8 Controversy Analysis: In-Laws’ Relationship Tuesday, October 23, 2012 Among the world, the in-laws’ relationships become the most difficult one to be managed, especially for mother/ daughter in-laws relationship. In-laws’ relationship is the relationship between one’s spouse’s family members with the newcomers; there are three main in-laws’ relationship: mother/father in-law (parents in- law), sibling in-law, and children in-law. In allusion to the different in-law’s relationship, there are different variables affect each of them. People who have a hard time dealing with in-laws’ relationship directly influence the harmony of a whole family. In order to get a clear understanding of the in-laws’ problem, a family issue conference being held by a few credible family communication researchers: Carolyn M. Prentice, researches at University of Missouri. Christine Rittenour, researches at West Virginia University. Tim Dun, researches at Brock University. Yi Song and Yang Bing Zhang are research at Beijing Foreign Language University. They are here to attempt to answer the question of, what is the most effective factor influencing the in- laws’ relationship? According to Carolyn M. Prentice’s research, she wants to find out “how in-laws are assimilated into the family group as newcomers (Carolyn, page.74).” As her result shows that the most troubling relationship is mother- in- law, and the main reason that each family has conflict with female newcomer is because the newcomer tend to break the original routine of the family. The family routine is the history of daily habit for a family. For instance, when you are going to have a family party or which place the family always goes together. When there is newcomer, the family routine is going to change or broke. The in-laws’ relationship even the family relationship are tied to how the newcomer or how family members response to the change. This change is also related to the ontological security of the family. People who married with a similar routine’s person tend to have less conflict with in-law’s relationship. For newcomers, those who accept the new family routine are more success when they deal with the conflict of spouse’s family. That is, based on Carolyn M. Prentice’s presentation there are two important factors which influence the in-law’s relationship, family routine and newcomers’ assimilation. People tend to have a harmony relationship and being assimilated more easily in the future when both the spouses’ family and newcomer try to accept the differences in both family routine. In conclusion, Prentice believes assimilation and family routine are the most important factors influence the in-law’s relationship. Same as Carolyn M. Prentice, Rittenour also think mother in-law is the toughest relationship exists in a family, and she presents a different idea about mother in-law’s relationship. She finds that the expectation and satisfaction of communication pattern affect the relationship betw.

1. 8
Controversy Analysis: In-Laws’ Relationship
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Among the world, the in-laws’ relationships become the most
difficult one to be managed, especially for mother/ daughter in-
laws relationship. In-laws’ relationship is the relationship
between one’s spouse’s family members with the newcomers;
there are three main in-laws’ relationship: mother/father in-law
(parents in- law), sibling in-law, and children in-law. In
allusion to the different in-law’s relationship, there are different
variables affect each of them. People who have a hard time
dealing with in-laws’ relationship directly influence the
harmony of a whole family. In order to get a clear
understanding of the in-laws’ problem, a family issue
conference being held by a few credible family communication
researchers: Carolyn M. Prentice, researches at University of
Missouri. Christine Rittenour, researches at West Virginia
University. Tim Dun, researches at Brock University. Yi Song
and Yang Bing Zhang are research at Beijing Foreign Language
University. They are here to attempt to answer the question of,
what is the most effective factor influencing the in- laws’
relationship?
According to Carolyn M. Prentice’s research, she wants to find
out “how in-laws are assimilated into the family group as
newcomers (Carolyn, page.74).” As her result shows that the
most troubling relationship is mother- in- law, and the main
reason that each family has conflict with female newcomer is
because the newcomer tend to break the original routine of the
family. The family routine is the history of daily habit for a
family. For instance, when you are going to have a family party
or which place the family always goes together. When there is
newcomer, the family routine is going to change or broke. The
in-laws’ relationship even the family relationship are tied to
how the newcomer or how family members response to the

2. change. This change is also related to the ontological security of
the family. People who married with a similar routine’s person
tend to have less conflict with in-law’s relationship. For
newcomers, those who accept the new family routine are more
success when they deal with the conflict of spouse’s family.
That is, based on Carolyn M. Prentice’s presentation there are
two important factors which influence the in-law’s relationship,
family routine and newcomers’ assimilation. People tend to
have a harmony relationship and being assimilated more easily
in the future when both the spouses’ family and newcomer try to
accept the differences in both family routine. In conclusion,
Prentice believes assimilation and family routine are the most
important factors influence the in-law’s relationship.
Same as Carolyn M. Prentice, Rittenour also think mother in-
law is the toughest relationship exists in a family, and she
presents a different idea about mother in-law’s relationship. She
finds that the expectation and satisfaction of communication
pattern affect the relationship between daughter and mother in-
law. Before marriage, both newcomer and spouse’s parents are
going to have an expectation about what is this new family
going to be. The most sensitive expectation will be how to
communicate with the newcomer or the spouse’s parents. When
the expectation face the reality and lower than the reality, the
conflict will come up. Same as satisfaction, lower satisfaction
will bring the conflict between mother/daughter in-law’s
relationships.
Rittenour did a research by collected data from 624 of people
who have different race, different mother in law’s age and
different frequency stay with their mother in law. All the
participants also chosen from different chat group who is
interested in the family/in-laws’ relationship. The participants
fill out an online survey about family communication and
functioning first, and then the author collect all the date and
analysis them.
Throughout the research, first she finds that: “Daughter-in-law
standards for mother-in-law communication (supportive

3. communication and family disclosure) will be positively
associated with daughter-in-law relational satisfaction and
shared family identity with the mother-in-law (Rittenour, 102).”
Then she continued with her second research which is “The
absolute discrepancy between mother-in-law communication
(supportive communication and family disclosure) and
daughter-in-law standards for mother-in-law communication
will be positively associated with daughter-in-law relational
satisfaction and shared family identity with her mother-in-law
(Rittenour 103).” Based on the result this research was
confirmed. The last hypothesis is “valance discrepancies
between mother-in-law communication (supportive
communication and family disclosure) and daughter-in-law
standards for mother-in-law communication will be positively
associated with daughter-in-law relational satisfaction and
shared family identity with her mother-in-law (Rittenour, 103).”
This also was confirmed by the data analysis. She also finds
that “overall, the unmet ideals and – in regard to supportive
communication – the discrepancy evaluations hypotheses have
the greatest associations (Rittenour, 103).”
Rittenour presents that the satisfaction of supportive
communication from mother in law and the family disclosure
are the most factors associate with daughter in law and mother
in law’s relationship. If people want to improve the in law’s
relationship, then they need to understand and accept the
standard of communication both from the view of mother in law
and daughter in law. On the other hand, due to the satisfaction
and expectation are related to the individual, without an
openness self-disclosure, it is hard to know other’s thought.
And that is why mother in law and daughter in law’s
relationship is the most challenge relationship in a family due to
their non-closeness relationship. All in all, Rittenour believes
that the expectation and satisfaction of communication pattern
is the most effective factor influencing the in- laws’
relationship
Different from all the other researchers, Yi Song and Yang Bing

4. Zhang present a third party that always involved in the mother/
daughter in laws’ relationship- husband. The husband styles of
solving the conflict between his wife and mother directly
influenced the in-law’s relationship. The most efficiently and
always be used style is problem- solving style, remaining are
accommodating, avoiding, and competing style.
The author researches at Beijing Foreign Language University,
and collected data from 287 participants. All the participants
were being asked about their background and impression
memories about in-laws’ relationships first, and then took the
survey which contained five different variables that related to
their six hypothesis. The five variables that Song and Zhang
present are “Husband’s conflict styles, Filial piety, Shared
family identity with in-law, Husband’s communication
appropriateness and effectiveness, and Relational satisfaction.”
Then they build up six hypotheses, some of hypothesis are being
confirmed by the result. For instance, “Hypothesis 1: From the
daughter-in-law’s perspective, the husband’s use of the
problem-solving and accommodating styles will be positively
associated with her judgments of the husband’s communication
appropriateness and effectiveness, as well as her relational
satisfaction with the husband and the mother-in-law, and
Hypothesis 2: From the daughter-in-law’s perspective, the
husband’s use of the competing and avoiding styles will be
negatively associated with her judgments of the husband’s
communication appropriateness and effectiveness, as well as her
relational satisfaction with the husband and the mother-in-law
(Yang, & Zhang, 68).” From these two hypotheses, the author
mentioned that husband is the intermediate in daughter/ mother
in-law’s relationship, the way the husband chooses for the
conflict will directly influence “the end”. According to Yang, &
Zhang, the third parties not only refer in particularly to
husband, but also for the other family members. However,
husband is the significant role for reduce the conflict between
mother and daughter in-law’s relationship. That is, they believe
that husband is the most effective factor influencing the in-

5. laws’ relationship.
Since all the conflicts have to happen in certain time, Tim Dun
also being invited to the conference to explain the conflict time
points. Tim Dun research at Brock University collects data from
23 participants that are volunteered. As Dun present that this
study is for state the phenomenon happened in the reality.
According to Dun, the more positive or friendly one’s attitude is
the more harmony the intergenerational relationship tends to be.
From the table result, the face- threatening and conflict have the
most negative influence on satisfaction, and disclosure and
celebration has the most positive influence. Dun comprehended
that pregnancy is the external turning point for most family,
which followed by the communication pattern change and
family statues change. He claimed “The data remind us that
birth is not simply a biological event. It is also symbolic,
relying on sense-making by parents and their social networks,
including families (Dun, 204).” That is, Dun realize that a new
born baby also can be the most effective factor influencing the
in- laws’ relationship. However, it is not about the baby-self,
the real influence is the reaction of surrounding individuals.
After all four researchers give their opinion on the facts of what
is the most effective factor influencing the in- laws’
relationship? An institution post their records about the
common problems exist in in-laws’ relationship: “no room to
breathe, disapproval, putting you down, intrusion, irritating
behavior, and family gatherings.” They also speaks “There are
no quick fixes to making the in-laws the support network you
wish they were. But you can take a step closer to this vision
with the following tips: acceptance, united team, rules,
communication, proves yourself, your own space; allow some
leeway and further help.” They believe do our best to fight for
the cause, will have to pay a return on a person's value depends
on what his contribution!
As a conclusion, Tim Dun mentioned again that pregnancy is
the external turning point for both families, so people should
pay more attention on that time. Carolyn M. Prentice agree with

6. Tim Dun’s opinion, and also repeat that family routine and
newcomers’ assimilation are really important in the beginning
stage of daughter/ mother in-law’s relationship, and will
definitely influence the future family relationship too. While
Christine Rittenour sticks to her point that expectation and
satisfaction is the derivation of the conflict, because without an
expectation there won’t be disappointed, then there are not any
conflict exists. Yi Song and Yang Bing Zhang sum up their
ideas said, the third party is the main factors to keep the
balance in daughter/ mother in-law’s relationship; lead by the
intermediate role that has to be the problem solver, husband.
All in all, after people listen to all the possibilities which
can affect the in-laws’ relationship, maintain a happy
relationship with all the family members is not an easy thing to
do. Although all the researchers have their own opinion about
what is the most effective factor influencing the in- laws’
relationship, but they mentioned a same springboard: try to see
things from the other person’s perspective, If you empathize
with that person, you may realize that he or she was acting out
of ignorance, fear, even love.
Reference
Carolyn M. Prentice. “The Assimilation of In- Laws: The
Impact of Newcomers on the Communication Routines of
Families.” Journal of Family Communication (2008): 74-97.
Print
Christine Rittenour. “Daughter-in-law Standards for Mother In-
law Communication: Associations with Daughter-in-law
Perceptions of Relational Satisfaction and Shared Family

7. Identity.” Journal of Family Communication (2012): 93-110.
Print
Tim, Dun. "Turning Points in Parent-grandparent Relationships
during the Start of a New Generation." Journal of Family
Communication (2010): 194-210. Print.
"The In-Laws." The In-Laws. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Oct. 2012.
http://www.basmt.org.uk/common-relationship-problems/in-
laws.html
Yi Song, Yang Bing Zhang. “Husbands’ Conflict Styles in
Chinese Mother/Daughter-in-law Conflicts: Daughters-in-law’s
Perspectives.” Journal of Family Communication (2012): 57-74.
Prin
Peer Review – persuasive letter – final checklist
Before handing this paper in, please go over the following
questions. If you have addressed everything listed here
correctly, there is no doubt that you will do well on this paper.
1. Does author clearly and immediately explain what the
controversy is? The intro should introduce controversy by
explaining all sides, followed by what stance you are taking,
followed by a short list of reasons (each reason will be
explained in it’s own body paragraph – see question 9).
2. Does the author explain why this specific person is being
addressed?
3. Is this the proper person to receive this letter?
4. Does the author make proper use of citations for all quotes
and paraphrases?
5. Does the author fairly treat all sides, while at the same time
clearly point to a specific requested action to address the issue?
6. What kind of suggestions/comments/questions do you have
that will help the author?
7. Please also consider spelling and grammar mistakes as you
proof read.
8. Does author correctly cite all sources with in-text citations
and a bibliography? (4-6 sources for this paper)
9. Does letter follow a cohesive organizational structure? An

8. example of a body paragraph after your intro, for example,
should contain: 1) a topic sentence addressing one aspect of your
argument, 2) evidence to support this claim (quote,
paraphrase…etc), and 3) an explanation tying your evidence to
your topic, and transitioning to the next.
10. Does author conclude by summing up reasons pointed out in
body paragraphs in a unique way, followed by a “call to action.”
Is call to action fully explained, specific, and achievable by the
person being addressed? How so?
11. Does author respectfully thank this person for their time and
sign their name at the end?
12. One last thing, although it is not required, I do encourage
you to send this letter. If you get a response back, please let me
know!