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Balanced Leadership: The Role of
Behavior Styles and Emotional Intelligence
Morris W. Beverage Jr., EDM
President, Lakeland Community College
Balanced Leadership:
The Role of Behavior Styles
Exercise: Letā€™s Discover
Something About Ourselvesā€¦
ļ‚§ Complete your individual profile
ļ‚§ Select the word that most describes
you at work
ļ‚§ There are no right or wrong answers
ļ‚§ No one will see your selections
Your Behavior Style Profile
ļ‚§ Which ā€œyouā€ was your focus at the
time you completed the profile?
ļ‚§ External conditions and situations
exist at the present time that may
impact your current response
ļ‚§ Avoid labels
Tasks vs. People
More, better, faster Capable, competent
Likeable
Tasks People
Process vs. Expediency
Thorough,
comprehensive, need
to make one RIGHT
decision
Fast, gut, quick
Process Expediency
Behavior Styles
Task
People
Process
(Ask)
Expediency
(Tell)
ANALYZER CONTROLLER
STABILIZER PERSUADER
(Do)
(Do with)
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Creating Your Profile
Step One Tally your results
Step Two Complete page 5 (Bar Graph)
Step Three Complete page 7 (Style
Combinations)
Step Four Find your combinations (Pages
8-15 or pg. 16 for Overbalance)
Step Five Group yourselves by style
Discussion
ā€¢ Review your style as summarized on the
Quick Reference Card and discuss with
your style group
ā€¢ Do these descriptions ring true for you?
ā€¢ Do they make sense to you? Do they
suggest approaches that you appreciate or
to which you respond positively?
ANALYZERS
ā€¢ Tendency toward perfectionism
ā€¢ Decisions and information provided are
usually accurate and thoughtful
ā€¢ Deal with facts, data, logic, details
ā€¢ Sometimes slow to make decisions
ā€¢ May appear overly cautious and not good
risk-takers
ā€¢ Feelings and emotions kept inside
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Positives and Negatives per Style
A
+
Industrious
Persistent
Serious
Exacting
Orderly
-
Critical
Indecisive
Stuffy
Picky
Moralistic
C
S P
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Analyzers in Teamsā€¦
Contributions ā€¢ Perceived as thorough, analytical and
accurate, above all else
ā€¢ Focus on getting things right (emphasis
on ā€œtaskā€ rather than ā€œpeopleā€)
Limitations ā€¢ Can overanalyze things that donā€™t
warrant the attention (analysis-
paralysis)
ā€¢ Concern for getting it right can slow or
freeze the teamā€™s progress
ā€¢ Can be perceived as aloof and have an
excessive concern with perfection that
can stifle creativity in the group
Fear ā€¢ Unwarranted personal criticism
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
With Analyzersā€¦
DO DONā€™T
Prepare in advance
Be accurate
Be direct
List pros and cons
Present specifics
Be persistent
Use timetables for actions
Provide tangible, practical
evidence
Be disorganized or messy
Be casual, informal or loud
Rush decision-making
Fail to follow through
Waste time
Leave things to chance
Threaten or cajole
Use opinions as evidence
Be manipulative
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
STABILIZERS
ā€¢ ā€œWarm and fuzziesā€
ā€¢ People and friendships are very important
ā€¢ Good at juggling multiple tasks
ā€¢ Concerned about feelings of others
ā€¢ Dependable
ā€¢ Agreeable; less inclined to speak their mind
openly
ā€¢ Can get hurt feelings or be offended easily
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Positives and Negatives per Style
A C
S
+
Supportive
Respectful
Willing
Dependable
Agreeable
-
Conforming
Unsure
Pliable
Dependent
Awkward
P
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Stabilizers in Teamsā€¦
Contributions ā€¢ Often viewed by team members as a
good team player
ā€¢ Empathetic and sensitive to the needs
of others
ā€¢ Likes harmony in team
Limitations ā€¢ Can be indecisive, unwilling to confront
directly, and resist change
ā€¢ Because of their need to maintain team
harmony, their own needs may be
suppressed. Over time, this can cause
resentment and a degree of passive-
aggressiveness
ā€¢ Not inclined to celebrate their
accomplishments, yet they can become
frustrated and perhaps resentful if their
contributions go unnoticed too long
Fear ā€¢ Confusion, chaos, and change
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
With Stabilizersā€¦
DO DONā€™T
Start with a personal comment
Show sincere interest in them
as people
Listen and be responsive
Be casual and non-threatening
Ask ā€œhowā€ questions
Watch for hurt feelings
Provide assurances
Rush into business
Stick constantly to business
Force them to respond quickly
Be demanding
Debate facts & figures
Be abrupt
Be patronizing
Decide for them
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
CONTROLLERS
ā€¢ Strong, decisive and results-oriented
ā€¢ Provide strong guidance for others
ā€¢ May appear pushy at times
ā€¢ Demanding of both themselves and others
ā€¢ Highly self-critical
ā€¢ Efficient; resent those who ā€œwasteā€ time
with idle chit-chat
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Positives and Negatives per Style
A
+
Strong-willed
Independent
Practical
Decisive
Efficient
-
Pushy
Severe
Tough
Dominating
Harsh
C
S P
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Controllers in Teamsā€¦
Contributions ā€¢ Able to make decisions when no one
else wants to
ā€¢ Is not afraid to confront tough issues
ā€¢ Embraces change as a personal
challenge
Limitations ā€¢ Can be perceived as overly
opinionated, combative, arrogant,
impatient, and like change for
changeā€™s sake
ā€¢ May overextend him/herself due to
competing priorities and become
inefficient
Fear ā€¢ Losing control
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
With Controllersā€¦
DO DONā€™T
Be specific & brief
Stick to business
Be prepared
Present facts clearly
Ask ā€œwhatā€ questions
Provide alternative solutions
Take issue with facts
Ramble or waste time
Be disorganized or messy
Leave loopholes or be unclear
Ask rhetorical questions
Make decisions for them
Speculate
Be directive
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
PERSUADERS
ā€¢ Like to get others involved in activities
ā€¢ Highly creative and enthusiastic
ā€¢ Operate primarily by intuition
ā€¢ Party people; like to have a good time
ā€¢ Little tolerance for those who are not
expressive
ā€¢ Easily bored or distracted
ā€¢ Difficult to keep on task
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Positives and Negatives per Style
A C
S
+
Ambitious
Stimulating
Enthusiastic
Dramatic
Friendly
-
Manipulative
Excitable
Undisciplined
Reacting
Egotistical
P
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Persuaders in Teamsā€¦
Contributions ā€¢ Has great enthusiasm for working with
others
ā€¢ Inspires and motivates others
ā€¢ Always available to others
ā€¢ Gives positive feedback easily to
others
Limitations ā€¢ Can be perceived as disorganized
and superficial in their approach to
tasks and people
ā€¢ Can overdo emotional expression
Fear ā€¢ Being blamed or disliked
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
With Persuadersā€¦
DO DONā€™T
Be fast-moving, entertaining
Leave time for socializing
Talk about their goals
Deal with the ā€œbigā€ picture
Ask for their opinions & ideas
Provide examples from people
they believe are important
Offer incentives or rewards
Legislate
Be cold, aloof, or tight-lipped
Press for solutions
Deal with details
Be dogmatic
Talk down to them
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Constructive Feedback
You are an expert on
ā€“ Other peopleā€™s behavior
ā€“ Your feelings
You are NOT an expert on
ā€“ Your behavior
ā€“ Other peopleā€™s feelings
Philosophy of a
Good Communicator
Assume 100% of the responsibility for
understanding what the other person
means.
Assume 100% of the responsibility for
making sure that the person you are
communicating with understands you.
Trust and Respect
Achievement
Acceptance
Flight Fight
Thinking Activity
Intuition
Relationships
Respect (regard for)
Trust
(rely
on)
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Style Flex
Flexibility:
The ability to meet another personā€™s
style needs & satisfy personal style
needs as well.
Being flexible means to:
Situationally, purposefully &
temporarily modify behavior on one or
both dimensions.
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Why Increase Flexibility?
ā€¢ You want to understand how others see you.
ā€¢ You value being more effective with others.
ā€¢ You are willing to obtain a more realistic
picture of your impact.
ā€¢ You pay attention ā€“ aware & pick up clues.
ā€¢ You allow adequate time to learn how to
adjust.
Impact of Tension on Behavior
How does tension impact our behavior?
Do all styles react the same way?
What happens when we canā€™t get rid of
the tension?
Variables impacting
TENSION-REACTION
ļ‚§ Family of Origin
ļ‚§ Cultural Norms
ļ‚§ Personal Belief System
ļ‚§ World View
CORE SITUATIONAL
ļ‚§ What is happening?
ļ‚§ Who is the person
involved?
ļ‚§ Who else is present or
involved?
ļ‚§ Where is this happening?
ļ‚§ What is my current energy
level?
There are two important variables that influence
what you will do under tension:
ā€¢The Effectiveness Institute, 2009
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Situational Responses - Initially
WITHDRAW
TAKE CONTROL
VERBAL ATTACK
ACQUIESCE
P
C
S
A
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
A C
S P
INITIAL REACTIONS TO TENSION & STRESS
Results Results
Emotions
Emotions
Controlled
Responsive
Process Expedient
TAKE CONTROL
ATTACK
(VERBALLY)
ACQUIESCE
WITHDRAW
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Tension - Reaction Behavior
Nitpick
Leave
Prove they are ā€œrightā€
Pull away
Withhold emotions
Explode
Blame
Dictate
Take control
Suppress emotions
Wait too long to act
Tell others
Avoid
Give in & get even
Worry emotionally
Verbal attack
Talk about everything
Cry
ā€œDumpā€ it & forget it
Overreact emotionally
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
Continual Need Deprivation
Withdraw
Take
Control
Attack
Acquiesce
Withdraw
Take Control
Attack
Acquiesce
Withdraw
Take
Control
Attack
Acquiesce
Withdraw
Take
Control
Attack
Acquiesce
Integrity
A
Respect
C
P
Trust
S
Loyalty
Ā© Effectiveness Institute
The Zones of Comfort
Current State
Comfort Discomfort Fear
Where Learning / Change Occurs
When and How Do We Learn /
Change?
Awareness
Integration
Skill
Awkwardness
Practice
Choice
Stages of Learning
Suggested Reading
ā€¢ People Styles at Work: Making Bad
Relationships Good and Good Relationships
Better. Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton
ā€¢ Social Style/Management Style: Developing
Productive Work Relationships. Robert Bolton
and Dorothy Grover Bolton
ā€¢ Personal Styles & Effective Performance
Make Your Style Work for You. David W. Merrill,
Ph.D., Roger H. Reid, M.A.
ā€¢ How to Speak and Listen Effectively. Harvey A.
Robbins
Balanced Leadership:
The Role of Emotional
Intelligence
Leadership
Influencing behaviors, thoughts, feelings of...
human beings.
Leadership
ā€¢ ā€œLeadership is one of theā€¦ least
understood phenomena on earth.ā€
James MacGregor Burns
ā€¢ ā€œā€¦Leadership has been the subject of
an extraordinary amount of
dogmatically stated nonsense.ā€
Chester Barnard
Building A Leader
ā€¢ Physical vitality & stamina
ā€¢ Intelligence
ā€¢ Practical judgment
ā€¢ Vision
ā€¢ Situational competence (the
knowledge a leader has of the
task at hand)
ā€¢ Ambition
ā€¢ Skill in understanding &
dealing with people (including
followers/ constituents)
ā€¢ Organized
ā€¢ Capacity to inspire others
ā€¢ High ethical standards
ā€¢ Willingness to take risks
ā€¢ Charisma / magnetism
ā€¢ Oratorical skills as a public
speaker
ā€¢ Adaptability, flexibility of
approach
ā€¢ Willingness to accept
responsibility
Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence
IQ vs. EQ
What is IQ?
What is EQ?
I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient)
A number that shows the rating of a person's
intelligence. It is found by dividing the mental
age, as shown in tests, by the actual age (16
is the largest age used) and multiplying it by
100.
Intelligence Test
Any test used to measure mental development.
Most intelligence tests include tasks involving
memory, reasoning, definitions, numerical ability,
and recalling facts.
Descriptions
Cognitive capacities;
Technical expertise; Educated;
Know-how; Intellect; Smarts;
Skills; Book-learning.
IQ (the quotient component) tends not
to change much past our teen years.
Why?
What Then Is EI?
ā€¢ E. I. (as defined by World Book) ā€“
the ability to understand oneself and to
empathize with others.
ā€œThe phrase ā€˜emotional intelligenceā€™ was
coined... to describe qualities like
understanding one's own feelingsā€ and ā€˜the
regulation of emotion in a way that enhances
living.ā€™ā€
Gibbs, N., Epperson, S.E., Mondi, L., Graff, J.L., Towle, L.H. (1995 Oct 2). The EQ factor. TIME.
Descriptions
Character; Personality; Soft skills; Socially
capable; Self-confident; Good communicator.
ā€œIQ gets you the interview ā€“
EQ gets you the job.ā€
Misconceptions
EI does not merely mean ā€œbeing nice.ā€ Nor
does it mean allowing free rein to your
feelings or ā€œletting it all hang out.ā€
Two Different Kinds of Intelligence
Intellectual
and
Emotional
Research Findings
Neuroscience Research
Finding that intellect is based solely on the
workings of the neo-cortex (the rational brain),
the more recently evolved layers at the top of
the brain. Emotional centers ā€“ lower in the
brain, closer to the brainstem, in the more
ancient sub-cortex or limbic system (the
emotional brain). These two different parts of
the brain learn differently. Emotional centers
result in skills grounded in our evolutionary
heritage for survival and adaptation.
Gender Differences?
Women tend to be more aware of their
emotions, show more empathy and are adept
interpersonally.
Men tend to be more self-confident and
optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle
stress better.
However, on the whole,
men and women are generally equal
in total emotional intelligence.
Further Research
ā€¢ Work focused around the nature and types
of emotional competencies have evolved
current thinking around expanding the
personal and social nature of emotional
intelligence.
ā€¢ Emotional intelligence can be learned and
is enhanced with experiences ā€“ maturing.
Survey of Job Descriptions
Position* IQ EQ
Clerical
Supervisory
Managerial
President
Survey of Attendees Responses to
Question of ā€œJob challengesā€
IQ IQ/EQ EQ
IQ ā€“ Need cognitive skills or competencies
to address challenge.
EQ ā€“ Need emotional skills or
competencies to address challenge.
The Emotional Competence
Framework
Personal Competence
Social Competence
Your Styles : Your Competencies
ā€¢ Given what you now know about your
behavior styleā€¦
ā€¦ how does your behavior style inform
your personal & social competencies?
A C
S P
Self Awareness
Self Management Social Awareness
Relationship Management
Social
Competencies
Personal
Competencies
Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence
Pride and Prejudice
Pride and Prejudice
Video
PERSONAL vs.
POSITIONAL
POWER BASE
The Good and The Bad
Exercise
GREAT LEADERS MOVE US
through our emotions,
which are contagious.
EXERCISE
ā€¢ Think of a leader for whom or with whom
you worked - one that you would gladly
work with or for again.
ā€¢ Think of a person in a leadership position
that you try to avoid, or left you drained, or
hoping for more.
ā€¢ Describe each person? How did they make
you feel?
The Good - Descriptions
Good Boss
Visionary
Humorous
Kind
Appreciative
Good
communicator
Clear, precise
(communication)
Hard worker
Empathetic
Good team
builder
Positive
Ethical
Results-
oriented (vs.
process)
Good Retail Experience
Friendly
Approachable
Good Listener
Caring
Knowledgeable
Took Time
Reflective
Concerned
Responsive
Above &
Beyond
Self Confident
Took Ownership
Cheerful
Helpful
Insightful
Accommodating
Personable
The Bad - Descriptions
Bad Boss
Disrespectful
Belligerent
Demeaning
Moody
Negative
Unethical
Incompetent
Discouraging
Self-absorbed
Inconsistent
direction
Vindictive
Ego-maniac
Prideful
Manipulative
Paranoid
Bad Retail Experience
Rude
Headstrong
Insensitive
Closed
Unhelpful
Unprofessional
Unconcerned
Untrained
Incompetent
Unethical
Lazy / Bored
Blame others
Smarmy
Arrogant
Condescending
Non-responsive
The Good - Feelings
Good Boss
Empowered
Enthusiastic
Valued
Energized
Hopeful
Confident
Safe
Relaxed
Mutual admiration
Respected
Motivated to excel
Good Retail Experience
Satisfied
You were
important
Valued
Customer for life
Relieved
Pleasant
Open
Grateful
Impressed
Worthy
Validated
Happy
Equal
Encouraged
Hopeful
Special
The Bad - Feelings
Bad Boss
Little, small,
demeaned
Hopeless
Stupid
Drained
Very Stressed
Angry
Fearful
Depressed
Unappreciated
Incompetent
Rebellious
Withdrawn
Uncooperative
Unproductive
Eager to
sabotage
Bad Retail Experience
Angry
Ignored
Devalued
Unimportant
Vengeful
Helpless
Unsatisfied
Disrespected
Unsafe /
Vulnerable
Used &
Abused
Frustrated
Victimized
Disappointed
Discontent
Stressed
Distressed
In shock
Disbelief
Drained
Hopeless
INTENT = IMPACT
INTENT =/= IMPACT
Intent vs. Impact
ļ‚§ People with highly-developed EI are aware
of their IMPACT.
ļ‚§ They are acutely aware that the impact that
behavior has on others can be different
from what you intend or expect.
ļ‚§ People respond to you based upon what
they perceive about your behavior, not what
you think they perceive.
Intelligence
Intellectual
Emotional
Suggested Reading
Goleman, D., (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can
matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.
Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional
intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam.
Goleman, D. (2000). Leadership that gets results.
Harvard Business Review March-April, 82-83.
Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., McKee, A. (2002). Primal
leadership: Learning to lead with emotional
intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School
Press.
Sterrett, E.A. (2000). The managerā€™s pocket guide to
emotional intelligence. Amherst, MA: HRD Press.
Emotional Intelligence: Learning Moments
The Experience
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Frank Outlaw
Food for Thought
Concluding Thoughts
Here is Edward Bear,
coming downstairs now,
bump, bump, bump
on the back of his head
behind Christopher Robin.
Concluding Thoughts
It is, as far as Edward knows,
the only way of coming
downstairs.
Concluding Thoughts
But sometimes,
he feels that there is another way,
if only he could stop
bumping for a
moment, and think
about it.
Thank you!
Balanced Leadership:
The Role of Behavior Styles and
Emotional Intelligence
ADDENDUM to
Behavior Styles and
Emotional Intelligence
Potentially Toxic Relationships
Natural tensions occur between individuals whose
orientations are dramatically different from one
another:
Analyzer and Persuader
Controller and Stabilizer
Potentially Compatible Relationships
Controller and Analyzer
Analyzer and Stabilizer
Stabilizer and Persuader
Controller and Persuader
Behavior Styles: Trust
ā€¢ For this discussion, ā€œtrustā€ means
I can rely on you for repeated patterns of
expected behavior.
ā€“ There is perceived authenticity; you are real, you
are genuine.
ā€“ There is a perceived pattern in behavior.
ā€“ I must believe you CARE.
The TRUST Continuum
T R U S T
Untrustworthy
Distrust
Skeptical
Maybe
Conditional
Trustworthy
Unconditional
Behavior Styles: Respect
ā€¢ While trust ties to the chemistry part of a
relationship, ā€œrespectā€ ties to the talents
and skills a person brings to the
relationship.
ā€“ It is tied to the fact that you are good at doing
something.
ā€“ I have a high ā€œregard forā€ your ability to use your
talents and skills.
The RESPECT Continuum
R E S P E C T
Disrespect
No
Respect
Do
not
Respect
Maybe
Due
Respect
Respectful
Admire
Emotional Intelligence Considerations
ļ‚§ How can we strengthen competencies
that are currently less developed?
ļ‚§ How does this information shape the way
we guide and interact with others?
ļ‚§ How does our understanding of behavior
styles impact our EI?
ļ‚§ How can we use this information to be
better leaders in our work? In the
community?
Developing Your Emotional Intelligence
Acting With Integrity
ļ‚§ Difficult choices occur
ļ‚§ Align choices with core values
ļ‚§ Negative impact from being ā€œout of alignmentā€
Understanding the Applicability of EI
ļ‚§ Gifted individuals who are exceptionally bright
can also be remarkably ineffective and
unproductive
ļ‚§ Consider your own area of expertise- which
components are intellectual and which are
emotional? (Banking, Public Administration,
Education, Service Providers, Engineering,
Community Development, etc)
ļ‚§ Behaviors are learned and can be ā€œunlearnedā€
Another View
Per Daniel Golemanā€¦
EI refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings
and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for
managing emotions well in ourselves and in our
relationships.
and
EI is the ā€œability to motivate oneself and persist in the face
of frustrations, to control and delay gratification, to
regulate oneā€™s moods, to empathize and to hope.ā€ (p. 34)
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.
The Case for Emotional Intelligence
ā€¢ US Air Force Recruiter Selection
ļ‚§ Most successful recruiters scored significantly
higher in EI competencies
ļ‚§ Using EI to select recruiters increased USAF
ability to predict successful recruiters by nearly
three-fold
ļ‚§ Immediate gain was a savings of $3 million
annually.
The Case for Emotional Intelligence
ā€¢ Lā€™Oreal sales agents selected on the
basis of EI competencies
ļ‚§ Significantly outsold sales people selected using
old procedures.
ļ‚§ Sold $91,370 more than other agents for a net
revenue increase of over $2.5 million.
ļ‚§ Had 63% less turnover during their first year.
The Case for Emotional Intelligence
ā€¢ After supervisors in a manufacturing plant
received EI trainingā€¦
ļ‚§ Lost time accidents were reduced by 50%
ļ‚§ Formal grievances were reduced from an
average of 15 per year to 3 per year
ļ‚§ The plant exceeded productivity goals by
$250,000
Self-Awareness
Knowing oneā€™s internal states,
preferences, resources and intuitions.
Emotional Awareness
Accurate Self-assessment
Self-confidence
A C
S P
PERSONAL COMPETENCE
Self-Regulation
Managing oneā€™s internal states,
preferences and resources.
Self-control
Trustworthiness
Conscientiousness
Adaptability
Innovation
Motivation
Emotional tendencies that
guide or facilitate reaching
goals.
Achievement Drive
Commitment
Initiative
Optimism
PERSONAL COMPETENCE
Self Management
A C
S P
Empathy
Awareness of othersā€™ feelings,
needs and concerns.
Understanding Others
Developing Others
Service Orientation
Leveraging Diversity
Political Awareness
SOCIAL COMPETENCE
A C
S P
Social Skills
Adeptness at inducing desirable results from
others.
Influence
Communication
Conflict Management
Leadership
Change Catalyst
Building Bonds
SOCIAL COMPETENCE
A C
S P
Communication isā€¦
ā€¢ Understanding between and among
people
ā€¢ An interdependent process
ā€¢ Not necessarily agreement
ā€¢ Constant. You cannot NOT communicate.
We constantly communicate, and we
constantly receive communication from
others.
Basic Principles of Communication
ā€¢ 90% of interpersonal communication
takes place on the unconscious level.
ā€¢ People judge you by your behavior, not
your intent.
ā€¢ People are motivated by their needs, not
yours.
Communicating Through Filters
values
assumptions
interests prejudice
strong feelings
past experience
expectations
physical environment
memories
attitudes
How We Communicate
ā€¢ What people can see
ā€¢ What people can hear
ā€¢ What we actually say
Communication is in the mind of the
recipient. Youā€™re just making noise if the
other person doesnā€™t hear you.
Effective Communicatorsā€¦
ā€¢ Understand how communication occurs
ā€¢ Understand their own communication behavior
style
ā€¢ Learn to diagnose the communication needs of
others
ā€¢ Develop listening skills
ā€¢ Communicate with others in a way that is
sensitive to and aware of their needs
Easier said than done, huh?
Wouldnā€™t it be great if you couldā€¦
ā€¢ Understand how your preferred style of working comes
across to other people?
ā€¢ ā€œReadā€ other peopleā€™s behavior so youā€™ll know the best
way to work with them?
ā€¢ Find common ground with people while maintaining
your individuality and integrity?
ā€¢ Adjust your behavior in small ways that dramatically
improve results among different styles?
ā€¢ Relate effectivelyā€”no matter how others react to you?
People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good
Relationships Better. Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton.
ā€œTrust me Mort ā€“ no electronic-communications superhighway, no matter how vast and
sophisticated, will ever replace the art of the schmooze.ā€
Effective Communication Techniques
ā€¢ Use feedback
ā€¢ Choose appropriate (and perhaps multiple)
channels
ā€“ Email, phone, one-on-one?
ā€“ Amount of information and timing?
ā€¢ Be sensitive to the receiver
ā€¢ Be aware of observable behaviors and
symbolic meanings
ā€¢ Use simple language
ā€¢ Use repetition
How to Speak and Listen Effectively, Harvey A. Robbins.
Most Common Poor Listening Habits
ā€¢ Not paying attention
ā€¢ ā€œPseudolisteningā€
ā€¢ Listening but not hearing
ā€¢ Rehearsing
ā€¢ Interrupting
ā€¢ Hearing what is expected
ā€¢ Feeling defensive
Developing Positive Listening Habits
ā€¢ Paying attention
ā€¢ Listening for the whole message
ā€¢ Hearing before evaluating
ā€¢ Paraphrasing what was heard
25 Activities for Teams, Pfeiffer & Company
Key points to take away
ļƒ‘ Think about your communication/behavioral style
ļƒ‘ Think about how you apply that style in dealing
with others, particularly those with other styles
ļƒ‘ Remember that communication is more than
words
ļƒ‘ Assume real responsibility for your communication
ļƒ‘ If you want to get different results, YOU have
to do things differently.
Active Listening
ā€¢ Minimize distractions
ā€¢ Reduce physical barriers
ā€¢ Avoid or limit interruptions
ā€¢ Detect the central idea
ā€¢ Control your emotions
ā€¢ Evaluate the message
ā€¢ Be aware of your physical position and nonverbal behavior
ā€¢ Allow silence
ā€¢ Ask probing and occasional questions
ā€¢ Acknowledge and respond using paraphrasing, perception
checking and summarizing
Giving Constructive Feedback
1. ā€œWhen you . . .ā€ Start with a ā€œWhen you . . .ā€ statement that
describes the behavior without judgment,
exaggeration, labeling, attribution, or motives. Just
state the facts as specifically as possible.
2. ā€œI feel . . .ā€ Tell how their behavior affects you. If you need more
than a word or two to describe the feeling, itā€™s
probably just some variation of joy, sorrow, anger,
concern or fear.
3. ā€œBecause I . . .ā€ Now say why you are affected that way. Describe
the connection between the facts you observed and
the feelings they provoke in you.
Sholtes, Peter R., The Team Handbook, Joiner Associates (1988)
Giving Constructive Feedback
4. Pause for discussion Let the other person respond.
5. ā€œI would likeā€¦.ā€ Describe the change you want the other
person to considerā€¦
6. ā€œBecauseā€¦.ā€ ā€¦and why you think the change will
alleviate the problem.
7. ā€œWhat do you think?ā€¦ā€ Listen to the other personā€™s response. Be
prepared to discuss options and reach
consensus on a solution.
Example: Giving Constructive Feedback
1. ā€œWhen youā€¦ā€ ā€œWhen you are late for team meetings,
2. ā€œI feelā€¦ā€ I get angry...
3. ā€œBecause Iā€¦ā€ ... because I think it is wasting the time of all
the other team members and we are never
able to get through all of the agenda items.ā€
4. (Pause for discussion)
5. ā€œI would likeā€¦ā€ ā€œI would like you to consider finding some way
of planning your schedule that lets you get to
these team meetings on time.ā€
6. ā€œBecauseā€¦ā€ ā€œBecause that way we can be more productive
at the team meetings and we can all keep to
our tight schedules.ā€
7. ā€œWhat do you think?ā€

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Leadership+Behavior+Styles+and+Emotional+Intelligence_handouts.pptx

  • 1. Balanced Leadership: The Role of Behavior Styles and Emotional Intelligence Morris W. Beverage Jr., EDM President, Lakeland Community College
  • 2. Balanced Leadership: The Role of Behavior Styles
  • 3. Exercise: Letā€™s Discover Something About Ourselvesā€¦ ļ‚§ Complete your individual profile ļ‚§ Select the word that most describes you at work ļ‚§ There are no right or wrong answers ļ‚§ No one will see your selections
  • 4. Your Behavior Style Profile ļ‚§ Which ā€œyouā€ was your focus at the time you completed the profile? ļ‚§ External conditions and situations exist at the present time that may impact your current response ļ‚§ Avoid labels
  • 5. Tasks vs. People More, better, faster Capable, competent Likeable Tasks People
  • 6. Process vs. Expediency Thorough, comprehensive, need to make one RIGHT decision Fast, gut, quick Process Expediency
  • 8. Creating Your Profile Step One Tally your results Step Two Complete page 5 (Bar Graph) Step Three Complete page 7 (Style Combinations) Step Four Find your combinations (Pages 8-15 or pg. 16 for Overbalance) Step Five Group yourselves by style
  • 9. Discussion ā€¢ Review your style as summarized on the Quick Reference Card and discuss with your style group ā€¢ Do these descriptions ring true for you? ā€¢ Do they make sense to you? Do they suggest approaches that you appreciate or to which you respond positively?
  • 10. ANALYZERS ā€¢ Tendency toward perfectionism ā€¢ Decisions and information provided are usually accurate and thoughtful ā€¢ Deal with facts, data, logic, details ā€¢ Sometimes slow to make decisions ā€¢ May appear overly cautious and not good risk-takers ā€¢ Feelings and emotions kept inside Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 11. Positives and Negatives per Style A + Industrious Persistent Serious Exacting Orderly - Critical Indecisive Stuffy Picky Moralistic C S P Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 12. Analyzers in Teamsā€¦ Contributions ā€¢ Perceived as thorough, analytical and accurate, above all else ā€¢ Focus on getting things right (emphasis on ā€œtaskā€ rather than ā€œpeopleā€) Limitations ā€¢ Can overanalyze things that donā€™t warrant the attention (analysis- paralysis) ā€¢ Concern for getting it right can slow or freeze the teamā€™s progress ā€¢ Can be perceived as aloof and have an excessive concern with perfection that can stifle creativity in the group Fear ā€¢ Unwarranted personal criticism Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 13. With Analyzersā€¦ DO DONā€™T Prepare in advance Be accurate Be direct List pros and cons Present specifics Be persistent Use timetables for actions Provide tangible, practical evidence Be disorganized or messy Be casual, informal or loud Rush decision-making Fail to follow through Waste time Leave things to chance Threaten or cajole Use opinions as evidence Be manipulative Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 14. STABILIZERS ā€¢ ā€œWarm and fuzziesā€ ā€¢ People and friendships are very important ā€¢ Good at juggling multiple tasks ā€¢ Concerned about feelings of others ā€¢ Dependable ā€¢ Agreeable; less inclined to speak their mind openly ā€¢ Can get hurt feelings or be offended easily Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 15. Positives and Negatives per Style A C S + Supportive Respectful Willing Dependable Agreeable - Conforming Unsure Pliable Dependent Awkward P Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 16. Stabilizers in Teamsā€¦ Contributions ā€¢ Often viewed by team members as a good team player ā€¢ Empathetic and sensitive to the needs of others ā€¢ Likes harmony in team Limitations ā€¢ Can be indecisive, unwilling to confront directly, and resist change ā€¢ Because of their need to maintain team harmony, their own needs may be suppressed. Over time, this can cause resentment and a degree of passive- aggressiveness ā€¢ Not inclined to celebrate their accomplishments, yet they can become frustrated and perhaps resentful if their contributions go unnoticed too long Fear ā€¢ Confusion, chaos, and change Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 17. With Stabilizersā€¦ DO DONā€™T Start with a personal comment Show sincere interest in them as people Listen and be responsive Be casual and non-threatening Ask ā€œhowā€ questions Watch for hurt feelings Provide assurances Rush into business Stick constantly to business Force them to respond quickly Be demanding Debate facts & figures Be abrupt Be patronizing Decide for them Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 18. CONTROLLERS ā€¢ Strong, decisive and results-oriented ā€¢ Provide strong guidance for others ā€¢ May appear pushy at times ā€¢ Demanding of both themselves and others ā€¢ Highly self-critical ā€¢ Efficient; resent those who ā€œwasteā€ time with idle chit-chat Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 19. Positives and Negatives per Style A + Strong-willed Independent Practical Decisive Efficient - Pushy Severe Tough Dominating Harsh C S P Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 20. Controllers in Teamsā€¦ Contributions ā€¢ Able to make decisions when no one else wants to ā€¢ Is not afraid to confront tough issues ā€¢ Embraces change as a personal challenge Limitations ā€¢ Can be perceived as overly opinionated, combative, arrogant, impatient, and like change for changeā€™s sake ā€¢ May overextend him/herself due to competing priorities and become inefficient Fear ā€¢ Losing control Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 21. With Controllersā€¦ DO DONā€™T Be specific & brief Stick to business Be prepared Present facts clearly Ask ā€œwhatā€ questions Provide alternative solutions Take issue with facts Ramble or waste time Be disorganized or messy Leave loopholes or be unclear Ask rhetorical questions Make decisions for them Speculate Be directive Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 22. PERSUADERS ā€¢ Like to get others involved in activities ā€¢ Highly creative and enthusiastic ā€¢ Operate primarily by intuition ā€¢ Party people; like to have a good time ā€¢ Little tolerance for those who are not expressive ā€¢ Easily bored or distracted ā€¢ Difficult to keep on task Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 23. Positives and Negatives per Style A C S + Ambitious Stimulating Enthusiastic Dramatic Friendly - Manipulative Excitable Undisciplined Reacting Egotistical P Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 24. Persuaders in Teamsā€¦ Contributions ā€¢ Has great enthusiasm for working with others ā€¢ Inspires and motivates others ā€¢ Always available to others ā€¢ Gives positive feedback easily to others Limitations ā€¢ Can be perceived as disorganized and superficial in their approach to tasks and people ā€¢ Can overdo emotional expression Fear ā€¢ Being blamed or disliked Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 25. With Persuadersā€¦ DO DONā€™T Be fast-moving, entertaining Leave time for socializing Talk about their goals Deal with the ā€œbigā€ picture Ask for their opinions & ideas Provide examples from people they believe are important Offer incentives or rewards Legislate Be cold, aloof, or tight-lipped Press for solutions Deal with details Be dogmatic Talk down to them Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 26. Constructive Feedback You are an expert on ā€“ Other peopleā€™s behavior ā€“ Your feelings You are NOT an expert on ā€“ Your behavior ā€“ Other peopleā€™s feelings
  • 27. Philosophy of a Good Communicator Assume 100% of the responsibility for understanding what the other person means. Assume 100% of the responsibility for making sure that the person you are communicating with understands you.
  • 28. Trust and Respect Achievement Acceptance Flight Fight Thinking Activity Intuition Relationships Respect (regard for) Trust (rely on) Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 29. Style Flex Flexibility: The ability to meet another personā€™s style needs & satisfy personal style needs as well. Being flexible means to: Situationally, purposefully & temporarily modify behavior on one or both dimensions. Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 30. Why Increase Flexibility? ā€¢ You want to understand how others see you. ā€¢ You value being more effective with others. ā€¢ You are willing to obtain a more realistic picture of your impact. ā€¢ You pay attention ā€“ aware & pick up clues. ā€¢ You allow adequate time to learn how to adjust.
  • 31. Impact of Tension on Behavior How does tension impact our behavior? Do all styles react the same way? What happens when we canā€™t get rid of the tension?
  • 32. Variables impacting TENSION-REACTION ļ‚§ Family of Origin ļ‚§ Cultural Norms ļ‚§ Personal Belief System ļ‚§ World View CORE SITUATIONAL ļ‚§ What is happening? ļ‚§ Who is the person involved? ļ‚§ Who else is present or involved? ļ‚§ Where is this happening? ļ‚§ What is my current energy level? There are two important variables that influence what you will do under tension: ā€¢The Effectiveness Institute, 2009 Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 33. Situational Responses - Initially WITHDRAW TAKE CONTROL VERBAL ATTACK ACQUIESCE P C S A Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 34. A C S P INITIAL REACTIONS TO TENSION & STRESS Results Results Emotions Emotions Controlled Responsive Process Expedient TAKE CONTROL ATTACK (VERBALLY) ACQUIESCE WITHDRAW Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 35. Tension - Reaction Behavior Nitpick Leave Prove they are ā€œrightā€ Pull away Withhold emotions Explode Blame Dictate Take control Suppress emotions Wait too long to act Tell others Avoid Give in & get even Worry emotionally Verbal attack Talk about everything Cry ā€œDumpā€ it & forget it Overreact emotionally Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 36. Continual Need Deprivation Withdraw Take Control Attack Acquiesce Withdraw Take Control Attack Acquiesce Withdraw Take Control Attack Acquiesce Withdraw Take Control Attack Acquiesce Integrity A Respect C P Trust S Loyalty Ā© Effectiveness Institute
  • 37. The Zones of Comfort Current State Comfort Discomfort Fear Where Learning / Change Occurs When and How Do We Learn / Change?
  • 39. Suggested Reading ā€¢ People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better. Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton ā€¢ Social Style/Management Style: Developing Productive Work Relationships. Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton ā€¢ Personal Styles & Effective Performance Make Your Style Work for You. David W. Merrill, Ph.D., Roger H. Reid, M.A. ā€¢ How to Speak and Listen Effectively. Harvey A. Robbins
  • 40. Balanced Leadership: The Role of Emotional Intelligence
  • 41. Leadership Influencing behaviors, thoughts, feelings of... human beings.
  • 42. Leadership ā€¢ ā€œLeadership is one of theā€¦ least understood phenomena on earth.ā€ James MacGregor Burns ā€¢ ā€œā€¦Leadership has been the subject of an extraordinary amount of dogmatically stated nonsense.ā€ Chester Barnard
  • 43. Building A Leader ā€¢ Physical vitality & stamina ā€¢ Intelligence ā€¢ Practical judgment ā€¢ Vision ā€¢ Situational competence (the knowledge a leader has of the task at hand) ā€¢ Ambition ā€¢ Skill in understanding & dealing with people (including followers/ constituents) ā€¢ Organized ā€¢ Capacity to inspire others ā€¢ High ethical standards ā€¢ Willingness to take risks ā€¢ Charisma / magnetism ā€¢ Oratorical skills as a public speaker ā€¢ Adaptability, flexibility of approach ā€¢ Willingness to accept responsibility
  • 44. Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence IQ vs. EQ What is IQ? What is EQ?
  • 45. I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) A number that shows the rating of a person's intelligence. It is found by dividing the mental age, as shown in tests, by the actual age (16 is the largest age used) and multiplying it by 100. Intelligence Test Any test used to measure mental development. Most intelligence tests include tasks involving memory, reasoning, definitions, numerical ability, and recalling facts.
  • 46. Descriptions Cognitive capacities; Technical expertise; Educated; Know-how; Intellect; Smarts; Skills; Book-learning. IQ (the quotient component) tends not to change much past our teen years. Why?
  • 47. What Then Is EI? ā€¢ E. I. (as defined by World Book) ā€“ the ability to understand oneself and to empathize with others. ā€œThe phrase ā€˜emotional intelligenceā€™ was coined... to describe qualities like understanding one's own feelingsā€ and ā€˜the regulation of emotion in a way that enhances living.ā€™ā€ Gibbs, N., Epperson, S.E., Mondi, L., Graff, J.L., Towle, L.H. (1995 Oct 2). The EQ factor. TIME.
  • 48. Descriptions Character; Personality; Soft skills; Socially capable; Self-confident; Good communicator. ā€œIQ gets you the interview ā€“ EQ gets you the job.ā€ Misconceptions EI does not merely mean ā€œbeing nice.ā€ Nor does it mean allowing free rein to your feelings or ā€œletting it all hang out.ā€
  • 49. Two Different Kinds of Intelligence Intellectual and Emotional
  • 50. Research Findings Neuroscience Research Finding that intellect is based solely on the workings of the neo-cortex (the rational brain), the more recently evolved layers at the top of the brain. Emotional centers ā€“ lower in the brain, closer to the brainstem, in the more ancient sub-cortex or limbic system (the emotional brain). These two different parts of the brain learn differently. Emotional centers result in skills grounded in our evolutionary heritage for survival and adaptation.
  • 51. Gender Differences? Women tend to be more aware of their emotions, show more empathy and are adept interpersonally. Men tend to be more self-confident and optimistic, adapt more easily, and handle stress better. However, on the whole, men and women are generally equal in total emotional intelligence.
  • 52. Further Research ā€¢ Work focused around the nature and types of emotional competencies have evolved current thinking around expanding the personal and social nature of emotional intelligence. ā€¢ Emotional intelligence can be learned and is enhanced with experiences ā€“ maturing.
  • 53. Survey of Job Descriptions Position* IQ EQ Clerical Supervisory Managerial President
  • 54. Survey of Attendees Responses to Question of ā€œJob challengesā€ IQ IQ/EQ EQ IQ ā€“ Need cognitive skills or competencies to address challenge. EQ ā€“ Need emotional skills or competencies to address challenge.
  • 55. The Emotional Competence Framework Personal Competence Social Competence
  • 56. Your Styles : Your Competencies ā€¢ Given what you now know about your behavior styleā€¦ ā€¦ how does your behavior style inform your personal & social competencies? A C S P
  • 57. Self Awareness Self Management Social Awareness Relationship Management Social Competencies Personal Competencies Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence
  • 58. Pride and Prejudice Pride and Prejudice Video
  • 60. The Good and The Bad Exercise
  • 61. GREAT LEADERS MOVE US through our emotions, which are contagious.
  • 62. EXERCISE ā€¢ Think of a leader for whom or with whom you worked - one that you would gladly work with or for again. ā€¢ Think of a person in a leadership position that you try to avoid, or left you drained, or hoping for more. ā€¢ Describe each person? How did they make you feel?
  • 63. The Good - Descriptions Good Boss Visionary Humorous Kind Appreciative Good communicator Clear, precise (communication) Hard worker Empathetic Good team builder Positive Ethical Results- oriented (vs. process) Good Retail Experience Friendly Approachable Good Listener Caring Knowledgeable Took Time Reflective Concerned Responsive Above & Beyond Self Confident Took Ownership Cheerful Helpful Insightful Accommodating Personable
  • 64. The Bad - Descriptions Bad Boss Disrespectful Belligerent Demeaning Moody Negative Unethical Incompetent Discouraging Self-absorbed Inconsistent direction Vindictive Ego-maniac Prideful Manipulative Paranoid Bad Retail Experience Rude Headstrong Insensitive Closed Unhelpful Unprofessional Unconcerned Untrained Incompetent Unethical Lazy / Bored Blame others Smarmy Arrogant Condescending Non-responsive
  • 65. The Good - Feelings Good Boss Empowered Enthusiastic Valued Energized Hopeful Confident Safe Relaxed Mutual admiration Respected Motivated to excel Good Retail Experience Satisfied You were important Valued Customer for life Relieved Pleasant Open Grateful Impressed Worthy Validated Happy Equal Encouraged Hopeful Special
  • 66. The Bad - Feelings Bad Boss Little, small, demeaned Hopeless Stupid Drained Very Stressed Angry Fearful Depressed Unappreciated Incompetent Rebellious Withdrawn Uncooperative Unproductive Eager to sabotage Bad Retail Experience Angry Ignored Devalued Unimportant Vengeful Helpless Unsatisfied Disrespected Unsafe / Vulnerable Used & Abused Frustrated Victimized Disappointed Discontent Stressed Distressed In shock Disbelief Drained Hopeless
  • 69. Intent vs. Impact ļ‚§ People with highly-developed EI are aware of their IMPACT. ļ‚§ They are acutely aware that the impact that behavior has on others can be different from what you intend or expect. ļ‚§ People respond to you based upon what they perceive about your behavior, not what you think they perceive.
  • 71. Suggested Reading Goleman, D., (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam. Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam. Goleman, D. (2000). Leadership that gets results. Harvard Business Review March-April, 82-83. Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., McKee, A. (2002). Primal leadership: Learning to lead with emotional intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press. Sterrett, E.A. (2000). The managerā€™s pocket guide to emotional intelligence. Amherst, MA: HRD Press.
  • 74. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. Frank Outlaw Food for Thought
  • 75. Concluding Thoughts Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump on the back of his head behind Christopher Robin.
  • 76. Concluding Thoughts It is, as far as Edward knows, the only way of coming downstairs.
  • 77. Concluding Thoughts But sometimes, he feels that there is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment, and think about it.
  • 78. Thank you! Balanced Leadership: The Role of Behavior Styles and Emotional Intelligence
  • 79. ADDENDUM to Behavior Styles and Emotional Intelligence
  • 80. Potentially Toxic Relationships Natural tensions occur between individuals whose orientations are dramatically different from one another: Analyzer and Persuader Controller and Stabilizer
  • 81. Potentially Compatible Relationships Controller and Analyzer Analyzer and Stabilizer Stabilizer and Persuader Controller and Persuader
  • 82. Behavior Styles: Trust ā€¢ For this discussion, ā€œtrustā€ means I can rely on you for repeated patterns of expected behavior. ā€“ There is perceived authenticity; you are real, you are genuine. ā€“ There is a perceived pattern in behavior. ā€“ I must believe you CARE.
  • 83. The TRUST Continuum T R U S T Untrustworthy Distrust Skeptical Maybe Conditional Trustworthy Unconditional
  • 84. Behavior Styles: Respect ā€¢ While trust ties to the chemistry part of a relationship, ā€œrespectā€ ties to the talents and skills a person brings to the relationship. ā€“ It is tied to the fact that you are good at doing something. ā€“ I have a high ā€œregard forā€ your ability to use your talents and skills.
  • 85. The RESPECT Continuum R E S P E C T Disrespect No Respect Do not Respect Maybe Due Respect Respectful Admire
  • 86. Emotional Intelligence Considerations ļ‚§ How can we strengthen competencies that are currently less developed? ļ‚§ How does this information shape the way we guide and interact with others? ļ‚§ How does our understanding of behavior styles impact our EI? ļ‚§ How can we use this information to be better leaders in our work? In the community?
  • 87. Developing Your Emotional Intelligence Acting With Integrity ļ‚§ Difficult choices occur ļ‚§ Align choices with core values ļ‚§ Negative impact from being ā€œout of alignmentā€
  • 88. Understanding the Applicability of EI ļ‚§ Gifted individuals who are exceptionally bright can also be remarkably ineffective and unproductive ļ‚§ Consider your own area of expertise- which components are intellectual and which are emotional? (Banking, Public Administration, Education, Service Providers, Engineering, Community Development, etc) ļ‚§ Behaviors are learned and can be ā€œunlearnedā€
  • 89. Another View Per Daniel Golemanā€¦ EI refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. and EI is the ā€œability to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations, to control and delay gratification, to regulate oneā€™s moods, to empathize and to hope.ā€ (p. 34) Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam.
  • 90. The Case for Emotional Intelligence ā€¢ US Air Force Recruiter Selection ļ‚§ Most successful recruiters scored significantly higher in EI competencies ļ‚§ Using EI to select recruiters increased USAF ability to predict successful recruiters by nearly three-fold ļ‚§ Immediate gain was a savings of $3 million annually.
  • 91. The Case for Emotional Intelligence ā€¢ Lā€™Oreal sales agents selected on the basis of EI competencies ļ‚§ Significantly outsold sales people selected using old procedures. ļ‚§ Sold $91,370 more than other agents for a net revenue increase of over $2.5 million. ļ‚§ Had 63% less turnover during their first year.
  • 92. The Case for Emotional Intelligence ā€¢ After supervisors in a manufacturing plant received EI trainingā€¦ ļ‚§ Lost time accidents were reduced by 50% ļ‚§ Formal grievances were reduced from an average of 15 per year to 3 per year ļ‚§ The plant exceeded productivity goals by $250,000
  • 93. Self-Awareness Knowing oneā€™s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions. Emotional Awareness Accurate Self-assessment Self-confidence A C S P PERSONAL COMPETENCE
  • 94. Self-Regulation Managing oneā€™s internal states, preferences and resources. Self-control Trustworthiness Conscientiousness Adaptability Innovation Motivation Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals. Achievement Drive Commitment Initiative Optimism PERSONAL COMPETENCE Self Management A C S P
  • 95. Empathy Awareness of othersā€™ feelings, needs and concerns. Understanding Others Developing Others Service Orientation Leveraging Diversity Political Awareness SOCIAL COMPETENCE A C S P
  • 96. Social Skills Adeptness at inducing desirable results from others. Influence Communication Conflict Management Leadership Change Catalyst Building Bonds SOCIAL COMPETENCE A C S P
  • 97. Communication isā€¦ ā€¢ Understanding between and among people ā€¢ An interdependent process ā€¢ Not necessarily agreement ā€¢ Constant. You cannot NOT communicate. We constantly communicate, and we constantly receive communication from others.
  • 98. Basic Principles of Communication ā€¢ 90% of interpersonal communication takes place on the unconscious level. ā€¢ People judge you by your behavior, not your intent. ā€¢ People are motivated by their needs, not yours.
  • 99. Communicating Through Filters values assumptions interests prejudice strong feelings past experience expectations physical environment memories attitudes
  • 100. How We Communicate ā€¢ What people can see ā€¢ What people can hear ā€¢ What we actually say Communication is in the mind of the recipient. Youā€™re just making noise if the other person doesnā€™t hear you.
  • 101. Effective Communicatorsā€¦ ā€¢ Understand how communication occurs ā€¢ Understand their own communication behavior style ā€¢ Learn to diagnose the communication needs of others ā€¢ Develop listening skills ā€¢ Communicate with others in a way that is sensitive to and aware of their needs Easier said than done, huh?
  • 102. Wouldnā€™t it be great if you couldā€¦ ā€¢ Understand how your preferred style of working comes across to other people? ā€¢ ā€œReadā€ other peopleā€™s behavior so youā€™ll know the best way to work with them? ā€¢ Find common ground with people while maintaining your individuality and integrity? ā€¢ Adjust your behavior in small ways that dramatically improve results among different styles? ā€¢ Relate effectivelyā€”no matter how others react to you? People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better. Robert Bolton and Dorothy Grover Bolton.
  • 103. ā€œTrust me Mort ā€“ no electronic-communications superhighway, no matter how vast and sophisticated, will ever replace the art of the schmooze.ā€
  • 104. Effective Communication Techniques ā€¢ Use feedback ā€¢ Choose appropriate (and perhaps multiple) channels ā€“ Email, phone, one-on-one? ā€“ Amount of information and timing? ā€¢ Be sensitive to the receiver ā€¢ Be aware of observable behaviors and symbolic meanings ā€¢ Use simple language ā€¢ Use repetition How to Speak and Listen Effectively, Harvey A. Robbins.
  • 105. Most Common Poor Listening Habits ā€¢ Not paying attention ā€¢ ā€œPseudolisteningā€ ā€¢ Listening but not hearing ā€¢ Rehearsing ā€¢ Interrupting ā€¢ Hearing what is expected ā€¢ Feeling defensive
  • 106. Developing Positive Listening Habits ā€¢ Paying attention ā€¢ Listening for the whole message ā€¢ Hearing before evaluating ā€¢ Paraphrasing what was heard 25 Activities for Teams, Pfeiffer & Company
  • 107. Key points to take away ļƒ‘ Think about your communication/behavioral style ļƒ‘ Think about how you apply that style in dealing with others, particularly those with other styles ļƒ‘ Remember that communication is more than words ļƒ‘ Assume real responsibility for your communication ļƒ‘ If you want to get different results, YOU have to do things differently.
  • 108. Active Listening ā€¢ Minimize distractions ā€¢ Reduce physical barriers ā€¢ Avoid or limit interruptions ā€¢ Detect the central idea ā€¢ Control your emotions ā€¢ Evaluate the message ā€¢ Be aware of your physical position and nonverbal behavior ā€¢ Allow silence ā€¢ Ask probing and occasional questions ā€¢ Acknowledge and respond using paraphrasing, perception checking and summarizing
  • 109. Giving Constructive Feedback 1. ā€œWhen you . . .ā€ Start with a ā€œWhen you . . .ā€ statement that describes the behavior without judgment, exaggeration, labeling, attribution, or motives. Just state the facts as specifically as possible. 2. ā€œI feel . . .ā€ Tell how their behavior affects you. If you need more than a word or two to describe the feeling, itā€™s probably just some variation of joy, sorrow, anger, concern or fear. 3. ā€œBecause I . . .ā€ Now say why you are affected that way. Describe the connection between the facts you observed and the feelings they provoke in you.
  • 110. Sholtes, Peter R., The Team Handbook, Joiner Associates (1988) Giving Constructive Feedback 4. Pause for discussion Let the other person respond. 5. ā€œI would likeā€¦.ā€ Describe the change you want the other person to considerā€¦ 6. ā€œBecauseā€¦.ā€ ā€¦and why you think the change will alleviate the problem. 7. ā€œWhat do you think?ā€¦ā€ Listen to the other personā€™s response. Be prepared to discuss options and reach consensus on a solution.
  • 111. Example: Giving Constructive Feedback 1. ā€œWhen youā€¦ā€ ā€œWhen you are late for team meetings, 2. ā€œI feelā€¦ā€ I get angry... 3. ā€œBecause Iā€¦ā€ ... because I think it is wasting the time of all the other team members and we are never able to get through all of the agenda items.ā€ 4. (Pause for discussion) 5. ā€œI would likeā€¦ā€ ā€œI would like you to consider finding some way of planning your schedule that lets you get to these team meetings on time.ā€ 6. ā€œBecauseā€¦ā€ ā€œBecause that way we can be more productive at the team meetings and we can all keep to our tight schedules.ā€ 7. ā€œWhat do you think?ā€