Gaining Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships
Strategies for Compliance Gaining
ANALYZE THIS: The Diary of a Young Girl
TRY THIS: Graphing Your Values
38
Strategies for Balancing Attitudes
Routes to Interpersonal Influence

41. TRY THIS: Tensions and Tactics
Diversity, Values, and Relational Power
Gender and the Balance of Power
TRY THIS: Who Has the Power?
REFLECT ON THIS: Power Issues by Gender
Media, Technology, and Power Shifts
Media Power
Technological Power
Gaining Communication Competence: Controlling Relationships
Use Power Wisely
Understand How Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes Affect
Interactions
Capitalize on the Need for Balance
CONNECT THE CASE: The Case of the Power Moment
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Check Your Skills
Key Terms
CHAPTER 11. CONFLICT
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Meaning of Conflict
Conflict Defined
Conflict Is Based on Interaction

42. 39
Feelings about Conflict
Functional Conflict
Dysfunctional Conflict
TRY THIS: Thinking through Conflict
Conflict’s Sources
Interactions among Individuals
Conflict-Generating Behaviors
Preemptive Striking
Forcing
Blaming
Classifying Conflicts
The Nature of the Goal
The Intensity Level of the Conflict
TRY THIS: How Verbally Aggressive Are You?
The Character of the Conflict
Conflict Management Styles
Avoiding
Competitive
Compromising
Accommodative
Collaborative
TRY THIS: Where Are You on the Grid?
Communication Behavior in the Face of Conflict
Destructive Communication Behaviors

43. Constructive Communication Behaviors
DESC Scripts
Describe
Express
Specify
Consequences
Your Expressive Style: Nonassertive, Aggressive, or Assertive
TRY THIS: A Self-Assessment
Nonassertiveness
Why We Do Not Assert Ourselves
Nonassertive Language
Aggressiveness
Why We Act Aggressively
Aggressive Language
40
Assertiveness
Learning Assertive Behavior
Assertive Language
Culture and Conflict Resolution
ANALYZE THIS: Edward de Bono
Gender and Conflict Resolution
Media, Technology, and Conflict Resolution: Models or
Madness
Media Portrayals: Model the Way

44. REFLECT ON THIS: Lessons Learned
Technology: Real and Unreal
TRY THIS: It’s War!
Gaining Communication Competence: Guidelines for Resolving
Conflict
Recognize That Conflict Can Be Resolved Rationally
Agree about How to Define the Conflict
Exchange Perceptions: Describe, Express, Specify, and Note
Behavioral Consequences
Assess Alternative
Solution
s and Choose the One That Seems Best
Implement and Evaluate the Selected