1 Assessment details for ALL students Assessment item 3 - Individual submission Due date: Week 12 Monday (1 Oct 2018) 11:55 pm AEST Weighting: Length: 50% (or 50 marks) There is no word limit for this report Objectives This assessment item relates to the unit learning outcomes as stated in the unit profile. Enabling objectives 1. Analyse a case study and identify issues associated with the business; 2. Develop and deploy the application in IBM Bluemix; 3. Evaluate existing and new functionalities to address business problems; 4. Prepare a document to report your activities using text and multimedia (for example screenshots, videos). General Information The purpose of this assignment is to create a cloud based simulating environment which will help to identify/understand the problem stated in the given case study using analysis tools available in IBM Bluemix. In assignment three, you are working individually. By doing this assignment, you will learn to use skills and knowledge of emerging technologies like cloud computing, IoT, to simulate a business scenario to capture operational data and share with a visualization tool. You will acquire a good understanding of smart application design in a cloud environment for efficient application configuration and deployment. What do you need to do? The assignment requires you to do the following - • Download the ‘Starter_Code_For_Assignment_Three.rar’ given in week 8 to configure, and deploy a cloud based smart/IoT (Internet of Things) application to simulate the business case. • Choose a case study out of given two below and analyse the case study to understand the business problem and design a solution for those problems. • Deploy the starter source code in your Bluemix account and modify it to address all required milestones mentioned in your chosen case study. • Finally prepare a report according to given format and specifications below and submit it in Moodle. 2 Report format and specifications - You are required to submit a written report in a single Microsoft Word (.doc or .docx) document. There is no word limit but any unnecessary information included in the report may result in reduced marks. The report must contain the following content (feel free to define your own sections, as long as you include all the required content): o Cover page/title page and Table of contents o URL of the app and login details of the IBM Bluemix account o Introduction o Case study analysis which will report – o Business problems you have identified in the case study o Possible solutions for each and how do these solutions address the business problems? o What are the solutions you implemented in the application? o The step by step process you have followed to configure and deploy the smart app for business case simulation. You may choose to use screenshots and notes to enrich your report but you must have a video of the pr.

1. 1
Assessment details for ALL students
Assessment item 3 - Individual submission
Due date: Week 12 Monday (1 Oct 2018) 11:55 pm AEST
Weighting:
Length:
50% (or 50 marks)
There is no word limit for this report
Objectives
This assessment item relates to the unit learning outcomes as
stated in the unit profile.
Enabling objectives
1. Analyse a case study and identify issues associated with the
business;
2. Develop and deploy the application in IBM Bluemix;
3. Evaluate existing and new functionalities to address business
problems;
4. Prepare a document to report your activities using text and
multimedia (for example screenshots, videos).
General Information

2. The purpose of this assignment is to create a cloud based
simulating environment which will help to
identify/understand the problem stated in the given case study
using analysis tools available in IBM
Bluemix. In assignment three, you are working individually. By
doing this assignment, you will
learn to use skills and knowledge of emerging technologies like
cloud computing, IoT, to simulate a
business scenario to capture operational data and share with a
visualization tool. You will acquire a
good understanding of smart application design in a cloud
environment for efficient application
configuration and deployment.
What do you need to do?
The assignment requires you to do the following -
• Download the ‘Starter_Code_For_Assignment_Three.rar’
given in week 8 to
configure, and deploy a cloud based smart/IoT (Internet of
Things) application to
simulate the business case.
• Choose a case study out of given two below and analyse the
case study to
understand the business problem and design a solution for those
problems.
• Deploy the starter source code in your Bluemix account and

3. modify it to address
all required milestones mentioned in your chosen case study.
• Finally prepare a report according to given format and
specifications below and
submit it in Moodle.
2
Report format and specifications -
You are required to submit a written report in a single Microsoft
Word (.doc or .docx)
document. There is no word limit but any unnecessary
information included in the report
may result in reduced marks.
The report must contain the following content (feel free to
define your own sections,
as long as you include all the required content):
o Cover page/title page and Table of contents
o URL of the app and login details of the IBM Bluemix account
o Introduction
o Case study analysis which will report –
o Business problems you have identified in the case study
o Possible solutions for each and how do these solutions address
the
business problems?
o What are the solutions you implemented in the application?
o The step by step process you have followed to configure and

4. deploy the smart app
for business case simulation. You may choose to use
screenshots and notes to
enrich your report but you must have a video of the process.
o Video link of you working while deploying and configuring
o Self-Reflect –
o Was the telemetry data effective to visualize required
information?
o Suggest collection of five new data elements (other than data
already
collected by the telemetry) which could be helpful to solve the
business
problems in the smarter way.
o Difficulties you faced –
o What are the difficulties you have faced during the process of
app
deployment and data collection?
o How did you address those difficulties?
o Conclusion
o References
Plagiarism Checking Information
It is VERY important that you do not copy content directly from
either the text or Internet
resources: this assignment is to be in your own words. You will
lose marks if you do not
use your own words! Actual plagiarism will result in the

5. instigation of the student
misconduct process.
On uploading your assignment for the first time you will be able
to immediately see your
similarity score. However, a 24 hour delay exists for the release
of similarity scores for the
submission of successive items (drafts).
To be clear, the delay will not apply to your first draft which
will receive a Turnitin
similarity score as soon as possible. This mandatory delay was
implemented by Turnitin to
minimise misuse of the similarity-checking service by students
who were simply modifying
their submissions to avoid match detection and without citing
sources appropriately.
3
Choose a Business Case only for the assignment
Business Case One:
Smart application to monitor trucks movement and telemetry
AB Pty. Ltd is a delivery company who has 3 trucks to deliver
different products for third parties.
They have their set delivery zone which covers an area (feel
free to choose an area) of Austin
downtown, Texas, USA. Due to the expanding demand their
trucks are always busy. Most recently,

6. they are receiving complaints about delayed delivery and long
queue of pending delivery. In the initial
stage of their business a truck on average can deliver 5 times a
day. However, current average for
their trucks is only 3 times per day. The general manager of AB
Pty. Ltd appointed a business analyst
to identify potential causes of the delay. The business analyst
made a number of stage one
recommendations below -
• Develop a smart application to simulate the trucks movement.
• Divide the entire delivery area into two zones.
• Write a NODE-RED function node that will
o set different speed limits of the truck for each zone and
outside the zone.
o change speed value( feel free to assume the speed values)
when it enters in a delivery
zone and change it back when it is outside of the delivery zone.
You can use ID of
delivery zone, entry and exit message from GeoAlert to know
about their entry and
exit in a specific zone.
• Set following custom properties –
o Total delivery allocated ( this field will show a delivery
number allocated to the
truck)
o Total delivered numbers at current time (will show number of
delivery done). In this
case assume that every entry in the zone is the start of a
delivery and every exit in a
zone is the end of a delivery.

7. • System should alert the management via email/Twitter, if a
truck
o violated the speed limit of the zone. [ NB: Use the speed limit
you have set in your
assignment two] or
o finished their allocated delivery
• Create a visual dashboard using NODE-RED which will have a
speed gauge and speed chart
of a specific truck.
AB Pty. Ltd appointed you as an ICT professional to develop a
simulated connected vehicle
application for simulation in Bluemix which will address the
milestones above recommended by the
business analyst.
Business Case Two:
Smart application to remotely monitor a patient’s movement
details
AB hospital has a physiotherapy department with 3 patients.
The hospital is very renowned for their
services. It is receiving increasing pressure to increase their
capacity to serve more physiotherapy
patients. However, their current capacity is limited to 3 patients
only. Furthermore, as part of their
service, they also want to collect information about their
patients walking habits within the walking
zone of the hospital to serve them better. They have appointed a
business analyst to identify actions to
address the issues. The business analyst made a number of
stage one recommendations below -

8. • Divide the entire walking area (feel free to choose an area) in
Austin downtown, Texas, USA
into two zones.
• Write a NODE-RED function node that will
o set different walking speed of the patient for each zone and
outside the zone.
4
o change speed value when it enters in a walking zone and
change it back when it is
outside of the zone. You can use ID of walking zone, entry and
exit message from
GeoAlert to know about their entry and exit in a specific zone.
• Set following custom properties –
o Total number of meters required to walk ( this field will show
a delivery number
allocated to the patient)
o Total number of meters walking done at current time (number
of entries in the zone
X 10 meters).
• System should alert the management via email/Twitter, if a
patient
o violated the walking speed limit of the zone. [ NB: Use the
speed limit you have
set in your assignment two] or
o finished their allocated walking meters

9. • Create a visual dashboard using NODE-RED which will have a
walking speed Gauge and
speed chart of a specific patient.
The AB hospital appointed you as an ICT professional to
develop a simulated connected patient’s
application for simulation in Bluemix which will address the
milestones above recommended by the
business analyst.
5
Marking guide:
Student number:
Name:
Marker / Date:
Sections
Marks
Comments
The report quality –
• Is the report easy to follow? Did it
address all the key information required
for the report?
• Is it prepared using formal report writing
style such as table of content, page

10. numbers, appropriate referencing (if any),
cover page, introduction, conclusion,
referencing and so on.
• Did it specifically address all the
guidelines provided by the ‘Report format
and specifications’ section.
/3 (1 for each bullet
point)
• Case study analysis which will report –
o Business problems you have identified
in the case study
o Possible solutions for each and how
do these solutions address the
business problems?
o What are the solutions you
implemented in the application?
/6 (2 for each bullet
point)
Working application -
• Working URL of the app and login
details of the Bluemix account. (5
marks)
• Working application ( 15 marks)

11. • Functionality of the application as
per required and stated in the
report ( 10 marks)
/(5+15+10=30 marks)
The step by step process -
• Video link of your working while
deploying
/4 marks
6
Self-Reflect –
• Was the telemetry data effective to
visualize required information?
• Suggest collection of five new data
elements (other than data already
collected by the telemetry) which could
be helpful to solve the business problems
in the smarter way.
/4 (2 marks for each
bullet point)
Difficulties you faced –
• What are the difficulties you faced

12. during the process of app deployment
and data collection using debug?
• How did you address those difficulties?
/3( 1.5 marks for each
bullet points)
Total Marks: /50
ObjectivesEnabling objectivesGeneral InformationWhat do you
need to do?The assignment requires you to do the following -
Download the ‘Starter_Code_For_Assignment_Three.rar’ given
in week 8 to configure, and deploy a cloud based smart/IoT
(Internet of Things) application to simulate the business
case.Report format and specifications -You are required to
submit a written report in a single Microsoft Word (.doc or
.docx) document. There is no word limit but any unnecessary
information included in the report may result in reduced
marks.Choose a Business Case only for the assignmentBusiness
Case One:Business Case Two:Marking guide:Student
number:Name:Marker / Date:
10/23/2018 Week 2 - Assignment
https://ashford.instructure.com/courses/33753/assignments/6752
88?module_item_id=1711605 1/2
Week 2 - Assignment
What Would You Do? Ethics and Today’s Administra�ve

13. Professional
Read the Ethics and the Administrative Professional. What
Would You Do?
(http://www.amanet.org/training/articles/Ethics-and-the-
Administrative-Professional-What-Would-iYou-
Do.aspx) Write a paper with your responses to the five cases
presented at the end of the article.
Clearly identify each case and provide an explanation of how
you would respond or react in each case
using communication techniques used to manage conflict. Your
responses should be thorough and
complete with details explaining your response and using
knowledge from this class and two outside
resources. You may also indicate if additional information is
needed and if so, what would you like to
know.
The paper must be two to three pages in length (excluding title
and reference pages) and formatted
according to APA style. You must use at least two scholarly
resources (at least one of which can be
found in the Ashford University Library) other than the
textbook to support your claims and sub claims.
Cite your resources in text and on the reference page. For
information regarding APA samples and
tutorials, visit the APA checklist
(http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/introduction-apa) in the
Ashford
Writing Center (http://writingcenter.ashford.edu) .
Carefully review the Grading Rubric
(http://ashford.waypointoutcomes.com/assessment/9520/preview
) for the criteria that will be used to

14. evaluate your assignment.
Waypoint Assignment
Submission
The assignments in this course will be submitted to Waypoint.
Please refer to the instructions below
to submit your assignment.
1. Click on the Assignment Submission button below. The
Waypoint "Student Dashboard" will open
in a new browser window.
2. Browse for your assignment.
3. Click Upload.
4. Confirm that your assignment was successfully submitted by
viewing the appropriate week's
assignment tab in Waypoint.
http://www.amanet.org/training/articles/Ethics-and-the-
Administrative-Professional-What-Would-iYou-Do.aspx
http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/introduction-apa
http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/
http://ashford.waypointoutcomes.com/assessment/9520/preview
10/23/2018 Week 2 - Assignment
https://ashford.instructure.com/courses/33753/assignments/6752
88?module_item_id=1711605 2/2
This tool needs to be loaded in a new browser window
For more detailed instructions, refer to the Waypoint Tutorial

15. (https://content.bridgepointeducation.com/curriculum/file/dc358
708-3d2b-41a6-a000-
ff53b3cc3794/1/Waypoint%20Tutorial.pdf)
(https://content.bridgepointeducation.com/curriculum/file/dc358
708-3d2b-41a6-a000-
ff53b3cc3794/1/Waypoint%20Tutorial.pdf) .
Load Week 2 - Assignment in a new window
https://content.bridgepointeducation.com/curriculum/file/dc358
708-3d2b-41a6-a000-ff53b3cc3794/1/Waypoint%20Tutorial.pdf
https://content.bridgepointeducation.com/curriculum/file/dc358
708-3d2b-41a6-a000-ff53b3cc3794/1/Waypoint%20Tutorial.pdf
Scholarly, Peer Reviewed, and Other Credible Sources
Source type What is it? Examples Best used for
Scholarly
A source written by scholars or academics in a
field. The purpose of many scholarly sources is
to report on original research or
experimentation in order to make such
information available to the rest of the
scholarly community. The audience for
scholarly sources is other scholars or experts
in a field. Scholarly sources include references
and usually use language that is technical or at
a high reading level.
*Note: Different databases may define
“scholarly” in slightly different ways, and thus
a source that is considered “scholarly” in one

16. database may not be considered “scholarly” in
another database. The final decision about
the appropriateness of a given source for a
particular assignment is left to the instructor.
Scholarly Journals
• Journal of Management Information
Systems
• American Journal of Public Health
• Early Childhood Research Quarterly
Scholarly Books (published by a university
press or other high-quality publisher)
• Shari’a Politics: Islamic Law and
Society in the Modern World
• The Grand Design: Strategy and the
U.S. Civil War
• The Hidden Mechanics of Exercise:
Molecules That Move Us
Journal articles:
• Recent research on a topic
• Very specific topics or narrow
fields of research
• NOT good for an introduction to
or broad overview of a topic

17. Books:
• In-depth information and research
on a topic
• Putting a topic into context
• Historical information on a topic
Peer Reviewed
A publication that has gone through an official
editorial process that involves review and
approval by the author’s peers (experts in the
same subject area). Many (but not all)
scholarly publications are peer reviewed.
*Note: even though a journal is peer reviewed,
some types of articles within that journal may
not be peer reviewed. These might include
editorials or book reviews.
**Note: some publications (such as some
trade journals) can be peer reviewed but not
scholarly. This is not common.
See “Scholarly Journals” above
Books go through a different editorial process
and are not usually considered to be “peer
reviewed”. However, they can still be
excellent scholarly sources.
See above

18. Credible
A source that can be trusted to contain
accurate information that is backed up by
evidence or can be verified in other trusted
sources. Many types of sources can fall into
this category.
*Note: The final decision about the
appropriateness of a given source for a
particular assignment is left to the instructor.
See above. Also:
• Newspapers
• Magazines
• Books
• Trade journals or publications
• Government websites
• Websites from educational
institutions (like universities)
• Websites or other publications from
reputable organizations (like the Mayo
Clinic)
• Encyclopedias (general or subject)

19. Many websites could be considered credible.
The more information provided about the
source, the more likely they are to be credible.
Look for information about the author and/or
the organization, how recently it was
published, the intended audience, the
intended purpose, and whether there is
evidence of bias.
• Basic/general/background
information about a topic
• Current events
• Local news
• Statistical data
• Information about specific
organizations or companies (look
at the organization’s or company’s
website, or look for articles in
newspapers or trade journals)
• Government information
• Information about popular culture
• Opinions or commentaries
• Topics of general interest

20. Ashford University Library, June 2015, CR 0130415
ManagingCon�lictthroughCommunication
FifthEdition
Dudleyd.Cahn
ProfessorEmeritusStateUniversityofNewYork,NewPaltz
RuthAnnaAbigail
ProfessorEmeritusAzusaPaci�icUniversity
Boston Columbus Indianapolis NewYork SanFrancisco
UpperSaddleRiver
Amsterdam CapeTown Dubai London Madrid Milan Munich
Paris Montreal Toronto
Delhi MexicoCity SãoPaulo Sydney HongKong Seoul
Singapore Taipei Tokyo
Chapter1IntroductiontotheStudyofCon�lictCommunication
Objectives
Attheendofthischapter,youshouldbeableto:
De�ineinterpersonalcon�lictandgiveexamplesofcon�lictsituati
ons.
De�inecon�lictmanagementandexplainhowithasthepotentialtoco
nvertpotentiallydestructiveinterpersonalcon�lictsintoproductive
ones.
Explainwhythetransactionalmodelofcommunicationispreferablet
othelinearmodelformanagingcon�lictsituations.

21. De�ineprocessandpickasuccessfullyresolvedcon�licttodescribei
ntermsofthe�ivestagesofconstructive,successfulcon�lict.
Explainwhymanypeopleviewcon�lictnegativelyandhowtheycoul
dviewitpositively.
De�inecivilityandexplainwhyitisaproblemtodayandwhatcanbedo
neaboutit.
KeyTerms
accuracy(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.
1/sections/sec1-3#P7000481815000000000000000001AA2)
adverselyaffectrelationships(http://content.thuzelearning.com/b
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differentiationphase(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cah

22. n.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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incompatiblegoals(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn
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interdependence(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7
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interpersonalcon�lict(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/C
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meta-
con�lictperspective(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cah
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negativeviewofcon�lict(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/
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positiveviewofcon�lict(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/
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preludetocon�lict(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.
7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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23. problematicsituation(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Ca
hn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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process(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/
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processviewofcon�lictcommunication(http://content.thuzelearni
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productivecon�lict(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cah
n.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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senseofurgency(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.78
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2#P7000481815000000000000000001A94)
transactionalmodelofcommunication(http://content.thuzelearnin
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3#P7000481815000000000000000001AA4)
triggeringevent(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.78
82.17.1/sections/sec1-
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https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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24. https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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3#P7000481815000000000000000001AAE
https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
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Con�lictisoneofthegrandchallengesofourtime.Itoccursbecauseth
erearedeepdivisionsinoursocietythatcarryoverintoourinterperson
alrelationships.Thereareculturaldividesbetweenethnic,racial,
andreligiousgroups.Therearepoliticalandvaluebarriersthatseparat
econservativesandliberals,gendergapsbetweenthesexes,economic
andpowerdividesbetweenupperandlowereconomicandsocial
classes,andagebarriersbetweenyoungerandoldercitizens.Whilewe
typicallythinkofthesedividesasthesourceofcon�lictininterperson
alrelations,evenpeopleofsimilarbackgrounds�inditdif�icultto
overcometheirdifferences.
Wherethereisadivide,wemustlookforbridges.Acommonbridgeforb
arriersininterpersonalrelationsiscommunication.Asa�irststepinc
ommunicating,thecon�lictingpartiesmustmeettodealwiththe
issuesthatdividethem.Theymusttaketimeoutoftheirbusyschedules
,payattentiontomatterstheymayconsiderunimportant,perhapsspen
dmoneyandallocateoften-limitedresources,andlistento
peopletheywouldliketoignore.Insodoing,thecon�lictingpartiescr
eateorrepairchannelsofcommunicationandthuslayafoundationfor
bridgingthegapthatseparatesthem.Sometimesittakesoutside
interventiontobringthecon�lictingpartiestogetherandhelpthemco
mmunicate.

26. 1.1WhatThisTextbookOffersYou
Forthelongesttime,Ithoughtcon�lictwaslikehavingabigwavecom
eatmeonthebeach.IfImovedfastenough,Imightbeabletodiveunderi
t.SometimesIcouldjuststandmygroundagainstit.And
othertimes,itknockedmeonmyrear.Butuntilrecently,Ididn’treallyt
hinkIcouldridethatwave,toturnitintosomethinguseful.I’mnotsureI
candothatwithallmycon�licts—Iambetteroffdiving
undersome,buttheydon’tknockmedownasoftenastheyusedto.
Ifyouarelikemostpeople,youprobablywouldrathernothavecon�lic
tknockyoudownormakeyoudiveoutofthewaytoavoidit.Onthecontr
ary,youprobablywanttoknowhowtoconfrontsomeoneyou
knowpersonallyandhowtobetterhandleyourpresentcon�licts.You
wanttoknowwhatyoucansayandhowyoucansayit.Tomeetthisneed,
wedesignedthistextbooktohelpyoulearnhowtouseeffective
communicationbehaviortomanageyoureverydaycon�licts.
Ourapproachtomanagingcon�lictprovidessolidinformationattheo
utsetthatpreparesyoutostartdealingwithyourcon�lictsimmediatel
y,followedbyinformationthatdeepensyourunderstandingof
con�lict.InPartI,wede�ineinterpersonalcon�lictandcon�lictma
nagement,describeinterpersonalcon�lictasaprocess,andprovidea
noverviewtothedifferentmeansorcyclesofcommunicatinginacon�
lict
situation.Weintroducetheoriesthatcanbeappliedtocon�licttohelp
usbetterunderstandwhatisgoingonbeneaththesurface.Inaddition,w
edemonstrateusefultechniquesforcommunicatingincon�lict
situations:assertiveness,stepstoeffectivelyconfrontcon�licts,and
ourS-
TLCsystemforeffectivelymanagingcon�licts.InPartII,wediscuss
violenttendenciesandhowtomanagethem,thewaysinwhich
people’scommunicationbehaviorscontributetotheclimateofthecon
�lict,andwedemonstratehowtobettermanageyourhandlingofvario

27. usfactorsthatcontributetocon�lictescalationandcontainment—
namely,lossofface,stressandanger,andemotionalresiduesneedingf
orgiveness.InPartIII,wediscussvariousideasthatbroadenyourunde
rstandingofcon�licttoincludenegotiation,mediation,workplace
con�licts,andsocialcon�lict.
Inthischapterwede�ineinterpersonalcon�lictanddiscusssomeoft
hedifferentwayspeopleviewit.Webelievethatcon�lictisnotsimply
apartoflife;con�lictislife—
aneverydayoccurrence.Peopleregularly
experiencetimeswhentheirwantsanddesiresarecontradictorytothe
wantsanddesiresofpeopleimportanttothem.Equallyimportant,wec
anseenoreasonforcon�lictstoeverevolveintoviolentbehavior.
Con�lictsexistasafactoflife,butwebelievethattheydonothavetoes
calateoutofcontrol.Whenweeffectivelymanageourcon�licts,weca
nconvertdestructivecon�lictsintoproductiveones.Theseideas
makeitworthyourtimeandefforttolearnhowtomoreeffectivelymana
geyourinterpersonalcon�licts.
Attheendofthischapterisan“IntroductoryExercise”thatyoumaywis
htobeginrightaway,becauseyouneedtoobserveyourcon�lictbehav
ioroverseveraldaysormore.Theexerciseisdesignedtomakeyou
awareofthekeyconceptswediscussinthischapterastheyactuallyapp
lytoyou.
1.2TheNatureofCon�lict
Onechallengeweoftenencounteristhatpeoplearenotawareofallthec
on�lictstheyarehavingwithotherpeople.Thestereotypeofcon�lict
isscreaming,yelling,throwingdishes,and/orswearing,ifnot
actuallypunchingorpushingeachother.However,weareincon�lict
whennotspeakingtoeachother,too.Tograspthefullextentofourcon
�lictactivity,weneedtoexplorethemeaningofthetermandpeople’s
perceptionofit.

28. TheEnglishlanguageusesmanydifferenttermsassynonymsforinter
personalcon�lictorourexperienceofit:confrontation,verbalargum
ent,disagreement,differencesofopinion,avoidanceofconfrontation
,
avoidingothers,changingthetopic,problem-
solvingdiscussion,interpersonalviolence,physicalabuse,sexualab
use,verbalabuse,silenttreatment,stonewalling,glaringatoneanothe
r,makingobscenegestures,
expressionsofanger,hostilereactions,ignoringtheother,unhappyre
lationships,simplygivingin,accommodating,goingalongreluctantl
y,not making waves, competition, negotiation, bargaining,
mediation,
disputing,quarreling,threatening,andinsulting.Eventhoughthisisa
longlist,youcanprobablyaddtoit.Becausetherearesomanyeventspe
oplerefertoascon�lict,wethinkitisimportantthatwehavea
commonreferencepointintheformofade�initionforinterpersonalc
on�lictaswebeginthistext.
De�iningInterpersonalCon�lict
Wede�ineinterpersonalcon�lictasaproblematicsituationwiththef
ollowingfouruniquecharacteristics:
1. thecon�lictingpartiesareinterdependent,
2.
theyhavetheperceptionthattheyseekincompatiblegoalsoroutcomes
ortheyfavorincompatiblemeanstothesameends,
3.
theperceivedincompatibilityhasthepotentialtoadverselyaffectther
elationshipifnotaddressed,and
4. thereisasenseofurgencyabouttheneedtoresolvethedifference.
Ifyouarelikealotofus,whenyou�irstreadade�initionofakeyterm,y
oudon’trealizeallthatthede�initionentails.So,let’sconsiderwhatis

29. interesting,unique,and useful about the way we de�ine
interpersonalcon�lict.First,ourde�initionfocusesontheideaoftho
seproblematicsituationsthatarisebecausepartnersperceivethatthey
seekdifferentoutcomesortheyfavordifferentmeanstothesame
ends.Weviewcon�lictastwoormorecompetingresponsestoasingle
event,differencesbetweenandamongindividuals,mutualhostilityb
etweenindividualsorgroups,oraproblemneedingresolution.
Insteadofnarrowlyde�ininginterpersonalcon�lictasanexpresseds
truggleoraverbalexchange,
werecognizethatsomecon�lictsarenotovert,apparent,oropen.Just
asonecanclaimthat“wecannotnotcommunicate,”acon�lictmayexi
stevenwhenpeoplearenotarguingoreventalkingtoeachother.We
canrecognizethatweareexperiencingacon�lictlongbeforeweactua
llysayanythingaboutit.Byemphasizingthenotionofacon�lictsituat
ion,wecanincludepeoplewhoarenotspeakingtoeachother,
purposelyavoidingcontact,givingeachotherthesilenttreatment,usi
ngnonverbaldisplaystoindicatecon�lict,orwhoaresendingmixedm
essagestoeachother.Forexample,onestudyfoundthatwhenpeople
experiencednegativeemotions,theybecamemoreevasiveandequivo
cal. Thus, it is likely that
whenpeopleare�irstthinkingaboutacon�lict,theymaynotevensay
anythingaboutit;rather,theymayevadethetopicorcommunicateabo
utitinambivalentterms.
Byemphasizingtheinterdependencebetweenoramongthecon�licti
ngparties,wefocusoncon�lictininterpersonalrelationships.Interd
ependenceoccurswhenthoseinvolvedinarelationshipcharacterizeit
ascontinuousandimportant,makingitworththeefforttomaintain.We
wanttounderscorethefactthatinterpersonalcon�lictsoccurwithpeo
plewhoareimportanttousandwhoweexpecttocontinueseeingor
workingwithinthefuture.Wemayarguewithastranger,haveadif�ic
ulttimereturningadefectiveproducttoastore,orendurethebaddrivin
ghabitsofanotherontheroad,butthesearenotexamplesof
interpersonalcon�lictbecausethecon�lictingpartiesdonothaveani
nterpersonalrelationship.Havingsaidthat,someoftheskillsinvolve

30. dinargumentswithstrangersoverlaptheskillstaughtinthisbook.If
youhavetoreturnaproducttoastore,forexample,andyouexpectresist
anceordif�iculty,explainingthesituationcarefullyusingtheskillso
utlinedinlaterchaptersshouldboostyourchancesofsuccess.
However,inthisbookwewanttoemphasizetheimportanceofusingpri
nciples,concepts,andskillsthatimproveourabilitytohandlecon�lic
tswiththeimportantpeopleinourlives—family,roommates,
romanticpartners,friends,neighbors,andcolleaguesatwork.
Anincompatibilityliesattheheartofaproblematicsituation.Incompa
tiblegoalsoccurwhenweareseekingdifferentoutcomes;forexample,
weeachwanttobuyadifferentcar,butwecanonlyaffordtobuy
one.Incompatiblegoalsmayalsoentailpersonalhabitsthatclash,asw
henonepersoninalivingsituationislessbotheredbyclutterthantheot
her.Incompatiblemeansoccurwhenwewanttoachievethe
samegoalbutdifferinhowweshoulddoso;forexample,weagreeonthe
samecar,butnotonwhetherto�inanceitorpaycash.
Mismanagedcon�lictscouldadverselyaffectrelationships,meanin
gthatcon�lictscanmakepeoplefeeluncomfortablewhentogether,di
ssatis�iedwiththeirpartners,andleadthemtodesirechange.If
peopledominatetheirpartnersandalwayswintheirarguments,thepar
tnersmaywanttoexittherelationship.Ifcon�lictsleavepeoplefeelin
gdissatis�ied,theymayrefusetoforgive,seekrevenge,orbecome
abusive.Ifpeoplefeelhelplessinarelationship,theymaygrowapathet
ic,uncaring,oruninterestedinit.Ifpeopleavoiddealingwithissues,th
eirrelationshipmaystagnatebecauseproblemsarenotgetting
resolved.Thepointisthatourrelationshipsgenerallydeterioratewhe
nwemanagethempoorly.Rather,peopleshouldlookforopportunities
tomaketheirpartnersfeelbetterandcausetheirrelationshipto
grow.Iftheyperceivethattheycannotdothat,theymaylookelsewhere
forrelationshipsatisfaction.
Ourde�initionemphasizesthattheissueorproblemunderlyingtheco
n�licthasasenseofurgency,de�inedasreachingapointwhereitneed
seffectivemanagementsoonerratherthanlater.Althoughletting

31. problemsmountupisusuallynotagoodidea,peopleoftenletunresolve
dissuesfesterandgrowuntiltheycan’ttakeitanylongerandexplode.T
heinterpersonalcon�lictsthatinterestusmostarethosethat
havethissenseofurgencybecausetheyareapproachingthepointwher
etheymustreceiveattentionorelse.Thisiswhythereisapotentialfora
dverseeffectsontherelationshipiftheissuesarenotaddressed.
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TheInevitabilityofCon�lict
Con�lictshouldbeacceptedasafactoflife.Simonswroteover40year
sagothatatoneend,con�lictisseenasadisruptionofthenormalworki
ngsofasystem;attheother,con�lictisseenasapartofall
relationships. A number of recent studies have demonstrated
that con�lict is a “common and
inevitablefeature”inclosesocialrelationships.
Weencounteritathome,atschool,andatwork.
IneverthoughtthatIwouldhave“roommate”problemsaftergraduatin
gfromcollege.Actually,theproblemsarewithmynewhusband,butth
eyremindmeofwhatIwentthroughincollege—whento
dothedishes,howtosortthemail,whoshouldtakemessages,whendoe
sthetrashgoout,whopicksupafterhis(!)dog,whodoesthehousework.
Iamamazedatthenumberofissuesthatarisewhen
livingwithanotherperson.

32. Thinkoveryearspastandrecallthecon�licts,complaints,orgrievanc
esyouhadwiththesethreetypesofpeople:(1)neighborslivingafewho
usesaway,(2)next-doorneighbors,and(3)familymembers(or
teammate,closefriend,roommate,orromanticpartner).Withthemor
edistantneighbors,theappearanceoftheirhomeandyard,noise,orthe
irpetsandchildrentrespassingonyourpropertymayhaveupset
you.Theseproblemscanalsohappenwithanext-
doorneighbor,butnowyoumayalsoencounterdisagreementsoverpr
opertylines,droppinginonyoutoooften,borrowingtoolsandnotretur
ningthem,
unsightlyfences,invasionsofprivacy,makingnoisesfarintothenight
,blindinglights,talkingtoyoueverytimeyougooutintoyouryard(esp
eciallywhensunbathing).Whataboutyourfamilymembers?Here
youcouldprobablywriteabook.Youmayhavehaddisagreementsove
rstudyhabits,sleepinghabits,smoking,snoring,messiness,househol
dchores,useofacar,friendswhoarenoisyorsleepover,payingbills,
buyingfurniture,TV,tools,andborrowingclothes.Ifyousubstituteat
eammate,closefriend,orromanticpartner,youhavelikelyaccumulat
edalistofdisagreements.
Undoubtedly,youcanaddmanyexamplestotheselists.Thequestionis
this:Whathappenstocon�lictsasrelationshipsbecomecloser,morep
ersonal,andmoreinterdependent?Theansweristhatcon�lict
becomesincreasinglymorelikely,henceinevitable.Wecallthisthein
evitabilityofcon�lictprinciple.Ifyoucomparethelistsyoucreatedfo
rthethreetypesofrelationshipsabove,youwillprobably�indthat
astherelationshipbecomescloserandmoreinterdependent(fromadis
tantneighbortoanext-doorneighborandfromanext-
doorneighbortoaroommate,teammate,closefriend,orromanticpart
ner):
themoreissuesarelikelytooccur,
themoretrivial(minor)complaintsbecomesigni�icantones,and
themoreintenseyourfeelingsare.

33. Aswegofromourrelationshipwithadistantneighbortothatofaroom
mate,wearenotonlybecomingphysicallycloser,butwealsofeelemot
ionallycloser.Inaddition,thebehaviorofsomeoneclosetous
usuallyhasmoreconsequencesforusthanthebehaviorofthosemorep
hysicallyandemotionallydistant.Thisinterdependencemeansthatth
eindividualsinvolvedcanbecomeproblematicbyinterferingwith
eachother’sgoalachievementormeanstoreachingthosegoalswhethe
rthegoalsareemotional,psychological,ormaterial.
Researchers have identi�ied seven types of emotional,
psychological, and material resources that produce satisfaction
in long-term romantic relationships.
As you might have guessed, those aspects that provide
satisfaction in relationships have the
potentialtocreatecon�lictwhenpeopleperceivetheyarelacking.Ino
rderofimportance,theyare:
love—nonverbalexpressionsofpositiveregard,warmth,orcomfort
status—verbalexpressionsofhighorlowprestigeoresteem
service—laborofoneforanother
information—advice,opinions,instructions,orenlightenment
goods—materialitems
money—�inancialcontributions
sharedtime—timespenttogether
Inthebestkindoflong-
termromanticrelationship,partnersbelievethattheygetwhattheydes
erve.Althoughtheabovelistfocusesonromanticpartners,manyofthe
sesevenresourcesarerelevanttoother
typesofinterpersonalrelationships,includingroommates,neighbors
,friends,coworkers,andfamily.
Thepointisthatwecanexpectmorecon�lictaswebecomeclosertoand
moreinterdependentwithsomepeople.NowonderStamp found that
con�lict plays a role in the creation and maintenance of

34. interpersonalrelationships.
Theinevitabilityofcon�lictprinciplerunscontrarytotheideathat,if
welooklongandhard,wecan�indpeoplewithwhomwecansharecon
�lict-
freelives.Itmeansthatweshouldceaseoureffortsto�indperfectpeop
leandlearnhowtomanagethecon�lictswearesuretohave
withthoseclosesttous.Weneedtolearnhowtodealwithminoraswella
smajorcon�licts,howtomaintainourobjectivitywhenengagedinco
n�lict,andhowtokeepourself-control.Thenarrativebelow
illustratestheseideas:
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ns/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AEE)
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s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AEF)
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ns/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF0)
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BeforeIstartedkeepingtrack,Ididn’tthinkthatIwasinvolvedinmany
con�licts.Now,IseethatIhavealotofthem,andthatIcouldhavehandl

35. edthemdifferently.Acquaintances,outsiders,and
strangersmakemeangry,butIchoosenottogetintoaverbalcon�lictw
iththem.Itjustisn’tworththetimeoreffort.Basically,Ijustwalkaway
orchangethetopic.
IalsonotedthatIdealwithmycon�lictsdifferentlywithpeoplecloses
ttome.Ihavethegreatestdif�icultyreachinganagreementusuallywit
hthepeoplethatIcaremostabout.Itfrustratesmewhen
thepeopleclosesttomecannotunderstandhowIfeel.Suchisthecasewi
thmyfather.Heishomealonealldayanddoesnothingtokeephimselfb
usy.InmyopinionIthinkheenjoysgettinginto
con�lictswithmejusttohavesomethingtodoandtomakemecommuni
catewithhim.
Althoughcon�lictisinevitable,wearguethatitneednotgetoutofhan
dandperhapsturnviolent.Unfortunately,toomanypeopleseeviolenc
easanecessarywaytodealwithcon�lict,butotheroptionsexist.By
teachingnonviolentsolutionstoproblems,settinganexampleinourd
ailylives,andraisingourchildrentoresolveinterpersonalcon�lictsp
eacefully,wearehelpingtoreduceviolenceasaserioussocial
problem.Thus,learningtoavoidescalation(i.e.,learningde-
escalation)isanimportantgoalofthistextbook.Wenextturnourattent
iontotheideaofmanagingourcon�licts.
1.3Con�lictManagement
De�iningCon�lictManagementasaSkill
Everydaylanguagere�lectsthevarietyofwaysinwhichweregardcon
�lict:Wetalkabouthandlingcon�lict,dealingwithit,avoidingit,orr
esolvingit.Wede�inecon�lictmanagementasthecommunication
behaviorapersonemploysbasedonhisorheranalysisofacon�lictsitu
ation.Anotherconcept,con�lictresolution,referstoonlyonealterna
tiveinwhichpartiessolveaproblemorissueandexpectitnotto

36. arise again. Con�lict management involves alternative ways of
dealing with con�lict, including resolution or avoiding it
altogether.
Effectivecon�lictmanagementoccurswhenourcommunicationbeh
aviorproducesmutualunderstandingandanoutcomethatisagreeable
toeveryoneconcerned.
Notethatwede�inecon�lictmanagementascommunicationbehavi
orbecausebehaviorscanbecomeskills,suggestingthatwecanlearnfr
omourpastmistakesandimprovethewaywehandlecon�licts.In
recentyears,communicationscholarshavefocusedontheideaof“co
mmunicationcompetence,”describingcommunicationskillsthatare
usefulincon�lictsituations.Whenwecansuccessfullyperforma
communicationbehavior(suchaslisteningwithoutinterrupting)and
repeatthatbehaviorwhenthesituationcallsforit,wehaveacommunic
ationskill.Competentcommunicatorsnotonlytrytorepeatthe
skillwhenneedbe;theyalsoareabletoperformthatskillwithouthesita
tion.
Onewaytounderstandcommunicationcompetenceistorefertoatelev
isiondancecompetition,whereoneofthejudgesmadeadistinctionbet
weenmovinganddancing.Heaccusedonecontestantofmerely
movingaroundthestage.Dancing,hesaid,requiresexperience,goodt
raining,andpractice.Whenonedances,thepersonengagesinaperfor
mance.Thosewhosimplymoveaboutdonotexpressanyfeelingor
engageothers.Wecanusethisanalogytocomparecommunicationbeh
aviorstocommunicationskills.
Skillsarenotinnate;theyarelearned.Wedevelopthemthroughexperi
ence.Theonlywayyoulearnhowtohandlecon�lictsituationsmoreco
mpetentlyistoworkthroughthecon�lictsyouencounter—thatis,
learningfromthisbookandtryingtopracticeyournewskills.Duetothe
complexityofthetask,fewsuccessfullyrideabicyclethe�irsttime.M
ostfalloff.Sometimestheyareluckyandstopbeforehurting
themselves.Soon,withagreatdealofconcentration,ridingabikeisma

37. nageable,andthenitbecomessomethingthatisalmostsecondnature.
Theproblemisthatmostofusaremorewillingtolearnhowto
ridebicyclesthanwearetolearncon�lictmanagementskills.Commu
nicationcompetencetakesknowledgeaboutthewaycon�lictworks,
knowledgeoftheskillsthatareusedincon�lictsituations,andpractic
e.
Thisbookdiscussestheskillsassociatedwithframingmessagesincon
�lictsituations—
speci�icmessagebehaviorsthathaveproveneffectiveinvariouskind
sofcon�licts.Thegoalistoconnectthinkingabout
con�lictswithactingincon�lictssoastochoosethemosteffectivebe
haviorspossible.
Inadditiontofocusingonbehaviorsthatcanbecomeskills,ourde�init
ionofcon�lictmanagementhastwomoreimportantimplications.Fir
st,ourde�initionimpliesthatyouhavechoicestomakewhenina
con�lictsituationsuchashowtocommunicate.Youcanchooseamon
gvariousoptionstodealwithcon�licts.Youmayavoidorconfrontcon
�licts.Youmayreactpeacefullyorviolently.Youmaytreatothers
politelywithrespectorverballyabuseothers.Youmaysimplygiveino
rinsiston“havingeverythingyourway.”
Second,ourviewsuggeststhat,inordertoeffectivelymanagecon�lic
t,youmustanalyzeitbytakingameta-
con�lictperspective.Youmayrecallthatoneofthefundamentalsofin
terpersonalcommunicationis
theideaofmeta-
communication,whereonetriestoobjectivelylookatinteractionbetw
eenpeopleandtalkaboutitintelligently.Wemightsitback,observeac
oupleoffriendsinteract,andthendescribetheir
interactionpatterntothem.Perhapsweobservethatonepersondomin
atedtheconversation,thatis,talkedthemostandcontrolledthetopicof
discussion.Incon�lict,theabilitytotakeameta-con�lict
perspectivemeansthatyoucanlookbackonthecon�lictsyouhaveexp
erienced,analyzewhatyoudidwellandwhatyoudidpoorly,andlearnf
romyourmistakes.Eventually,youmayevenmonitoryour

38. presentinterpersonalcon�licts,realizewhatisgoingon,alteryourbe
havior,andbettermanagethecon�licts.
7
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ns/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF3)
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LinearandTransactionalApproachestoCommunication
Communicationcompetencehaschangedfromteachingthelinearapp
roachtocommunicationtothetransactionalapproach.Inbasiccommu
nicationcourses,youprobablylearnedthatcommunicationwas
onceviewedasonepersonsendingamessagetoanotherperson(receiv
er)throughsomechannel.Suchaviewofcommunicationalsocontaine
daprovisionfornoise(interference)andforreceiverfeedback,so
thatthereceivercouldindicatetothemessagesenderthatsheorherecei
vedthemessageasintended.Wecanapplythisviewofcommunication
asmanagersofcon�lict.Onecon�lictingparty(themessage
sender)maysendanyofthefollowingmessagestotheotherpartyofthe
con�lict(themessagereceiver):
Iamnotspeakingtoyou.

39. Idon’twanttotalkaboutthat.
Idisagreewithyou.
Iwantto�ight.
Idon’tlikeyou.
Idon’tlikewhatyousaid.
Idon’twanttoseeyouanymore.
Iwantsomethingtochange.
Thesenderofsuchmessagesmayuseanyofthefollowingchannels:
Face-to-face
Synchronousviasomemediumlikeacellphoneorinstantmessaging
Asynchronousviaanemail,textmessage,orarelaypersonasthemessa
gecarrier
Noisemayconsistofdistractionsintheface-to-
faceenvironment(suchasTV,otherpeople,orloudsounds)ortechnic
aldif�icultiesthatdeletemessagesviatheInternetorcutoffcontacton
acellphone.
Inacon�lict,feedbackfromothersmayconsistofnonverbalreactions
,suchasfacialcues(anger,hurt,sadness),bodymovements(standing
uporwalkingout),gestures(makinga�ist,becomingmoredynamic
andlively),toneofvoice(screaming,yelling),orverbalresponses(na
me-callingorswearing).
Intheaboveparagraphs,wedescribedalinearmodelofcommunicatio

40. n,usingthewordssender,receiver,channel,noise,andfeedback.Fort
hemostpart,thismodelemphasizesaccuracy:Iswhatwas
“received”thesamemeaningaswhatwas“intendedorsent”?
Whilethisapproachcanbehelpfultoourunderstanding,itisanarrowvi
ewofcommunication.Whenappliedtocon�lict,thelinearmodellimi
tsourviewofinterpersonalcon�lictassomethingwedoto
someone.Forexample,wemighttakeapositionandtrytoconvincethe
otherofourview.
Whiletheabovedescriptionofcon�lictandcommunicationmaysoun
dfamiliartomanyofus,interpersonalcon�lictisalotmorecomplicate
dthanthesimplesendingandreceivingofmessages.Whencon�licts
arise,theyarisebecauseofthewaybothpeopleactwithrespecttoonean
other.Inessence,wemakeourcon�lictstogether;itisrarethatacon�l
ictisentirelythefaultofonepersonintherelationship.
Recognizingthat,wewouldhopetocreateandmanageamoreproducti
vecon�lict—
onethatbeginswithaproblemandendswhencon�lictingpartiesagre
eonwhattodoaboutit.
Fromalinearpointofview,ourfocusisontheendresult,whichmeansg
ettingtheothertochangehisorhermindorbehaviortocoincidewithou
rposition.Inaddition,usingalinearmodeltoexplaincon�lict
oftenresultsintryingto�ixthe“blame”ofthecon�lictsituationonon
epersonoranother,notrecognizingthatbothpeopleinacon�lictsitua
tioncontributetotheemergenceofthecon�lict.Intheextreme,this
modeofthinkingmightleadustogosofarastoaccusetheotherofbeings
tupid,makingabaddecision,ordoingsomethingwrongbehaviorally.
Wemayyellandscreamuntilthecon�licttiltsinourfavor.
Obviously,thiscandodamagetoourrelationshipwithothers.Fortuna
tely,thereareotherwaystomanagecon�licts.Ourneedforanalternati
veapproachleadsustothe“transactional”modelofcommunication.
Whilethelinearviewemphasizestheendproductofcommunicating(c
onvincing,persuading,controlling,ordominatingtheother),thetran

41. sactionalmodelofcommunicationemphasizesmanagingand
coordinating.Giventhisview,communicationmaybede�inedasthee
xchangeofverbalandnonverbalmessagesinanattempttobetterunder
standoneanother’sperspectiveandcreatesharedmeaning.
Suchanapproachrecognizes that this view of communication
(and by extension, con�lict) isn’t
somethingwedotooneanother,butsomethingwedowithoneanother(
liketeamwork).
10
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s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF4)
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5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF4
Similarly,acon�lictisnotseenassomethingthathappenswhenonepe
rson“sends”amessagetoanotherindicatingthatheorsheisunhappyw
ithsomebehavioroftheother.Rather,con�lictisseenasthe
behaviorsofeachperson,inresponsetooneanother,exchangingmess
ages,hearingeachotherout,cooperating,andconjointlycreatinganu
nderstandinginwhichbothpeopleperceivethemselvesasbeingin
con�lictwithoneanother,mutuallysharingresponsibilityforthecon
�lictsituation,andworkingtogethertobetterdealwithit.Onestudent
describeditas“tryingtobuildasandcastlebydirectingsomeone
else’s hands.” Con�lict is viewed as giving and taking, working
together for a solution to a
problem,discussingandarrivingatmutualunderstandings,consensu
s,agreement,andresolution.Bothcon�lictingpartieshavearesponsi
bilitytowardempathizingwitheachother,avoidingjudgment,keepin
g
anopenmind,welcomingfeedback,andrealizingthatbothmayhaveto
adapttoresolvetheissue.

42. Oneimplicationofthisapproachisthatweviewcommunicatorsaswor
kingtogethertocreatemeaning.Theadvantageisthatwebegintorecog
nizetheimportanceofbothpeople’sbehaviorinthecon�lict
situation.Onepersonacting“competently”inacon�lictsituation,usi
ngeffectivecommunicationskills,usuallycannotbringthecon�lictt
oamutuallysatisfyingresolutionallbyhimselforherself.Ittakestwo
peopletomakeacon�lict,andittakestwopeopletomanageorresolvei
tinamutuallyagreeablemanner.Thewaypeopletalkaboutthecon�li
cttogether,thewaytheyexpressmessagesinresponsetoone
another,andthewaythey“read”eachother’snonverbalmessagesasth
econ�lictisbeingenactedallcreatethecon�lictsituationaswellasm
anageitormoveittoresolution.Moreover,itisnotsimplythatthe
actionswechoosearearesultofthewayweinterpretsituations;instead
,whathappensinthiscon�lictaffectshowwethinkaboutfuturecon�l
icts.
Theprimarydifferencebetweenthelinearandtransactionalfocusinc
ommunicationisseeninthevisualmetaphorswemightusetoexplaine
ach.Whiletheprimaryvisualmetaphorforthelinearmodelisa
conveyorbelt(messagessentandreceivedinalinearfashion),inthetra
nsactionalmodel,communication(andhencecon�lictasatypeofcom
munication)isseenmoreasadancethattwopeopledotogether
(messagesco-createdbymanagingandcoordinating).
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5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF5
DestructiveandProductiveCon�lictCommunicationProcesses
Whatdoesitmeantotakeaprocessviewofsomething?Aprocessisdyn
amic,on-

43. going,andcontinuous(notstatic,atrest,or�ixed).Itisevolutionaryin
nature.Viewingobjects,people,events,andsocial
situationsasprocessesmeansthatweunderstand:
Processeshavestagesorphasesofdevelopmentthroughgrowthordet
erioration.
Theyhaveahistoryinwhichadistinctivepatternemerges.
Theyconsistofcontinualchangeovertime.
Theyhaveingredientsthatinteract(affectoneanother)thatmayorma
ynotleadtothenextstage(dependingontheingredients).
Atanygivenpointintimeandspace,theyrepresentsomeoutcome,stag
e,orstateofbeing(likeapictureorasingleframeina�ilm).
Thewaywetalkaboutsomethingoftenfailstore�lectaprocessview—
suchas“thehappycouple,”“adivorcedperson,”or“anex-convict”—
whichsuggeststhatpeopledonotchange,arenotatonestageofa
developinglifecycleorrelationship,ordonotlearnfromtheirexperie
ncesandgrow.Weforgetthatcommunicationisaprocesswhenwefocu
sonsimplygettingourmessageunderstoodbyotherswithout
tryingtoseetheirpointofview,adaptingtoit,andco-
creatingmeaning.Failingtoseeacon�lictasaprocessexplainswhyso
mepeoplearenotinterestedinlearninghowtomanageit.So,wedon’tta
kea
processview:
whenweseesomethingasunchanging(e.g.,hewasanaughtychild,soh
eisprobablyaproblemadult),
whenweseesomethingashavingnohistory(e.g.,nothinginyourpastis
importantoraffectsyoutoday),
whenweseesomethingatitspresentageonlyandnotasastageindevelo
pment(e.g.,youarealwaysthiswayandwillneverchange),or
whenwedonotconsidertheingredientsthatmakeupsomething(e.g.,y
oudonotconsiderhowyourgoals,fears,andabilities,others’expectat
ionsofyou,andyourdeadlinesortimelimitsinteractto
createhowyouviewyourself).

44. Wedonotwanttotakesuchastaticapproachwhendiscussingcommuni
cationandcon�lict.Instead,weseethemasdynamic,changeable,and
movingtowardsomeend.Bycombiningtheterms,wecande�ine
con�lict communication as a process of exchanging verbal and
nonverbal messages in a con�lict situation that starts with
antecedents, moves through steps, and ends with consequences.
Weknowthatresolvingcon�lictthrough communication does not
end con�lict forever, however
muchwemightwantthattobethecase.Weengageincon�lictagainand
again,andwehaveaprettygoodideahowthesecon�lictsunfold.
Aprocessviewofcon�lictcommunicationhasimplicationsforhoww
eviewacon�lictsituationandcon�lictmanagementbehavior.Botha
reembeddedinaseriesofinstancesthatfollowoneanother(asina
video of people meeting, talking, and departing). Such a view of
reality re�lects awareness that our lives consist of events
in�luencing subsequent events.
Whenwelearntotakethisview,webegintoseesituations and
behaviors as phases or stages,
re�lectingaswitchtoaprocessorientation.Iftheseriescontinuestore
peatitself(likeaperpetualmotionmachine),itbecomesacycle.Insom
ecases,con�lictsituationsbecomecyclesbecausetheygetbogged
down in particular stages and repeat themselves. Effective
con�lict management consists of converting potentially
destructive messages into productive con�lict communication.
Later, in Chapter 2
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/ch02#ch02),weelaborateondysfunctionalandfunctionalcyclesof
con�lictcommunicationtohelpusidentifythebehaviorsthat
makecon�lictdestructive,and,itishoped,choosebehaviorsthatkeep
thecon�lictfrombecomingso.
AsdepictedinFigure1.1(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/
Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-

45. 3#P7000481815000000000000000001AAD),aprocessviewsugges
tsthatasuccessfullyresolved
con�lictmovesthroughaseriesof�iverecognizablestages,steps,or
phases,witheachstageaffectingthenext.
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s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF6)
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s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF7)
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#ch02
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3#P7000481815000000000000000001AAD
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5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF6
https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF7
Figure1.1AProcessViewofCon�lict.
The process view of con�lict assumes that all we have
experienced prior to a particular con�lict forms the group for
the con�lict we are currently
experiencing.Priorexperiencescomprisethepreludetothecon�lict.
Atriggeringeventcausesustoperceivethatweareinacon�lictwithan
otherperson.
Afteratriggeringevent,we(ortheotherperson)willinitiatethecon�li
ctthroughnonverbalmeans(withdrawal,silence,slammingdoors,etc
.)orverbal

46. means(“weneedtotalk”).Thedifferentiationphaseincludesworking
outthecon�lict,includingtheidenti�icationoftheissueandfeelings
aboutit.The
resolutionphaseincludestheoutcometothecon�lictandbecomespar
tofthepreludetothenextcon�lictexperienced.
Thepreludetocon�lictconsistsofthevariablesthatmakecon�lictpo
ssiblebetweenthoseinvolved.Thepreludecomprisesfourvariables:
theparticipantsinthecon�lictsituation(number,age,sex,etc.)
therelationshipbetweenthem(whichmayvaryinclosenessanddistri
butionofpower)andtheircon�licthistory
otherinterestedpartiestothecon�lict(includingbystanders)
thephysicalandsocialenvironmentofthecon�lictsituation(apartyi
nsomeone’shome,ameetingatwork,dinnerwithfamilyorfriends)
Inthepreludetocon�lict,thepotentialformanifestcon�lictexistsbe
causeofthepeopleinvolvedandtheothersocialandphysicalfactorsth
atde�inethesituation.Likethe�irstblockinalineofdominoes,these
variablesaffectthecourseofcon�lict.
Thetriggeringeventorcon�lictstimulusisabehaviorthatthepartiesi
nthecon�lictpointtoastheissue,problem,orfocalpointofthecon�li
ct.Examplesincludesayingsomethingupsetting,doingsomething
offensive,ornotdoingsomethingoneisexpectedtodobyothers.
Animportantpointtounderstandabouttriggeringeventsisthatthepar
tiesinvolveddon’talwayspointtothesamebehaviorasthetriggerfort
hecon�lict.Forexample,youmayhaveexperiencedsomelong-
termdissatisfactionwiththewayyourroommateleaveshisorhercloth
esandobjectsalloverthehouse.Foryouthetriggerofyourcon�lictist
heroommate’smessiness.You�inallysaysomethingtotheother
personand,indoingso,triggeracon�lictforherorhimabouttheother’
sperceptionofyouascontrolling.Forthatperson,acon�lictexistsinw
hichthetriggerisyourattempttoin�luenceherorhisbehavior.
Whileyoubothareexperiencingonecon�lictsituation,thebehaviort

47. hateachofyouseeasthetriggertoitissometimesdifferent.Ineffectthe
rearereallytwocon�lictsgoingonsimultaneouslyeachwithits
owntrigger,oneinvolvingaroommate’smessinessandanotherdealin
gwithyourdominantbehavior.Yourdiscoveringthiswouldbeagoode
xampleofmeta-con�lictanalysis.Havingsaidthat,weoftenengage
inasinglecon�lictwherethepartiescanagreeonthetrigger.Forexam
ple,adaughterisissuedaticketfortextingwhiledrivingandherparent
sconfrontheraboutit.Bothmightagreeinthiscasethatshe
shouldnotbetextingwhiledriving.So,sometimesthepartiescanagre
ethataparticulareventtriggeredthecon�lict.
Theinitiationphaseorresponseoccurswhenthecon�lictbecomesov
ert.Thishappenswhenatleastonepersonmakesknowntotheotherthat
acon�lictexists,suchasreactingtoanother’supsetting
comment,pointingouttheoffensivenatureoftheother’sbehavior,orr
emindingtheotherthatsheorheisexpectedtodosomethingthepersoni
snotdoing.
Thedifferentiationphaseorongoinginteractionpatternoccurswhent
heparticipantsuseconstructiveordestructivestrategiesandtactics,p
resentingbothsidesofthestory,movingbackandforth,and
escalatingandde-escalatingthecon�lict.Lasting anywhere from a
few minutes to days or even weeks, this is the stage where the
con�lict becomes quite obvious. Although parties may view the
open
disagreementas“thecon�lict,”fromacommunicationpointofview,t
herevelationofdifferencesisthefourthstageintheinterpersonalcon
�lictprocess.
Thisphaseservesausefulpurposebyallowingbothpartiestoexplainh
owtheyseethesituationthatgivesrisetocon�lictandwhattheywantt
ohappenasaresultofthecon�lict.Sometimes,onlyone
participantwantstoaddressthecon�lict;theotherpersonavoidsconf
rontingtheissues.Therelationship,thecon�licthistoryofthepartici
pants,andtheirpreferredstylesindoingcon�lictallactasingredients
thataffecthowthecon�lictproceeds.

48. Theresolutionphaseoroutcomeoccurswhenthoseinvolvedacceptso
meoutcometothecon�lict.Ideally,asuccessfulcon�lictresultsina
win–winoutcome,wheretheparticipantsarebothsatis�iedwiththe
outcomeandputthemattertorest.Lessideal,theparticipantsmaydeci
dethattheissueissettledforthetimebeingwhilerecognizingthatitma
yariseagaininthefuture.Theworsecaseoccurswhena
dominantpartnerdecidesthematterforbothpartnersandactsasthoug
hthematterisresolvedwheninfactthepartnerisdissatis�iedwithther
esult.
Inthistextbook,wearguethatcon�lictmanagementmayresultinreso
lutionoritmaynot.Insomecases,thebestdecisionmaybetoaccommo
dateoravoidconfrontation.Inallofthesecases,oneismanaging
thecon�lictprocess.Onemanagesthecon�lictprocesswhethereffec
tiveornotandwhetherthecon�lictisresolvedsatisfactorilyornot.Th
isbookexplainshowtoeffectivelymanagecon�lictstothemutual
satisfactionofthepartiesconcerned.
Regardlessoftheoutcomereached,thewayinwhichacon�lictismana
gedaffectsthewayfuturecon�lictsaremanagedbetweentheaffected
parties.Thus,weillustratethecon�lictprocessasacycle,wherethe
managementofonecon�lictbecomespartofthepreludeofthenextcon
�lict.Again,thisbookfocusesonconstructivecon�lictmanagement
approaches.
Whenpeopleareabletobringtheircon�lictstosuccessfulresolution,
itreinforcespositivethinkingaboutcon�lict.Eachsuccessfulcon�li
ctweengageinincreasesthechancesthatfuturecon�lictsareproducti
ve
becausewelearnthatcon�lictisn’tdreadfulandsomethingwemustav
oid.
Youshouldrealizenotallcon�lictsareexactlyalike.Somemayfollo

49. wthe�ive-
stepsequenceofeventsfasterorslower,andthereisoftenanunevendis
tributionoftimewithinthemodel.Forexample,the
preludetocon�lictmayoccuroverseveralmonthsandtheactualovert
manifestationsofcon�licthappeninamatterofminutesorviceversa.
Moreover,asweshowinthenextchapter,fromaprocessperspective,a
nunsuccessfulcon�lictisonethatbecomesdivertedatoneofthestage
s.Acon�lictmaybegintoprogressthroughthephasesandstop,or
itmayreturntoapreviousstagewhennewissuesareintroducedandadd
edtothecon�lict.Asinexamininganycommunicationevent,theproc
essstepsmayilluminatebutalsodistortourexpectations.The
steps are used for explanation and analysis, not as a Procrustean
bed into which all con�licts must �it exactly.
Con�lict communication is destructive or dysfunctional when it
leaves the participants dissatis�ied. Perpetual con�licts can
produce perpetual problems in a relationship.
Accordingtoresearchers,thereareatleastthreewaysinwhichcon�lic
tsmayescalateanddoharm
toarelationship.First,themoreexcitedandheatedthecon�lictcomm
unication(intermsofphysiologicalarousal,especiallyformen),them
orelikelythepartnersaretodisengagefromtheirrelationship
duringthenextfewyears.Second,somepatternsofcon�lictcommuni
cation(suchasappeasingtheotherratherthanengagingincon�lict)ar
emoredisastroustotherelationshipinthelongrunevenifthey
appearmoredesirableatthebeginning.Third,certainnonverbalbeha
viorsduringcon�lictcommunication(e.g.,woman’sdisgust,man’s
miserablesmile,etc.)predictrelationshipbreakupslater.Thefactthat
certaincommunicationbehaviorsand ways of dealing with
con�lict are associated with relationship dissatisfaction and
breakups necessitates a better understanding of con�lict
communication and are
discussedindetailinChapter2(http://content.thuzelearning.com/bo
oks/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/ch02#ch02).

50. Ontheotherhand,con�lictcommunicationisproductiveoritservesa
usefulpurposewhentheparticipantsareallsatis�iedandthinkthatthe
yhavegainedasaresultofthecon�lict.However,feelingsaboutthe
outcomearenotenoughtodeterminetheproductivityofacon�lict.So
mecon�licts,althoughuncomfortableintheshortrun,mayservethen
eedsofthoseintherelationshipinthelongrun,ormayevenserve
othersoutsidetheparties’relationshiporsocietyatlarge.
Thismakessense,particularlyforpeoplewhoareuncomfortableenga
gingincon�lictcommunicationattheoutset.If,forexample,youhave
anewroommate,andyou�indalmostimmediatelythatyourpersonal
habitsarediametricallyopposed,youmightfeeluncomfortableasyou
confrontyourroommateinorderto�indsomepointofagreementonyo
urhabits.Becauseyoudonotknowtheotherwell,thecon�lict
communicationmayseemstrainedandawkward.Afterward,youmay
thinkyoudidnotrespondverballyinthebestwaypossible.However,if
youseeimprovedchangesinbehaviorovertime,thenwecan
concludethatthecon�lictwasproductive.Youneedtoenlargeyourvi
ewofacon�licttoincludenotonlytheoutcomesorresultsbutalsoyoua
ndyourpartner’sfeelingsaboutoneanother’sactualbehavior
withinthecon�lictitselfasmeasuresofeffectivecon�lictmanageme
nt.Thefollowingaretwoexamplesofhoweffectivelymanagedcon�li
ctsmovethroughthe�ivestages:
Example1
Prelude.Forthe�irsttimeinabouttwoweeks,mydad,brother,andIwe
reallinthesameplaceatthesametime.Wewenttodinnertogether,givi
ngusour�irstchanceinweekstotalktogether.We
hadjustordereddinnerwhentheinevitablequestioncameup.Whatam
IgoingtodoafterIgraduate?Whenthequestioncameupthistime,Ihad
ananswer.ItoldmydadabouttheprogressIhad
madeinjobcontactsandotherpossibilitiesIwasconsidering.Iespecia
llywantedtotravelduringthesummerwithasportsteamasasportsinfo
rmationdirector,butIhadmadenospeci�icplans.
PopaskedifIhadsentinmyapplicationyet.IsaidthatIhadn’t.

51. Trigger.Myolderbrother,Stuart,chimedinthatI’dbetterdoitsoon.Th
isiswhenthecon�lictstarted.ThetoneinStuart’svoicewaswhatsetm
eoff.Hewasusingacondescendingattitudetoward
me,whichIhate.
Initiation.Itoldhimthatitwasnoneofhisbusiness;thatheneednottell
mewhattodo.
Differentiation.Stuartgotmad,asusual,andtoldmethatIwasinterpre
tingthesituationwrong.HebasicallytoldmethatIshouldn’tfeelthew
ayIdobecausetheywereonlyshowingthatthey
care.ThisrubbedmethewrongwaybecauseI’vehadenoughofpeoplet
ellingmehowIshouldfeel.ItriedtoexplainhowIfeltbutwasinterrupt
edseveraltimeswiththeresponsethatIwaswrong
tofeelthatway.ItoldhimthatIthoughtIwasbeingmorethanfairintelli
ngmyfamilymyplansandfeelings.
Resolution.Atthispoint,myfatherintervenedandmadeusbothapolo
gizetoeachotherformakingsuchascene.Wedidandmovedontoothert
opicsthatweresafertodiscuss.
14
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/sec1-
5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF8)
15
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFA)
https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/ch02
#ch02
https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
5#P7000481815000000000000000001AF8
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52. 5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFA
Example2
Prelude.Ourdaughterisnotamorningperson.Myhusbandisone,butI
amusuallytheonewhodragsheroutofbedforschool.Theothermornin
gIwashavingahardtimewakingup,andIdidn’t
worrytoomuchaboutitbecausemyhusbandwasupandIdidn’thaveto
getupearly.I�inallygotupjustbeforemydaughterhadtoleave.
Trigger.Myhusbandremarked“IgotJennyupforyou.”Thatreallyirri
tatedme,becausewhenhesaysthatitsoundsliketakingcareofourdaug
hterisafavorhedoesmeinsteadofanobligationwe
bothhave.
Initiation.Iremarkedthatitreallybotheredmewhenhesaidthat.
Differentiation.Hesaidthatherealizedthatitwouldbeeasierforallco
ncernedifhegotherupthismorning.IsaidIdidn’tlikethewayhesaidit.
Resolution.Heapologizedandsaidhedidn’tmeanitthewayitsounded
.HeappreciatedthatIusuallygotherup.Hewasjusttryingtoreassurem
ethatIdidn’thavetoworryaboutgettingJennyto
school.ItoldhimIappreciatedbeingreassured,butreallyneededtobel
ievewewereinthistogether.Heagreed,andwedroppedit.
Webelievethatdestructivecon�lictoccurswhenthepartiesdonotma
nageacon�lictinawaythatismutuallysatisfactoryanddoesharmtoth
eirrelationship.Moreover,whenparticipantsinthecon�lictlose
sightoftheiroriginalgoals,whenhostilitybecomesthenorm,whenmi
smanagedcon�lictbecomesaregularpartoftheinteractionbetweenp
eople,con�lictisdestructive.Mostimportantly,wecharacterize
destructivecon�lictasatendencytoexpandandescalatethecon�lict
tothepointwhereitoftenbecomesseparatedfromtheinitialcauseandt
akesonalifeofitsown.Considerthisperson’saccountofpoorly
handledcon�licts.

53. Igaveonefriend,Jason,anincorrectreasonwhyanotherfriend,Tim,w
asnotgoingtohaveadrink.ItoldJasonthatTimhadaproblemwithalco
hol,whichwasn’treallytrue.WhenTimfoundoutwhat
ItoldJason,hegotupset(understandably)withme,andwehadanastya
rgument,whichcontinuedtothefollowingnight.Irememberyelling,s
wearing,�layingmyarmsintheair,kickingachair,and
accusinghimofbeingfromanalcoholicfamily(whichwasn’ttrue).
Accordingtoourview,destructivecon�lictoccurswhenthereisaninc
reaseinthenumberofissues,numberofpeopleinvolved,coststothepa
rticipants,andintensityofnegativefeelings.Itincludesadesireto
hurttheotherpersonandtogetevenforpastwrongs.Destructivecon�l
ictoccurswhenthereisescalationandpartiesfailtoconsidertheiropti
ons.Lastly,destructivecon�lictplacesheavyrelianceonovert
powerandmanipulativetechniques.
Webelievethatproductivecon�lictoccurswhenacon�lictiskepttot
heissueandtothoseinvolved.Itreducesthecoststotheparticipantsan
dtheintensityofnegativefeelings.Itincludeshelpingtheother
personandlettinggoofpastfeelings.Productivecon�lictoccurswhe
nthereisnoescalationandlossofcontrol.Itfeaturesanawarenessofop
tionsincon�lictsituations.Productivecon�lictdoesnotrelyonovert
powerandmanipulativetechniques.Alongwiththesecharacteristics,
wethinkthataproductiveviewofcon�lictsituationsincludes�lexibi
lityandabeliefthatallcon�lictingpartiescanachievetheirimportant
goals.
Productivecon�lictisdistinguishedfromdestructiveonthebasisofm
utuallyfavorableorunfavorableoutcomes.Weneedtosaymoreabout
theideaofoutcomes,ortheresultspeopleareseekingtoachieve
whentheyengageincon�lict.Sometimes,thesegoalsareclearattheo
utset,andatothertimestheydevelopasthecon�lictcontinues.
Werealizethattheterm“outcomes”maysuggesttheresolutionofsom
eissueorsolutionofsomeproblem.However,manypeoplearesatis�i

54. edevenwhenthesegoalsarenotachieved.Alltheywantfromthe
con�lictsituationisfortheotherpartytoshowinterestintheproblem;
showconcernfortheirfeelings;andpayattentiontotheirwants,needs,
orinterests,eveniftheirwishesarenotful�illed.Thesearemore
personal,emotionaloutcomesthatareassociatedwithperceivedfairn
ess,acceptanceasaperson,andjustice.Thereisacommonunderstandi
ngthatcomplaintsneedattentionfromthoseresponsible.In
con�licts,bothpartiesareanxioustotelltheirsideofthestoryandwant
otherstohearthemout.Ifyoutakethetimeandmakeanefforttomeetwit
hmeandshowinterestinmyconcerns,Imayleaveacon�lict
situationatleastsomewhatsatis�iedorfeelingbetterthanifyouconti
nuetoignoremeortreatmebadly.Betteryet,youmaymakefuturedecis
ionsbasedonmyrecentinput.
NegativeViewofCon�lict
Unfortunately,manycon�lictsfailtomakeitthroughall�ivestagesa
ndendwithmutualsatisfactionwiththeoutcome.Ourexperiencewith
con�licthasmadeuswaryofit.Oneofthechallengesingettingpeople
tolearnmoreaboutcon�lictmanagementisthatpeopleoftendonotev
enliketousethewordcon�licttodescribetheirexperiences,asthisnar
rativedemonstrates:
Idon’thavecon�licts,becausetome,acon�lictiswhenyouhavenopl
acelefttogo.I’mright;you’rewrong,solet’sforgetit.Uptothatpoint,I
bargainorargue,butIdon’thavecon�licts.
Evenwhenweareabletorecognizeonewhenweareinthemiddleofitdo
esnotmeanthatwehavebeguntothinkaboutcon�lictassomethingtha
tispotentiallyhelpful.Con�lictingpartiesoftenexperiencea
curioustension;thatis,theyexpect(logicallyandintellectually)toex
periencecon�lictbutwanttosettleitassoonaspossiblesothattheirliv
escanreturnto“normal.”

55. Whatcomestomindwhenyouthinkofinterpersonalcon�lict?Howw
ouldyoucompletethissentence:Tome,con�lictislike....Wouldyoud
escribecon�lictaslikeawar,battle,or�ight?Wouldyousaycon�lict
ismorelikeastruggle,anuphillclimb,oracontestofwills?Isitlikefeel
ingsicktoyourstomach?Doyouthinkofcon�lictaslikebeingontrial,
adayincourt?Perhapsyouseeitasagame,match,orsport?Or
would you describe it more as a communication breakdown, a
barrier between you and another? Photo 1.1
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/sec1-
3#P7000481815000000000000000001AC0)showsoneperson’svie
wofcon�lict:Itissomethingthatmakesherfeelboundandgagged.
Con�lictisalmostalwaysassociatedwithnegativefeelings.Weknow
thatmanypeopledonotfeelcon�identabouthandlingacon�lict.Inas
tudy,researchersaskedpeopletodescribepastinterpersonalcon�lict
s
andfoundthattheyoverwhelminglyusednegativetermstodescribeth
eircon�licts:“Itislikebeinginasinkingshipwithnolifeboat,”“likea
checkbookthatwon’tbalance,”or“likebeinginarowboatina
hurricane.”
Theparticipantsinthestudydescribedtheircon�lictsalmostuniform
lyasdestructive
ornegative,suggestingthatwhentheyeffectivelymanagedaninterpe
rsonalcon�lict,respondentsdidnotthinkitwasacon�lictatall.
Thisistypicalofanegativeviewofcon�lict:Theideathatcon�lictsar
epainfuloccurrencesthatarepersonallythreateningandbestavoided.
Tosaywhatcon�lictislikeisanexerciseincreatingacon�lictmetaph
or,whereyouareaskedtocompareoneterm(con�lict)withsomething
else(struggle,explodingbombs,beingontrial).Metaphorsarenot
only�iguresofspeechbutalsoare�lectionofhowwethink.
Howwethinkaboutsomethinglikecon�lictandthemetaphorswemay
createforitcreateanexpectationastowhatcan,will,orshouldhappen,

56. andthesortofemotionsthatmightoccur.Howpeoplethink
aboutcon�lictingeneraltermsaffectshowtheyseetheircurrentsituat
ion,howtheyseethecon�lictissue,whatchoicestheythinkareavaila
bletothem,andhowtheyviewtheotherperson’sactions.Youcan
knowagreatdealaboutcon�lictmanagement,butifyouholdanegativ
eviewofcon�lictyourbehaviorsmaybelesscompetentwhenfacedwi
thone.
Whatdowelearnfromacollectionofmetaphorspeoplegivewhenaske
dwhatcon�lictisliketothem?First,interestingly,we�indthatnotev
eryoneusesametaphortodescribeacon�lictunlesstheyare
promptedtodoso.
However,thosewhodosooftenusemetaphorsthatareassociatedwitht
he
strategyusedtorespondtocon�lict:Peoplewhousenegativestrategi
esusemorenegativemetaphorsandotherswhoaremorepassiveuseme
taphorsthatre�lectpowerlessfeelings.
Second,welearnthatnotallpeoplechoosethesameadjectiveswhende
scribingwhatcon�lictmeanstothem.Peoplechoosedifferentadjecti
vestodescribetheirperceptionofinterpersonalcon�lict.These
wordsre�lectsomewhatdifferentviews,whicharethemselvesincon
�lict.Quiteoftenapersonwhoseescon�lictasa“battle�ieldwithrel
ationshipsbeingthecasualties”doesnotcompareittobeingontrialora
dayincourt,asanothermight.Probably,neitherpersonthinksofcon�
lictaslikeabasketballgame,atennismatch,orsomeothersport.Altho
ughpeoplevaryintheirperceptionsofcon�lict,mostseemtoreject
theideathatinterpersonalcon�lictisapositive,healthy,andfortunat
eevent—onetheyshouldwelcome.
Thiscommonbutnegativeattitudetowardcon�licthindersusfromle
arninghowtobettermanageourcon�licts.Althoughpeopleoftenthin
kthattheycanlearnnewcommunicationskillstoimprovetheway
theyhandleinterpersonalcon�licts,theydonotrealizethattheirattitu
des,beliefs,andemotionalreactionsmayhavetoundergochangeaswe
ll.

57. Justasonecanviewaglassofwaterashalfemptybutanotherseesitasha
lffull,socanweswitchfromanegativeviewofinterpersonalcon�lict,
whereweseeitasthreatening,toapositiveview.Onewoman
reportsherchangeinattitudetowardcon�lict.
ThemostvaluablelessonIhavelearnedisthatcon�lictisnotnecessari
lybad.Inolongerseecon�lictsasadangertorelationships.Myaccept
anceofcon�lictsastheresultofrelationshipshashelped
minimizethediscomfortIfeelincon�lictsituations.
Thisisapositiveviewofcon�lict,wheretheeffectivecon�lictmanag
erdoesnotviewcon�lictnegatively,butratherseesopportunitiestore
solveproblemsandimproverelationshipswiththepeoplewhomeanth
e
mostincon�lictsituations.Theimportant�irststepinmanagingcon
�lictistoadoptamind-
setthatembracescon�lictasanopportunitywhilerecognizingtherisk
sinvolvedinit.Yourotherskillsincon�lict
dependonyourabilitytotransformhowyouthinkaboutcon�lictinge
neral.Clokeremarks:
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ons/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFB)
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ons/sec1-
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ons/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFD)
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58. https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/sec1-
5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFC
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5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFD
Photo1.1.Bound.AmyMunive’scon�lictartre�lectshernegativepe
rceptionsofcon�lict
assomethingthatrendersherhelplessandspeechless.
Wecanallrecognizethatinordertoresolveour con�licts we have to
move towards them, which is inherently
dangerousbecauseitcancausethemtoescalate.Itissomewhatmoredi
f�icultforustograspthatourcon�lictsare
ladenwithinformationthatisessentialforourgrowth,learning,intim
acy,andchange,thattheypresentuswith
multiple openings for transformation and unique opportunities
to let go of old patterns.
This mind-set recognizes the importance of personal
responsibility for one’s actions and encourages �lexibility in
oneselfandinotherswithinthecon�lictsituation.Italsorecognizesth
atcommunicationworksnomiraclesbutthatit
usually helps when managing many of our con�licts. Most
important, this mind-set rejects easy solutions and
recognizesthecomplexityofcon�lictsituationsandtheiroutcomes.
The con�lict art in Photo 1.2
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/sec1-
3#P7000481815000000000000000001AC4) illustrates the Ideal
Con�lict Manager mind-set. It recognizes the
inherentdangerincon�lict—
therearethorns,andthereareplaceswhereapersoncangettrapped.Att
hesametime,it
demonstratesthepositiveoutcomesthatcanarisefromcon�licthandl

59. edwell.
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5#P7000481815000000000000000001AFE
Photo1.2.ThiswatercolorpaintingbyLynnPalmertitled“EveryCon
�lictTellsaStory”
re�lectsahealthyviewofcon�lict.Theremaybesomepainfulspotsin
volved,andthere
mayevenbeplaceswherethecon�lictisderailedorstalled,butoverall
,con�lictyields
positiveresults.
LearningtoRespectOthers:CivilityasaResponsetoCon�lict
Perceivingcon�lictasanopportunitytosolveproblemsandimprovea
relationshipshouldhelpusbettermanagemany
ofourcon�licts.Anotherchallengeisgetting people to realize that
an important means of responding to con�licts
acrossallcontextsismasteringthehabitofcivility.Civility is not to
be confused with simple etiquette.Civility is
constituted by an attitude of respect toward others manifested in
our behavior toward them; that respect is not
predicatedonhowwefeelabouttheminparticular.Civilityrequiresth
atweare mindful of others around us and
awareoftheimpactourbehaviorhasonthem.
Iscivilityreallyaproblemforus?Theanswer,unfortunately,isyes.On
eneedsonlytodriveonaninterstate,standina

60. longline,dealwithagovernmentagency,orlistentopeopleinashoppi
ngmalltorealizethatcivilityislackinginour
society.Theuseofprofanityisatanall-
timehigh;accordingtoarecentradiostation’s“guesswhat”game,thea
verage
Americancurses70–80timesaday.Incivilityisno stranger to the
workplace, either. As Sutton points out, “many
workplacesareplaguedby‘interpersonalmoves’thatleavepeoplefee
lingthreatenedanddemeaned,whichareoften
directed by more powerful people at less powerful people.”
Sometimes,incivilitybecomessointensethatitisbettercharacterized
asbullying,asetofbehaviorswediscussin
Chapter12
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/ch12#ch12) or violent social
groups we discuss in Chapter 13
(http://content.thuzelearning.com/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/section
s/ch13#ch13).
Carter’sseminalworkonCivilityprovidesaperspectiveonwhyweha
vebecomesounciviltowardoneanother.He
tracesthehistoricaldevelopmentofbooksofetiquette,developedtoh
elppeoplegetalonginclosequarters.Someof
theearliestAmericanwritingsoncivilitywereproposedasguidelines
tohelppeoplegetalongonrailwaycars,where
theywereinthecompanyofstrangersforlongperiodsoftime.Theearly
writingswerereminderstopassengersthat
theywerenotaloneonthetrain.Theyaffectothersbyuntowardbehavi
or.AsCarterpointsout,inmanyways,wehave
becomeunawareofthefactthatwearenotsolitarypassengersthroughl
ife.Therelativeisolationofourlivestoday,
whetherinourcars,ourhomes,orourcommunities,oftenleadsustoact
inwaysthatarerudetoothers.
Carteralsoindicatesthatattitudesandbehaviorsconstitutecivility,b

61. uthetakestheideaabitfarther.Civility,Carter
argues, “is the sum of the many sacri�ices we are called to
make for the sake of living together.”
These
sacri�icesmayincludegivinguptheneedtoberightortheneedtobehe
ardinordertoattainagreatergoodforthe
relationship,group,family,ororganizationasawhole.Thisdoesnotm
eanwesuppressneededandhelpfulcon�lict,
butthatwestopandthinkaboutwhetherspeakingupreallyisnecessary
forthegoodofall.Carterarguesthat“a
nationwhereeveryoneagreesisnotanationofcivilitybutanationwith
eredofdiversity....Whenwearecivil,weare
notpretendingtolikethoseweactuallydespise;wearenotpretendingt
oholdanyattitudetowardthem,exceptthat
we accept and value them as every bit our equals . . .”
In other
words,howwetreatothersshouldbeindependentofwhatwethinkofth
em.Sometimes,ittakesawhileforpeopleto
catchontothisnotion,asthenarrativebelowindicates:
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62. s/sec1-5#P7000481815000000000000000001B02)
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#ch12
https://content.ashford.edu/books/Cahn.7882.17.1/sections/ch13
#ch13
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Ihavetoworkwithsomeonewhohasbeenathorninmysideforalongtim
e.Wehavebeenontheoppositesidesofmostissues,andhehasdonesom
ethingsthatwouldgethim�iredanywhereelse.To
mydismay,IfoundthatIwouldhavetoattendthesameconferenceashe
andbeinhiscompanyforaweek!Iwasnothappyaboutit,andspentsom
etimebad-mouthinghimtooneofmycolleagues
whowasalsoattendingtheconference.He�inallytoldmethatifIwasg
oingtocontinuelikethatfortheweek,hewasgoingtoaskforhazardous
dutypaywhenwereturned.Irealizedatthatmoment
thatIwasturningintothekindofjerkIthoughttheotherpersonwas.Ide
cidedtotrysomethingdifferent.Iwasnicetohimthewholeconference
.I’mnotgoingtotellyouthatIlikehimanybetternow,
butbeingcivildidhaveitsownrewards.Iwasn’tanxious,Iwasn’tirrita
ted,Iwasjustpolite.Thecolleaguewhoformerlyhadsaidhewantedha
zardousdutypaywasamazed.
Giventheimportanceofcivility,whatarethebehaviorsapersonshoul
dadoptthatre�lectit?Tobeginwith,civilityisawayofbeingattentive
,acknowledgingothers,thinkingthebestofothers,listening,being
inclusive, speaking kindly, accepting others, respecting their

63. boundaries, accepting personal responsibility, and apologizing
when necessary.
TroesterandMesteroffer�ivespeci�icrulesforcivillanguageatwor
k:
1.
Thebestwordstochoosewhencaughtinanunexpected,emotionallyc
hargedsituationarenowordsatall.
2.
Usewordsrespectfulofthespeci�iclistenertowhomtheyareaddress
ed.
3.
Respecttherealityofthesituationbychoosingtemperateandaccurate
,notin�lammatory,wordswhendescribingorcommentingonideas,i
ssues,orpersons.
4.
Useobjective,nondiscriminatorylanguagethatrespectstheuniquene
ssofallindividuals.
5.
Respectyourlistenersbyusingcleanlanguageallthetimeonthejob.
WeclosewithsomeoftheprinciplesthatCarterlaysoutinhisbook,ast
heyprovidethemostwide-
rangingsetofassumptionsthatcanhelpustoengageincivilbehavior.
Aswediscussedpreviously,the
decisiontobeciviltoothersshouldnotdependonwhetherwelikethem.
Further,sincecivilityisseenassometimessacri�icingone’sownwis
hes,thatsacri�icemustbeextendedtostrangersaswellaspeople
weknow.Civilityisbothacommitmentnottodoothersharmandacom
mitmenttodogoodforothers.Whenwedisagree,civilityrequiresthat
webehonestaboutourdifferencesanddoourbesttomanage
themratherthansuppressingthemorignoringthem.Finally,asCarter
argues,civilityrequiresthatwecomeintothepresenceofotherswithas
enseofaweandgratitude,ratherthanasenseofdutyand
obligation.

64. Civilityisanimportantskillinourcon�lictmanagementtoolbox.Alo
ngwiththeothertoolscoveredinlaterchapters,webelievecivilitysho
uldbetheprimaryskillpeoplelearninordertofunctionmore
effectively.
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ManageIt
Becauseyouwanttoknowhowtoconfrontsomeoneyouknowpersonal
lyandhowtobetterhandleyourpresentcon�licts,wedesignedthistex
tbooktohelpyouuseeffectivecon�lictcommunicationbehavior.
Ourgoalinthis�irstchapteristointroduceyoutothestudyofinterpers
onalcon�lict,de�inedasaproblematicsituationthatoccursbetween
interdependentpeoplewhoseekdifferentgoalsormeanstothose
goals,whichhasthepotentialtoadverselyaffecttherelationshipifnot
addressedandthatthereisasenseofurgencyabouttheneedtoresolveth
edifferences.Ourde�initionbroadensthestudyofcon�lict
becausenonverbalmessagessuchasnotspeakingtooneanothercanad
verselyaffectrelationshipsasmuchasverbalones.
Althoughmanypeoplemaynotadmitit,mostpeopleencountercon�li
ctquitefrequently.Con�lictisinevitable—
asrelationshipsbecomecloser,morepersonal,andmoreinterdepende
nt,morecon�lictsoccur,

65. trivial(minor)complaintsbecomemoresigni�icant,andfeelingsbec
omemoreintense.Althoughcon�lictisinevitable,itdoesnotneedtog
etoutofhandandperhapsturnviolentbecauseotheroptionsare
available.Wealwayshavechoices(oroptions)incon�lictsituations,
andweareallresponsibleforourownactions.
Con�lictmanagementisthecommunicationbehaviorweemploybas
edonouranalysisofacon�lictsituation.Productivemanagementofc
on�lictsituationsincludes�lexibilityandthebeliefthatallcon�lict
ing
partiescanachievetheirimportantgoals.
Competentcon�lictmanagersmustrecognizethatcommunicationis
notlinearandnotsimplysayingwhat’sonone’smind.Communication
(and,byextension,con�lict)isn’tsomethingwedototheother
person,butsomethingwedowithoneanother(liketeamworkorlikead
ance).Theadvantageofthetransactionalmodelisthatwerecognizeth
eimportanceofbothpeople’sbehaviorinthecon�lictsituation.
Onepersonactingcompetentlyinacon�lictsituationandusingeffect
ivecommunicationskillsusuallycannotbringthecon�licttoaresolut
ion.Ittakestwopeopletomakethecon�lict,andittakestwopeopleto
manageorresolveit.Bytakingbothparties’behaviorintoconsiderati
on,wecanbetterdeterminewhatcommunicationoptionweshouldexe
rciseinagivencon�lictsituation.Wecanrespondbyavoidingthe
con�lict,sittingdownanddiscussingitwiththeotherperson,orreacti
ngwithaggressivespeechorviolentbehavior.Thebestoftheseoption
siscommunicatingaboutthecon�lict.
Wemaynotrealizeitatthetime,butconstructivecon�lictcommunica
tionispossibleinmostifnotallproblematicsituations.Con�lictcom
municationisaprocessofexchangingverbalandnonverbalmessages
inacon�lictsituationthatstartswithantecedents,movesthroughstep
s,andendswithconsequence.
Theprocessviewsuggeststhatproductivecon�lictcommunicationg
oesthrough�ivestages.Thepreludetocon�lictsetsthestagebyident

66. ifyingthepeople,place,andtimeofthecon�lict.Atthenextstage,a
triggeringeventfunctionsasastimulus,oftenleadingtotheinitiation
ofcon�lict,followedbytheinitiationphase,whichistheresponsetoat
riggeringevent.Thesubsequentdifferentiationphaseistheongoing
interactionpatterninwhichmostofthecon�lictcommunicationoccu
rs.Finally,intheresolutionphasecon�lictparticipantsideallycomet
oamutuallysatisfactoryagreementoroutcome.
Theproblemisthatnotmanycon�lictsresultinmutuallysatisfactory
outcomesormakeitthroughall�ivestages.Therefore,con�lictholds
akindofdreadforus—becauseweknowwehaveoftenmishandledit
inthepast.Thisnegativeviewofcon�lictmayleadustoavoidimprovi
ngsituationsandinterpersonalrelationships;thus,weurgeourstuden
tstoadoptamorepositiveviewofcon�lict.
Animportantpartofcommunicationtoothersiscivility,whichisconst
itutedbyanattitudeofrespectmanifestedinourbehaviortowardother
s.Rememberthatthisformofrespectisnotpredicatedonhowwe
feelaboutthempersonally.Thevariouswaystoapproachcon�lictare
discussedinthenextchapter.
Exercises
IntroductoryExercise
Thisexerciseasksyoutoobservethecon�lictsyouencounteroverawe
ekormore(seecon�lictrecordsthatfollow).Youmayincluderecentc
on�lictsthatoccurredpriortothisassignmentifyourememberthem
indetail.
Whenrecordingyourcon�licts,keepinmindourde�initionofacon�
lictsituation.Somestudentssaytheycannotdothisexercisebecauseth
eyhavenocon�licts.Thismeansthattheydonotunderstandthis
chapter.Rememberthatunexpressedcon�lictsdoexist.Forexample,

67. accordingtothewaycon�lictisde�inedinthistextbook,acon�lictex
istsanytimewewouldprefertodosomethingbutgiveintoothersand
dosomethingelse,orwemaysimplyavoidconfrontingothers,whichis
atypeofcon�lict.So,weactuallymayhavemorecon�lictsthanwema
ythink.Inyouressay,addressthefollowingtopics:
a.
Whatdoyouthinkoftheauthors’de�initionofinterpersonalcon�lict
?(Forexample,youmightstartoutgivingtheauthors’de�initionande
xplainhowwellit�itswiththecon�lictsyouarepresently
observinginyourlife.)
b.
Wouldyousaythatitisinevitabletoexperiencecon�lictwiththeseind
ividuals?
c.
Inwhatwayswerethecon�lictsproductiveandinwhatwaysdestructi
ve?
d.
Concludewithaparagraphonhowsatis�iedyouarewiththewayyoua
ndtheothershandledthesecon�lictsandanyproblemsyouhavewhen
attemptingtomanageyourinterpersonalcon�licts.
Con�lictRecords
Instructions:Make10copiesofthisrecord.Overthenextweekorso,ob
serveyourcon�lictsand�illoutarecordforeachone.Afteryouaccum
ulate10ormore,youshouldreviewthemtoseehowtheycompare
witheachother.
InterpersonalCon�lictRecord
Date:Time:(AM/PM)Lengthofargument(time):
Topic/Issueofcon�lict:
Howoftenhasthisissuecomeupinthepast?

68. Rarely123456789VeryOften
Whatactuallystarted/triggeredthecon�lict?
Descriptionofthecon�lict:verbalargument,physicalabuse,silenttr
eatment/
stonewalling,changedsubject/madelightofcon�lict,etc.:
Emotionsyouexperienced:
Howdiditend?
Intensityofdisagreement:
Low123456789High
Degreeofresolution:
Resolved123456789Unresolved
ThinkAboutIt
1. Inwhatwaysdoyoutakeanon-
processviewofcommunication,relationships,orcon�lict?Howcan
youchangeyourthinking?
2.
De�ineprocessandpickasuccessfullyresolvedcon�lictanddescrib
eitintermsofthe�ivestagesorphasesofconstructive,successfulcon
�lict.
3.
Describeyourfamily.Withwhominyourfamilydoyouhavethemostc
on�lict?Whatcanweconcludeafterhearingaboutfamilycon�lictsfr

69. omanumberofpeople?
4.
Somearguethathumanshaveaninstinctforcon�lict.Doyouthinkitis
aninborntrait?Doesitmakeusmoreorlesshuman?Ifitisinnate,isitav
aluableasset?
5.
Isitpossibletoviewinterpersonalcon�lictspositively?Canyougive
examplesofpositiveoutcomesfromyourownexperience?
6.
Inproblematicsituations,howdoyourespondtotheimportantpeoplei
nyourlife?Doyoudenythataproblemexists,changethesubject,oravo
idtheproblematicperson?Whatpromptedyoutotakea
classincon�lictmanagement?
7.
Doyoubelievethatifyouhavetherightpartnerthetwoofyouwilllivec
on�lictfree?Isitpossibleto�indsomeonewhopresentsnoproblems
?Doyouexpectotherstorespectyourpropertyand
privacy?Whatdoyoudowhentheydon’t?
8. Whatarethereal-
worldimplicationsofsaying“con�lictsneednotgetoutofhand”?Und
erwhatconditionswouldyouseeescalatingcon�lictasacceptable?W
hy?
9.
Beforereadingthischapter,howdidyoufeelaboutconfrontingothers
whenacon�lictarises?Didyoufeelpositiveornegativeaboutit?How
didthataffectthewayyouhandledpastcon�licts?Doyou
thinkyouwouldbemoresuccessfulifyoufeltmorepositivelyaboutco
n�lict?
ApplyIt
1.
Imaginerepresentingyourattitudestowardcon�lictvisuallyrathert

70. hanthroughlanguage.Whatwouldyourcon�lictartlooklike?Whatm
aterialswouldyouuse?Whatkindsofcolorswouldyouuse?
Whatkindsofimageswouldbestrepresentyourfeelingsaboutcon�li
ct?Writedownadescriptionofwhatyouwoulddo,orbetteryet,takeso
metimetoactuallymakeyourcon�lictart.
2.
Askyourfriendstodescribetheirfeelingsaboutcon�lict.Whatkinds
ofwordsdotheyuse?Dotheytendtothinkofcon�lictasnegativeorpos
itive?
3.
Takeapieceofpaperanddrawtwocolumnsonit.Ononeside,describea
nunproductivecon�lict.Ontheother,describeaproductivecon�lict
.Whatarethedifferencesbetweenthetwocon�licts?How
canyouapplyyourlearningtothenextcon�lictyouface?
4.
Takeasheetofpaperanddrawthreecolumnsonit.Describethreerecen
tcon�lict-
triggeringeventsthathappenedtoyouthatinvolvedpeopleyouknow
well.Forexample,apersonatworkisalways
borrowingyourmaterialswithoutpermission.Comparethewayyoure
spondedtoeachofthesetriggers.Didyourespondthesamewayineach
case?Ifso,why?Ifnot,why?
WorkwithIt
1.
Usingtheprocessapproach,identifyeachofthephasesofthecon�lict
communicationcycleinthefollowingnarrative(prelude,triggeringe
vent,initiation,differentiation,andresolution).
“Iwashavingdinnerwithmyparents.Whenthetopicofpoliticsarose,I
madeanegativecommentaboutthecurrentU.S.president,inresponse
towhichmyfathercalledmeanidiot.Ifeltmydad
wasn’tevenlisteningtomypointofviewbutratherlookingforwaystoc

71. riticizeme.Itoldhimthathewasn’tlistening.Thisinturnangeredhima
ndhetoldmethatI’msomeoneimpossibletocarryona
conversationwith.Itoldhimthathewasregressingtothewayhetreated
mewhenIwasachild.Hethensaid,‘Whenisyourattitudegoingtochan
ge?Areyougoingtoevergrowup?’ItoldhimIwas
tryingbutfeltthathewastoodemandinginhisexpectationsofmymatu
rity.Asusual,mymotherwaseatingwithoutsayinganything.”
2.
Usingtheprocessapproach,identifyeachofthephasesofthecon�lict
communicationcycleinthefollowingnarrative(prelude,triggeringe
vent,initiation,differentiation,andresolution).
“TherearefoursecretarieswhereIwork.Twoofushavethesametitleb
ecausewearedesignatedasthecompany‘president’ssecretaries’and
partofourjobistomanagethework�lowfortheentire
teamoffour.MycoworkerandIhavetocometomanyagreementsabout
phoneschedules,workschedules,meetingsdates,andlunchschedule
s.Webothtrytocomeupwithideasofourowntoputto
usefortheteam,andattimeswehavehadarguments.Wecansometimes
cometoanagreementanduseoneortheother’sideas.
Recently,heandImettotalkaboutournewlunchschedulebecausewe
wentfromsixsecretariesdowntofourafterlayoffs.Webothcameupwi
thourideasonhowtoworklunchschedulesandphone
coverage.HelikedhisideaandIlikedmine,butthistimewereallydidn’
twanttousetheotherperson’sideas.Afterafewroundsofrethinkingw
hattodo,we�inallymadeanewscheduletogether.We
neededtoworktogetherinordertoseethatthereweretimesthattheothe
rwasmissingandunfairnessincertainareasofphonecoverage.Wehad
todotheschedule�ivetimestogetitright.Itsounds
aloteasier,butit’snot.Everyonegetsadayoffphonesbutstillhastocov
erphonesduringlunchtime,evenifit’sherorhisdayoffbecausewedon
’thaveenoughpeople.Twopeoplegotolunchat12
pmandtwogoat1pmandwhenyouaren’tatlunchyoucoverphones.We
hadtoswaptimesthroughtheweektomakesureatleasttwodaysaweekt
wopeoplearegoingtolunchat12andthat
everyonehasachancetogotolunchwithadifferentpersonatleastoned

72. ayaweek.Wow,whataprojectitturnedouttobe,butwe�inallygotawo
rkingscheduleinplace,afterwedidittogether.”
DiscussIt
1. Readthefollowingcon�lictnarrativeandinagroupof5–
7colleaguesanswerthequestionsfollowingit.
“Therearethreeofuspresentlylivingtogether.Thecon�lictiswithan
ex-
roommatewholivedwithtwoofuslastsemester.Shemovedinwithafri
endforthefreeroomandboard.Sometimesshe
decidesshedoesn’twanttodrivethe12mileshome,soshestaysthenig
htwithus.Thiswentonjustabouteverynightlastweek.Whenhere,she
woremyclotheseveryday(withoutasking�irst),slept
onourcouch(whichgaveusnoplacetostudy),ateourfood,andusedour
personalitemslikeshampooandmakeup.I�inallyhadenoughwhens
hewalkedbymeafterclasswearingmybrandnewwool
coatwiththesleevesrolledupandsaid,‘Hi!I’mwearingyourcoat!’Ido
n’tmindifpeopleborrowmyclothes,butIpreferthattheyask�irstand
thatIgetthembackintheconditionIlentthem.Also,I’d
likeitifshewouldplanwhensheisspendingthenightsoshecouldbring
herownclothes,makeup,andfood.Asthesayinggoes,‘IloveherbutIc
an’taffordtokeepher!’Afteraweekofthis,I�inally
haditwithherandreallyblewup!Iscreamedandyelledather,andshebu
rstintotears,packedup,andleft.Itfeltgoodlettingoffallthatpent-
upanger,butIsomehowwishithadn’tworkedoutthis
way.”
Asawaytoapplywhatyoulearnedfromreadingthischapter,afterreadi
ngtheabovecasestudy,participateinaclassdiscussionbyansweringt
hequestionsbelow:
a.
Howwouldyouapplytheauthor’sde�initionofinterpersonalcon�li
cttothisnarrative?