Bridging the gendergap muse 2012

Intergender
Communica0on

www.musecommunication.com

Objective

To
improve
communication
between
men
and
women


Outline

1.  Why
do
we
need
to
know
this?

2.  XX
and
XY:
where
are
the
diﬀerences

3.  Value
systems,
social
drivers,
processing

4.  He
said,
she
said:
communication
styles

5.  Non-‐verbal
communication

6.  Communication
strategies
at
work


Guidelines
before
we
begin….

1.  Have
an
open
mind

2.  Respect
both
genders

3.  Be
realistic

4.  Have
a
sense
of
humor….


Gender
intelligence:
why
is
it
important?


…to
avoid
communication
breakdown

“She
talks
so
much”

“He
does
not
listen”

“He
tells
me
what
to
d
o”

“She
doesn’t
understand”

“He
doesn’t
care”

“He
doesn’t
communicate”


XX
and
XY:
where
is
the
diﬀerence?


What
shapes
us?

Evolutionary
Psychology

=
human
behavior
incorporates
the
eﬀects
of
evolution.

Diﬀerent
gender
roles
lead
to
changes
in:

• 

brain
structure

• 

cognitive
mechanisms

• 

behavior


Gender
on
the
playground:
boys

Laying
the
foundations
for
gender
role
expectations


Gender
on
the
playground:
girls

Laying
the
foundations
for
gender
role
expectations


…and
in
adulthood

“Feminine”
associated
with

•  attractive

•  unassertive

•  emotional

•  nurturing

•  concerned
about
relationships

=
reactive
and
responsive

“Masculine”
associated
with

•  strong,

•  unemotional

•  aggressive

•  brave

•  successful

=
active
and
independent

12

Men
and
Women:

how
they
view
the
world


Group
positioning

Men
Women

Hierarchical
thinking:

Relational
thinking:

“Fight
or
Flight”

“Tend
and
befriend”

14

Social
drivers:
men
value…

Hierarchical
needs

•  Independence

•  Power

•  Accomplishments


“I
win”


and
women
value…

Aﬃliative
needs

•  Communication

•  Connection

•  Relationships


“Someone
like
me”


BUT
traditional
gender
roles
are
blurring…


He
said,
she
said:
communication
styles


Why
do
men
&
women
talk?

Women

TALK
=
CONNECTION

Articulate
the
process
of
thinking

“RAPPORT
TALKING”

Men

TALK
=
CONVEY
POSITION,
STATUS

Wait
to
talk
until
they
have
the
answer,
then

announce
it.


“REPORT
TALKING”

Information
processing
&
social
currencies

Information processing

Men - spotlight Women - floodlight

Thinking: Thinking:
Focused, analytical, linear, logical Distributed, connected

Social currency: Social currency:
Facts, figures, features Stories, personal details


Truisms
of
men….

ü View
question
asking
as
a
sign
of
weakness

ü Compete
for
leadership

ü Cut
to
the
chase

Strengths
Associated
with
Men

at

Work

•  Goal
orientation

•  Tangible
accomplishments

•  Problem
solving

•  Responsiveness
to
challenge


Truisms
of
women….

ü Ask
a
lot
of
questions

ü Use
stories
about
home
or
relationships

ü Want
to
establish
relationships

ü Like
to
tell
and
hear
stories,
push
for
details

Strengths
Associated
with
Women

at

Work

•  Harmony,
balance,
creativity

•  Teamwork
and
collaboration

•  Detail
oriented
–
multi-‐tasking
&
project
management


Around
the
table…


Non-‐verbal
communication
in
the
spotlight


Reading
non-‐verbal
clues

-‐

a
quick
test
-‐

27

Question
1:
personal
space

We
see
a
woman's
personal
space
invaded
by
three
other
people.
What
will
happen?

a.
She
will
ask
them
to
sit
somewhere
else

b.
She
will
stare
at
the
space
“invaders”
deﬁantly
but
will
not
move

c.
She
will
leave,
saying
nothing
to
the
three
people

28
Answer:
C

Question
2:
body
language

Who
won
the
game
of
one-‐on-‐one
basketball?

a.  The
man
on
the
left

b.  The
man
on
the
right

Answer:
B

29

Question
3:
facial
expression

Who
is
the
woman
talking
to
on
the
phone?

a.  A
female
friend
she
has
known
for
a
long
time

b.  A
male
friend
she
has
known
for
a
long
time

30
Answer:
B

Question
4:
facial
expression

Is
this
woman
smiling
with
genuine
warmth
or
concealed
irritation?

a.  Genuine
warmth

b.  Concealed
irritation

Answer:
B

31

Importance
of
non-‐verbal
comms

!Did you know?
When words and body language are in conflict, women ignore the words!


Example:
spotting
a
lie

As
we
mature,
our
body
language
becomes
more

subtle
and
harder
to
read

A
child
telling
a
lie…
A
teenager
telling
a
lie…
An
adult
telling
a
lie


Diﬀerences
in
non-‐verbal
communication

Skill

•  Women:
more
adapt
at
reading
non-‐verbal
clues

•  Men:
send
more
non-‐verbal
signals
/
not
as
aware
of
the
non-‐verbal
clues
they
send

Proximity

•  Men:
prefer
face-‐to-‐face
position

•  Women:
comfortable
side-‐by-‐side

•  Women:
take
up
less
personal
space

Gestures

•  Men:
use
their
hands
more

•  Women:
use
more
subtle
body
language
(e.g.
lowering
eyes
when
confronted)

Eye
contact
&
facial
expression

•  Women:
make
more
eye
contact
(reason:
seek
emotional
connection)

•  Women:
use
eye
contact
to
gauge
sincerity
of
others

•  Men:
make
eye
contact
with
the
person
they
talk
to

•  Women:
make
eye
contact
with
the
person
they
listen
to

•  Women:
smile
more
à
AND
more
likely
to
be
interrupted
when
they
smile

•  Women:
use
more
facial
expressions.
(Men
hide
emotions
better)

•  Women:
emotionally
more
expressive
than
men,
except
for
anger.


Communication
strategies
at
work


First,
some
examples…

36

Gender
at
work:
researched
diﬀerences

Managing:

MEN
–
more
careful
critisising
upward
(the
boss)

WOMEN
–
more
careful
critising
downward

Indirect
when

MEN:
admitting
mistakes

WOMEN:
when
telling
others
what
to
do

Equality:

MEN:
emphasise
pecking
order
in
their
behaviour,
women
minimise
it

Requests:

MEN:
give
commands,

WOMEN:
make
requests

TALKING
(changing
the
subject)

MEN:
ﬁnish
one
topic,
then
move
to
the
next

WOMEN:
switch
and
change
between
topics

37

Gender
at
work:
researched
differences

Problem
solving:

MEN:
don’t
verbalise
thought
process

WOMEN:
discuss
to
solve

Feedback:

MEN:
direct
&
blunt

WOMEN:
more
tactful
&
sensitive

Asking
questions:

MEN:
ask
questions
to
get
information

WOMEN:
ask
questions
to
gather
information
AND
to
form
a
relationship

Talking:

MEN:
report,
talk
more,
interrupt

WOMEN:
rapport
talk,
wait
their
turn,
exchange
stories
and
avoid
conflict
because
it
affects

the
relationship

38

And
some
tips…

39

3
easy
ways
to
improve
non-‐verbal
skills

•  Tone
of
voice

•  Mirror

•  Active
listening


Communication
tips
for
women

Men
Move to solutions and problem solving right away
Place value on ability to achieve results
Focus on facts & statistics
Share stories to “one up” each other
Take up physical space

Strategy for Women
à  Don’t “process out loud”
à  Present arguments in a linear way
à  Watch your language! Facts & figures, “I think…” versus “I feel…”
à  Get to the point
à  Don’t allow interruptions
à  Give conclusion to your argument
à  Take up space

To
conclude:

•  Don’t
stereotype
all
men
or
all
women.
Use
your
intuition!

•  Observe
.
Watch
and
adapt
your
style
to
suit
the
situation

•  Take
more
space
–
verbally
and
physically….But
don’t
try
to
“be
one
of
the
boys”

–
women
are
often
punished
for
this.

•  Stand
strong,
conﬁdent
and
calm
as
a
woman
between
men.


Thank
you


Bridging the gendergap muse 2012

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