Building relationships with families

1. And the results are….
No drumroll please! Just a look at the test results….
Sheelagh Lucas SPED 232

2. There is no easy way to tell a parent their child is not
typical, may never be typical, that the child needs
assistance. But there is definitely a right way, and a wrong
way.
 “I do not think he will ever be able
to talk.”
 “He will probably never be in
regular classes with regular kids.”
 “We never really know what is
going to happen…. But he is one of
the worst I have seen, lately.”
-SLP with ESU 16, who evaluated Alek
at 25 months
 “If Alek were in a room with 100
little boys, his same age, and just
like him, he would be able to
communicate better than 2 of
them.”
 “Remember, this is just a
standardized test, it does not tell
us anything, except he has some
work ahead of him.”
-SLP in a private therapy group, who
evaluated Alek at 26 months.

3. My little boy today…. Eating
cookies at a school field trip to the
fire station… surrounding by
classmates, his sister, and fifty
other children from area
preschools.
Our first prognosis was so grim, as a parent I
could not stop crying for two days. My heart
was broken, I felt devastated, and for the
next year and a half, I refused to work with
the local ESU. My family chose a different
route. As we prepared him for preschool, we
were forced to reevaluate the ESU, and
discovered a very different atmosphere. One
I am thankful for. One filled with SLPs, OTs,
and Preschool Teachers who are helping fulfill
my hopes and dreams for my son. The first
SLP who evaluated Alek no longer works in
the area.

4. Wording is EVERYTHING!
 There is nothing harder to hear
than the test results that cement a
child’s life. These papers are more
than results, they are a tiny
window into the planning,
worrying, and work that will go
into the next few years. Or even
their lifetime.
 But Autism verification or other
high level disability verifications
are not the only troublesome
diagnosis.

5. Learning your child has ADD is
also upsetting…
Two years after being approached by my
daughter’s kindergarten teacher, concerned
her “daydreaming” and lack of focus were a
bigger issue, we finally had Lisselle tested by
a local clinical psychologist. With a working
memory in the 40%, processing speed at 2%
and intellectual ability at 98%, Dr. Kimzey
was as surprised at Lisselle as we were. But
despite the fact that we had done
interventions for two years, prior to testing,
then already expected the diagnosis… the
confirmation was crushing. It opened up a
whole new world of questions and concerns.

6. The moral of this story? You are about to
change someone’s life. Treat this with the
respect and empathy it deserves.

7. A phone call to set up the meeting, or an
email or letter if calling does not work can
help get the ball rolling….
 The phone call should be positive!
 Even if the results are significant,
now is not the time to worry parents.
 But make sure you set up a meeting
quickly… scheduling them too far
away causes the parent A LOT of
anxiety
 Make sure you allot plenty of time
for the meeting, if there is a lot to
discuss, no one should feel pressured
to finish up, or that they will not
have a chance to discuss the
situation thoroughly.

8. Approaching the situation can be
tricky… how do we start?
 “Tell me how you are feeling today?
 “How has Alek been?”
 “Is there anything you want to say
before we get started?”
Questions can be a great way to kick
start the conversation!
 “I really enjoyed working with Alek!”
 “During testing {insert cute anecdote
here} happened! It was so fun!”
 “Alek has SO much personality!”
 “I can not believe how well he
reads!”
A positive statement of the child goes a
long way! Casually acknowledging their
strengths is also a great way to help the
parents feel like you are “on their team”

9. Be friendly, helpful, supportive….This is what it
looks like to a parent at a meeting….
….sure they look friendly enough, but I know they have all been sitting around discussing my son, and my family, and his
home life, and now I see that one gave that one a look…. And what are they thinking?!?!

10. When it came time for results… keep the
tissues and empathy at hand!... But the kids?
That depends on the situation.
 Alek never attends the meetings.
There is not a need. He would be
a distraction to us and the staff…
 Lisselle was present in the
psychologists office when he gave
us the evaluation. She was in the
room the entire time! At eight, we
and Dr. Kimzey felt as though she
should feel as included in the
discussion as possible, because it
included her. We are waiting for
her 504 plan meeting… she will
probably NOT be present at that
meeting.

11. I have a new rule… about
meeting everyone testing my
child before the testing begins…
With Aleksander, the school
psychologist came in to complete his
testing for an Autism verification. I
never had the opportunity to meet her
or talk to her before the testing.
Sitting across the table, I was VERY
conflicted by her presence. I needed
to feel like she was “on” my team. And
I did not. Since, I have requested to
make sure I have one face to face… HI!
The day of testing… this makes me feel
a lot more comfortable. I want to feel
like the person across the table sees my
son as more than a number, that she
sees US as a family.

12. How do I make them trust me? Why would
they NOT? I am the school official!
 This trust is deeply rooted in the
need for a team feeling. I want to
feel as though every single person
in my son’s school is on his team. I
want to know he is getting the
BEST treatment, the BEST
compassion… I know how
frustrating his meltdowns are… but
I want the teacher to feel only
concern, caring, and determination
for him!

13. Take the time to make me feel as though you
cherish my child… not as though he/she is a burden!
 Take the time to point out the great
facts about my kid regularly.
 “Lisselle is so focused during art”
 “Lisselle is really at her best during
art class! Her work is really
amazing.”
 “She was so funny is school today, a
real joy!”
Before her diagnosis, and our subsequent
decision to use medication for Lisselle
there were many days she was a
constant source of frustration for the
teacher. Constant reminders of
completing her work, stop twirling her
hair, look at her paper, stop playing with
the erasers…. The list goes on and on.
But her teacher regularly listed Lisselle’s
great strengths and features. It made
me feel that although Lisselle was
difficult at times, she was not a burden.

14. What if I don’t talk to the parents
regularly? I don’t always have time!
 It takes 30 seconds to jot a note,
or send a text, send me an email…
anything.
 Keep in touch about the good and
the bad…
 Listen to the concerns the parents
have!
 Take time… or try, try very hard!

15. I have a big family, remember my one child in your class… not my only concern in
life! If you can, remember to take two minutes to let me talk about ALL my
kids… it can be hard. I have been blessed with amazing teachers who have time
to discuss and talk with me. They work hard to build trust and care into our
relationship. I would not be nearly so happy if I did not have them.

16. I know it seems like a lot. But this is not an every day
occurrence. So do not feel like we need to discuss
everything every day. But I want to hear from the students
on good, and bad days!
 Some families need more time and
commitment… try to figure them
out.
 Ask about preferred methods of
communication
 Ask about the other family
members.
 Ask how mom and dad are doing…
 Ask, ask, ask, ask… that builds a
foundation of caring, interest and
trust.