Becoming a mother has an enormous impact on a woman's body, relationships, identity and goals, and l...

1. Transitioning from Career to Crib
Becoming a mother has an enormous impact on a woman's body, relationships, identity and goals,
and leaving the workforce to become a full-time stay at home parent can be just as tumultuous.
No matter what the motherhood culture suggests, every woman adapts to the transition to home in
her own way. Yet, mothers who move from the boardroom to the baby's room can make the
emotional transition smoother with these suggestions:
Accept That Staying at Home Brings Massive Changes Similar to Motherhood
Nina Barrett, author of I Wished Someone Had Told Me: A Realistic Guide to Early Motherhood,
compares the motherhood transition to child birth, writing, "Just as my body had stretched and
ached to bear this child, so my whole life, my relationships, my ambitions and my self-image, would
have to rework itself around the baby's presence."
Having a baby does change everything. Every aspect of a woman's life is abruptly pulled apart and
reorganized to create a new normal, add leaving a career to the physical and emotional
responsibilities of motherhood and many women experience an identity crisis of huge proportion. To
ease the transition it's helpful for mothers to have a paradigm shift, a radical change in how they
view the expectations of motherhood and being at home. To begin, mothers can avoid focusing on
how they "should" feel and instead simply acknowledge and accept how they do feel.
Parents Must Make Paradigm Shifts: Transition Doesn't Feel Same for Every Mom
Despite the popular belief that all mothers eventually adapt to being home full-time, parents aren't
robots, they're individuals. Not every mother enjoys the day to day domesticity that replaces the
mental stimulation she might have felt with a career. Yet if a mother is completely honest with
herself, avoiding comparing how she actually feels to how other mothers say they feel, if she tries to
stop fitting some unrealistic motherhood "mold," she'll ease some anxiety and frustration during her
transition.
While a mother's aunt, sister, friend or neighbor might seem to be swimming in domestic bliss at
home with their kids, some mothers never feel entirely satisfied after they leave the workforce. It's
critically important for mothers to avoid defining "a good mother" by the degree to which they like
being at home. A mother's love isn't quantifiable according to how much she enjoys being at home
versus how much she enjoys spending time at her job, with friends, her spouse, alone, etc.
It's natural for people, and stay at home mothers are no exception, to intuitively crave balance in
their life. Human dynamics are simply too complex to pigeon hole people with rules like "It takes one
year to transition to being a stay at home mom," or "All stay at home mothers eventually feel so
grateful that they can be at home, that the negatives disappear."
Parents Should Become Introspective and Evaluate Needs
It's helpful for stay at home mothers to become introspective, conducting for example, their own
internal "climate control" survey, a concept often used by corporations to gauge their employee's

2. overall satisfaction. Mothers can ask themselves the following, answering honestly and avoiding
weighing their responses against how they think other parents might respond:
Are you content at home full time? If not, why?
Are you content being alone with the kids most days or do you crave more adult interaction?
Would you like to return to the workplace in some capacity? If so, when?
Do you feel fulfilled emotionally?
Do you have any psychological or physical distress as a result of chronic illness, anxiety or
depression? Are you seeking help?
Do you receive regular emotional and physical (caregiving, errands etc.) support from your spouse,
family and friends?
Would you change anything in your circumstances? If so, what?
Mothers need to dig deep and to discard the notion that acknowledging and accepting their
individual needs is somehow "selfish" and will hurt their family. A happy family includes a happy
mother, period.
Co-parents Compromise to Make Practical Changes
Co-parenting goes beyond sharing child care, it means couples work together to share, equally or in
a manner mutually acceptable, all the responsibilities in running a home. Parents are more likely to
create a cohesive family when they make it a habit to discuss their feelings, then make changes in
their life as feelings and circumstances change. A mother might for example, want more time to
herself during the week and ask to budget for an afternoon baby-sitter, or she might want more help
with the kids at night when Dad wants to relax. Dad might want a monthly date night or need to feel
more involved in decisions about the kids. Either way, everyone's opinion counts.
Mom might consider asking Dad to come home from work early once a week, asking family and
friends for help, working from home or returning to the workplace in some capacity. Parents might
create a baby-sitting co-op by posting flyers at their church, pre-school or child-parent activity
center, or she might want to take night classes to earn a degree in a new field, organize a
neighborhood walking club or joining an affordable gym that offers childcare. The idea is to for both
parents to listen to the other, and to find practical compromises.
Find Parenting Groups
Connecting with other parents is key to making a smoother transition, and one size mom's group
doesn't fit all. While one parent group might appeal to at-home mothers, another might attract
working mothers, Christians, single parents, mothers of color etc.
Parents can network through their church, Mommy and Me classes, online, the library, with
neighbors or friends. Mothers are more likely to adapt to the transition to home when they join at
least one circle of parents, possibly one that mirrors their personal view of how motherhood and life
"fit" together. This isn't to suggest only "like-minded" mothers can connect easily, but it is rewarding
to find parents who share similar perspectives (e.g. Mothers & More, La Leche, Moms Club, Mocha

3. Moms, MOPS, Moms of Multiples).
Making the transition to a full time stay at home mother is a challenging change in life that is often
idealized by society. While mothers at home might appreciate the opportunity, the experience
doesn't necessarily feel the same for every woman. When stay at home mothers accept that the
transition from the baby to the boardroom isn't necessarily a cookie cutter experience, when they
regularly communicate with their partner how they feel and make changes in their circumstances as
needed, they're more likely to adapt and enjoy being at home full time .