1. Wants & Needs Series
Original Articles by lunaKM
Powerpoint by Kallista
2. Key Terms/Abbreviations
• Sub(abv.) submissive (She’s a good sub.)
• Dom/Domme(abv.) Dominant/Dominatrix (She is a good
Domme)
• D/s. (abv.) Dominant/submissive
• Need – Something you must have
• Want – Something you would like to have
• Maslow’s Hierarchy – A chart designed to explain
necessity of healthy human development
3. Materials
• For this lecture, it is recommended you have the following at
hand:
• A pen/pencil and paper OR
• The Submissive Guide Wants & Needs workbook.
4. Purpose
• Understanding what you need and want in a
relationship can help you understand who you
are as a sub.
• Being able to differentiate between your needs
and wants can help you express your
expectations and desires to your current or
potential Dom.
5. Part 2: The Importance of
Needs
Series Article “The Importance of Needs”
Workbook exercise 2.a-b
6. Needs are Important
• Basic needs:
• Security – Lowest tier in Maslow’s Hierarchy & should be fulfilled
first
• Comfort – Next tier in the hierarchy.
• Love – Third tier
7. Security
• Can be physical or emotional
• Things that can threaten it are:
• Unemployment
• Abuse
• Terrorist threats
• When preoccupied by concern for security, no other needs
can be met
• Example: Your home is flooded. Are you more concerned by clean
clothes, or re-securing a place to live?
8. Comfort
• Food, clothing, basic material goods
• Possessing these things enhances your sense of security
• In a relationship, these can be:
• Trust/loyalty
• Honesty/openness
• Commonality
• Without basic comforts, you can experience malnourishment,
depression, physical/emotional stress
9. Love
• Relative to the individual
• Can be spousal love,
• familial love,
• friendships
• People who feel unloved can experience depression and
stress.
10. As a Submissive
• You may have additional needs in a relationship which your
dom provides.
• The most common example is control: the sense of being
controlled by your partner is often a key factor in feeling and
acting submissive.
11. Need Deficits
• Stress, depression, and lack of investment or fulfillment are
the key affects of a sub’s needs being ignored or not fully met.
• If your greatest need of affection wasn’t being reached, it
would have an adverse affect on your whole relationship
• Communicating what your needs are through open, honest
conversation is the key to any successful relationship
• It is especially important in the power exchange that creates
the D/s dynamic
12. Settling for Less
• After identifying your needs, what happens if not
all of those needs can be met in your
relationship?
13. Understand Where to
Compromise
• Your needs are just that: You need them.
• If you can’t attain your perfect relationship, the desires you
want to compromise are in your “wants” list and not your
“needs” list.
• Start new relationships openly by sharing your basic
relationship needs before you discuss what you want
14. Exercise 2.a-b
• PART A: Refer back to your list of wants and needs. Take a
moment to prioritize them. Which do you need most? Which
do you want most? Put them in order.
• PART B: Take a look at where you stand/stood in your existing
or past relationships. Are your needs being et? Based on the
information in this article, how do you know?
15. Credits
Thank you!
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