A Radical Satirical Vegas Memoir... about the Sinatra Clause, which is the best Clause since Santa. Because to be a "Casino" Exec, you can't be seen with "the boys". Unless you're an entertainer. Like Sinatra. See? So, it was possibly not a great idea to have alleged perps and gangsters star in a talk show just to become "entertainers". Some of this is the God’s Honest Truth (tm) and The Rest, Isn’t.
2. A Radical Vegas Memoir
Or possibly a deposition, I forget which. About the Sinatra Clause, which is the best Clause
since Santa. Because you can't be a licensed casino executive if you didn't first see Sonny and
Clemenza in that movie, and not like sometimes in that place you go to, but definitely weren't
there on the night in question. No, you were in Queens, re-aluminizing your house.
Anyway you can't have been seen in the company of any alleged miscreants who might be
associated with, say, something untoward, like gambling instead of something upstanding
like gaming. If you did that you go in the Black Book and not in the halls of wonder that are
the lifestyles and habitation of the Casino Boss. No, you can't be seen with the boys. Unless
you're an entertainer; a famous celebrity who brings in the high-rollers and, so, deserves a
few points in the joint. Like Sinatra. See? No?
It was possibly, in retrospect, not the greatest idea to have a bunch of alleged perps and
un-indicted co-conspirators produce and star in a talk show just to become "entertainers".
It was a lot worse to actually put it on the air in the nuclear wasteland, full of marks, chip
hustlers, card-counters, Feds, hookers and radiated sand lizards known as Vegas.
Emanating from the Sports Book at the world-infamous Starburst Casino, it may have just
been the worst show ever in the history of the planet, earth.
Possibly television itself was not such a great idea. You be the judge.
Talking Hoods
Writing the Gangster Talk Show
by
Charles Proser
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2014 Charles Proser
Illustrations by Atila Sekora
Sunday, June 7, 15
4. THE SINATRA CLAUSE
All-New-Paul wouldn't have been famous at all except for the Clause. Which would
have suited him fine, believe me. He would have just handled the skim for the mob
like he was supposed to. And, of course, whacked out the occasional deadbeat...
Just to keep everything kosher and on the up and up.
Only thing was, they caught him. And that wasn't good. Well, they didn't catch him.
He doesn't handle cash. Except for the occasional Cecil he lays on some broad for
some head. A tip really... Sex is comped too. Like lunch and parking and drugs. When
you're a Big Boss at a Casino it's all really clean; a barter economy like, you
know, you lend me your wife, I let you live... real basic. Tit for Tat.
They didn't catch him. They caught one of the Town Boys, I call them. I call them
that cause they all did stuff for Paul and they all had funny names... Like Danny
Detroit and Sammy Miami and Fast Framingham Phil. For some reason, nobody's
called Joliet Jim or Lenny Leavenworth. I guess that's too close to home. They all
had ample reasons for adopting Nom de Hoods. Sammy had been on the far side of
the law so long he thought his middle name was AKA.
Anyways, some of the boys, I forget which exact ones, got caught with like Seven
Round Ones on a charter flight to Miami. And of course, they acted like it was a
surprise...Like, you know, they went out for Chinese and, you know, looked inside
for the Chow Mein and it was like cabbage, you know, mostly unmarked Grovers
at that. So they were like, already in the air and watching the movie so like, what
were they supposed to do, ya know, report it to the government or something?
Well, of course they was gonna do that but, what with the excitement of landing
and all… they forgot.
Some of This is the God’s Honest Truth (TM) * And The Rest, Isn’t.
Sunday, June 7, 15
6. So when the agents came up to them, they thought it was like a misunderstanding, you
know. Like nobody made the call.. So they hit them with a Cecil or two...And like that
was where they went wrong. Cause these were not Casino Cops, these were like Federal
Agents... Hey, an honest mistake! But what you don't wanna do is like hit the Feds with a
couple of Cecils cause, like, they take offence! Ya gotta show 'em at least a Grover or
six, or like get their kids into Harvard... Cause like anything else is just in the nature of
an insult... Much better than that is to clam up and smile and, like, fake a brain seizure.
So the Feds had a wire and all that. They knew what was coming. There's probably
more FBI in Vegas than in Washington, what with the weather being so good and all.
They’re watching these things. And they just got pissed off at Paul cause it just wasn't
cool. Like, you know, you don't show them up. Like taking a strike, three and oh, and
starting to walk to first. The umps don't like that and neither do the feds when you
skim Seven Large off just the slots in a few weeks and walk it to the Bahamas. Shows
them up in front of the crowd. They're gonna call you out.
So Paul was in the soup. A new job, new responsibilities and here the Feds wanted to
put him under indictment for fraud. Welcome to Town! Really! Worse than that, they
started going into all the old stuff. Stuff that really wasn't fair... cause none of it had
ever stuck. And like he had laid out quite some bread over the years... His legal fees, if
laid end to end like his victims, would stretch from Columbia Law to Columbia Pictures.
If converted back, they could have reforested the Golan Heights in dwarf pine.
And, he enjoyed his good name and rep. Being an Un-Indicted Co-Conspirator had a
certain cachet among peers. It meant not only had you done it, but they couldn't nail
you on it. It made him a big scary man about town. And he could give you that cold fish-
eye stare and your dentures would lock. This made him doubly pissed when they refused
his Gaming Card in Vegas. Come on! What's seven million? It didn't seem fair. Hey, it
could’a cost him his job, for Chrissakes!
Sunday, June 7, 15
8. funds and whatnot, and so that nobody should think for one nanosecond that gambling
and whoring and drinking and drugs might attract, say, your..... unsavory characters...
they went out of their way to show that, well, “Gaming” had got nothing to do with, like,
“Gambling”. Losing those two letters made it legit. Gaming was, you know, like something a
WASP or English person would do, like snooker and stock fraud, whereas Gambling was
for Negroes and WOPs.
So the scam was, like, there aren't any gamblers hereabouts. And that all the hoods and
gunsels died out years ago... say in the early Pleistocene with the dinosaurs. Presumably all
those pit bosses that glom at you from the tables learned the gaming rules at Princeton.
And your basic bust-out degenerate gambling is like just another healthy non-contact
sport... good for your heart, like bowling, or a jog down the I-15. In fact,I saw them ask one
of the guys, Vito the Torch, I think it was, if he knew the King's English. "Sure I do!" said Vito,
"And far as I know, the Queen is too!
Anyway, since everything is totally on the up and up, Key Executives have to be licensed.
Anybody near the casino operation has to have first seen Sonny and Clemenza in that
movie. And they definitely shouldn't be seen in the company of any alleged perps from back
east. Except for Sinatra.
Ya see, years ago, when Circus Sodom was just opening up, they needed an act... you know, a
headliner, someone who would bring in the High Rollers. Frankie got, what, 200 Large per
engagement across the street at the El Gomorra in the Great Gattara Depression Room?
His contract was solid; 25 years to life.
But Circus Sodom was intent about this. It was not to be denied. It was new, it was flashy.
It not only had the Flying Wallendas over the 21 pits, it had a restaurant in a diving bell
descending twenty-five feet into an actual scale replica of the Marianas Trench. It had a
trout stream winding through the casino, a golf course on the roof. And it wanted Frankie
Sinatra to kick off the opening. No problem. They gave him a couple a points in the casino.
They made him an executive. Frankie was happy as a clam. He now could charge hookers
directly to his room and it went down as parking.
Sunday, June 7, 15
10. It was the wedding that killed it for Frankie. The bride was an angel. But her father
was Carmine the Weasel. The groom, Little Augie Two Fingers, later got in on the ground
floor of a bridge. It was that picture of Frankie with his face full of cannoli and his
arm around Mrs. the Weasel that did it, I think. The Feds tried to look the other way
and found the last three-fourths of a horse.
Once again, Mom, one thing I learned is to learn not to show up the Feds. Anyway, they
yanked his license, and he had to sing at the White House and get a few girls on the line
for the Pres before they would let him back in.
So then they all hadda come up with something, and what they came up with is
something called the Sinatra Clause, which roughly is: You can't license bad guys for the
casino, but if the guy is an entertainer, then it's alright.
That's some clause and Paul got right on it because, after all, there was quite a bit of
moola in question. So Paul became the Entertainment Director of the Starburst...The
only problem was the Hotel only had one show, the Lido de Paree. And that show, since
it featured both disappearing elephants and naked bouncing tits, had run for 28 years
without a hiccup.
More:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1303141022/talking-hoods
http://celestialmechanics.us/talking-hoods.html
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/chippro
Chip Proser
Celestial Mechanics
Los Angeles
323 876 1885
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0698734
Sunday, June 7, 15
