Marriage and Family

2. Chapter 3 : Making The Choice

3. Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Four Realms of Compatibility
Genesis 2:24 (MSG) Therefore a man leaves his father and
mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
Amos 3:3 (MSG) Do two people walk hand in hand if they
aren't going to the same place?
Mark 3:25 And if a house is divided against itself, that house
cannot stand.

4. Spiritual compatibility
Emotional and intellectual compatibility
Physical compatibility
Compatibility in life's calling
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Four Realms of Compatibility

5. Proverbs 4:26
Ponder the path of your feet, And let all your ways be
established.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Watch Out For Warning Signs

6. Signs of immaturity
Signs of lack of preparation
Signs of character weaknesses
Signs of parental control
Signs of parental dependence
Get insight from parents and/or spiritual mentors
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Watch Out For Warning Signs

7. Romans 14:5 (GNB)
...We each should firmly make up our own minds.
James 1:8
he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
What Do You Expect? What Can You Give?

8. Q1 : What kind of spouse would you really like?
What traits or qualities that are really important?
What traits or qualities are nice but not critical?
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
What Do You Expect? What Can You Give?

9. Q2 : What are your expectations of marriage?
What kind of a home and family would you like to see
built? Keep this practical and realistic.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
What Do You Expect? What Can You Give?

10. Q3 : What traits and qualities can I bring into my
marriage for the benefit of my spouse?
Q4 : How can I help toward building my marriage and
building a home and family that I would like to see as
described in my response to Q2?
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
What Do You Expect? What Can You Give?

11. Genesis 24:1-15
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Is There An "Appointed One" And Only?

12. Rebecca could have said 'No'
Abraham's servant went out on the search for a bride
and depended on God's guidance. He had his way of
discerning God's guidance.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Is There An "Appointed One" And Only?

13. Abraham's servant did not over-ride the choice and
will of the bride's family
Ultimately it was Rebecca's decision
There are many others whom God has led differently
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Is There An "Appointed One" And Only?

14. in doing the seeking, you are not going about trying to
find the "appointed" one for your life, but the person
you recognize as the one God is guiding you to and
that you determine would be best for you. The one
that you choose with God's guidance then becomes
"the appointed one" for you.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Is There An "Appointed One" And Only?

15. Matthew 7:7 (GNB)
7 "Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find;
knock, and the door will be opened to you.
Proverbs 18:22 (MSG) Find a good spouse, you find a
good life--and even more: the favor of GOD!
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Doing The Seeking

16. Proverbs 19:14 (GNB)
A man can inherit a house and money from his
parents, but only the LORD can give him a sensible
wife.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Doing The Seeking

17. Making the decision on the person you are going to
marry is a combination of the leading of God’s Spirit,
following the instructions in God's Word, and using
sound judgment, wisdom and godly counsel.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Doing The Seeking

18. Ephesians 5:17
Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the
will of the Lord is.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

19. Romans 12:2 (GNB)
And do not be conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you
may prove what is that good and acceptable and
perfect will of God.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

20. Colossians 1:9 (GNB)
For this reason we have always prayed for you, ever
since we heard about you. We ask God to fill you with
the knowledge of his will, with all the wisdom and
understanding that his Spirit gives.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

21. Does this person have the traits and qualities that
are important to me?
Is there alignment and compatibility in all four
realms?
Is the person ready (prepared) or can this be
addressed properly?
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

22. Are there any warning signs and have these been
adequately addressed?
Is there a witness (leading) in your spirit given by
the Holy Spirit? Do you have God's peace about this?
Are there any other external indicators where you
have seen God's hand at work in guiding you to this?
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

23. Is it mutual? Are both ready to say 'Yes' to each
other?
Is there support and approval from parents?
Is there support and approval from spiritual elders
who oversee your life?
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Discerning God's Guidance

24. Romans 12:12 (GNB) Let your hope keep you joyful,
be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.
Hebrews 11:1 (GNB) To have faith is to be sure of the
things we hope for, to be certain of the things we
cannot see.
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
While You Are In Waiting

25. No Sex Before Marriage! Just say No!
Higher standards for those in ministry
Until you are married, You are NOT married
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
The Engagement Period

26. Singleness could be a choice you make for Kingdom
purposes (Matthew 19:11-12)
Singleness is a gift - you are empowered for a life of
celibacy (1 Corinthians 7:7-9,28)
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Am I Called To Be Single?

27. Singleness is a choice you make to focus on spiritual
pursuits (1 Corinthians 7:32-38)
Chapter 3 : Making The Choice
Am I Called To Be Single?

28. Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles

29. 1 Peter 3:7 (MSG)
The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands
to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women
they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life
of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then,
as equals so your prayers don't run aground.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Equals, Joint-Heirs And Interdependent

30. 1 Corinthians 11:11-12 (GNB)
11 In our life in the Lord, however, woman is not
independent of man, nor is man independent of
woman.
12 For as woman was made from man, in the same
way man is born of woman; and it is God who brings
everything into existence.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Equals, Joint-Heirs And Interdependent

31. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to
one another.
22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in
ways that show your support for Christ.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

32. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the
way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but
by cherishing.
24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he
exercises such leadership, wives should likewise
submit to their husbands.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

33. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives,
exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by
giving, not getting.
26 Christ's love makes the church whole. His words
evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is
designed to bring the best out of her,
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

34. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with
holiness.
28 And that is how husbands ought to love their
wives. They're really doing themselves a favor--since
they're already "one" in marriage.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

35. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds
and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the
church,
30 since we are part of his body.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

36. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother
and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become
"one flesh."
32 This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to
understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way
Christ treats the church.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

37. Ephesians 5:21-33 (MSG)
33 And this provides a good picture of how each
husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving
her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

38. Husband’s role and responsibility
1. Love as Christ loves
2. Nourish your wife
3. Cherish your wife
4. Lead as the head of the marriage
5. Know your wife
6. Honor your wife
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

39. Wife’s role and responsibility
1. Love your husband
2. Submit to your husband
3. Respect your husband
4. Help your husband
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
A Divine Parallel : Christ And His Church

40. 1 Timothy 3:1-13
1 Timothy 5:8
Titus 1:6-9
Titus 2:1-6
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Responsibilities At Home And For The Family

41. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)
1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in
your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have
sexual relations?
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

42. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)
2 Certainly--but only within a certain context. It's good
for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a
husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is
strong enough to contain them and provide for a
balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual
disorder.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

43. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)
3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality--the
husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking
to satisfy her husband.
4 Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights."
Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in
bed or out.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

44. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)
5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of
time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes
of prayer and fasting--but only for such times. Then
come back together again. Satan has an ingenious
way of tempting us when we least expect it.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

45. 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (MSG)
6 I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of
abstinence--only providing my best counsel if you
should choose them.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

46. Maintain a balanced and fulfilling sex life (vs 2)
Sex must be enjoyed with mutuality, each seeking to
satisfy the other (vs 3)
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

47. Sex is an opportunity to enable the husband and
wife to enjoy each other's bodies and must not be
used as a way to "hold something back" (vs 4).
The husband and wife can agree to abstain from sex
for a short period of time for prayer and fasting (vs 5)
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
Enjoying Sex

48. Proverbs 31:10-31
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
The Virtuous Woman And Her Husband

49. For my wife to be a Proverbs 31 wife,
I will have to be a Proverbs 31 husband.
Chapter 4 : Understanding Roles
The Virtuous Woman And Her Husband