My entry for the Goodreads Challenge, a story told in powerpoint inspired by A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan.

1. by Kendra Perchant Criminal Consultation

2. My job

3. My non-job life

4. How I got here

5. The Elements of Larceny, or,Our lovely neighbors Taking of property Like the mail from my mailbox A felony crime in every state Without consent The reason I don’t get mail delivered at home. With intent to steal Like to cash the unemployment checks our roommate gets. (I could never prove it was them.) No force or threats necessary Just sneaking around when we’re not home

6. Monday morning.

7. Scott

8. The Project

9. My daily work

10. My Dilemma

11. Things My Boss Says Sometimes “You’re wearing your hair down today. It looks so much more feminine that way.” “Sometimes I don’t know who I would be more lost without—you or my wife.” “You’re too old to have babies now, right?” “Be a sweetheart and pay these parking tickets for me, won’t you?” “You should wear your glasses more often. They make you look like you’re smart.” “You remind me of a girl I slept with in college once.”

12. How we got here

13. The Elements of Fraudulent Misrepresentation Misrepresentation of a material fact “These people know what they’re doing.” Knowledge that it is false or baseless He’s a liar, not an idiot. He knows we’re terrible. Intent to induce someone “Trust me, you should really give them a try.” Causation (they actually rely on the information) They signed up with us that week. Justifiable reliance (their reliance was reasonable) How were they supposed to know? Damages (actual monetary loss) Why upfront payment is always a terrible idea.

14. Why we are in trouble

15. The Conference Call

16. Fun Facts about Theft and Embezzlement Theft is the taking of the property of another that never belongs to you. Embezzlement is the fraudulent conversion of personal property that you have lawfully in your possession (but is not yours.) Examples: The pens I swipe from the supply closet Alistair’s sandwich that I took from the communal fridge Examples: My boss paying for lottery tickets with petty cash Falsifying time sheets and expense reports to keep retainers paid by clients

17. Jobs I have applied for recently

18. It would be the perfect job. I should hear back any day… … I should have heard back any day… … They would still notify me if I didn’t get it, I think… … Maybe I should call?

19. Tuesday He is “with a client.” I am not supposed to tell his wife. It may be several hours. My boss is having lunch downtown. At 2:30pm, he calls the office. “I’m going to be running late for the client meeting.” “Scan the notes and email them to me.” “Can you grab my notes from the top drawer?” “And text me the address?”

20. My Boss’s Desk Parking Tickets Junk Mail Doodles of Cactus Plants Dirty tissues Candy Bar Wrappers Interoffice Memos Past Due Utility Bills And a letter, addressed to me. From the legal services agency. Dated three weeks ago.

21. Defenses to Most Crimes, or, Innocent Until Proven Guilty But I know the truth.

22. Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress An act by a defendant amounting to extreme and outrageous conduct; Intent or recklessness; Causation; and Damages – severe emotional distress.

23. Reactions I Briefly Consider crying screaming Trashing the office Running home to Scott Throwing up Throwing things Calling the client Calling his wife Calling the police Marching down to the restaurant

24. I make a different decision.

25. Wednesday

26. Lanseco Company Kick-Off Welcome! Meet the Team What we do How we do it Our path together Braywood Consulting For Your Future

27. Welcome! We are excited to work with Lanseco to build a better foundation for tomorrow. But not half as excited as we are about what you’ll pay. Lanseco has a long history of providing quality products and services to a dedicated customer base. Despite your old-fashioned technology and inability to keep profits up. Braywood is here to make sure that the good parts of Lanseco can secure the future of the company for everyone involved. At least as long as it takes to convince you it wasn’t our fault when you inevitably declare bankruptcy. Braywood Consulting For Your Future

28. Meet the Team Jerry Braywood, Founder Old fart, barely around anymore. We put him out to pasture but parade him in front of clients like you to impress them. Nick Freemore, Partner and Executive VP This is me, the jackass. I cheat on my wife, treat my employees like dirt, and lie through my teeth to all my clients. Alistair McGovern, Senior Associate I never really talk to this guy. We just hired him so we could pretend we had diversity. Kendra Perchant, Associate My personal slave who deserves so much better than being constantly stepped on by me. Braywood Consulting For Your Future

30. What We Do (cont.) We bring you the complete package! Notice how this chart doesn’t have any numbers? And doesn’t actually mean anything? Total lie Braywood Consulting For Your Future

32. Vague billing practices

33. Lack of any concrete metric to judge our progress

34. Using words you don’t understand so you don’t ask questions

35. Lying

36. Sticking around just long enough to get paidBraywood Consulting For Your Future

38. you’re a terrible person

39. I deserve betterBraywood Consulting For Your Future

40. In Conclusion I quit. Sincerely, Kendra PS. I didn’t tell your wife you were at lunch with another woman yesterday. I told her you were secretly buying her a brand new car, and you were bringing it home today. I think she’s expecting a Lexus. You’re welcome.