Create an 8- to 10-slide presentation, including detailed speaker .docx

Create
an 8- to 10-slide presentation, including detailed speaker notes,
based on the Week 4 Persuasive Messages Part I assignment.
Apply
the principles of designing effective slides discussed in the
textbook as you develop your presentation.
Include
at least one visual to support on your slides, for example, using
a line chart to show increasing sales. Include the following in
presentation slides:
Title
Introduction
Recommendation
Benefits
Impact if product or service does not sell as much as expected
Conclusion
References
I have uploaded the assignment that you will need for this
presentation
I also have added some reading material that was used for this
assignment
Why Does This Matter?
Hear Pete Cardon explain why this matters.
bit.ly.com/CardonWhy9
In many business situations, you hope to persuade others. In
internal business communications, you may want your boss,
peers, or colleagues to consider or adopt your ideas when their
perspectives differ from yours. In external business
communications, you will want to persuade your clients,
customers, and prospects to use your products and services.
Persuasion involves influencing others to see the merits of your
ideas and act on your requests, even when they initially resist.

In this chapter, we explore strategies for persuading others
through writing.
In some ways, all business messages contain an element of
persuasion—that is, you are hoping to influence the way others
think, feel, or behave. Many of the concepts in this chapter will
enhance your ability to make any kind of request. However, the
approaches in this chapter are most applicable to situations in
which your audience will initially resist your requests.
Throughout this chapter, you will see examples of persuasive
messages at Better Horizons Credit Union. The chapter case
provides the background.
Chapter Case: Shifting Course at Better Horizons Credit Union
Who’s Involved
© Ingram Publishing
Haniz Zogby,
marketing specialist and loan officer
Started working at Better Horizons nearly five years ago. She
has worked 20 to 30 hours per week while attending college
with a major in finance and a minor in event management.
Started as a teller. Within a few years, she was promoted to
positions of teller supervisor, loan officer, and marketing
specialist.
Currently working on marketing initiatives under the direction
of Christine Russo.
© BananaStock
Christine Russo,
president and CEO
Has worked at Better Horizons for approximately ten years.
Currently interested in increasing the number of young
members. With declining numbers of young members, she is
concerned that the credit union does not have good long-term
prospects.
Situation 1
Christine Wants to Build Support for New Banking Services
That Meet the Needs of Younger Members
Christine recognized that people under the age of 30 were not

joining the credit union. Christine wanted to write a message to
board members about adopting marketing strategies and services
that appeal to younger members. She planned to follow up by
presenting her ideas in person at an upcoming meeting. The
board is composed of longtime members who favor what they
consider a “personal,” “friendly,” and “homey” credit union
environment. They view moves to online marketing and services
as breaking their brand of community and personal touch. The
majority also oppose adding too many extra financial services,
perceiving these services as “slick” and “too similar to banks.”
Situation 2
Haniz Is in Charge of Recruiting Participants for a Local
Charity Event
Christine asked Haniz to be in charge of recruiting credit union
members to join this year’s Hope Walkathon to support research
on breast cancer. Better Horizons has assembled a walkathon
team for this prominent community event each year for nearly a
decade. Haniz is writing an email to send to all credit union
members. The message will be modified slightly to appear as an
announcement on the credit union website as well.
Situation 3
Haniz Needs to Create a Flyer Explaining the Benefits of Credit
Union Membership Compared to Banks
Haniz is working on a flyer describing the benefits of
membership at Better Horizons Credit Union. The flyer will be
part of a packet of materials that is distributed to community
members who participate in free financial planning and income
tax assistance seminars offered by Better Horizons. Haniz is
using the message to highlight the benefits of Better Horizons
compared to local banks.
Situation 4
Haniz Is Helping to Develop a Sales Message for Auto Loans
Haniz and several other employees are working on sales
messages for auto loans. In recent months, Better Horizon’s
senior management decided the credit union should become a
“player” in the auto loans market. Few Better Horizons

members take advantage of car loans, most assuming that dealer
financing is cheaper and easier to get.
Task 1
How will Christine and Haniz write a message to board
members that warms them up to ideas about new online services
and marketing geared toward gaining younger members? (See
the section on internal persuasive messages.)
Task 2
How will Haniz persuade credit union members to join the Hope
Walkathon? (See the section on external persuasive messages.)
Task 3
How will Haniz develop a general-purpose flyer that shows the
broad benefits of choosing Better Horizons Credit Union over
banks? (See the “
Constructing External Persuasive Messages
” section.)
Task 4
How will Haniz develop sales messages for an auto loan
campaign? (See the “
Composing Mass Sales Messages
” section.)
The Importance of Credibility in an Era of Mistrust and
Skepticism
LO9.1. Describe the relationship between credibility and
persuasion.
While credibility is critical to all business communications, its
importance is heightened for persuasive messages. By
definition, persuasion implies that you are communicating with
someone who does not think or feel the same way as you do. So,
your goal is to help your audience members identify with and
find merit in your positions. If they question your credibility,
they are unlikely to carefully consider your ideas, requests, or
recommendations.
Persuasion is becoming more difficult as we live in a time of
increasing mistrust. In

Chapter 1
, we discussed the declining levels of trust for nearly all
professional groups, particularly business-related occupations.
Michael Maslansky, one of the leading corporate
communications experts, has labeled this the post-trust era
(PTE):
Just a few years ago, salespeople, corporate leaders, marketing
departments, and communicators like me had it pretty easy. We
looked at communication as a relatively linear process. ... But
trust disappeared, things changed. ... In a word, trust is out,
skepticism is in.
1
Over the past decade, Michael Maslansky and his colleagues
have examined how language is used to persuade and motivate
others. By interviewing hundreds of thousands of employees
and customers in some 30 countries, they have found that the
language of trust is more important than ever. Furthermore, they
have noticed emerging trends in how language impacts trust.
Strategies for persuasion that once worked are less effective in
the PTE. Other strategies continue to work well. In this chapter,
we sort through some of these basic principles of persuasive
writing and identify those strategies that are most effective in
the PTE.
Applying the AIM Planning Process to Persuasive Messages
LO9.2. Explain the AIM planning process for persuasive
messages and the basic components of most persuasive
messages.
Persuasion involves extensive planning: analyzing your
audience
to understand their needs, values, and how they are influenced;
developing your
ideas
as you wrestle with the complicated business issues at hand;
and creating a
message

structure that most effectively reduces resistance and gains
buy-in. Many effective business communicators spend weeks
and months learning about their target audiences, gathering
information, and piecing together persuasive messages.
Understand Your Audience
To convince others to modify their own ideas and accept yours,
you need to show that you care about them and that your ideas
fit into their interests. This is the approach communication
specialist Liz Simpson recommends:
To succeed at the persuasion game, you have to be absolutely
committed to understanding the other side’s position as well as
your own. Without that willingness to try on the other side’s
arguments, you simply cannot be persuasive. From that
understanding will come the insights you need to move the other
side over to your camp.
2
This is true not only for ideas but also for products and
services. Your best argument is always one that meets the needs
and wants of your audience.
Understanding the needs and values of others is
not
simple. It requires a strong listening orientation. You will need
to ask lots of questions to get beyond a surface understanding
about the hopes, expectations, and hidden assumptions of your
target audience. Once you know your target audience’s needs
and values, you are in a strong position to explain how your
product, service, or idea benefits them.
In addition to understanding the needs and values of your target
audience, you should consider the psychological principles that
impact how people are influenced. Also, you should consider
whether you are making a logical appeal or an emotional one in
your persuasive messages.
Understand Methods of Influence
Dr. Robert Cialdini, a marketing psychologist, has spent his
career studying how people are influenced in business and
marketing environments. He has examined research in this area

for four decades, plus he spent three years taking undercover
jobs in car dealerships, telemarketing firms, fund-raising
organizations, and other buyer-seller environments to learn the
most influential ways of getting people to say yes. Based on his
work, he has identified six principles of persuasion (aside from
the price and quality of products and services). These principles
include reciprocation, consistency, social proof, liking,
authority, and scarcity.
3
Haniz’s message to recruit credit union members for the Hope
Walkathon offers an interesting example for applying these
various principles (see
Figure 9.7
, p. 258, for her completed message).
Reciprocation
is a principle of influence based on returning favors. As
defined by Cialdini, “We should try to repay, in kind, what
another person has provided us.”
4
Cialdini cited an interesting study in which a professor sent
Christmas cards to a random sample of strangers to see what
would happen. Many of the card recipients reciprocated,
sending cards to the professor without attempting to find out
who he was. The study showed that even card receivers who did
not know the card sender and who might not interact with the
card sender in the future felt compelled to return the favor of
sending a card. People tend to feel obligated to pay back others
when they’ve received something of value.
5
Haniz uses the principle of reciprocation in her message in
several ways. For example, she focuses on a lengthy reciprocal
relationship that the credit union has with the local breast
cancer center, and the walkathon serves as the mechanism that
draws the two organizations together. The credit union helps the
center by generating walkathon donations, and the center helps
the credit union and the larger community through more

effective breast cancer treatment and education. Furthermore,
the message implies a reciprocal relationship between the credit
union and its members by offering various free items, such as a
T-shirt, a water bottle, and a cancer guide, to members who are
willing to participate in the walkathon.
Consistency
is based on the idea that once people make an explicit
commitment, they tend to follow through or honor that
commitment. In other words, they want to stay consistent with
their original commitment. Cialdini cited several studies to
make this point. In one, psychologists found that horse racing
fans become more confident that their horses would win after
placing a bet. Once they made a final commitment, they were
further convinced of the correctness of their choice.
6
Haniz appeals to commitment and consistency in several ways.
Foremost, she appeals to the credit union’s long commitment to
the fight against breast cancer. Some credit union members will
want to continue to honor this long-standing collective
commitment and will appreciate that their credit union is doing
so. She also provides links in the message for people to
immediately act on their interest in the walkathon. A link to
register right now serves as an immediate commitment to
participate.
Social proof
is a principle of influence whereby people determine what is
right, correct, or desirable by seeing what others do. Haniz
employs several appeals to social proof in her letter. She
describes the level of participation and contribution among
members in last year’s walkathon, implying that the popularity
and financial impact of this event make it a good cause. Also,
the walkathon itself is a type of social proof; the gathering of
thousands of people wearing team T-shirts and marching in
unison for a cause is powerful imagery.
7
Liking

is a principle of influence whereby people are more likely to be
persuaded by people who they like.
8
Haniz appeals directly to this principle by describing Betty
Williams, who is a breast cancer survivor, the benefactor of the
breast center, a credit union member, and a participant in the
walkathon. Betty Williams is presumably a person most people
in the community know and like, a woman who many of the
credit union members may know from running into her at the
credit union or other community events, and a woman who is
passionate about an important cause (a reason for liking). Haniz
emphasizes in the message that walkathon participants will join
this likable and respected community member at the walkathon.
Authority
is a principle of influence whereby people follow authority
figures. The number of celebrity endorsements in advertising is
evidence of how authority can impact persuasion.
9
Although Haniz does not appeal to a national celebrity, she
does appeal to a prominent local community member—again
Betty Williams. With Betty’s level of influence and personal
experience combating cancer, she is likely seen as an authority.
Furthermore, Haniz also appeals to members to support the
Betty Williams Breast Center, a group of expert professionals
who collectively are authorities on breast cancer.
Scarcity
is a principle of influence whereby people think there is limited
availability of something they want or need, so they must act
quickly.
10
Haniz employs this principle in terms of time. She explains that
the walkathon occurs only once each year (limited time period
to participate) and that participants must sign up by a given
deadline (limited time period to sign up).
You will apply these principles most often in external
persuasive messages, and you should always apply them fairly.

Cialdini describes them as “weapons of influence.”
11
The very term
weapons
implies that they are powerful and can do harm. In the “
Apply the FAIR Test
” section near the end of the chapter, we further discuss the
appropriate use of these principles.
Persuade through Emotion and Reason
Most people justify their business decisions based on the
soundness of ideas, not feelings. Savvy business
communicators, however, understand the importance of
injecting emotion into their persuasive messages. While they
appreciate the place of reason in business and consumer
decisions, they understand that resistance to ideas, products,
and services is often emotional. Conversely, they are aware that
their target audiences often possess strong emotional attachment
to competing ideas, products, and services. Thus, effective
communicators find ways to appeal to the core emotional
benefits of products, services, and ideas.
12
Even in internal persuasive messages, emotional appeals are
critical, as indicated by Craig Conway, president and CEO of
PeopleSoft:
Good communicators have an enormous advantage over poor
communicators because so much of running a company is
inspirational. ... You just have to be able to persuade people
that they are a part of something bigger. If you have a creative
vision and you can communicate it in a compelling way to get
people excited, you will recruit better people as a result. Then,
it is easy to convince the world that you have a more dynamic
company.
13
Part of understanding your audience is identifying the needs and
values that resonate emotionally for them.
Typically, internal persuasive messages focus mostly on logical

appeals. External persuasive messages, with the exception of
those that emphasize price, generally include strong emotional
appeals. As you develop persuasive messages, think about how
to get the right mix of logical and emotional appeals. Generally,
you will supply both but emphasize one or the other. Keep in
mind that even when you choose to make strong emotional
appeals in written messages, you should generally avoid the
tone of mass advertising, where exaggeration, sarcasm, and
over-the-top appeals are acceptable and even effective. Later in
the chapter, you will notice several messages created by Haniz
and Christine—two based more strongly on logical appeals (
Figures 9.5
and
9.8
) and two on emotional appeals (
Figures 9.7
and
9.9
).
Develop Your Ideas
Idea development for persuasive messages is critical. Since your
audience is resistant to the message, one of your key tasks is to
establish credibility. Developing strong ideas in the interest of
your audience helps you demonstrate your voice of competence.
It involves gaining a deep understanding of the benefits and
drawbacks of your ideas, products, and services. In addition, it
involves gaining a thorough understanding of competing ideas,
products, and services.
Thus, before attempting to persuade others, expert business
communicators seek to understand products, services, and ideas
in great depth so that they can speak from an authoritative and
competent
perspective. To address the issue of attracting younger credit
union members, Christine and Haniz spend months learning
about the strategies that other credit unions use. When Haniz
works on a message that promotes her credit union over local

banks, she carefully analyzes and compares the major products
and services offered by her credit union and those of competing
banks. When Haniz works on a message to persuade credit
union members to join the Hope Walkathon, she learns all she
can about participation in this event and how it helps in the
fight against breast cancer.
Components of Persuasive Messages
Gain attention.
Raise a need.
Deliver a solution.
Provide a rationale.
Show appreciation.
Give counterpoints (optional).
Call to action.
Set Up the Message Structure
Most business writing is
direct
and
explicit
. It is direct in that you begin with a main idea or argument and
then provide the supporting reasons. It is explicit in that
nothing is implied; statements contain full and unambiguous
meaning. When you write directly and explicitly, you help your
readers understand your message and you show respect for their
time.
Compared to other business messages, persuasive messages are
somewhat more
indirect
and
implicit
. They are sometimes indirect in that they provide the rationale
for a request before making the specific request. They are
sometimes implicit in that the request or some of the rationale
for the request may be implied. In other words, sometimes the
reader needs to read between the lines to grasp the entire
meaning. Implicit statements politely ask people to do or think

differently. Also, explicitly stating some types of benefits is
considered poor form—for example, matters of financial or
career gain in internal persuasive requests.
14
Attention
The first task of most persuasive messages is to gain the
attention of your readers. You can do this in a variety of ways,
including asking a rhetorical question, providing a compelling
or interesting fact, revealing a compelling statistic, issuing a
challenge, or posting a testimonial.
15
For internal persuasive messages, the primary means of gaining
attention is demonstrating a business need—a gap between what
is and what could be.
16
You generally have more flexibility in external persuasive
messages as you choose your attention-getters. See
Table 9.1
for examples of attention-getters Haniz might use for some of
her communication tasks.
Table 9.1 Effective Attention-Getters
Type of Attention-Getter
Example
Rhetorical question
Did you know that average credit union members save $400 per
year compared to bank customers?
Intriguing statistic
In the past five years, we’ve lost over 200 members—over 10
percent of our membership.
Compelling and unusual fact/s
You’ve probably heard car dealers boast about their near-zero
percent interest rates—but there’s a catch! By financing with
car dealers, you give up your opportunity to receive
manufacturer rebates and your power to negotiate on price.
Challenge
Please join our team in this year’s Hope Walkathon in the fight

against breast cancer.
Testimonial
“I never knew I could have so much negotiating power with a
preapproved loan. By getting my car loan through Better
Horizons, I negotiated a great deal with the car dealer. This is
the way to buy cars!”
Need,
Solution
, and Rationale
In the body of your message, your first task is to tie your
product, service, or idea to the
needs
of your readers. The best way to reduce the resistance your
reader may have is to show that your message meets your
readers’ needs. Once you’ve stated the need, you may describe
your
solution,
which is a recommended product, service, or idea. Many
readers will remain skeptical unless you provide convincing
support. So, you will need to provide a strong
rationale,
meaning solid reasons why your product, service, or idea really
benefits them. After all, you are more than likely attempting to
influence skeptics.

17
As you structure your message, consider how
direct
you should be. If your audience members are strongly and
emotionally resistant to your solution, consider a more indirect
approach so they warm up to your ideas before you suggest a
solution. To make your message less direct, provide the
rationale before the solution.
Appreciation
At some point in the body of the message, you should validate
your readers by showing appreciation for their views and
preferences.
Validation
implies that you recognize and appreciate others’ needs, wants,
ideas, and preferences as legitimate and reasonable. By
validating your readers, you show respect for them and
demonstrate a balanced perspective.
18
Counterpoints
Traditionally, communicators overcame objections by providing
counterpoints to any of the audience members’ objections. In
other words, they showed how their own ideas, products, or
services were superior to the competing ideas, products, or
services the audience favored.
Overcoming objections with counterpoints, however, is risky in

the post-trust era. This approach may unnecessarily carry a
me-versus-you
tone and delegitimize the readers’ concerns. Michael
Maslansky, in his research about emerging trends in sales
messages in the PTE, states that validation is “using words to
let people know that their concerns are valid,” and that it is the
“polar opposite of overcoming objections.”
19
He says the “new sales mantra [is to] agree with objections.”
20
This perhaps ironic approach shows respect and balance
because you validate the potential customer’s feelings and
ideas. When you validate your readers, they are more likely to
accept the merits of your persuasive message.
Thus, consider carefully whether to include counterpoints to
your readers’ objections. When you know people well and
believe that you will not create a
me-versus-you
adversarial stance, tactfully state how your ideas, products, and
services outperform those of your readers.
Skilled business communicators understand that building
support for their ideas takes time. Especially for persuasion
within companies, you will generally use a mix of
communication channels. Rarely will your ideas be accepted
and enacted with one written message. However, one written

message can make a powerful statement and open avenues of
communication that lead to acceptance and adoption of your
ideas.
Action
You conclude persuasive messages with a call to action, which
asks your readers to take a specific step toward the purchase of
a product or service or acceptance of an idea. However, a call to
action should not be a hard sell; pressuring others is
increasingly ineffective in the PTE.
21
In external persuasive messages, the call to action is typically a
specific and explicit step. In internal persuasive messages, the
call to action is sometimes explicit and sometimes implicit. It is
more likely to be implicit for controversial change ideas and
when corresponding with superiors who have ultimate decision-
making authority.
Guidelines for Tone for Persuasive Messages
Apply the personal touch.
Use action-oriented, lively language.
Write with confidence.
Offer choice.
Show positivity.
Getting the Tone and Style Right for Persuasive Messages
LO9.3. Explain how the tone and style of persuasive messages

impact their influence.
The tone for persuasive messages should be confident and
positive, yet at the same time avoid exaggeration or hype. This
is tricky! You will no doubt need to make some trade-offs. The
more confident and positive you make your message, the more
you risk being perceived as pushy or exaggerated. As you
reduce confidence and positivity, you risk your product, service,
or idea being perceived as weak or unexciting. One benefit of
asking colleagues to read your persuasive message before you
send it is they can help you decide if you have achieved the
right level of confidence and positivity without sacrificing
believability.
The writing style of your message should be action-oriented and
lively. But again, you risk being perceived as unbelievable or
overly enthusiastic if you overdo the language. However, you
risk being perceived as dull or unexceptional if you don’t use
engaging, lively language. Proofreading by yourself and with
the help of colleagues will help you get the right writing style
to set your message apart.
Apply the Personal Touch
Recently, a number of competing developers delivered
presentations to a property owner, each hoping to persuade him
to sell them 4,000 acres of much-sought-after property. The
presentations were nearly identical, so the property owner was
unsure how to choose the best developer. A few days later, the

property owner received a handwritten thank-you note from one
candidate. The property owner immediately awarded the deal to
that developer because he had taken the time to write a message
of appreciation.
22
Often, your competitors are nearly identical to you. Your
colleagues and customers will be more easily persuaded when
you show interest in them personally, speak to them in personal
terms, understand their specific needs, and demonstrate that you
are seeking benefits for them. Personalizing your messages is
not easy, though, as Michael Maslansky points out:
For all of us, selling ideas or products or ourselves begins with
a need to talk about something that we have and the audience
should need, want, or agree with. The problem is that too often,
we focus on the first part—what we want to sell, and too little
on the second—why they want to buy ... and yet, our audience
demands increasingly that messages, products, and services
speak directly to them.
23
Creating messages that
speak directly
to customers and colleagues requires that you use language that
helps your customers and colleagues feel the product, service,
or idea is just for them.
24

One of the primary strategies you can use to personalize
persuasive messages is your selection of voice—either you-
voice, we-voice, I-voice, or impersonal voice (as introduced in
Chapter 2
).
Table 9.2
offers guidance on choosing the appropriate voice. Generally,
you-voice is more effective in external persuasive messages to
customers and clients because it emphasizes the benefits they
receive from your products and services. From the customer’s
perspective, the you-voice shows them that they are the center
of attention.
Table 9.2 Voice in Persuasive Messages
Voice
Appropriate Cases
Cautions
Examples
You-voice
Use in external persuasive messages to emphasize reader
benefits.
Presumptuousness—assuming you know what is good for
someone else
When you take out an auto loan, you get a variety of resources
to help you in your car shopping, including a free copy of a
Kelly Blue Book, access to free Carfax reports, Mechanical

Breakdown Insurance (MBI), and Guaranteed Auto Protection
(GAP).
In this example, you-voice helps show direct benefits to the
customers. Overuse across an entire message, however, may
come across as presumptuous, overbearing, or exaggerated.
We-voice
Use in internal persuasive messages to emphasize shared work
goals.
Presumptuousness—assuming you share common beliefs, ideas,
or understanding with your colleagues
At Better Horizons, we’ve instilled a personal touch into every
aspect of our business. We’ve reinforced this culture with face-
to-face services. Our tellers welcome members by name. When
members come into the credit union, they know we care about
them as people, not just as customers. The warm, friendly,
genuine, and personal approach we take to serving our members
is why I’m so proud to work here.
In this passage, we-voice instills a sense of shared values,
priorities, and goals. We-voice can instill a strong sense of

teamwork. When audience members have different perspectives,
however, they may resent that you are stating agreement where
it does not exist.
I-voice
Use in all persuasive messages sparingly.
Overuse implies self-centeredness
After examining the results of other credit unions, I am
convinced that these tools can build emotional connections and
loyalty with our members.
In this example, I-voice is used to show a personal opinion and
shows respect for audience members who are not yet fully
persuaded. Frequent use of I-voice across an entire message,
however, may come across as emphasizing your interests rather
than those of the audience.
Impersonal voice
Use in persuasive messages to emphasize objectivity and
neutrality.
Overuse may depersonalize the message
The basic difference between credit unions and banks is that
credit union members own and control their credit unions
whereas bank account holders have no stake or control in their
financial institutions.

In this example, impersonal voice helps show objectivity. An
entire persuasive message in impersonal voice, however, may
fail to connect on a personal level with the audience.
Writing in the you-voice to customers is more than just a
stylistic choice. It forces you to consciously consider the
readers’ needs and wants. It forces you to personalize the
message for them. By contrast, the we-voice in external
messages can focus too much attention on your company and
de-emphasize benefits to the customer. Notice the difference in
overall tone in the two messages in
Figures 9.4
and
9.5
(pp. 255–256). In the less-effective example, the you-voice is
hardly used at all compared to the dominating we-voice. In the
more-effective example, the you-voice takes center stage over
the we-voice. The extensive use of you-voice in the more-
effective message sends a strong meta message:
This message is about you
.
Another method of personalizing a message is to make your
statements tangible. By definition,

tangible
means something can be touched; it is material or substantial.
In a business communications context, making the statement
tangible
implies that the readers can discern something in terms that are
meaningful to them. This allows the reader to sense the impact
on a personal level.
25
You often can achieve a tangible feel by combining you-voice
with specificity. Consider the examples in
Table 9.3
, from messages that Haniz is working on for the credit union.
Table 9.3 Making Tangible Statements
Less Effective
More Effective
Credit unions save members about $8 billion a year thanks to
better interest rates and reduced fees.
On average, credit union members save $400 each year
compared to bank customers thanks to lower loan rates and fees.
The benefit is not tangible. Customers are not sure what the
benefit would be for them personally.
This benefit is tangible; the customers know how much they
will save on an individual level.
In recent years, many credit unions have lost membership
because younger individuals are not attracted to them.

In the past five years, we’ve lost over 200 members—over 10
percent of our membership. And we simply aren’t attracting
younger members.
This statement focuses on a general trend for credit unions but
does not indicate an impact on a particular credit union.
This statement invokes a sense of what is happening right here
at our credit union. Identifying the amount (as well as a
percentage) helps the reader discern the impact.
We provide lower rates on car loans. Our car loan rates are
between 1.5 and 1.75 percentage points less than at any of the
banks in town.
You pay lower rates on car loans.
You can get car loan rates at Better Horizons that are 1.5–1.75
percentage points less than at any other bank in town. Consider
the savings:
On a 4-year $15,000 new car loan: You save about $680.
On a 4-year $5,000 used car loan: You save about $200.
This statement doesn’t help the customers understand how much
in dollars they would save on a car loan at Better Horizons.
This statement allows customers to easily think about how much
savings they would receive by getting a car loan with Better
Horizons.
As you reread your message, keep in mind the following advice
from sales specialist Ralph Allora: “Read the letter aloud. If it
doesn’t sound like you’re having a conversation with the client

over the phone, then you’re not using the right tone.”
26
This in part is a test of whether you have personalized your
message enough.
Use Action-Oriented and Lively Language
In persuasive messages, you have somewhat more license to
write creatively. Focus on using action-oriented and lively
words to achieve a sense of excitement, optimism, or other
positive emotions. Use strong nouns and verbs to add to the
excitement of the message. Some sales messages sound dull
because of overuse of and reliance on words such as
provide
and
offer
.
27
Across the entire message or thought, the action-oriented and
lively language should emphasize a central theme. See
Table 9.4
for examples from documents Haniz is working on for two of
her projects.
Table 9.4 Using Action-Oriented and Lively Language
Less Effective
More Effective
The Betty Williams Breast Center has a nationally accredited

program for treatment of breast cancer.
The Betty Williams Breast Center runs a nationally accredited
program for treatment of breast cancer.
The weak verb
has
implies little action on the part of the Betty Williams Breast
Center.
The action verb
runs
implies a full-fledged and active effort on the part of the Betty
Williams Breast Center.
Better Horizons has always been known for its personal
approach to our members. Our transactions have always
occurred through face-to-face services. Our tellers are friendly
to all members.
At Better Horizons, we’ve instilled a personal touch into every
aspect of our business. We’ve reinforced this culture with face-
to-face services. Our tellers welcome members by name. When
members come into the credit union, they know we care about
them as people, not just as customers.
Uses unexciting, weak verbs:
has been known
,
have occurred
,

are
(notice how passive verbs detract from a sense of action and
engagement). The central theme of personalized service does
not come through. For example, consider the contrast between
our tellers are friendly
versus
our tellers welcome members by name
.
Uses a positive, diverse set of action verbs:
instilled
,
reinforced
,
welcome
,
care
. Uses adjectives and nouns to further emphasize a central
theme of personalized service:
personal touch
,
face-to-face services
,
name
.
Write with Confidence

As you display more confidence in your idea, your product, or
your service, you can more effectively influence your audience.
Effective persuaders provide compelling and simple reasons for
action. They should show confidence in these ideas, as
illustrated in
Table 9.5
, again with examples from two of Haniz’s projects.
Emotionally, the writer’s confidence allows the audience to gain
confidence in the message. In internal persuasive messages,
expressing confidence in key players, who can make the change
occur, is crucial. These key players include upper-level
executives who will actively endorse and authorize resources as
well as those managers and employees who will put the ideas
into motion.
28
Table 9.5 Writing with Confidence
Less Effective
More Effective
At our upcoming board meeting, I would like to discuss possible
ways of appealing to younger members. We can talk about how
various strategies might appeal to this group.
At our upcoming board meeting, I will present a vision of how
we can build marketing strategies and product offerings to
appeal to younger members. These strategies will not only
attract younger members to our credit union but also increase

our business across other age groups.
These statements are an attempt to achieve an other-orientation;
they show sensitivity to involving others in the decision
making. However, they show no confidence in the ideas or
policies that the audience resists.
These statements imply confidence in the change message:
These are ideas and policies that will make a difference.
Furthermore, the writer can make them happen. The argument is
logic-based but also contains an excitement about possibilities.
Please think about how Better Horizons can help you in your
banking.
We encourage you to stop by Better Horizons and make direct
comparisons with your current bank. You’ll find that banking
with Better Horizons saves you money, provides convenience
when you travel, and offers services to meet nearly any banking
need.
This nonspecific request sounds weak and unconfident. It gives
the reader an excuse to easily dismiss the message.
This request lays down a challenge to make direct comparisons,
confidently implying that Better Horizons can outperform
competitors. It then directly states specific benefits to the
potential member.
Offer Choice
Michael Maslansky and his research team have examined the
reactions of tens of thousands of customers and clients to many

types of written messages. In this section, we illustrate a few
findings from the financial industry. For example, in
Figure 9.1
, you see four statements that were sent to respondents. In the
hypothetical scenario that was presented to them, a company is
attempting to do a good thing—give its employees an
opportunity to put money in a retirement account.
Figure 9.1 Most-Effective Statements to Persuade Skeptical
Employees
(Creating Salary Deduction for 401(k) Scenario)
Source:
Adapted from
The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics
by Michael Maslansky, Scott West, Gary DeMoss and David
Saylor, Copyright © 2010 by Van Kampen Investor Services,
Inc. Used by permission of Prentice Hall, a division of Penguin
Group (USA) Inc.
Note:
The survey involved a hypothetical situation where employers
would automatically deduct 7 percent of an employee’s salary
and place it into a 401(k). This process would help employees
save money for the future. The employees would have the
option to opt-out.
The four statements state essentially the same thing but are
phrased differently. Each is written fairly well and appeals to

some individuals. The statement that appeals to the most people
(40 percent) emphasizes choice rather than intent. It uses the
you-voice rather than the we-voice, which is preferable for
many messages written to consumers (this is most similar to a
consumer situation). It contains three short sentences with 7, 2,
and 27 words. The emphasis on choice (other-orientation), use
of you-voice (other-orientation), and simple language combine
to make this the most influential statement. By contrast, the
other options each contain one long sentence (30, 36, and 27
words).
In the PTE, customers and clients consider choice an indicator
of credibility. They view simple language (not implying lack of
sophisticated knowledge) as a display of transparency and
respect. In contrast, they view overly complex language as
potentially deceptive.
29
Similarly, effective persuasive messages avoid statements that
may be perceived as pressure tactics. Hard sells are increasingly
ineffective in a PTE, especially in written format.
30
Compare Haniz’s less-effective and more-effective persuasive
statements in
Table 9.6
, all of which you will see again in her messages located later in
the chapter.

Table 9.6 Emphasizing Choice
Less Effective
More Effective
You owe it to the women in your lives to make a difference.
You can help make a difference for women here in our
community.
This appeal focuses on obligation and pressure. Most readers
will not respond positively.
This appeal focuses on volunteerism and contribution to the
community without telling the reader what to do.
The walkathon will be held on Saturday, October 6 at 9:00 a.m.
at Central Park. Do your part to improve the lives of women in
our community!
The walkathon will be held on Saturday, October 6 at 9:00 a.m.
at Central Park. Please join Betty and the rest of the Better
Horizons team for a day of fun, excitement, and hope!
This request is a guilt trip; it emphasizes the readers’ duty.
This request recognizes the readers’ choice to participate in a
fun and exciting approach to a good cause.
In persuasive messages, always be careful about being
perceived as presumptuous—unfairly assuming that you know or
even share the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of others.
Many people are easily offended when you presume to know or
even dictate how they will think, feel, or react to your
messages.

31
Show Positivity
Positivity in persuasive messages helps your audience focus on
the benefits rather than the drawbacks of what you are trying to
promote. Maslansky and his team’s research helps demonstrate
that subtle changes to more positive wording are generally more
persuasive. For example, they asked consumers to identify
which of three pairs of phrases were more persuasive in
promotional material about investment options.
In the first pair of statements, 90 percent of consumers thought
the statement
making sure you have enough money as long as you live
was more effective than the statement
managing longevity risk
. Overwhelmingly, the consumers thought the benefit (having
long-term financial security) was more influential than the
possible drawback (avoiding financial loss).
For the second pair of statements, 81 percent of consumers
thought the statement
making sure you can afford to maintain your lifestyle
was more persuasive than the statement
managing inflation risk
. Similarly, the vast majority of consumers in the case thought
that the benefit (maintaining your lifestyle) was more
compelling than the drawback (possibly losing your current

buying power).
For the third pair of statements, 63 percent of consumers
thought the statement
making sure you can participate in the gains while reducing
your downside risk
was more persuasive than
managing market risk
. In this case, consumers were more positively influenced by the
statement about risk (a drawback) when it was preceded by a
phrase about gains (the benefit).
32
In addition to being positive, avoiding superlatives gives you
the best chance of persuading your audience. Phrases such as
best product on the market, state-of-the-art technology,
or
best-in-class service
sound increasingly hollow. Maslansky’s research with
consumers shows that terms such as
comfortable retirement
rather than
dream retirement; protection
rather than
guarantee; financial security
rather than
financial freedom; effective

rather than
best of breed
are more persuasive.
Consumers perceive too-good-to-be-true statements as attempts
to convince them of “the merits without making a rational
argument. And they [too-good-to-be-true statements] fail
because they suggest an inherent bias that ruins the integrity of
the communicator.”
33
Table 9.7
highlights the kinds of phrases that are increasingly ineffective
with today’s skeptical consumers.
Table 9.8
contrasts messages from Haniz’s projects that persuade with
and without exaggeration.
Table 9.7 Statements to Avoid in the Post-Trust Era
Type
Examples That Don’t Work
Trust me
“Trust me” or “We speak your language”
Unbelievable
“Your call is important to us” or “We care about our customers”
Too good to be true
“This is the right product for you” or “We give you guaranteed
results”

Excuses
“What you need to understand is ...” or “Our hands are tied”
Explanations
“This was taken out of context” or “I can explain”
Fear tactics
“Are you concerned about the security of your family?” or “Act
now or you’ll miss this opportunity”
Source:
Adapted from
The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics
by Michael Maslansky, Scott West, Gary DeMoss and David
Saylor, Copyright © 2010 by Van Kampen Investor Services,
Inc. Used by permission of Prentice Hall, a division of Penguin
Group (USA) Inc.
Table 9.8 Avoiding Exaggeration and Superlatives
Less Effective
More Effective
You can trust us at Better Horizons to make your financial
dreams come true.
As a nonprofit, member-controlled financial institution, Better
Horizons can provide you with higher rates on savings accounts,
better terms on loans, and lower fees.
This statement uses phrases that seem unbelievable
(you can trust us)
and exaggerated

(make your financial dreams come true)
. It is positive but not plausible.
This statement focuses on specific benefits and uses words that
nearly all people view positively
(nonprofit, member-controlled, savings, better, lower fees)
. It is both positive and plausible.
Pay attention to these facts or risk losing money to banks.
Consider some of the following reasons to join Better Horizons
and start saving today.
This statement focuses on fear and applies pressure. Most
customers would consider the writer not credible.
This statement is inviting and nonthreatening. It uses pressure-
free
(consider)
and positive
(join, start saving)
words.
Creating Internal Persuasive Messages
LO9.4. Create compelling internal persuasive messages.
Internal and external persuasive messages contain many
common elements: they gain
attention,
raise a
need,

deliver a
solution,
provide a
rationale,
show
appreciation
for differences of opinion, give
counterpoints,
and call readers to
action
. Nevertheless, internal and external persuasive messages differ
in some ways (see
Table 9.9
). Internal messages more often focus on promoting ideas,
whereas external messages more often focus on promoting
products and services. Also, internal persuasive messages tend
to be slightly more direct and explicit, and they tend to be based
on logical appeals. In contrast, external persuasive messages
tend to be slightly more indirect and implicit, and they tend to
be based on emotional appeals.
Table 9.9 Components of Internal and External Persuasive
Messages
Internal Messages (Typically for Ideas)
External Messages (Typically for Products and Services)

Attention
Overview of a business problem
Catchy statement
Need
Description of a business problem
Description of unmet
needs
or
wants
of your customers

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