2019 NxGen Emotional Intelligence IV

1. Emotional Intelligence IV:
Choose Yourself
March 13, 2019
Jim & Lynette Vaive
Regional Network Directors, North America
Spirit of EQ, Six Seconds Preferred Partner

2. Duel at the Mall

3. What Are My Triggers?
– When you feel that you
have no choices or
options
– When other people lose
their tempers
– When you are in physical
or emotional danger
– When you are treated
unfairly
– When your intentions are
misunderstood
– When you are
disappointed with
yourself for making a
mistake
– When you feel
overloaded (‘the last
straw...’)
– When something or
someone gets in the way
of what you want to do
– When you feel someone
has violated your values –
for example, by lying to
you

4. Recognize Patterns

5. What Are Limiting Beliefs?

6. Neuroplasticity

8. Choose Yourself:
Apply Consequential Thinking

9. Think, Feel, Act Cards
–Have one person at each
table select cards to
describe a reaction they
had recently & discuss the
results
–Select one card you could
change
–Select cards to reflect what
else might change as a
result
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

10. Choose Yourself: Navigate Emotions

11. Activity: Walking the Line

12. Six Second Pause
Six Seconds =
flood subsides –> better decisions
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

13. How Do I Stop Reacting?
–Recite the 7 dwarfs in alphabetical order
–Remember 6 favorite places
–Think of the first line of 6 songs
–Identify 6 romantic places
–Say the multiplication tables out loud
–Push your chair back from the table
–Think of something funny

14. The Reaction Cycle
EQ Fundamentals
Author: Joshua Freedman
V7-08

15. Maladaptive
Adaptive
ArousalReaction
stressor stressor stressor
Source: Tom Wojick from Harvard Mind/Body Medical Institute
Stress Responses
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

16. Escalator
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

17. Under the Gun
The emotional system
is all about safety.
When you perceive threat,
your body goes into survival mode.
– Survival is hard-wired •
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

18. Reaction Cycle
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

19. Metaphor..
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

20. Set-Up Features
Thoughts
• He’s defying me
• I can’t solve it
Feelings
• Frustration, Disrespect
• Helpless, Fear
Actions
• Lack of sleep
• Caffeine, junk food
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

21. Interpretation Features
Thoughts
• Memory – is this like
previous time?
• Judgment (e.g. disrespect)
Feelings
• Detect danger – anger, fear
Actions
• Flood of chemicals
• Increased tension
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

22. Output
• Physical
• Emotional
• Cognitive
Reaction
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

23. Thoughts
• Forever, Always, Never
• More judgment
Feelings
• Anger
• Fear, guilt
Actions
• Fight, Flee, Freeze
• Cascade of chemicals
• + cortisol (interferes with seratonin) +
adrenalin
Escalation Features
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

24. Cycle
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

25. ©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

26. ©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

27. The Opposite of Reactive
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

28. Choice
Points
Choice Points
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

29. 1. Prevention: State change
Notice the warning signs.
Make a shift:
• Breathe
• Move
• Reframe
• Play
• Appreciate
Shifting to Balance
1
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

30. 2. Early Intervention: Alternate
habits
• Rehearse new responses
• Evaluate / change beliefs
• Be an observer
Shifting to Balance
2
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

31. 3. De-escalation: Six Second
Pause
• Slow down cycle
• Reconnect thinking & feeling
• Distract
• Reframe
• Shift emotions
Shifting to Balance
3
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

32. “First keep the peace
within yourself, then
you can also bring
peace to others.”
Thomas a Kempis (1380 - 1471)
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

33. Choose Yourself: Engage Intrinsic
Motivation

34. Engage Intrinsic Motivation

35. The Gifts of Choice

36. Choose Yourself: Exercise Optimism

37. How could
optimism
help you
see more
clearly?
Presentation by Michael Miller. Photos from Unsplash. ©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

38. Values Optimism
©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

39. “Optimism is knowing
there are possibilities…
…. even when you can’t see them.”
- Joshua Freedman, CEO, 6seconds.org

41. ©Six Seconds | www.6seconds.org

44. This Is Water

46. What Keeps Me from Making Those
Choices?
The giving up of personality traits, well-
established patterns of behavior,
ideologies, and even whole life-
styles…these are major forms of giving
up that are required if one is to travel
very far on the journey of life.
--M. Scott Peck

48. Thank You!!!
Jim Vaive
Six Seconds/Spirit of EQ
614-774-8048
jim@spiritofeq.com
Lynette Vaive
Six Seconds/Spirit of EQ
614-917-3342
lynette@spiritofeq.com