This document provides a satirical "step-by-step guide" for crashing an airline business through poor governance and mismanagement. It suggests actions for governments, the airline industry, and airline management to undermine viability, such as keeping airport infrastructure inadequate, overtaxing fuel, reckless expansion, wasteful spending, and prioritizing growth over profits. The guide is not meant as an actual instruction, but rather criticizes policies and decisions that could threaten the sustainability of the aviation industry.

1. Step by Step Guide to Crash a Flying Jet ( Lessons not to be Learnt)
Saints, Pastors, Gurus have toiled their whole lives to reveal this secret, but after few hours
of thorough studies, immaculate research, and unprecedented hard work, we have done it!
We present to you “ A Step by Step Guide to Crash a Flying Jet”. Yes folks you heard it
right, not just a plane you can even crash a complete whole airline service using these
steps, all thanks to our superior enlightening Indian roots and circumambience. Crashing
an airline business is a cooperative effort and takes a lot of hard work, and hence each
player should perform their part correctly otherwise an airline business might just survive
and we don’t want that do we!
Steps to take as a government
1. Make sure that the Airlines regulation process is as opaque is possible because if its
transparent, people will see you change your clothes and they can object to what
you decide to wear or suggest something better to wear. Hence, just give too much
discretion to DGCA, civil servants, and politicians, sit back and enjoy.
2. Ensure you don’t have enough land infrastructures by keeping your already existing
airports under capacitated and certainly forget about building new ones. One
runway for Mumbai Airport and three for Delhi are more than enough to handle the
aviation market in a country with population of 1.3 billion. Leave the market
underpenetrated with less than required commercial aircrafts, 565 is the present
number. They are waste of time and resources anyway. You know why?1
3. Because as a government you should still be under the impression that civil aviation
is a luxury market as we should strive to live in the era we achieved independence it
was clearly a better time than the present.2
4. Air travel is a luxury that’s utilised by rich capitalist pigs ( who doesn’t give a damn)
so aviation fuel should be taxed at a higher rate, as should be the case with air
tickets to ensure these capitalist pigs have to pay more. 3
1 Major Airports in US have 6-7 Runways each, they have over 7000 commercial planes ,by the way population of
US is just32 Crore.
2 ( major low costairlines) Indigo and SpiceJet have 85 and 70% domestic flights respectively
3 A combined State and Central tax on Aviation Turbine Fuel ( ATF) is between 35 to 40% whereas the maximum
GST rate is only 28%.

2. 5. You can allow the other associated industries such as hotel industry, taxi industry,
catering industry, airplane manufacturers, and oil co, airport co. to get rich but
ensure airlines keep getting poorer.4
6. Make sure you bail out only PSUs engaged in aviation business but not any private
airline. Otherwise, Armageddon could present it upon us.
Steps to take as an Airlines Service Industry
1. Despite having unprecedented annual growth of 20% in the Indian aviation market
in the last 4 years have reckless competition and paper thin margins due to high
cost of aviation turbine fuel along with high taxes and surcharges imposed by the
government. See government is helping you.
2. Make sure you focus on short term growth rather than economic viability.
Despite having high functioning cost due to factors like ATF prices, landing and
navigation charges etc., reduce the fares to increase stimulate growth.5
3. Incept the minds of whole airline service industry Christopher Nolan style to induct
around 800 airplanes in next 5-6 years so they are interested in increasing market
growth by cheap fare rates even if it means barely breaking,
4. Give out bonuses, perks, hefty pay checks and all sorts of luxury to your staff, even
though you are drowning in debt.
5. Without even first clearing your aircrafts from DGCA, import and recruit Expert
foreign pilots ( expensive)in order to expand your international flight business,
Planes are configured or not, All permissions are taken or not, these points should
hardly bother you6
6. So don’t aim for profits aim for profits are a sham!
4 A major shareof you ticket ultimately goes to the Airports.
5 Jet Airways( full serviceAviation company) facingreckless competition significantly reduced itcostto match ( low
costairlines)likeSpice,Indigo etc.
6 Kingfisher Airlinesdid the same

3. Steps to take in your specific airline policies
1. Focus on international flights rather than domestic flights despite having terrible
Rupee to Dollar currency exchange rate. We repeat DO NOT!!! Do not increase ticket
fairs despite steady rise in Aviation fuel prices and operational costs just to follow
low cost model (that you need to follow because of entry of low-budget airlines
since 2000s).
2. Remember “ADAPT OR PERISH!” is fake news so adapting to changing
circumstances is for the weak. So, keep being full service airlines offering free meals
and on-board entertainment while consumers refuse to pay for them in case of
other budget airlines. Also, keep the first class seats in your aircraft, there is a
reason other airlines are getting rid of them, the reason is they all are dumb. Indians
will appreciate your superior quality, it’s not just about saving money that’s
important for them (LOL).
3. Government schemes like UDAN-RCS, UDAN (Ude Desh ka Aam Naagrik scheme) are
for noobs ignore them. Have fewer flights in those routes included in the scheme,
because incentives and exemptions are for amateurs.
4. History doesn’t repeat itself. So, don’t learn anything from the past experience of
airlines that crashed like Kingfisher, Air Deccan, and Air Sahara. Follow their
footsteps and expect different result, as only then people would appreciate you.
5. We have known from ancient times ‘Money is the root of all evil’ and ‘paisa to haath
ka mail hai’ as they say, so engage in wasteful spending. Make sure that to crash
your airlines you buy other crashing airlines at an inordinate price. If you doubt this
method just look at proven instances where Kingfisher bought Air Deccan and now
Jet Airways purchase of Air Sahara.
6. Don’t pay the salaries of your employees on time or rather better don’t pay them at
all, they should be just glad that you have given them the gift of employment. This
will increase their moral, they will work harder, and won’t leave your company to
join others as nobody needs to feed their family, pay their rent, school fees for kids,
or house loan instalments such things are myths.
7. Focus just on corporate consumers common people can either walk to their
destinations or be consumers of other airlines. No compromises!

4. 8. Despite having small fleet, have a mixed fleet of aircrafts rather than having aircrafts
of same make as it will increase the cost of resources required, you should
constantly try to increase your cost of resources.
9. Build palace of wings rather than a cottage, Indians love grandeur. So, be stubborn
and have much less seats in your airplanes than the international standards.
Steps to take as management of Airlines
1. Be a good entrepreneur but confuse being a good entrepreneur with being a good
manager. Let’s call this entrepreneur as Garesh Noyal. Mr. Garesh Noyal shouldn’t
listen to his financial advisers and other expert management as they just have the
degrees and experience in the relevant field, always listen to your heart as business
is all about making emotional decisions.
2. Mr. Garesh Noyal must be control freak and should kick every opportunity of
reviving the airlines into dustbin like how Germany kicked Brazil 7-1 in 2014 FIFA
World Cup. Say you get an opportunity to offload costly A330-200s to several
potential buyers, kick it straight to dustbin, boom GOAL!!! *DJ Airhone flares*7. Say
you get an opportunity to sell your entire ATR fleet causing you annual loss of over
$100 million, kick it straight to dustbin, boom GOAL!!! *DJ Airhone flares again*8.
3. Have an investor for example let us give them a fictional name Etimad Airtrays who
is unwilling and disinterested to invest as they don’t trust in the profitability of
oldest private airlines in India. This can be ensured by Mr. Garesh Noyal deliberating
moving airlines global hub to let’s say Amstradam from Brussels.
4. Make sure that such Garesh Noyal tussles with other investor like Etimad Airtrays
for control of company even when the future of company is at risk.
5. Mr. Garesh Noyal should ensure that his promoter’s share doesn’t decrease even if it
means losing investors. Mr. Garesh Noyal shouldn’t resign till the very moment
Titanic hit the iceberg and holes have been drilled in all life boats.
7 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM
8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFr74zI1LBM

5. 6. Mr. Garesh Noyal should also ensure that he fails to find a strategic investor to pump
money into the carrier extended the airline's losses and ensure you fend off any interested
investors let’s call them aTaT group.
Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are
fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and
products is intended or should be inferred.
Just kidding, of course infer it, we don’t care it’s a news analysis piece for God Sake.