3. TTTTTTTTAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFF CCCCCCCCOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSS
INTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTION................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................1111
WHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEEL UNNATURALUNNATURALUNNATURALUNNATURAL........................................................................................3333
MYTHS AND SAYINGS ...............................................5
SUICIDAL OPENERS ...................................................8
CHASING...............................................................10
THE ENTERTAINER...................................................11
MISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE IN OPENINGOPENINGOPENINGOPENING............................................................................................................13131313
TALKING TOO FAST.................................................13
COMING IN TOO HARD...........................................15
PROJECTING EXPECTATIONS .....................................18
WAITING FOR HER RESPONSE...................................23
RUSHING THROUGH THE OPENER .............................27
TAKEAWAYS...........................................................29
SLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENING........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................31313131
WHY IT WORKS.....................................................34
WHEN TO USE IT....................................................37
THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND .......................................38
CONCONCONCONCLUSIONCLUSIONCLUSIONCLUSION ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................42424242
4. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
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IIIINTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTION
Ever notice how contrived it can sometimes feel
when you first go up to meet a new woman? You
walk up to her, and it feels like this big presentation,
as though this huge burden and a great deal of
pressure has been placed upon you: she expects
something incredible out of you, and you expect
something incredible out of yourself, and anything
short of that is going to be anti climactic and a big
let down. Sometimes you’re able to surprise her and
yourself and pull off an opener that lives up her
expectations and your expectations, but even if you
do that, now you’ve set an expectation that the rest
of your interaction is going to be completely
amazing as well – and even the most talented men in
the world are rarely going to have interactions that
are completely amazing.
With many traditional openers, a man also runs the
risk of starting off on the wrong foot – the
“entertainer” foot, to be more specific. We’ll take a
look at why that is in this book, and why that’s best
avoided.
We’ll also take a look at some of the common
mistakes men make while opening – speaking too
5. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
2
fast, coming in too hard, projecting “expectations”,
waiting for responses, or, conversely, stringing
everything so tightly together in their openers that a
woman doesn’t have the chance to respond or
involve herself in the conversation.
Finally, we’ll put all the pieces together, and take a
look at Slow OpeningSlow OpeningSlow OpeningSlow Opening – a natural way of opening
that communicates all the right things and engages a
girl on a normal, conversational level rather than on
the “I’m here to impress you” level that most men
come in on.
Once you’re using the techniques covered in this
book consistently and reliably, you’ll find opening
goes a lot more smoothly – and a lot more naturally.
7. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
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WWWWHYHYHYHY OOOOPENINGPENINGPENINGPENING CCCCANANANAN FFFFEELEELEELEEL UUUUNNATURALNNATURALNNATURALNNATURAL
You walk into an electronics store, and instantly feel
eyes on you. You want to buy something, you think,
maybe… or maybe you just want to look around. But
suddenly, there’s this unspoken pressure on you.
And you notice one of the sales people meander,
slowly but noticeably, over in your direction. “Great,”
you think, “now I’m going to have him come over
and bother me, and I have to let him know I’m just
looking.” He walks up to you and, sure enough, asks
you if you need anything or if there’s anything he
can help you with today, and sure enough you reply
that you’re just looking.
“Okay,” he says. “Let me know if you need any help.”
When many men open women, this is how it goes. A
man spies a woman; he targets her and locks on;
then he moves in for the kill. Just like the customer
in the electronics store, the woman notices this – it
isn’t subtle.
Intuition though – most folks have this, they just
ignore it. If a guy feels even a slight feeling that he's
putting himself out there too much, that's his
intuition kicking in to tell him he isn’t being subtle.
8. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
4
But is subtle even something we want? What’s the
advantage of being subtle?
Imagine two scenarios. In scenario one, a cool,
confident guy walks across a room, heading more or
less directly for a woman, and begins talking to her.
In scenario two, a cool, confident guy ends up next
to a woman, and casually engages her.
Scenario one works okay if the man is incredibly
confident, knows exactly what he’s going to say, and
if the woman is receptive. If he isn’t incredibly
confident, he doesn’t know exactly what he’s going
to say, or the woman isn’t receptive though, he’s just
walked across a room and had things not go very
well. He looks a little foolish, and he’s got himself
into a bit of a hole to climb out of.
Scenario two works okay in much broader
conditions. If a man is incredibly confident, knows
exactly what he’s going to say, and the woman is
receptive, it works. In fact, it works a bit better than
if he walked across the room, because it feels more
natural and more effortless – he put in less effort to
meet her, and women assess men’s value as relative
to the results they get compared to the effort they
9. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
5
put in to get those results (more results with less
effort equates to the greatest level of attractive
qualities in a man. Lesser men work harder and get
less for their efforts). But in addition, scenario two
works okay much of the time as well even if a man
isn’t incredibly confident, doesn’t know exactly what
he’s going to say, or the woman isn’t entirely
receptive. Because he’s put in less effort, he can get
less impressive results and still stay afloat than the
more obvious man who put in more effort. Because
he was more effortless, women give him more
leeway.
This concept of putting in less effort and receiving
more results as being a key factor in a man’s
attractiveness and social power is something I call
the Law of Least EffortLaw of Least EffortLaw of Least EffortLaw of Least Effort, and we’re going to keep
returning to it throughout our discussion of opening
here. The Law of Least Effort is important
everywhere, but it stands out in importance even
more in the most critical, extreme situations in a
seduction – one of which happens to be opening.
Myths and SayingsMyths and SayingsMyths and SayingsMyths and Sayings
10. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
6
I’ve heard a lot of different opinions about that
moment when a man first meets a girl. “It doesn’t
matter what you say, so long as it gets her talking to
you,” is one. “It’s essential to make a strong first
impression,” is another. “It’s not what you say but
how you say it,” is one more.
There is some truth to all of these, but also some
fallacy. It very much does matter what you say when
you start off an interaction – it sets the tone for the
rest of the time you spend with a woman. Though it
is true that more important than the actual words
are the general thrust of the opener and the
meaning that a girl takes away from it – so in that
sense, what you say word wise is far less important
than the message those words convey. This same
explanation holds true for “It’s not what you say but
how you say it.”
And you can certainly recover from a weak or
neutral first impression. I’ve had interactions that
started off with really very bland, boring openers,
and ended with me taking the girl to bed. But there
is also the matter of fundamentals – those nonverbal
cues like eye contact, body language, voice tone, and
the rest – and those things contribute to that initial
impression as well, quite significantly, so it’s not just
11. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
7
the words establishing it. You can use bland or even
cheesy opening lines but if you have incredibly tight
fundamentals you will still do fine, much of the time.
Regardless though, making a strong first impression,
while not absolutely essential, will make the rest of
the interaction easier, and it provides reinforcement
down the road – women don’t often consider the
middle of an interaction when they think back on it
later, but typically rather the beginning and the end.
So if you start strong, and you end strong, those are
the things a girl you've met will remember most
about you after your time with her has ended, and
that strong beginning and strong ending will make
her more likely to want to talk to you or see you
again in the future, and even a bit more likely to
accompany you to another venue or to your home
while she's still with you.
Any of the myths from mainstream sources or
people who don’t know what they’re talking about,
of course, you can probably toss without much
consideration (e.g., “You need a great opening line,”
or, “Women won’t talk to men who do XYZ thing or
say ABC to them”). We won’t talk about them, but
you’ll know them when you hear them – pieces of
advice that are thrown about like common
12. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
8
knowledge without any attempt made to back them
up with solid evidence, rationale, or counterpoints.
We only want to use things that have been tested
and found effective, and stay away from advice
bandied about by those who haven't actually tested
out that advice themselves to any real extent.
Suicidal OpenersSuicidal OpenersSuicidal OpenersSuicidal Openers
Some men use something I refer to sometimes
“suicidal openers.” These are opening lines that guys
use because they either really think they work, or
just have no idea what else to say. They include
things like:
• Telling a girl she’s so beautiful
• Using a clichéd pick up line
• Asking a girl her name
• Introducing himself right off the bat
• Using a boring question as an opener
Now, mind you, these can be used if they’re done
right, but most men have no idea how to do them
right. For these to work, these openers demand
outstanding fundamentals and a man who’s exuding
13. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
9
sexuality. They work under pretty much no other
circumstances.
We’re going to look at doing some things a little bit
simpler here, under the assumption that most people
reading this book have yet to master their
fundamentals and are still working on exuding the
proper amount of steamy sexuality. If you’re reading
this and you have those things handled already, you
can maybe skim over the parts of the book that
relate to understanding the mistakes guys make, and
perhaps skip down to where we talk about slow
opening in and of itself.
For the rest of the cats, avoid suicidal openers.
They’re lame, every boring guy in the bar or the
bookstore uses them, and if a girl is half decent
looking she’s heard each of them a million times and
is conditioned to automatically shut down any man
using them on her (just as you may be conditioned
to turn down those people who stand on the street
corner trying to hand you flyers, or the homeless
people who walk up to you shaking the coins in
their cups; you don't even think to consider them,
you just respond automatically). You might be the
best man a girl'd ever end up having in her entire
life, but if you use a suicidal opener and your
14. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
10
fundamentals aren’t telling her to stop and give you
a minute to win her over, she’s going to be
dismissive and shut you down.
ChasingChasingChasingChasing
The reason suicidal openers feel so crappy to women
(and to most men with any sense of social
intuition… just because a man’s saying something
doesn’t mean he doesn’t realize it’s probably not the
best thing he could say) is that they are used in a
very clear context of a man pursuing a woman.
But what has she done to win his pursuit? If he’s
chasing in the opener, he doesn’t know anything
about her. He doesn’t know if she’s smart or dumb,
educated or a high school drop out, fun or boring,
insightful or dull, vivacious or laconic, affectionate
or cold, artistic or uncreative, open minded or
closed, adventuresome or conservative. And even
more, she hasn’t made any effort to provide value to
his life.
If a man chases from the outset, he communicates
that he has no better options in his life. A man with
beautiful women in his life who is living a life he’s
15. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
11
happy with does not chase. He does not go much out
of his way to pursue women he doesn’t even know.
He won’t waste the time or effort.
The EntertainerThe EntertainerThe EntertainerThe Entertainer
There is another dread thing that many men do in
opening that make their openers feel unnatural:
being the entertainer. A man who comes in very
high energy, telling jokes, telling stories, and trying
his hardest to be interesting is a man who is seeking
to entertain.
A lot of men seem to think that entertaining women
is the key to those women's hearts. But let me ask
you this: if a girl came up to you and immediately
began telling you jokes and sharing wild stories with
you and telling you all about how flashy her life and
experiences were, would you fall for her? Or would
you be more… reserved? Might you wonder why it
is she felt she had to tell you all these things? Even a
pretty girl loses a lot of perceived value if she starts
entertaining like this – if she has to do this to get
your attention, you feel like, there must be
something missing that she’s trying to compensate
for.
16. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
12
If we can say men feel this way about women who
entertain, why would women feel any different
about men who entertain? Short answer: they
wouldn’t, and they don’t. Longer answer: women
view a man trying to entertain them as a man who’s
trying too hard to hold their interest and impress
them. In other words, he’s a man putting in more
effort than he should be to get the same result – and
because of that, he’s not nearly as attractive as a man
who puts in less.
17. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
13
MMMMISTAKESISTAKESISTAKESISTAKES MMMMENENENEN MMMMAKE INAKE INAKE INAKE IN OOOOPENINGPENINGPENINGPENING
We could almost call this section “fundamentals of
opening” – these are the things beyond words that
have great impact on a man’s success meeting new
women. When he eliminates these mistakes and
begins doing things technically correct, opening
goes much more smoothly, and his consistency in
getting strong receptions from women off the
opener goes up.
TalkingTalkingTalkingTalking Too FastToo FastToo FastToo Fast
Lots of less experienced guys rush through their
openers, and that’s bad. In fact, they rush through
talking in general, and it’s bad in general, but it’s
particularly harmful in opening. The opener is a
woman’s first moment of interacting with you; she
does a lot of hard assessing really fast in the couple
of seconds it takes you to open. There are a bunch of
things she’s looking at, and how quickly you're
speaking is one of them.
Think about it like this: imagine the most powerful,
masculine, sexy men you can think of. How many of
them talk fast? None of them, right? They all talk in
18. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
14
a slow, unrushed manner. A man who speaks too
quickly communicates that he’s trying to spit
everything out and make his point fast, because he’s
afraid someone will cut him off. A man who speaks
slowly, on the other hand, communicates two things:
• That he isn’t afraid of anyone cutting him
off, and
• That he isn’t overly concerned about the
social repercussions to himself even if
someone does.
You’ll notice that strong, powerful men in general
do a lot of things that communicate their defenses
are down, and speaking slowly is one of them. A
powerful man does not need to spit everything out to
defend his position in a conversation; he can take his
time to get there.
People size other people up very quickly based on
their speed of speech. It’s not fair – I’ve known some
very cool guys with very interesting things to say
who spoke very quickly. But it’s the way things are.
And if you want women to be more receptive to you
off the opener, you really ought to pace yourself
when speaking – don’t talk too fast.
19. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
15
Coming in Too HardComing in Too HardComing in Too HardComing in Too Hard
Not every guy does this, but enough of them do that
it’s a problem you’ll see fairly often. That is, coming
in too hard – or opening a woman like you’re trying
to barrel your way into conversation with her.
Needless to say, no one likes feeling like they’re
being pushed or pressured or forced into a
conversation, and women are no exception – and it’s
hands down an attraction killer.
A guy who comes barreling in and talking very
loudly and acting very cocky with women might
think he’s coming across strong and dominant, but
the women he’s meeting are going to tend to think
he’s being oafish and annoying. Loudness is good, to
an extent, and confidence is always attractive, but
these guys take it too far and it seems rather…
artificial. Tryhard, if you will.
Women can tell when a man is trying. The reason
why is it’s one of the things they screen for: they
want to know which men are genuine, and which
ones are the charlatans. It’s an essential thing to
screen for; anytime you’re dealing with people; you
20. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
16
want to know what you’re getting. And if a girl can
tell that she’s being spoken to by a man who is
putting on his best front to try and get together with
her, she’s going to be blocked from feeling much
attraction for him.
So, I’ll give you an example. Say a woman is leaning
up against a bar, thinking deep thoughts and
waiting for her friends to return from the dance
floor. She’s a prime target for men out meeting
women; if she’s standing there by herself, it’s
reasonable for a man to assume she’s open to
meeting someone new (while occasionally women
are by themselves because they’re in sour moods and
don’t want to talk to anyone, more often if a
woman’s by herself it’s because she’s more in the
mood for relaxing and potentially meeting a cool,
attractive guy than she is for partying and dancing
and gossiping with the girlfriends).
Lots of guys will come in very hard, busting on this
girl, trying to be witty, trying to be creative and
funny and interesting. “Wow, did you see that fight?”
they might ask. Or they might loudly and facetiously
tell her she needs to calm down. Needless to say, to a
woman who’s relaxing and low energy and
specifically avoiding the wildness of her girlfriends,
21. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
17
a guy coming in hard and high energy and wild is
going to be exactly what she doesn’t want.
It took me, oh, a few years to really learn this lesson
myself. When you first start out and you’re new to
going out and meeting lots of girls, you base your
learning on what gets reactions, and being high
energy and wild and crazy and coming in hard gets
reactions. So it often seems to be working. But it
gives a false confidence.
These days, I come in chill and low energy, and
women’s reactions to me are similarly subdued. No
more wild crazy receptions like I used to get; no
more girls bouncing up and down, laughing,
jumping, frantic bantering – they don’t do that with
me anymore. But what they do do, instead, is they
accompany me home a lot more often and a lot more
easily.
For a long time, I was trying to figure out the magic
solution to transition from the high energy opening I
was doing into the seductive energy needed later to
move the interaction forward. Eventually I realized
the solution was simply being chill and seductive
from the outset – it removes the problem of having
to tone things down.
22. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
18
This is a bit harder to do when your fundamentals
aren’t as tight just yet. There’s a bit of a learning
curve that goes hand in hand with your progress in
other aspects of personal development. That said,
this is something you should definitely, absolutely,
positively keep an eye on as you progress – and
when you catch yourself losing women because
you’re coming in too hard and too wild, take that as
a sign it’s time to start toning things down and going
sexy from the beginning. Once you get that running,
you’ll have your opening in top shape.
Projecting ExpectationsProjecting ExpectationsProjecting ExpectationsProjecting Expectations
Projecting expectations is an area of opening that
most men aren’t aware of, but that kills a lot of
beginners. Before explaining what I mean by this, I’ll
illustrate an example for you to make it clear:
You’re at a used car lot, and a man who’s
obviously new at his job and inexperienced
walks up to you and asks you if he can give
you a hand. You notice he’s standing rather
far away from you, his full body pointed at
you, and his arms are crossed and he seems
23. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
19
visibly uncomfortable and maybe a bit
nervous. Seeing him looking like that makes
you feel uncomfortable, and you
automatically want to tell him you’re just
looking so he’ll leave you alone.
Ten minutes later, while you look at
another car, another man walks up, clearly
more experienced a salesman. He leans up
against the car next to you and gets
comfortably close to you, but his body is
turned away from you. His head is toward
you though, and he smiles warmly and
makes some idle chit chat about the car,
the city, the weather, the playoffs. You
instantly feel more at ease, and ask him if
you can take the car for a test drive. He tells
you to wait there a moment and he’ll go get
the keys.
There’s a little bit of coming on too strong in the
inexperienced guy example there – he gives most of
his body to the customer, making the customer feel
uncomfortable that he’s coming on too strong. But
by staying far away, being visibly uncomfortable,
and looking nervous, he makes you feel very
uncomfortable being in his presence.
24. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
20
Contrast that with the experienced guy. He gets
close, in your space even, but his body is turned
away so it doesn’t feel like he’s coming in too hard.
He’s comfortable, natural, and nonchalant. As a
result, you’re far more open to working with him.
What’s the big difference between those two guys?
The inexperienced guy was projecting an
expectation of you not wanting to work with him –
and, like the self fulfilling prophecy it is, that made
you not want to work with him. The experienced
guy, on the other hand, projected both a cool
confidence that of course you’d be relaxed with him
and talk to him, and also a lack of neediness or
expectancy or any kind of reliance on your actions.
He seems calm and self composed; you feel more
comfortable letting your guard down around him.
This is what we’re talking about when we discuss
projecting expectations. It’s this communicating via
body language and other nonverbal signals of how
you expect an interaction to go that is a big factor in
determining how it actually goes. Funny, huh? How
you project expecting an interaction to go influences
how it actually goes.
25. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
21
There are a number of things to watch for here, but
I’ll give you the most important. These are the things
to watch for and correct if you notice yourself doing
them wrong.
• Staying far away.Staying far away.Staying far away.Staying far away. A woman's friends don’t
stand far away from her when they talk to
her. Neither does her family. And certainly
her past lovers and boyfriends didn’t. Can
you imagine a sexy, suave, romantic man
she’s just met keeping a big gap of space
between the two of them while he talks to
her? Feels awful uncomfortable, doesn’t it?
If you catch yourself doing this, force
yourself to start closing these gaps. Being
the outsider is never what you want to be.
• Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself. Humans have some
instinctual body language that they use to
protect themselves when they’re feeling
fearful or apprehensive at all. These include
folding the arms over the chest to protect
the upper abdomen, and crossing legs
closely together while seated to protect the
genitals. Be aware of these behaviors and
scratch them out. You can add arm
crossing back into your body language later
26. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
22
on for a handful of strategic purposes that it
can be useful in, but if you’re like the
majority of people, crossing your arms and
not even being aware of it any time you feel
a little uncomfortable, I strongly advise you
nix this behavior entirely so you stop
signaling discomfort when you aren’t
aware of it.
• Grimacing.Grimacing.Grimacing.Grimacing. This was a thorn in my side for
such a long time. A grimace is that awful
fake smile you make when you’re trying to
force yourself to smile, but you’re really not
feeling like smiling at all. Solution? Purse
your lips, rub your hand over the corner of
your mouth, do anything to stop smiling.
Usually you want to smile when you first
meet a girl, but it doesn’t have to be a big
grin; it can be a small, seductive smile you
flash her way instead. Save the big fake
grimaces for silly photographs, and choose
a smaller smile or no smile at all when you
don’t feel like grinning ear to ear.
Clean this stuff up if you’re doing it, and you’ll
greatly reduce any negative expectation projection
you have going on right now. And if you start
27. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
23
projecting at least neutral – then, as you improve,
positive – expectations, women will start receiving
you more warmly and more openly.
Waiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her Response
“It’d be a crime if I didn’t come say hello to
you when I noticed how ravishing you look.
I’m Tim,” a man says to a woman he’s just
met. Then, he waits. And waits. And says
nothing. He is waiting for her response.
“Nice to meet you too,” she says, finally.
“Well… goodbye!” Then she rushes off.
What happened?
Waiting for women’s responses is not something you
want to be doing early on in an interaction all that
much, at least not until you’re seasoned enough to
be able to tell when waiting will work to your
advantage and when you ought to keep moving
instead.
There are two reasons a man might wait for a
woman’s reply:
28. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
24
• He’s not sure what to say next, and wants to
base his next conversation on her reaction,
or
• He’s not sure if she likes him or not, so
wants to gauge her reaction to find out
before proceeding
Neither of them, needless to say, communicates
anything all that great about the guy. In reason one,
he’s uncertain and a bit tentative; in reason two, he’s
uncertain, tentative, and unconfident.
Let’s look at the other side of the coin. What are the
reasons a woman might not reply to a man right
away?
• She was off in her own world and is a little
surprised to suddenly be in a conversation
• She’s not sure how to respond to what this
new man’s just said
• She didn’t fully understand what he said
• She hasn’t made up her mind how she
wants to react to him yet
29. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
25
Which of those do you think the man will benefit
from this girl having a little extra time to decide?
Which do you think him standing there waiting for
her to come to a decision on proceeding will be a
good thing for him?
That's right – none of them.
If a girl's surprised or not sure how to respond to a
man's opener, it’s often easier for her just to end the
conversation and leave. If she didn’t understand, it
might feel too awkward to tell him that, so again she
may rather just leave. Or if she hasn’t made up her
mind how to react, if he stands there waiting while
she does so, he doesn’t look terribly good in the
process. Why is he standing there waiting to be
judged, unless he isn’t confident she’ll judge him a
desirable man?
Now consider the following scenario:
“It’d be a crime if I didn’t come say hello to
you when I noticed how ravishing you look.
I’m Tim,” a man says to a woman he’s just
met. He waits a split second, but no
response. “What brings you to the market
this fine day?” he asks.
30. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
26
She smiles softly. “I just wanted to get out of
the house and do some shopping,” she
replies.
“Great,” says Tim, “I know the feeling. How’s
your shopping going so far – any big
purchases?”
He’s gone in, made his strong opening statement,
then noticed that she seemed a bit quiet and may
have been overwhelmed by his opener for one
reason or another. So, he toned things down and
asked her a basic situational question. He’ll make a
little chit chat with her for a few minutes, then
perhaps ask her to accompany him to a shop
somewhere to look at something, or if they get along
very well he’ll ask her to join him for a coffee or
some food.
He didn’t wait for her response here; he gave her a
split second to reply, so that if she’d been excited
and wanted to say something right away, she had
the opportunity. Then, he moved onto the next part
of the conversation, making the judgment call that if
she didn’t have something to jump in with right
away, she probably needed more help feeling
31. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
27
comfortable in the conversation, so he continued
things on to help her reach that place of comfort
and ease.
RushingRushingRushingRushing Through the OpenerThrough the OpenerThrough the OpenerThrough the Opener
Sometimes a man would rather burn through his
opener and get it over with and get onto the
conversation. Understandable; that initial opening
can be one of the most nerve wracking aspects of
meeting women. But just because it’s nerve
wracking is no reason to rush through it – while you
always want to be moving fast, rushing haphazardly
through any stage of your interactions does some
things that hurt you.
“I saw you here and I said to myself, ‘Wow,
now there’s a girl I have to meet.’ You have
this really cool way about you. I’m Bill.
What’s your agenda tonight? Out drinking
or partying or just chilling with the girls? I
figured I’d come out and get some fresh air;
I’ve been cooped up in the office all week.”
First, rushing through an opener can create anxiety
for a woman. She picks up on the man’s rush to get
32. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
28
through it and starts feeling jittery herself. Second, it
tends to come off a little strange and confusing –
“Why’s he talking like that?” a woman might think
to herself.
Third, and perhaps most important, when a man
throws this much at a woman in quick succession,
without letting her get a word in edgewise, it makes
her feel like he’s afraid she’ll cut him off and excuse
herself if he gives her the chance to. And if a woman
feels like a man might fear that, that tells her it
happens to him fairly often – which also tells her
there must be a good reason other women cut him
off and excuse themselves. And so, she picks up on
his desire to rush through the opener, and becomes
far more likely to excuse herself and leave – as soon
as he gives her the chance to, anyway.
Finally, even if she doesn’t excuse herself
immediately, a woman’s going to be left feeling
unconnected from the outset if a man burns through
his opener this aggressively. She hasn’t had a chance
to participate in the conversation, have her voice
heard, or contribute at all; it’s almost as though she’s
watching the guy on TV and he’s just going on and
on without room for feedback.
33. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
29
TV isn’t something we use for choosing mates,
though. We use it for entertainment, or we change
the channel. For a man trying to meet women, “TV”
is the last thing he ought to be.
TakeawaysTakeawaysTakeawaysTakeaways
Those are the primary mistakes men make when
opening. They are:
• Talking too fast
• Coming in too hard
• Projecting expectations
• Waiting for her response
• Rushing through the opener
You'll most want to target getting these down:
• Talking at a metered pace
• Coming in smoothly
• Avoiding the projection of expectations
• Keeping conversation flowing without
necessarily waiting for a response, but
• Not moving so quickly that a woman can’t
get a word in edgewise
34. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
30
Get these handled and you’re on your way to a very
successful opening. But there’s one more thing you
can learn that will take your opening to the next
level, and that's what the next chapter is all about.
35. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
31
SSSSLOWLOWLOWLOW OOOOPENINGPENINGPENINGPENING
Here it is, the chapter this book was named for. SlowSlowSlowSlow
openingopeningopeningopening is a very specific, very natural way of
opening women you can start putting to use right
away. It’s simple, natural, and very effective, and it
works off one of the same basic principles as chase
framing; namely, that a woman is more comfortable
with something once she’s encountered it, given
time to turn it over in her mind at least briefly, then
encountered it again later.
Just like when the idea of intimacy with a man is
seeded to her gradually and with subtlety, she
becomes more open to it, so does opening slowly
make a woman more open to a man’s approach.
This is something I have worked on for a few years,
and it’s quite good when implemented correctly. It
goes quite basically like this:
BriefBriefBriefBrief situational orsituational orsituational orsituational or lowlowlowlow intensityintensityintensityintensity genuinegenuinegenuinegenuine
inteinteinteinterestrestrestrest openopenopenopenerererer pause, breakpause, breakpause, breakpause, break
conversation and let eye contact drift awayconversation and let eye contact drift awayconversation and let eye contact drift awayconversation and let eye contact drift away
reopen four to six seconds later, thisreopen four to six seconds later, thisreopen four to six seconds later, thisreopen four to six seconds later, this
time fully engaging.time fully engaging.time fully engaging.time fully engaging.
36. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
32
So, three steps. You make a brief statement engaging
a woman, then let the conversation die. Stay quiet
for a moment, look away, then reengage, this time
beginning the conversation in earnest. Here’s an
example of how this looks in an actual interaction:
Man: Well, this is fun, waiting in this
long line.
Woman: Yeah, really.
Man: [pause]
Man: What’ve you go there?
Woman: Just a few things for a friend
having a birthday.
Man: Oh, I love birthdays. Lots of cake
and ice cream. Booze too,
hopefully.
Woman: Haha, I don’t know if it’ll be that
kind of party. What are you
buying?
Imagine for a moment that that conversation could
begin two ways: one with the pause, and one
without. Which one feels more smooth, normal, and
natural? The one where the man blazes right in
without pausing feels very practiced and as if he’s
starting in on the woman. The one with the pause
seems as if he was just making a natural remark,
37. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
33
then realized that, oh, I might actually like to get to
know this girl, and began speaking with her again.
Here’s another example; this one’s actually how I
started a conversation with a very pretty girl I met in
an elevator, who went on to become my girlfriend.
She was a great girlfriend, very kind and
considerate, good career as an architect, and an
absolutely killer body. We spent some very good
times together, and she helped me to learn a little of
the local language.
Me: Leaving so soon?
Girl: [smiles, looks away]
Me: I’ll take that as a yes. [pause. We take
the short elevator ride down together
quietly]
Me: [as we leave the elevator] How was
your night?
Girl: Good.
Me: So I’m guessing you must be from
around here. This is your town?
Girl: I’m from another city. Where are you
from?
As it turned out, this girl was quite conservative, and
I was the first foreigner she’d ever dated. She said
38. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
34
that normally when foreign men would talk to her,
she’d simply ignore them… but she sensed I was
different. She also noted that I seemed quiet, while
most of the foreigners she met just talked all the
time.
This seemed mostly to reference the opener. Had I
barreled in there guns blazing like most cats do and
gone opener conversation, I likely would’ve come
off too strongly for her, no matter how I proceeded,
and the two of us would never have gotten together.
Why It WorksWhy It WorksWhy It WorksWhy It Works
Women are accustomed to men walking up to them,
initiating conversation with them, and then not
letting up until the conversation ends, then leaving.
Slow opening is a way to break that mold and come
in differently, and it says some wonderful things
about you. Such as:
• That you’re confident enough to let aThat you’re confident enough to let aThat you’re confident enough to let aThat you’re confident enough to let a
conversation die momentarily, and start itconversation die momentarily, and start itconversation die momentarily, and start itconversation die momentarily, and start it
back up againback up againback up againback up again. Most men are like pitbulls;
they latch onto a woman and then won’t let
her go or let the conversation die out of a
39. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
35
fear of losing her. Letting her go briefly
shows a degree of confidence most men
lack.
• That you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengage.
Most men, the instant a conversation dies,
they feel it’s over, and go hang their heads
in defeat. When you reengage, you
communicate that you’re confident a
woman will want to keep talking to you.
• That you’re intriguing and hard to winThat you’re intriguing and hard to winThat you’re intriguing and hard to winThat you’re intriguing and hard to win
overoveroverover. Assuming she’s a beautiful woman,
most men when they meet her flip out, go
crazy, and start chasing immediately. A few
guys play it a little more smoothly, and they
open her and start talking to her right
away, but more calmly. Then a guy like you
comes along, makes a brief comment to her,
then lets it die… then restarts it again. She
doesn’t know exactly why, and one of the
ideas she may float in her head is that you
only decided you liked her after first
speaking with her. When a woman feels
she’s won you over a bit, but that winning
you over isn’t easy, it makes her feel quite
40. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
36
special and makes her like you a lot for
making her feel that way.
And there’s one more thing it does very well for you:
• It puts women on an emotionalIt puts women on an emotionalIt puts women on an emotionalIt puts women on an emotional
rollercoasterrollercoasterrollercoasterrollercoaster. An attractive, sexy guy talking
to her is very exciting for a woman; and an
attractive, sexy guy letting the conversation
die before it even got going is very
saddening and disappointing. When you
reengage, she will be many times more
excited than the first time you began
speaking to her – it almost feels for her as if
she just received a second chance with you.
She will appreciate you far more for having
had you, then lost you, then having you
again, then she would have had she had
you from the beginning and never lost you.
That last one’s a doozy, and it’s hard to quantify. But
I will attest I’ve seen slow opening work with
women that I normally have a very hard time
getting to open (like the girl who became my
girlfriend). Quiet girls, conservative girls, girls in
bad or unsocial moods, girls with very high
standards, girls who aren’t sure about you on the
41. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
37
initial approach – your odds with all these girls
improve substantially when you slow open them.
No joke, this works.
When to Use ItWhen to Use ItWhen to Use ItWhen to Use It
I tend to be a very low energy, relaxed guy, so slow
opening very nicely fits my style. I’m not a huge fan
of running around going crazy expending huge
amounts of energy doing stuff; I prefer to move
smoothly, calmly, and… organically, you might say.
When you’re operating this way, slow opening
works like a dream. It gels perfectly with your vibe,
and seems like the most natural thing in the world
for you to be doing; far more natural, normally, than
opening and launching immediately into follow up
without a bit of a pause.
I wouldn’t advise slow opening when you’re very
high energy. If the environment is high energy, but
you’re low energy, it can still work; if the girl is high
energy, but you’re low energy, it may also still work,
although it won’t be as effective.
42. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
38
If you’re high energy, though, it’s usually going to
seem a little strange. What high energy boils down
to, basically, if you keep the concept of effort in
mind, is someone who’s expending a lot of effort.
And if you’re expending a lot of effort, it would seem
a little unnatural for you to open a girl, then pause,
then resume talking to her.
So, slow opening is best used when you yourself are
moving at a slow tempo. It’s dynamite then. If you’re
feeling energetic or wild, maybe put the slow
opening on the backburner until things quiet down
a bit.
Things to Keep in MindThings to Keep in MindThings to Keep in MindThings to Keep in Mind
Although it’s a fairly straightforward manner of
getting to know a woman, there are a few, shall we
say, rules of engagement that you’d do well to follow
when using this style of conversation initiation. They
are as follows.
43. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
39
YYYYour Firstour Firstour Firstour First WordsWordsWordsWords Must Be aMust Be aMust Be aMust Be a StatementStatementStatementStatement, or, or, or, or
You Must Follow Up with One BeforeYou Must Follow Up with One BeforeYou Must Follow Up with One BeforeYou Must Follow Up with One Before
PausingPausingPausingPausing
This is essential. You must use statements, not
questions. If you begin with a question, you must
follow it up with a statement before pausing.
I’ve tested this out a number of different ways, and it
seems to be that if you first ask a question, whether
the girl responds or not, if you do not follow up with
a statement, your re opening rates go very far down.
I’m not completely sure why this is – my current
theory is that it feels more you’ve been thrown off
balance, or it feels odd – why did you ask a question,
then be quiet after, then reengage? The conversation
seems to feel unconcluded without ending on a
statement, and therefore the pause feels more like
the man paused because he simply didn’t know
what to say, rather than because he was naturally
concluding the conversation.
On the other hand, when you end with a statement,
it seems to feel like a natural conclusion to the
conversation, and the woman gets that jolt of
sadness at seeing it end so early. When you
reengage, it’s a welcome return to engagement.
44. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
40
Wait No More Than Four to Six Seconds toWait No More Than Four to Six Seconds toWait No More Than Four to Six Seconds toWait No More Than Four to Six Seconds to
ReengageReengageReengageReengage
The most challenging aspect of slow opening for
beginners will be the chance of a second bout of
hesitation or anxiety before reengaging a girl. This is
just something you’ll need to get over and get used
to, and recognize that so long as you reengage while
feeling a bit of anxiety, your results will necessarily
suffer a bit. Don’t dismiss the technique because of
this, just work on getting to the point where you can
reopen with less anxiety (which will also come
naturally once you’re a bit more practiced with the
technique and have seen some good results from it).
Beyond that, make absolutely certain you’re not
waiting any more than six seconds. Beyond that, and
your odds of successfully reopening seem to begin a
steep decline, the longer you wait before reopening.
There is only a limited window to pull the reopen off
during; you must be fairly precise.
Avoid VERY SAvoid VERY SAvoid VERY SAvoid VERY Slow Openinglow Openinglow Openinglow Opening
45. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
41
There might be a temptation, if a woman isn’t fully
responsive when you reopen, to give her a few more
pauses and ended conversations and reengagements.
Don’t fall prey to this way of thinking. Do a slow
opening once, and it’ll increase your mystique and
allure. Do it twice, and it starts seeming gimmicky.
Thrice, and you might as well be a one trick pony.
Slow opening is like a special power, of sorts; you
can only use it once with each girl.
46. SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE
42
CCCCONCLUSIONONCLUSIONONCLUSIONONCLUSION
In this book we’ve covered the reasons why opening
can feel unnatural and the chief mistakes men make
in opening, as well as what to do to avoid making
them and instead open well. We’ve unveiled slow
opening, a very natural, exciting way of meeting and
talking to women, and we’ve looked at the nitty
gritty in how it works, what situations to use it in,
and the most important points to keep in mind.
Armed with this knowledge, your opening should
grow more confident, more effective, and more
natural than ever. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading.
Thanks very much for buying my book, and I’ll see
you sometime soon in another book or on
GirlsChase.com.
Chase Amante, March 2011
