http://jordantherapy.com/ A discerning heart is a loving heart. Choose your words very carefully with a gentle heart and a loving spirit this Valentines Day and every day.

1. Gentle Words For You
On Valentine's Day

2. George Carlin gave a talk significantly
about words in his comedy acts. You can
find much truth of the matter to his belief
that what we choose is a bad or good word
is typically arbitrary and makes no sense.
Individuals can in general agree on words
that hurt, but why don't you consider words
that induce or are made to help make
somebody wrong bad or not good enough?
Knowing these words and modifying them, may also help your interpersonal
relationships be a little more caring. In addition, since we all speak with
ourselves, sometimes called, “self talk” or affirmations, what you say to yourself
really matters too.
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3. Provoking words are usually
judgmental words that are set up
to try and get yourself or someone
else, feel wrong, bad or not
suitable, deliberately or not.
Below are a few examples:
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4. 1. SHOULD
Remember every one of the times you may remember a person letting
you know that you “should” do something. We get to hear this day by day
from mates, fellow workers, mom and dad, partners, or significant
others. Are you able to recall one time that the word made you feel really
good? Examples: “You should be a much better person.” “I should hang
out with my kids.” “I should exercise more.” “You should drive somewhat
slower honey.” Can you see the feeling that this word creates in you?
Recognize that this doesn't feel good. When talking with yourself or
others you might feel better by changing the word could or would for the
word should or if you may even rebuild the concept all together to be
nonjudgmental. Should is a judgment word that creates someone wrong
and won't feel great no matter how you use it.
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5. 2. WHY
Once we use the word why we frequently are putting ourselves or a
different person in a defensive position. It is implying that you need
to defend yourself. Should it feel good to defend yourself? Does it
feel good any time you make someone else defend themselves? We
can make inquiries that will not induce feeling of defense. Examples:
“Why did you do that?” “Why did you hurt me?” “Why can’t you see
what your doing?” How about, “I would wish to understand you
better.” “What I hear you saying.” “I feel there might be a
unawareness.” How do those statements have you feeling?
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6. 3. YOU
Quite often once we use the word you we are defining a
person, or leading a person. Examples: “You are a bad…”,
“When are you going to…”,“You think you’re so smart…” Use
the word I or We as frequently as you can. This normally places
the responsibility back on yourselves or produces shared
obligation and has a tendency to maintain individuals not on
the defensive which is a place you wouldn't like to be in a
relationship.
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7. As an alternative to Always or Never use Sometimes.
“You always do that to me!” vs. “Sometimes that bothers me.”
Most often while we are talking to an individual and informing
them they always or never take action we are using an
absolute that is not true but made to make the other person
wrong, shut them down, leave competition or defensiveness.
None of these form trust and intimacy in a relationship with
someone else or with ourselves.
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8. 4. FAULT
Fault is a word which makes a feeling that for most, does not feel
good. Liability is often a better way of revealing someone’s
choice then using Fault. Fault implies that you possess the
power to make someone wrong. Any time you hear the word
Fault, does not that feel horrible? "It was your fault that you left
the windows open, now everything is wet!” Vs. “It was your
obligation to close the car windows.”
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9. No one wants to be intimate or vulnerable to anyone they are
in competition with. That seems like a battle. When we judge
we put another or ourselves in the unhealthy position of being
wrong, bad or not good enough. When we trigger someone
that we love, who are we really hurting? The response are
available by picking up a mirror.
A discerning heart is a loving heart. Choose your words very
carefully with a gentle heart and a loving spirit this Valentines
Day and every day.
http://jordantherapy.com/
http://LewisJamesJordan.com

10. Dr Jordan focuses on a vast majority of
psychological disorders in his Florida therapy
practice and he specializes in Anxiety Disorders,
Depression, PTSD, Anger Management, Personality
Disorders, Addiction therapy, Couples and Marriage
Counseling and others. Please visit his sites regularly,
http://JordanTherapy.com and
http://LewisJamesJordan.com for more information.