A presentation delivered to the Oregon Municipal Clerks Association on how to handle difficult people by Scott "Q" Marcus, THINspirational Speaker & recovering prefectionist.

1. Striving for
Imprefection
Scott “Q” Marcus, RP
THINspirational Speaker • www.scottqmarcus.com • 707.442.6243

2. Perfectionist Resolution
2

3. Perfectionist Resolution
Whereas I am a recovering
prefectionist and therefore
prone to unannounced
bouts of extreme
retentiveness, I (insert
name) promise not to freak
out if Scott’s presentation
has typos, grammar errors,
2

4. Perfectionist Resolution
Whereas, I understand that
the powerpoint presentation
is a guideline, not the
Gospel, and is thereby
subject to change,
modification, and
adjustment,
3

5. Perfectionist Resolution
Whereas, I accept that
my handout might not
match the presentation
exactly -- as Scott might
have had the nerve to
make changes in his
4

6. Perfectionist Resolution
Whereas, I accept that
my handout might not
match the presentation
exactly -- as Scott might
have had the nerve to
make changes in his
(Insert shocked gasp here.)
4
Therefore be it

7. Perfectionist Resolution
Resolved that at any
time, if I cannot handle
these conditions, I
promise to breathe
deeply, then raise my
hand, and ask to come on
stage and straighten
something.
5

8. Perfectionist Resolution
Resolved
6

9. Perfectionist Resolution
Resolved
that in order to test myslef,
I will now try to rEmaiN calm
wihle reading this slide.
without freaking out about
spellling errurs, random
colors: excessive use of fonts.
and obvioius typos.
6

10. 7

11. Wisdom
“If all pulled together,
The world would keel over.”
7
-Old Yiddish Proverb

12. 8

13. Realism
Even the best relationships
cause some pain…
“If we all pulled together,
The world would keel over.”
-Old Yiddish Proverb
8

14. 9

15. You cannot avoid conflict.
But you can - and will - cause some!
Reality
9

16. 10

17. Movement
10

18. Movement
10

19. Movement
Logical Emotional
Physical Spiritual
10

20. Movement
Logical Emotional
Physical Spiritual
10 <<<<Change

21. Movement
Logical Emotional
Physical Spiritual
10 <<<<Change

22. 11

23. Attitude
Feelings Beliefs
11

24. Feelings
12

25. Attitude
Feelings
12

26. Attitude
Feelings
Experience
(Observations)
12

27. Attitude
Feelings
Experience Biology
(Observations)
12

28. Attitude
Feelings
Experience Biology Response
(Observations)
12

29. 13

30. ‣ CALM
13
Conflict Cycle

31. ‣ CALM
‣Expectations
13
Conflict Cycle

32. ‣ CALM
‣Expectations
‣Noise
13
Conflict Cycle

33. ‣ CALM
‣Resolution ‣Expectations
‣Noise
13
Conflict Cycle

34. ‣Follow Up ‣ CALM
‣Resolution ‣Expectations
‣Noise
13
Conflict Cycle

35. 14

36. Drama!
14

37. Drama!
14

38. Drama!
Victim
(“It’s Not My Fault!”)
14

39. Drama!
Victim
(“It’s Not My Fault!”)
Persecutor
(“It’s Always Your Fault!”)
14

40. Drama!
Victim
(“It’s Not My Fault!”)
Persecutor Rescuer
(“It’s Always Your Fault!”) (“Let Me Fix It For You.”)
14

41. 15

42. Reasons
‣ Shoulds ‣ Perfectionism
‣ Disqualifying ‣ Boundary Violation
15 ‣ Inappropriate Rescue ‣ Selective Viewing

43. 16

44. Uniting
16

45. Uniting
Assertion
Cooperation
16

46. Uniting
Assertion
Avoidance
Cooperation
16

47. Uniting
Assertion
Avoidance Accommodation 
Cooperation
16

48. Uniting
Competitio
n
Assertion
Avoidance Accommodation 
Cooperation
16

49. Uniting
Competitio
n
Assertion

Compromise
Avoidance Accommodation 
Cooperation
16

50. Uniting
Competitio Collaboration 
n
Assertion

Compromise
Avoidance Accommodation 
Cooperation
16

51. Uniting
Competitio Collaboration 
n
Assertion

Compromise
Not Real Accommodation 
Cooperation
16

52. Uniting
Competitio Collaboration 
n
Assertion

Compromise
Not Real Unimportant 
Cooperation
16

53. Uniting
Security Collaboration 
Assertion

Compromise
Not Real Unimportant 
Cooperation
16

54. Uniting
Security Collaboration 
Assertion

Too Complex
Not Real Unimportant 
Cooperation
16

55. Uniting
Security Win-Win 
Assertion

Too Complex
Not Real Unimportant 
Cooperation
16

56. 17

57. Freight Train Rule
17

58. When A Freight Train is coming at you…
Get out of the way!
Freight Train Rule
17

59. 18

60. Five Year Rule
18

61. 19

62. Personalities
‣ firecracker ‣ memory lane
‣ cold shoulder ‣ social zinger
‣ backstabber ‣ last word
19

63. 20

64. Questions
20

65. Open Inquiry
Questions
20

66. Open Inquiry
Closed Confirmation
Questions
20

67. 21

68. In the Details
OPEN
CLOSED
21

69. In the Details
What do I want?
OPEN
What must happen?
Can I do that?
CLOSED
Will I?
21

70. 22

71. Guidance
The 3 Rs
22

72. Guidance
The 3 Rs
•Recognize
22

73. Guidance
The 3 Rs
•Recognize
•Reflect
22

74. Guidance
The 3 Rs
•Recognize
•Reflect
•Redirect
22

75. 23

76. Creative!
23

77. Creative!
WOW
23

78. Creative!
WOW
23

79. 24

80. Fair Fighting
24

81. Fair Fighting
Begin with “I”
24

82. Fair Fighting
Begin with “I”
No Interruptions
24

83. Fair Fighting
Begin with “I”
No Interruptions
No Denials
24

84. Fair Fighting
Begin with “I”
No Interruptions
No Denials
No Cross Complaints
24

86. Talk Time
‣ 10-20 Minutes
‣ I want / I like
‣ You want / You like
‣ Agreement

87. Growth
The Four Assumptions
The road map is not
the terrain…
In other words…
We see our own view
of reality.
26

88. Growth
The Four Assumptions
There is positive
intention behind
every behavior.
27

89. Growth
The Four Assumptions
You always have
another choice.
28

90. Growth
The Four Assumptions
There is no such
thing as “failure,”
merely “feedback.”
29

91. Growth
The Four Assumptions
You have all the
tools you need to
accomplish whatever
you want.
30

92. 31

93. Remember
Think “1st”
31

94. Do 1 Thing
Make it Small
Focus on Today
Remember
Think “1st”
31

95. Striving for
Imprefection
Scott “Q” Marcus, RP
THINspirational Speaker • www.scottqmarcus.com • 707.442.6243