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A
BROKEN
HEART
NOW
MENDED
BY: LORI JUSTICE
Dedicated to Our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ and Everyone.

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A BROKEN HEART NOW MENDED BY: LORI JUSTICE
Introduction
In my last book entitled
" They didn't believe her until"
It ended in 2008.
But, I was sick when I wrote it (I GUESS)
so I must back up and finish my story with
this " A broken heart now mended ".

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I ended the book with the truth as I seen it at the time. Did the best I
could do. It was all true; but as far as being one of the two witnesses I
doubt that. I'm merely of the elect and will witness against the anti-Christ
{ Satan} when I am delivered up to testify and the Holy Spirit will speak
through me at that time and I believe it will be very soon. If you read " They
didn't believe her until" you remember Marc that I met in 2002. We dated
till 2004. He ended up being a flirt and had many girlfriends besides me. I
had thought he was the one for me; but no way! In August; I ended up
getting pregnant and when I told him he lied " I am not the father!!! I can't
have kids!!! I have been clipped." He has had kids since. Besides, I found
out from his brother that he was a perfert and fell in love with his own
dauther ;when she was fourteen years old! So thank God he lied to me.
Anyways... we broke up and I moved out. Back to Logan County on the
mountain, off highway 22 on Momma's mountain. My Uncle Melvin gave
me a Revcon Mobil home. I just had to pay 100 for electricity, and took care
of myself.
I knew the name of the baby soon as I took the test. When it was
positive. I wrote down the names, if it was a boy; I would name him Sam. If
a girl, ( A daughter which I have been waiting for since I was eighteen years
old) would be named Sara Michelle Justice.
I was not alone on the mountain. Mom still lived in the small trailer, just a
short walk, from where the Revcon rested. On the mountain. Where she
still after thirty something years, was taking care of my oldest brother
Johnny. He got in a bad wreck and is disabled. She is so strong, the
strongest woman I have ever known. I believe I picked her in heaven to be
my Mom. I love her so much! Every time I hear that song " The most
beautiful girl in the world" I think of her.

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During my pregnancy my Doctor took me off Depakote and put me on
Lamictal one hundred milligrams. And it was working. I think. I don't
know? You can judge that; by what goes on from here. When I went to the
doctor, I found out I was two months pregnant. So every month I would
buy things for my baby. Clothes, blankets, diapers, bassinet, swing, bathtub
etc, etc.
When I was four months along... I was watching my seven inch t.v. that
was my grandmas. Man I miss her. She is in heaven now. Anyways, the
news was on and they were talking about a man molesting a three year old
little girl. I cried to God
" I changed my mind. I don't want a little girl. I am scared!”
To which I heard in my heart
" KAY 'SARA"
Which made me hear this song in my head
KAY Sara! Sara! whatever will be ... will be...
The futures not ours to see...
KAY Sara Sara...!

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Five or six months along, in my pregnancy; my Mom went with me to
the doctor appointment. It was time for the ultrasound, that would more
than likely, let me know the sex of my baby. The Doctor lady put the
slippery stuff on my belly; while Mom stood near. The Doctor did the
ultrasound. After awhile she ask " Do you want to know the sex?"
I said "Yes! " Mom was quiet and listening as we heard together " It's a
girl."
"Are you sure? We usually make boys" Mom said happily. I didn't say a
word. I couldn't speak tears were caught in my throat;and by the sound
in Moms voice hers too.
" Absolutely sure." The Doctor said pointing it out. I was finally gonna
have my daughter thank God ! Now I'll have three sons and a daughter!!!
When we got back to Moms, she called Maggie my sister that lived in
Oklahoma. She told her " It's a girl ! " Maggie had two sons and was elated
when she talked to me. She told me that she would be sending me a box
of baby clothes. I told her thanks. I went back to my Revcon home and
Thanked God for my baby girl. Sara Michelle Justice.
At eight months along; in my pregnancy My youngest son Willy and I
went fishing. My other sons are Andy the oldest . Tommy my
middle son. Willy was now eight years old. He loves fishing a lot. I was the
first to ever buy him a fishing pole when he was five years old. It was a
tweety bird fishing pole. It matched the rambler I gave to Tommy when He
was fourteen. Tommy was now seventeen. In high school and was doing

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mechanic work too. Andy was in college; to be a Professional
Engineer. He was now nineteen. He worked and was putting himself
through college on his own. I'm blessed.
One day when I was visiting Mom, my sister called and as I was talking
to her and thanking her for the clothes she had sent. She said " I can't
believe your having a girl."
She kind of whined " I always wanted a daughter! You can have
more kids I can't!!! I had a hysterectomy when I was only twenty-three it
aint no fair !!! Then believe it or not seriously she said this... And I quote
"Can I have that baby ? You can always have another one!"
To which I replied
" Your crazy!!! I love my baby!!! I will never give her up!!!!!!! "
Needless to say that was the end of that phone conversation. At least
for me. Mom was now talking to her, because I handed her the phone. I
just talked over them talking and said " Bye Johnny and Mom I'm going
home. " And I did; Panda and I headed back to the Revcon. Where we had
a veenie weenie and chip party. Missy(Panda's sister)( Pebbles other baby.)
missed out she wants to live with Mom again. Then I ate a half of can of
pinto beans. Then we took a nap.
Time goes on...

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My Dad helped me buy a car! He paid half down! I paid the payments
every month; till it was mine! I also moved out of the Revcon into a small
cute house that I called " The dollhouse "!!!
So I was about eight and a half months pregnant; and I had it going on!
Tommy came to live with me, in my two bedroom house. He had his own
room. Sara and I had our room. Willy was getting to come see me.
Things ... were getting so good. I went out one evening, onto my front
porch. The sky was so black.. My sisters trailer was right down the road
from my house she had moved back to Arkansas. I couldn't even see her
house it was so dark and it was not even near sunset. I couldn't see the
sun. I looked into the sky and told God " Thank you " for all my blessings.
Just then; the sky opened, where I could see the sun. It was shining a
light, onto my front porch, and all over me. It was beautiful !!!!!!! It only
lasted a moment but it blessed my heart. Then it got really, really dark
again. Later night came. It looked like a storm was coming. Little did I
know then, it was...
I had the house clean and ready to bring Sara home. It was nearing
time. I was on food stamps to help me, cause the rent and my car payment
took most my money. I had signed up for HUD housing where they would
make my rent cheaper. Then I could get off of food stamps I was so broke
that I couldn't afford satellite or cable and when I called to see how much it
would cost me, the man on the phone just about told me off ! When I said "
Never mind I can't afford it right now." He said smartassedly " So your
telling me you have a seventeen year old son living with you and about to
have a baby and you have absolutely no form of entertainment whatsoever?

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" What a jerk is all I have to say; about him. There is more to life than
watching television and playing on the internet. What about living?
One day my sister came to see me. She looked around at my job well
done on the house. She didn't say anything about it. She ask me " Do you
need anything from the store? I'm going, so I can pick up what you need."
So I wrote her a quick list and gave her; it and my food stamp card and
surprised said " Thank you! "
While Maggie was at the store; my Mom came and visited me and Sara to
be. In a little while Maggie came back. Mom and I looked out the window
and she was unloading bags out of her car.
We went out to help carry the bags of food in when Maggie said
" Wait let me separate mine from yours."
She had about four or five brown bags for her and a few for me. She said " I
got me some makings for burritos tonight if you wanna come eat."
I said amazed " Okay thank you."
" I figured you would so I used some of your food stamps I didn't have any
money." Maggie finished which made me mad because I only had enough
for me and Tommy to make it this month. And I thought she was just doing
something nice for me ya thanks.
" Maggie you didn't ask, now what am I gonna do for the rest of the month?
"
" You still have a little left on the card. " Maggie reported.

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I heaved and with my new adrenaline, got my bags and me and Mom carried
them in and Maggie went home.
Well enough to say I didn't join her, for burritos that night. In fact; me
and my sister were never really close. I didn't ever go visit her or call her,
nor she me. The only time we seen each other is when I was at Moms and
she'd show up for a few minutes. I have never known sisters that were so
opposite each other. She is tall I am short, she has brown hair and brown
eyes, I have light hair and blue eyes, in fact so opposite one day long time
ago I said that I was gonna marry Jesus and she told me
" Ha I'm gonna marry Satan."
I do love my sister but we just have never been like sisters should be.
Close.
I was scheduled for a Cesarean section on April 28th 2005. I was now
thirty-eight years old.
I would finally see my Sara and could hold her. I could hardly wait. Finally
the day came and as every time before when I had babies. Maggie wanted
to be the one, in the delivery room ,with me. So she could be the first to see
and hold the babies. I was so ready to see her and hold her and take care
of her for the rest of her life. Sara was coming home!!!!!!!

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At the hospital was Mom and Maggie and Maggie's boyfriend. Maggie
had a camera but the only picture she took of me was my dirty feet at the
end of the hospital bed, the rest was of her holding my Sara.
The picture in my head of her being born was the Doctor who delivered
her picked her up like the lion king baby above the sheet that they had up so
I wouldn't see the operation. She was a living doll. I cried tears of joy when
I seen her. Then they took Sara to the nursery and me to recovery. The
next thing I knew it. I was in my room and their was another young girl who
had just given birth.
I called the nurse to bring in my Sara and they did while I held her I had
many visitors. Andy looked at her and was smiling with tears in his eyes. He
said “ Mom she is beautiful!” His own little sister twenty years younger
than him. He turned twenty on April the first. I was too drugged up to
remember seeing Tommy see her and his response but I do recall him saying
to me " Mom she's beautiful! You done it! You have a daughter finally."
I took pictures of Willy holding her. My cousin Tammy came and gave
me a pink beautiful diaper bag. More appropriate than my Winnie the pooh
bag from when Willy was born. Though it was sentimental to me. For I had
it for nine years and it was in great shape. Thank you Tammy. Dad sent a
giant thing of flowers, to my room. I received many gifts from everyone.
My youngest brother Chris came and was holding Sara and saying " Aww
she's perfect! "

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After all my family had left; I called the nurse, for pain meds. She came
in and it was time, so she gave me a shot. While telling me...
“ I have to take the baby back to the nursery; so you can get some rest.
The next thing I remember;, is another nurse came in and without moving
the sheet back, where she could see that I had a ceaserian. She started
pushing very hard on my stomach and pushing down it hurt so bad that I
was crying and screaming and she said " I'm sorry but we have to do this."
Then she looked over at the other bed which was empty; the girl was out of
the room. Then the nurse looked scared! I think she realized her mistake.
For then she quit pushing and immediately got me some pain meds. I fell
asleep.
Never to see that nurse again. ( I probably should of reported that. )
When I awoke. I was hurting so bad inside! I could feel my stomache
swelling I ask for more pain meds. But they said “ It's too early” so I ask the
young nurse if I could go smoke. She let me. She even gave me a cigarette
cause I had cut way down, while I was pregnant and didn't bring none with
me; she even loaned me her lighter.

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I made it outside barely...Took a drag, to try to help ignore the pain.
It didn't work. I was so lightheaded and dizzy ;that I was about to pass out.
I dropped my cigarette and wobbled; into the hospital. Going toward the
wheelchairs. I told the man, behind that desk... " I'm bout to pass out."
He quickly helped me into a chair and that's all I know about that...
Seven days... into my hospital stay; I awoke. I Had an tube in my nose
and there was a bag a big bag of my blood in an hanger by my bed. I found
out that the nurse had ruptured me and I had internal bleeding. I almost
died. It was now the seventh day. It usually only takes three and you get to
go home with your baby. That evening, another Doctor came in and told me
" Your baby girl is doing great you on the other hand weren't doing too well.
We thought we lost you for a moment. Are you feeling okay now? "
“Yes. “ I answered him. Whom, I found out was Sara's Doctor.
" Well if you sign this release we can let you and your baby go home today.
Do you have someone who can come take you home? And a car seat."

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" Yes, my sister is taking me home. “ So I signed the paper and Maggie came
got me and Sara and took us to the dollhouse.
She helped me carry stuff in the house and then held Sara for a little while,
then Maggie went home.
Just me and Sara cause Tommy was at high school. Sara started crying so I
checked her diaper, and made her a bottle. After I fed her I gave her baby's
first bath at home. It was easy. Sara was so good. I noticed her flailing her
arms and crying cause she was scared. So I put a warm rag over her chest
and she relaxed and stopped crying. I washed her and rinsed her and then
wrapped her in a towel and went to the couch where I had already sat out
her diaper and clothes. Then I sat on my bed and held her close to me.
Tears fell from my face onto hers I flat adored my little girl Sara.
God told me to say as I wiped the tears of mine off Sara's forehead
" SAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS " so I did. Then I rocked her, till she fell
asleep. Then I took a well needed nap and a pain pill they prescribed.
When Tommy got home, he looked at and held his little sister. It was a
beautiful site to say the least. Time for another changing and another tiny
bottle and when she got sleepy I rocked her to sleep and laid her in the
bassinet I ask Tommy to keep an ear on her so if she cried while I took a
quick shower.

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After the shower. I checked on Sara she was still asleep. So I went and
visited with my son awhile in the living room next to Sara and my room. I
fixed him something to eat and a cool desert we both like. A concocktion he
and I made up ( Flinstones cereal, whip cream,and chocalate syrup)
Then I heard my little ladybug make a noise. I went in and picked her up
to which Tommy replied smiling... " You sure your not waking her up just so
you can hold her are you? "
I laughed carrying her into the living room saying " Nope, just don't want her
to think I'm not here." I held her awhile and let Tommy again then I put her
in her swing. She is so beautiful.
About a week later it was time for me to take Sara on her first outing to
get some groceries and baby formula. Before I left I fed her and changed
her and dressed her appropriate for the weather which was a tiny pink dress
and a diaper. Made her a bottle just in case and took wipes and a couple
diapers. And her pacifier. I then loaded her in the car, in her car seat and
went grocery shopping. My joy was immeasurable for my daughter Sara.
And Tommy living with me and Willy's visits that were every weekend. My
life was becoming the best it has ever been.
I went to my usual store Harps in Dardenelle. On the way there I
realized I didn't have a blanket to cover Sara's seat, from any germs ,at the
store . I thought about going first to the dollar store to get one. But
decided she'd be okay; that I would be in and out in a few minutes.

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Got Sara and her seat out and placed her in the shopping cart and started
down the isles quickly as I could without driving dangerously. When up the
fifth isle I met up with a women about my age with dark hair and she was
ahead of me and Sara. When she looked back at us; she couphed, without
even covering her mouth! So I passed her and went on our way. To get
away from her germs and rudeness. When I got to the outer lane, an older
couple was there and they were couphing like crazy. So I skipped that lane
and went to another. Quick as I could, without disturbing my Sara. I got
her formula and forgot on purpose, the chips on Isle rude woman. While I
was getting the formula a little boy( about the age of ten) was at the end of
the isle looking right at me and he couphed, but he had his face in his elbow
as it should be. I smiled and he dissapeered from sight. I went to check out
and was in line, at the cashier. When a young couple, on the next isle check
out ; were looking at me and Sara. They were not smiling at all. Then the
male couphed without covering his mouth. I became enraged at his
rudeness and the rudeness of the others and told him to cover his mouth
when he couphs. They just smiled at me and I paid and got out of there and
we went back to the dollhouse. That is what I called this home for it was
perfect and cute and I had many dolls in the living room and me and Sara's
room.
About a month later I was feeling strong again so I called Mom. Invited
her and Johnny and Chris and his girlfriend; over for a cook out. I invited
Maggie, but she didn't want to come. Tommy was there. It was my first
cook out. It turned out good. All played with Sara while I cooked
hamburgers and hot dogs for everyone and some fish for Mom. The fish
didn't turn out good; so it got left on the grill ,for then. I made everyone a
plate and we all enjoyed the visit.

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Sara was now about a month and a half old. And all was going well. I did
have to ride a non-emergency van to Childrens hospital to get her kidneys
looked at. They said Sara had a little problem emptying her bladder. I
would have to come back for a follow up apt. After I had already took her
twice to Little Rock on that van.
Then after the second trip to Little Rock Childrens hospital; Maggie came
by to see what they said and to hold her. That was about it on her visits to
my house and I never went to hers but once for a minute and she took
pictures of Sara. All over Maggie's house was signs that she was expecting
to baby sett allot or something. A baby bed even. I didn't need a babysitter
so I never let her.
Two months of age Sara was growing from her birth weight of six pounds
and nine and a half ounces. My smallest baby of all. Andy was first at
seven pounds five ounces, Tommy was second at seven and fourteen
ounces, and Willy was a eight pound and four ounces.
One day into the second month. Maggie called and said “I have nothing
to eat. “So I told her come over, Mom and Johnny are here and I will gather
you up some groceries that I can spare. “ When she got there I went into
the kitchen where Johnny was rinsing out his Dr. Pepper can in the sink; to
get the food. When we both overheard Maggie say while she was looking
at Sara in her bassinet asleep " Little does she know what I want."

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Johnny said as my eyes opened wide while gathering the foods " She's
gonna steal your baby."
" Really?" I ask Johnny quickly...and scared.... to which he laughed
" No way! "
I almost had all the food I could spare bagged up when Maggie had said
that, but immediately when she said that... Sara started screaming loud as I
ever heard her cry. I ran in there and Maggie had awakened her to hold her
and I had just fed and changed and rocked her to sleep moments earlier. I
let her hold her but she kept crying so I put her in her swing and she went
back to sleep. Mom and Maggie talked a few words and then Maggie took
the food and left.
That night I couldn't get Sara to quit crying I tried everything bottle, diaper
change a bath, comfortable sleepwear, singing, rocking ,pacifier. Nothing
worked and it was a loud high pitched cry like she was in pain so I called 911
cause I can't drive to Little Rock and I was scared something was wrong with
her kidneys or bladder like the hospital had told me.
I told 911 I can't get her to stop crying no matter what I do and that she
might have some problem with her kidneys or something. I told them the
address and my name and phone number.

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Within 8 to 10 minutes or so an ambulance arrived but not only that!!!
Sirens were loud and many. There were two fire trucks, three cops and an
ambulance. It was hysteria. Maggie's boyfriend also was there as they put
Sara in the ambulance, to look at her and see what was wrong. Maggies
boyfriend was dispatcher of the fire department. Apparently he had heard
it on his scanner. I was very scared and a nervous wreck. I remembered
Maggie's " Little does she know what I want" ( meaning Sara) and got one of
my dolls and threw it out the door toward him and said " Tell Maggie she
can have that! " Well being that I am Lori Justice and have been taken to
many institutions, for thirty days of food and rest. In these many years ;that
was enough, that the cop hand cuffed me and put me, in the back, of his
police car. Even though I begged to see Sara; and be in the ambulance with
her. They took me to Saint Edwards Mercy hospital and held me for
observation. No one would tell me how Sara was and if she was okay. I
waited in the hospital room a long time before anyone would come talk to
me. All of the sudden I heard Sara crying from way down the hallway from
me. So I went quickly to the sound of her voice. When I heard a nurse
excitedly nervous say " It's the mother get her quick!"
Two female nurses came and took me by the arms and were taking me
back to the room I was in, I pulled my arms away and said " I want to see if
my baby is okay! "
" You have to wait in your room right now! " They said as they again put
hands on me and led me back to the room. This time they locked me in.

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I was in the room so long: I was wanting a cigarette pretty bad. I had cut
way down while pregnant just one every now and then but the stress was
terrible. So I laid down on the hospital bed and covered my head with the
sheet.
Finally after about twenty more minutes the door opened and I uncovered
my head and seen it was a Doctor and nurse. With just my head uncovered
at first glimpse of me the Doctor said
" Peek a boo! "
" Stop treating me like a child! " I told him upset!!!!!!!
" You don't like being treated like a baby.? I am sorry .
Your sister said you like being treated like a baby.."
" It's okay. Is my baby gonna be alright? " I ask him.
" They are still looking at her it will be awhile." Doctor informed me
then he ask " Do you smoke? " Yes I said.
" Well I will send someone in to take you out to the smoke area so you can
have a cigarette how does that sound.? "
" Good, I need one. Thanks."
They left me then with it'll be just a few okay? "

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Okay I told him and I waited just about five minutes and a man came in
and walked me out and he and I lit up. He was some type of staff. ( I do now
know what he was. As I write this) We sat quiet smoking till he said " This is
a tough thing I know. But we are gonna send you to where you can get
some rest. "
" I'm fine, I will rest when I know Sara is alright ! "
" I'm sorry we have to do this but we will be with you. You will recognize us
in the eyes."
Where am I going? I ask him to which he replied
" The State Hospital."
" Why!!! There is nothing wrong with me!!! I just want my baby to be
alright and go home."
" I'm sorry we can't do that." He told me.
" Well I don't want Maggie taking care of my baby while I am gone I want
DHS to take care of her till I get out." I told him
" I don't know anything about all that. All I know is what I told you." He
then said adding " Come on your ride is here it's time to go.
I loaded up in an ambulance and was transported to the State Hospital in
Little Rock.
I knew I had to remain calm to prove I was alright. Even though I
wasn't.

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I was worried to death over my baby and every time I ask the nurses no
one would tell me anything at all. So I did the best I could to hold myself
together. I played the games with other patients, read and walked around
outside when they let us out.
One day this young boy about in his early twenty's was standing by the
table we were playing a game of uno. He didn't play he was just starring at
me when all of the sudden he jerked toward my face with a pen aimed right
at my eye and was saying while darting the pen toward me
" You got pretty eyes I think I will take one out! "
" YOU BETTER NOT ! " I yelled at him while he continued to jab the pen
toward my eye. The nurse seen this and yelled at him “ Get away from her!”
Then she came got him and during my stay I didn't see him anymore.
Probably took him to wear they keep dangerous patients I don't know but I
was glad he was gone.
One evening about the twentieth day they gave us some coffee and it
was good. I sat at the table and sipped it and thanked God with my heart.
Then as I sipped the bitterness I began to weep into my cup as I sipped and
then I got angry and bit the foam cup and spit the piece out on the table and
cried loudly. I couldn't contain myself any longer. About three minutes
later the door, to the room we were in opened, that staff used with lock and
key. I looked up and it was the man from Saint Edwards Mercy hospital that
had smoked a cigarette with me. Apparently he is a phsiciatrist and he was
looking directly at me.

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He came over to my table and ask me to come talk with him a few.
So I did, Somewhat of just another interview but this time when I said " I
don't know where my daughter is or even if she is alright no one will tell me
anything! "
" Well I am sorry but we have some things we need to take care of here;
You. Then you can go home and take care of your baby. Okay? " Does that
make you feel better? "
" Yes , thank you. One more thing Doctor I have to be out of here by the
first so I can pay my rent on time."
" Well looks like you got ten more days till you can be released and then
you can take care of that too. Good deal? "
" Yep! but what is today? " I ask
" It is Saturday the twentieth will that work." Doctor ask to which I
responded cheerfully.
" Yes, that is perfect I get paid on the first so that will work."
" Okay then you just keep your head up and keep doing good and you will be
home before you know it." He told me then he shook my hand and left.

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But that is not what happened at all.. I got driven to my Moms. In a
non-emergency van. Before I got out I seen my Chrysler LaBaron sitting at
the end of the yard. It had a caution tape all around it and weeds in the grill
like it had been head first in a ditch or something.
It scared me cause I had... been letting Tommy borrow it; and now I was
scared he was in a wreck while I was gone. I got out of the non-emergency
van and ran into Moms trailer and ask " Is Tommy okay? Did he have a
wreck in my car? !!!"
" No Maggie's boys drug it up the hill something is wrong with it."
" Why'd they bring me here and not home? " I ask Mom.
" You don't have a home anymore. You were evicted. Your gonna have to
stay with me awhile till you get yourself together."
" I'm fine I just want my baby! " I said as calm as I could.
" Well , I don't know where she is so don't ask me." Mom said sounding sad.
" Can I have a cigarette? " I ask needing one like crazy.
" They said you were doing good and not smoking at the hospital." Mom
said then to which I responded " Yeah cause they won't let you smoke
there. I still wanted one."
" Well I'm out and I don't get paid till the third so I don't know what your
gonna do. Maggie called she hasn't got any cigarettes or money either."
Mom finished.

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" Well I can fix that! " I said and ask for the keys to my car.
" I don't think it is safe to drive that thing something is wrong with it. What
are you gonna do anyways? " Mom ask.
" Go to the store and get me and you and Maggie some cigarettes and
Johnny a Dr. Pepper and a Hershey bar."
To that Mom gave me my keys and said " You can try to start it but I don't
think it'll run."
" It will run it just needs my touch." I finished and went outside with my keys
in hand. Mom watched out the window while I messed with it. It did take
awhile and I almost ran myself over doing what I did to get it going but I got
it started yee haw.
When it did Mom came out Panda, and Missy my dogs came out with her.
" I don't think you need to be driving that thing." Mom said to which I
responded " It's good I will be okay, I will be right back and I'm gonna let my
girls ride with me I have missed them."
" Come on girls let's go! " I said happy to be back with most my girls. They
loaded up as usual fast and in the backseat. I pushed the button and the
top went down. Mom went back into the trailer.

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I heaved a breath of air. Thinking... One step at a time! Forward
march!!! I backed out of the drive and started the incline of the mountain
when I was on top and about to decline I put my foot on the brake; but it
was hard and wouldn't move at all. It was locked up. Within a moment I
was descending off the mountain with no brakes at all, and the gas pedal
was hard and wouldn't move either and speed was catching me fast.
" Hold on Girls!!!" I hollered back as I tried to maneuver the mountainside
going downhill very fast.
As I got near the bottom of the hill I started loosing control; my car went
right toward trees to the left of me so I steered back, now I was facing the
right hand side trees head on so...
I counter steered again, to the left... too much,heading straight toward
the trees.... to the right....... too much well this is where I could of ended.
But instead my car straightened up and the brakes started working and the
gas. I didn't wreck thank God and my girls didn't fall out I noticed then
when I had a chance to slow down and look they were hunkered down
scared in the seat.
" We made it!!!! YEE HAAAAAAAAAA " I whooped out and the girls calmed
down and were now looking out wagging their tails. I went on to the little
general store. I bought me and Mom and Maggie three packs of cigs each
and Johnny his candy bar and coke. The general store is past the doll house
and Maggie's just a little ways from it so on my way when I past I looked at
my no more mine home. It was empty I was sad.

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Anyways, I went to where Maggie's trailer was and something very
strange had happened... No one lived there anymore either. (Maggie and I
had the same landlady) When I knocked on the door, no one answered
and I looked in the window, cause everything was gone ,out of the yard and
the trailer was empty.
So I went back to Moms and gave her the cigs and gave Johnny a hug and
his stuff.
" I see that you made it." Mom said and we lit up sitting at the kitchen table
as we often have and had a cup of coffee together that was nice.
" Yeah I about didn't. But somehow praise God I made it safe and sound.
Where is Maggie? She moved."
" She don't want you to know." Mom informed me still sad.
" I am not mad at her what is she scared of me for?"
" She is not scared, she said it's just better till you get all well to leave her
alone.
" Mom! I know when I am sick and I am not sick. I just called 911 for help
for Sara and all this happened I don't understand this. Where is all my stuff?

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" All I know is there is a couple glad bags, of your clothes, under the garage."
Mom told me so I finished my coffee and went outside, to see what I had
left. There were three big glad bags, of clothes and a couple of pictures, in
them. One was of my Dad and I looked at it and cried to him of everything
that was happening...
When I went back inside; I carried a change of clothes and had already
washed my face with the tears outside but needed a bath.
Panda wanted to be close to me, so I let her in the bathroom with me; while
I bathed. She jumped right in with me and I washed her too, she had never
done that before but she does love a bath and me more than any dog in this
whole world ever has loved me. Pebbles is her Mama and Missy is her
sister. Missy goes back and forth between Mom and me the other two are
always with me. Pebbles got run over not long before I got pregnant with
Sara. I loved her too she helped me through the divorce with my boys dad.
A couple days went by and I didn't know who to call; about Sara. I was
lost ...I didn't know what to do. So I couldn't eat. I had no appetite
whatsoever. ( contrary to Moms asking me to please eat something. )
All I wanted was Sara. Eventually I could no longer sleep. I was still taking
my meds as prescribed but sleep could not find me.

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I was beginning to deteriorate quickly. I started getting physcotic.
After three or four days with no eating nor sleeping. Getting scared even
of Mom and Johnny. ( two of the sweetest people in the world.)
My ex-husband ended up picking me up and taking me home with my
boys. Andy was not living there but Tommy and Willy were. It blessed my
soul to see them but still I could not eat. They watched over me that day
and night and again I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed with Willy as I was
instructed but I just watched Willy fall asleep. When I was sure he was
asleep I began to weep.
It was a silent sound for the most part but Willy woke up from the trembling
bed.and ask...
" What is wrong Mommy?"
" I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you. "
" It's okay mama tell me what is wrong why are you crying? "
" Nobody will tell me where Sara is at I think she might be dead and they
just don't want to tell me."
" Mom she is okay she is with Maggie in Paris." Willy told me.
Then I cried voicing tears of relief and then I told my son go to sleep now
Mommy's okay now. I love you goodnight."
Willy hugged me and kissed my cheek and ended up falling asleep soon after
and I laid there awake.

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The next morning everyone got up to get ready for the day. My boys
dad took me and Willy to his Moms for the day while he worked and Tommy
went to school.
Me and Willy played on the game boy; racing cars. Grandma read the
bible which to me looked upside down. When I went to the bathroom it
smelled like hells gate was coming from underneath the sink it smelled like
many, many dead bodies. I used the bathroom anyways cause I had smelled
death before. I heard Grandma say " Shower curtain" and I thought she
was trying to smother me by making the shower curtain get me. So I ran
back to Willy after rebuking the shower curtain. He apparently heard me
and said " Mom you can use the other bathroom if you are scared of that
one."
" NO it's okay now. I confirmed the smell is gone now let's play some
more.” I told Willy having fun with him.
" Dad called to see if you were okay he said tell you he will be here to get
us soon as he gets off work okay? " Willy told me.
" Okay! " I said adding " It's fun playing huh."
" Yep." Willy answered and we played till his Dad came got us and took us
back to his place. Where I use to live for sixteen years of my life. But when
we got there my ex explained to me that he couldn't watch over me
anymore but that his girlfriend was nice and she said I could go stay with her
tonight. I liked Debbie I had met her several times.

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So when she came I gave the boys a hug and kiss and went with her, to
her house.
I had never been there ...
and the way my mind was racing... I didn't know where it was ...when we
got there. Panda was with me at my ex's and grandmas and now at
Debbie's. By then it was dark and after Debbie introduced me and my dog
as she put it to her Mother; she said you can sleep there on the couch here's
you a blanket if you need me just holler okay?"
" Okay. I said adding thank you for letting me come here.
After everyone went to bed... I got scared and started calling Debbie's name.
She wouldn't answer at all... after many calls to her. Her Mom got up but
she couldn't walk good and I seen her coming toward me and it scared me
that she was gonna get me.
She said " I'm sorry I don't mean to scare you I just wanted to see if you are
okay."
" I'm okay!" I told her but my heart was pounding furiously in my chest.
She went back to bed. I laid there on the couch mind going a thousand
miles a minute.
I called 911

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" Hello my name is Lori Justice and I don't know where I am but I think all
the people in this house are dead." I whispered to the lady on the phone.
" Stay where you are and we will send you some help okay? "
" Okay." I whispered back.
I laid there and held Panda close.... Only a very little while passed, just a
very few and I saw lights flashing from outside. I was too scared to move so
I didn't. I just was frozen stiff with fear. The cops knocked on the door and
were knocking on the bedroom windows . I answered the door finally and
I heard the cops saying “ There is no movement from inside the house. “
They told me to come with them while they took a look around. I didn't
want to leave Panda so I said loud " NO I WON'T LEAVE PANDA AGAIN!" To
that Debbie got up and so did her Mother. The cops talked to Debbie in
confidence and then Debbie came to me and said " Here Lori let me hold
Panda I will take care of her you got to go with the cops and she can't go
okay?"
I kissed Panda and handed her over and left with the cops. I was taken into
protection custody into a dungeon under the jail. Where I walked around
and around the tiny empty cell. Which had no bed, no toilet no light, it was
so dark in there I could only see slightly through a tiny window covered with
something so I could barely see out, to the light in the long hallway of the
detention center. No one came checked on me for a long, long time. Finally
a girl named Laura came and there was a male cop. He was bald and huge.
He wore black sunglasses and never took them off...

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They opened my cell and told me to come and sit in that room, so I
could have an interview with someone from Counseling Associates. When I
was out in the hall.... I looked to where they were walking me; toward it
was a glass room with a few chairs. Immediately I thought back to Hitlers
Chemical killing of the Jews Thinking that it was a gas chamber. I refused to
go any closer. I stopped walking altogether and said " I'm not going in
there! "
Laura said " Yes you are!" Trying to force me to walk toward the room.
I pulled away from her and the bald big man grabbed my arm and twisted it
way high behind my back; it hurt. Felt like he almost broke it and he shoved
me back toward the cell door and Laura shoved me in. They locked the door
and left. For two days and two nights I walked the floor. This last day made
my seventh day and night with no sleep. I was like a spirit UN-rested. I
wanted my baby girl back! My Sara Michelle.
Finally they escorted me out to a old cop car in handcuffs. I ended up at
another institution in Malvern. where I had been once before. It was right
next to a mortuary. As we passed I got scared, that was where they were
taking me. I was wrong they took me into the institution. I remembered
most the workers there. As they also remembered me.

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One of the workers looked like a saint he was black and had totally white
hair, and beard and mustache. Mr smiles I call him was still there too he
was nice. He remembered me and even whom I had a crush on last time I
was there. He remembered the name of the cop that had handcuffed me in
the detention center that I had told him about. I didn't remember his name
I had thought it was Jesus in disguise; here to save me.
Mr smiles said to me " Lori do you remember that guy you had a crush on
last time you were here?"
"No." I replied
" David Smith." He told me then with another sweet smile.
There was a patient there, that was carrying a bible tightly in his arms
all the time. But when someone would ask him to share. He would keep it
closed upon his chest and say " No it's all mine, no one can see it but me!!!"
I couldn't believe he wouldn't share the bible. But we were in an
institution.
One night there I got up in the middle of the night. Something told me to
“ Go into the little room down the hall” where I found paper and some
crayons on a table. The janitor was in the hall, but he didn't stop me or say
anything as I sat at the table to write.

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One piece of paper per word I wrote and dropped each page to the
ground. GODS
WILL
BE
DONE
IN
JESUS
NAME
AMEN
All the pages on the floor... then as I was finishing with a picture of a
happy face and a tear in the eye. The janitors voice sounding like a deep
dungeon voice very evil and scary. Said " That's my baby!"
I looked over across the hall at him and his eyes were totally black and
blankly staring at me. He had an evil smerk on his lips. It scared the heck
out of me! I ran to my room and covered up my head until I fell asleep.
That is the only time I didn't rebuke in Jesus name something that scared
me.

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I stayed there about thirty days or so and went against medical advice
and walked away. At discharge; they gave me my old pocket knife, and let
me go. I walked down the road. While I was walking I found a name tag and
on it was Andy's name it said “ Andrew” I kissed it and put it in my pocket
and walked ; till I found a gas station, that was next to a laundry mat. I
called my boys Dad to come get me, and had the lady at the gas station tell
him where I was.
" Wait where you are at it is too cold to be walking we will be right there
as soon as possible." He told me so I waited there.
I was talking to the gas station lady and told her I didn't have any money
then I showed her my cool antique knife asking her to please trade it for a
cup of coffee and a pack of cigarettes.
Believe it or not she did and she even gave me some matches and said I
could go wait in her laundry mat. So I did, it was warm in there. Pretty
soon maybe thirty or forty minutes later my ex and Tommy and Willy were
there to get me. Ya! Saved again. They first took me to their home in
Russellville. Tommy showed me a surprise; he had told me about, on the
trip from Malvern. He and Willy walked me to the back yard and blessing to
my eyes beheld most of my personal belongings were there boxed and
bagged.

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Even allot of my doll collection and film, clothes , picture albums and
nick naks. I dug through it and was elated at this because I thought it was
all gone.
As I dug I noted that everything of Sara's was not there.
Tommy told me when I remarked about it that " Maggie was there grabbing
everything and that he had got all he could possibly get ." I thanked my son
with a hug and a kiss, on the cheek. Telling him " You did good son, thank
you so much! They all helped load my things; into the van and they took me
back up the mountains, to Mom. Once there ...we all unloaded my stuff
into Moms storage building. With hugs from my boys I went into Moms
trailer and hugged her and Johnny.
Some time passed with me just doing all I could do. Read the bible and
drink coffee. Barely eating not much of an appetite for food just for Gods
words. I made me a place to rest and be alone. In the storage building
using fifty candles to try to make it warm so I could listen to music and read.
One day soon after my Mom told me that Maggie was bringing Sara over
and that I get to babysit her till Maggie gets done in town. I was finally
gonna see my baby girl.
She was now four months old.

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Maggie pulled into the driveway, as I was watching, out the kitchen
window. I seen her getting out and going to the back seat, of the car.
My heart whelmed within my chest but I didn't cry. I remained calm, cool
and collected as I could.
I went outside, to carry the car seat, with my daughter in it, into the
house but Maggie stopped me with " I got her!"
She carried Sara in and I followed ;trying to see what she looked like. As we
got inside, Maggie sat down the car seat and took Sara out and handed her
to Mom saying " Don't let her do anything stupid like try to run off with
her."
When Maggie left Mom handed me Sara. My tears then could not be
stopped. I held her close and danced and sang to her...
When Sara smiles... the worlds a better place...
When Sara smiles...everything's alright............the song sounded pretty but
sad.
Mom wrapped her arms around me and Sara and we danced together as I
sang now with no more tears …

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Hey... If you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world...
Tell her I love her... Tell her I need my baby... Oh won't you tell her that I
love her... I woke up this morning... Realized what I had done... I stood alone
in the cold gray dawn and knew I'd lost my morning sun... I hushed couldn't
sing the rest. And I didn't know what in the world I had done wrong.
Got into my Sara's pink diaper bag that Tammie had bought me. That
Maggie had took and was using.
Dug in and got out a diaper and changed her and redressed her and fed her
a bottle. While I was feeding her the bottle, the phone rang.
I heard Mom " I'm babysitting Lori babysitting Sara." to whomever was on
the phone. It hurt my feelings but I didn't say anything; for at least I was
finally getting to see my baby.
A couple hours later Maggie came in and took Sara from me without a
word to me. Except " Give me her." so I did. There was nothing I could do
she had ( as my Mom had explained to me; that she had temporary custody
of Sara.)

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Johnny took some pictures of me holding Sara and I took some of her too.
I dressed her in a cute dress and hat that had been on one of my dolls. It fit
her perfect... my living doll.......
After that; I was allowed to see Sara, at Maggie's house; but only with
Mom and Johnny with me. And only one day a week. For a very short visit.
Meanwhile what was about to happen changed my life forever.
After Marc had dumped me; I told Mom " I am done with men! If God
wants me to have one he can bring him to my right front door.
I had been single now for over a year. When one evening as me and Mom
sat at the table drinking coffee. A knock came at the right front door.
When I answered the door my heart jumped inside my chest, when I
looked into the eyes, of the stranger. He had blue eyes and kind of long
blonde hair. Standing around the height of my puppy love Kevin DeWayne
Hedrick whom I will always love. I loved Kevin since I was ten and he was
twelve. He died when I was sixteen. He flipped his truck and it rolled over
and over and ended up on top of him. I will never be over him.

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" Hello can I help you? " I ask the not so seemed to be a stranger to me.
Some what familiar somehow. He reminded me of someone I just didn't
know who.
" Yeah, I was wondering about that piece of property, right up the hill from
you. Is it for sale? " He ask.
" It is my Uncle Melvin's place. Want me to go show it to you?" I told him.
" Yes please would you? " He stated nicely.
" Let me get ready and I will walk you up the path to it." I replied.
So I went back inside and told my Mom " Look out the window at him. He
is kinda cute don't you think so?" While I pulled on my boots.
" If you say so. What are you gonna do?" Mom ask
" He wants to see the Melvin's land I think he wants to buy it or something.
I'm gonna go show him."
" Just gonna go out in the woods with a total stranger. Don't you think that
is a little dangerous? " Mom tried
I replied now heading out the door " Na "

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As I stepped outside... I put out my hand to shake his with "Glad to meet
you my name is Lori Justice."
His big hand took mine respectfully and shaked with " I'm Jimmy D."
" Come on follow me I take you up the path." I said and took off in a
relaxed stride.
" I'm coming." Jimmy D replied and walked right beside me up Mommas
path to the land he wanted to see.
Half the way up the path was my resting rock. A huge boulder that
looked like God had run his fingers down and all over it. I had run my
fingers through it many times because I use to live on that piece of property.
In My Grandma's vacant trailer. Everyday going up and down the path to
visit with Mom and Johnny.
" Here is Gods resting rock." I told Jimmy D pointing at it and he stopped
and took a closer look at the rock.
" See where it looks like God run his fingers all around on it! "
I exclaimed as he touched it.
" Yeah, I can see where you could say that." Jimmy came back with mutual
respect for God. I liked that.

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" It's a nice rock." he added
" I've spent many moments on that rock." I was honest he didn't feel like a
stranger at all.
" Want to sit on it now?" Jimmy D ask
" Yeah that be cool." I replied so we both sat upon it. It was that huge.
" Sometimes I wonder how it got here on the mountain. There are no rivers
close enough to of done this. I think it was the flood." I went on a bit
more...
When I finished he said " That makes sense"
" Okay you ready to go see that land you want to see." I spoke while
jumping off the rock in a leap.
"Whenever your ready." Jimmy D said and simply put his foot down and
stepped down easily and rejoined me in the hike up the path.
That made me notice how tall he was so I ask " How tall are you Jimmy D? "
" Six feet." He answered adding " How tall are you? "

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" Five feet." I told him continuing up the path almost there I pointed "
There it is. I use to live her when my ex-husband kicked me out in 2000."
" You did?" Jimmy D sounded curious.
" Yep. My sister lived in that house that is burned down and I lived right
there... ( I pointed to the dense part of the trees) I lived in my Grandmas old
trailer."
"She is in heaven now."
" I'm sorry." Jimmy D sympathized.
" It is okay; she is happy! I am okay, although I do miss her. Her name is
Pearl." I finished.
" My Grandma is named Grandma Daisy. She is ninety years old ! She is the
neatest, best-est Grandma a man could ever ask for."
" You still have her here? Your blessed!" I exclaimed joyfully.
" I know." Jimmy D was then quietly inspecting the land.
" You don't want this land it is not good land." I told Jimmy D explaining
on.... " When my Grandma lived here something killed all her chickens.
And my sister Maggie lived in that burnt down house. It's just not good
land."

45. 45 Of 250
Adding
" Something told me to anoint the land so I did a while back. But that was
before the house burnt down, so I don't know about it all."
" Hmm that is weird." Jimmy D stated confused sounding.
I told him more about it then and we walked back down the path to Moms.
When we got there Jimmy D said " Well it was nice to meet you there Lori
Justice. I'd like to talk some more with you ,but I got things I got to take
care of. Is there anyway I could see you again?"
" Sure! I'd like that." I affirmed.
" Is tomorrow okay for you?" he ask
" Yes. I will be here. It was nice talking with you Jimmy D."
" See you tomorrow then little lady." and he drove away in his white 1964
Comet.
I went back into Moms trailer " He is cute! " I told Mom and Johnny
overheard and said " Who was he? "
"Jimmy D. " I exclaimed with a twinkle in my eye.

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Johnny had on his Johnny smile that only if you knew him you would
understand how he smiled with a sense of great humor.
" Don't worry I'm not in love! But he was cute." I explained to my eldest
brother.
" Yeah right; we will see. " Johnny finished and then returned to
watching Jeopardy on t.v. Knowing most every answer first. Johnny is super
smart he was a Marching Band Director. Choir Teacher. Also;teacher of
instrumental music. Before his accident. Two weeks away from his
Masters Degree.
I made me a cup of instant microwave coffee in my favorite cup. Joining
Mom at the kitchen table. She too was drinking coffee. We both lit up a
cigarette. Both Marlboro light 100's. Both had a white lighter. Somehow
we have had this happen to us often when I buy pink when I see her she has
pink. Same thing often black, black, dark blue Mom dark blue me, Same
thing with light blue. Weird coincidence I guess.
" Well what did he want? " Mom ask.
" He was interested in that property Maggie use to live at. He wanted to
buy it at first. But I told him it was not good land."
" Why did you say that? "Momma ask me.

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" Cause it is the truth." I explained going on with " We sat on the resting
rock awhile and talked. He believes in God!!! "
" What is his name?" Mom ask
" Jimmy D." I told her with a lift in my spirit.
" What kind of name is that? " Momma ask taking a sip of coffee and waiting
for my answer which was " That is what he calls himself. I think that is cool!
" I answered Momma.
"Jimmy D is coming back to see me tomorrow"
"How come?" Mom ask
" Cause we weren't done talking to each other."
" Oh I see! " Mom smiled like an angel.
I slow danced to the bathroom to use it. Singing as I went... I met him at my
right front door...Cause that's what I ask God for...
Later on Johnny got sleepy and went to bed. I took my coffee cigs and
ashtray to join Mom in the living room. Which was only a few steps away
from the kitchen and open unto it. That is where I was sleeping; in Johnny's
recliner. Dayshavoo been there before.....

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Anyways, I then got my bible and read to myself while Mom watched
the news. I can't believe how much evil is going on in this crazy world.
That's when part of a song came to me it goes...
I think the worlds going crazy... It's even crazier than me...
cause everybody I see now... Seems as crazy as me...
Yeah I think the worlds going crazy ...
It's even crazier than me ...
cause everybody I see now...
seems as crazy as me...
I sang it out as it came to the which Mom said easily " I don't think
I would be telling just anybody everything.
" I don't." was my answer.
I fell asleep soon after. The next morning Maggie showed up with Sara.
Saying " Here keep her till I get back. And you need to change her." So I got
my pink diaper bag off her shoulder and she handed me my daughter. I
kissed Sara cheek and held her close to me. " Don't get too carried away I
will be right back." Maggie finished and left without a word to Mom.

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" No hi bye kiss my ass nothing huh. " Mom said about that and I laid Sara
down and changed her. Made her a bottle and fed her.
Talked to her
" Hi my little doll Sara Michelle. I am your Momma."
Sara smiled...When Sara smiles the world's a better place...
When Sara smiles, everything's okay...
When she smiles I can live again...
Cause when Sara smiles ... the world's a better place... I rocked her to sleep.
Laying her on Mommas bed it was getting late in the evening and Maggie
wasn't back still. Who knows what she was doing. Anyway
I ask Mom to keep an eye on her while I shower real quick. She did, so I did.
Even brushing my hair out and primped for five minutes.
Being the first time in months. A little mascara and light layer of
pink lipstick and I was done. Shaped my fingers into my hair parting it in my
usual way.
Sara was still asleep so I drank a cup of the coffee. Out of the pot that
Johnny had made for Mom. He always likes to make her coffee. He is the
sweetest man I know next to Jesus.

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As I was putting my coffee mate, in my cup standing up, by the sink; I seen
Jimmy D pull up and again park, in the end of our turn around spot. I ran
out to meet him and walk him to the door excited to show him my Sara!
Before I made it all the way to him or him to me I exclaimed happily "
Wanna see my baby girl she is five months old."
" I would love to see your baby." Jimmy D replied so he followed me; as I
turned back toward the trailer and headed to the front porch. With a bound
and a few leaps I was up the stairs. He strode close behind ,as I opened the
front door. Pointing to where Sara laid still sleeping as babies do.
" That's Sara my daughter!" I talked quietly to Jimmy D.
Whom was soft spoken back with " She is a beautiful baby."
" Her whole name is Sara Michelle Justice. " I continued until Mom said
" Here is Maggie pulling in, you better step out the door."
" Who?" I ask Mom.
" Both, I wanna talk with her a minute alone." Mom told me so we
stepped outside. Passing by I neither introduced Jimmy D to her nor her to
him. We passed each other. Us out and her in; with as much distance
between us as we could get.

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" Wanna sit on my tailgate and talk? " Jimmy D ask as we were headed
toward his 1990 red Nissan pickup truck.
" Yep." I said kind of quiet for me. Jimmy D put down his tailgate with his
big, calloused but gentle looking hand out " Need help?"
" Nope! Thank you though." I said while boosting myself up onto the
tailgate easily.
" Who was that?" Jimmy D ask
" My sister Maggie." I answered flat.
" What is she doing with your daughter?" he ask
" She stole her from me." I told the truth.
" What a bitch!"
" Yep." was all I said cause here came Maggie carrying Sara away.

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I jumped off the tailgate to say goodbye and kiss Sara. Maggie
stopped me, as she was already putting her in the backseat and buckled her
in quickly, shutting the door in my face with " She is asleep leave her be." I
didn't have a chance to respond she jumped in her front seat and drove
away leaving me standing there with tears in my eyes.
" Come here babydoll." Jimmy D requested gently.
Quietly I joined him back on the tailgate. I wiped my tears away with my
hand and washed my face and neck in my tears not missing the forehead.
( Very good for the skin ).
" You sure seem to be having a hard time right now. Where is Sara Dad?
Why is he not helping?" Jimmy D ask to which I answered truthfully ..." She
doesn't have a Dad."
I cried then with weeping and he held me close to his chest. Comforting
me with " It will be alright. I will help you get your daughter back. I know
something is not right here."
" I really don't know what happened. All I know is I called 911 for help and
this is what I got." I opened up to Jimmy D.
" I got court next month. I should get her back then Jimmy D.
But thank you it will be alright." I added
" Can I go with you to court?" Jimmy D ask with caring eyes open looking
into mine. Blue on Blue.

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" Thank you. Yes I would appreciate that very much Jimmy D."
" I'm just an ole Kansas farm boy come down to Arkansas when I was
eighteen. I left home to work in the oil field like my Dad Budjo. But I will do
anything I can do to help." Jimmy D was very serious.
" Thank you." I told him again.
" Your welcome babydoll."
That made me smile and now my face was dry now; but Jimmy said to me "
Your face is shining like a little angel." I replied " Thank you! I always
wanted to be good. But I haven't always been. I don't like when I mess
up." I finished and Jimmy D replied " Nobody is perfect little doll; only God
and Jesus. adding " But it's good that you want to be good. The sun was
setting across from the pond. The pond was on the other side of the dirt
road. It was about to get dark but we stayed on the tailgate and kept talking
...
" Wanna beer?" Jimmy D offered .
" Yes please." I said realizing that I did indeed want a beer.
" What kind do you drink?" he ask as he went to the beer.
" Whatever you got. I don't drink very often I can't hardly stand the taste of
alcohol for some reason. Never could. Beer kind of taste like what I would
imagine Cow pee would taste like."

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Jimmy D laughed handing me the Busch lite which I opened like a pro
and put the tab in my pocket of my blue jeans.
With " But it sounds good now!" I replied after a big long swig and a burp "
Excuse me.
" Your excused." Jimmy D said now making sure my tears were all gone. I
seen him examining my eyes.
" Wanna hear some music?" Jimmy D ask to which I lifted quite a bit with
" Yeah! Please! "
Jimmy D slid off the tailgate and went toward the drivers door.
" See what you think about this." he said and dissapeered into the truck
momentarily. When Darlin how I'd love to lay you down came to my ears
yeah Conway Twitty. One of my favorites.
Jimmy D came around the truck and got another beer with " You ready for
another?"
Noticing I had already downed the beer I said " Yes please."
strange how fast and easy it went down. I guess I needed that.

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Song played on as Jimmy D ask me " Wanna dance cutie?"
Amazed I looked up to where he stood in front of me with his hand taking
mine as he ask. I couldn't remember the last time I had danced the only
thing that came to my mind was " Yes." So I stood up and we swayed to
the music and held to each other I was falling in love with him... ( I call that
Love Magic )-something I learned at a very young age from the Holy Spirit.
Darlin how I'd love to lay you down...
Lay you down and softly whisper , pretty love words in your head...
Lay you down and tell you all the things a woman loves to hear...
I'll let you know how much it means just having you around...
Oh Darlin how I'd love to lay you down...
When the dance ended Jimmy D kissed my forehead with a sweet kind of
compassion, and thanked me for the dance.
We both jumped back onto the tailgate and drank a few more beers
together talking , sharing, laughing and every now and then crying. It
mattered what song was playing.
There goes my reason for living ... there goes my everything by Elvis
Presley came on and as we danced again I cried in his arms reliving watching
Maggie driving Sara away. Jimmy D held me so much the closer I felt one
with him. For he was crying too.

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It was getting late and I was getting quite tipsy when Jimmy D said
" Well babydoll. I got to get up early and go to work."
He got up and so did I not knowing whether to shake his hand or hug him I
said " You can hug me if you want to."
Immediately his strong arms went around me and he hugged me and I held
him. Our spirits felt so right togetther. All I could think in that moment was
(This could work).
The hug was probably the longest in history. Neither letting each other go.
When out of my mouth came " You can take me home with you if you
wanna."
" For real?" Jimmy D ask like he would like that.
"Yep. I ain't got anything holding me here." I told him. I just gotta let my
Mom know. Oh and can I bring my dog Panda she goes with me everywhere
I go.
" Yeah that will be alright. She seems like a good dog. She has been
watching my every move." Jimmy said then.
" Yeah she is my protector." I affirmed and ran in Panda close behind to tell
Mom what I was doing.

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When I did she said " Gonna run off with a perfect stranger? How many
times do I have to tell you something bad could happen to you just running
off all the time."
" He is no stranger. We talked allot I like him Mom I'm going."
" Go then. Mom said giving in adding " Are you taking Panda?"
" Yes! He said she can go!" Kissing Mom and then Johnny on the cheek to
leave. I said " See you tomorrow." Then me and Panda joined Jimmy D in
his truck and we headed oh about five miles away to his place.
When we got there; there was a huge white beautiful dog on his front
porch that ran to greet him at his door. I didn't even start to get out but
instead ask " Is she mean?"
" No she is gentle as a lamb. Even though she is half wolf and half German
Shepherd. It's safe she won't hurt a fly." Jimmy D spoke while petting his
beautiful white dog.
Getting out and helping Panda down keeping her close; I said
" What is her name?"
" Rosy" Jimmy D stated now watching as I neared to pet her head. She
didn't do anything except wag her tail at me and my Panda. So we went to
the door and Jimmy D unlocked and went inside his little white house,
inviting me and Panda indoors we joined him.

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His little house was very tidy. Looked to me like a hotel or something. Kind
of bare plus a few pictures of his kids on his wall.
He told me whom was whom. He had three. Two boys and a girl. They
were all grown; good.
Then since it was late he showered and so did I and we went to bed and
did it. Now we were one. I couldn't help it Jim bo de ne! Came out of my
mouth. My Jimbodene!
" My Lori Lori!" came out of his mouth and we soon fell asleep. Holding
each other close.
The next morning at four-thirty am the alarm went off a beeping. Without
griping or mumbling a bit. In fact; glad to meet the morning. I liked that a
lot laughing as he crowed like a rooster.
Flapping his arms up and down acting like a rooster. He is funny.
" Good morning good looking." Jimmy D then said holding me tenderly.
" Good morning handsome! " I said back without hesitation, looking up at
him.

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" Is there anyway you might want to hang out here today? I'll be late to
work, if I take you home; and I hate being late." Jimmy D stated honestly.
" Yep! That'd be fun! Then I can see you when you get off work!"
" Okay, let me show you how to work the t.v. and radio, then I must be off
to work."
So after he put it on cartoons, at my request. ( Been a long time since I had
cartoon day. My mind needed a rest.) When I explained I liked the oldie but
goodies. He put it on Tom and Jerry.
He kissed me and went to work in the oil field. I watched cartoons all
day. I would of cleaned up his house but it was already clean. Real clean
and I didn't see any nasty magazines around the place. That was good! But
when I looked in the fridgerator all there was, was some cheese, milk and
Miracle whip I said when I seen that “ Uh oh this may not work afterall.” I
am a Heilmans only kind of gal.
When Jimmy D came back he was carrying a pizza. I opened the door and
he was saying " Sorry I didn't even think I don't have much in the kitchen to
eat."
" That is alright. I didn't even think about food yet. I've not had much of an
appetite since they took Sara. Panda ate some of Rosy's food.

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“ Good deal! Let's munch I'm hungry.” Said Jimmy D.
We sat on the couch and watched the news and ate pizza and drank some
milk. He liked my favorite kind five meat thin crust pizza!
When the news was over Jimmy D ask " When is the court date?"
" In two weeks on a Friday." I told him wondering if he really was gonna go
with me to court. So far up to now it's been me against the world.
" Well I will take a vacation day that day. I want to be with you for this."
Jimmy D made my heart melt with his words. A song came through my
heart...( I got two strong hands ...I can help...
If your child needs a daddy ... I can help..... And he did just that from the
day we met we haven't failed to be together everyday either in person or on
phones.
First court hearing came. Sara was now six months old. I was 39.
Jimmy D picked me up at Moms. We went to Paris Court House. Where I
was handed some paperwork from my Public Defender which had been
appointed by the court.

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All I remember is reading that my sister Maggie reported that she didn't
believe I thought the baby needed diapers, food and clothing. ( What a lie!)
and that I was living with a known drug addict . ( Same thing she said about
my ex-husband when she tried to take my boys from me. The first time I
was put in the State Hospital with a nervous breakdown because my
grandma died and my brother killed himself ) That was back in 1997.
I showed Jimmy D the paperwork and as he read it his face looked aghaust
and upset as he said " She don't even know me!"
" She lied about me too! I had enough diapers for a year and lots of pretty
clothes for my Sara. I had everything she needed and more!"
" Who said all that?" he then ask me to which I responded with all I knew I
pointed to where it read " her sister Maggie reported..."
" Lieing bitch! Jimmy reported.
" Yep." I said sadly as we entered the courtroom and sat down beside each
other and listened. He held my empty hand as I clinched the paper full of
lies with the other. My hands were trembling and I was so sick to my
stomach I thought I was gonna get sick.
Jimmy D leaned near my ear and whispered " You'll get your baby back.
Don't worry."
" Yep, truth always wins in the end." I told him with renewed strength.

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But no one ever called me up to the stand to speak. I didn't get to tell the
truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. So being
who I am I remained quiet until ask to speak.
I merely got to listen to strangers tell me; that I had to take parenting
classes. But that I would start getting supervised visitations with Sara at the
Department of Human Services. Every other weekend for an hour. Do
random drug testing. Until court resumes again on this issue in six months.
That was allot better than not seeing her at all or at Maggie's
In the meanwhile Jimmy D showed me a cute little old fashioned house. It
was on the bottom of Mommas mountain. 707 Nichols lane. I loved it at
first site. It needed a lot of cleaning and some work but I love work. That
would do good to keep missing Sara off my mind. So also the time till court
would come sooner.
" Do you like it?" Jimmy D ask as I took a look around.
I quickly turned to him with " I love it!"
" Would you want to live here with me?" he ask
" Yes! I would love to! "
" It's a done deal then. I will tell my friend we want it." Jimmy D finished.
" Cool we can have a farm here." I added then looking at the huge
pasture the house sat inside. With a large running creek in the very back
yard.

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" Look we already got cows!" Jimmy teased pointing at his friends herd of
cattle that grazed freely in the pasture.
" Yeah neat our own cows that we can play with and someone else takes
care of yee haw!"
" Yeah we'll let our hands take care of that." Jimmy teased on.
" Yes sounds divine." I laughed out.
So we moved into 707. I cleaned and remodeled and Jimmy D did
construction and wiring and plumbing and carrying everything in that we
owned. I put it where it goes. There was a big back room for a bedroom,
that was Jimmy Ds and my room. The smaller room we made into Sara
room. It turned out quite perfect home sweet home. With a big yard for
Sara to run and play in, and I could show her all about the outdoors and the
creek. I couldn't wait! Her room was ready and waiting with a baby bed
fully decked out with sheets and blankets, a dresser with some clothes that
will fit her now at six months and a few for when she is a little bigger. Over
150 doll collection hanging up and in shelf's and toy boxes. She also had the
two riding horses I had for her, don't know how they didn't get taken like
most everything else I owned of Sara Gone.

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I wish I could show you a picture of how sweet a place Jimmy D and I had
together made. I hadn't felt this at home in forever. Now I could finally dig
some roots. So too and be still and live life. Soon as I get Sara back.
Everything would be right for once in my life.
Jimmy D worked seven on and seven off. It was fun when he was home all
the time. We get along like best friends. He introduced me to NASCAR
racing and I love it. I have missed out being so busy all my life' to busy to
watch much t.v. at all.
Finally the weekend came to go visit Sara. So Jimmy D took me with him to
the motel, where he stays when he works in the oil field. It was in
Booneville, where I was to see Sara the next morning. The Booneville D.H.S.
office. Without Jimmy D I wouldn't of been able to see her. I didn't know
where Booneville was much less knew how to drive to it. I still get lost in
Russellville where I grew up.
That night me and Panda went to the motel with Jimmy D. He bought us
supper and we ate at the motel. Then he took me to the store and bought
me new pants and shirt and a little doll for Sara.
When we got to the young cashier; I told her I wanted some lighter fluid for
my lighter. She said " Your Daddy will have to get that."
Oh my gosh!!! He is only seven years older than me. lol but I did have two
ponytails on and was buying a doll. lol lol lol

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When we got back to the room I tried on the pants and shirt.
" Me like!" Jimmy D smiled at me looking in the mirror at my new clothes.
" Me too! Thank you so much!"
" Your quite welcome and thank you." Jimmy D stated and confused me so I
ask " For what?"
" For coming into my life." Jimmy said.
" Thank you for being in my life! You came just when I needed you most." I
told him honestly for my world had fallen apart. ( I couldn't understand it
cause I didn't do anything wrong.)
I couldn't hardly sleep. Which wasn't uncommon lately I was still like a
spirit unrested. I wanted my baby back! God gave her to me! Sara is my
daughter!"
The next morning...
" Wake up babydoll. You get to see your daughter today!"
" I'm awake." I said and got up and got ready.
Then looking at her doll I spoke without thinking " I hope Sara likes this doll.
I do she is cute. She is blonde I would name her Cynthia".

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" Here is a twenty. There is a dollar store right next to the D.H.S. office
maybe you can buy her something there."
" Okay? Thank you Jimbodene."
Jim took the day off to take me to see Sara. When we got there he said "
I will wait here with Panda in the van for you okay?”
" Okay." I said kissing him and grabbing the doll and my purse going into the
office. When I told them my name the lady handed me a cup and said for
me to give her a urine sample. So I did.
Finally a woman came and called my name so I went toward her..." Lori
Justice?" she ask as I neared her.
" Yes." I answered and she led me toward a room and said "Wait here."
There was a couple little chairs and a table full of books in the tiny little
room. And a double view mirror where I could see my D.H.S. Worker, sitting
in the other room adjacent the room I was in.
Her name is Sherry. I like her alright. But I don't like the parenting teacher
woman. Even though I did get my certificate. I still got a bad vibe from her.

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I looked in the mirror at my reflection and at Sherry. She got up and fixed
her hair and smiled at me. I smiled back then and sat on one of the little
chairs and waited.
Finally the door opened and Sherry carried Sara into the room. My heart
lept. I didn't cry. I wouldn't let me. Sara wouldn't understand. I had to be
strong. So I took her and Sherry left with
" Enjoy your visit."
I sat Sara down, in a little chair and sat opposite her. Picked up a little
five or six page baby book about shapes and colors. I showed Sara the
shapes and told her the colors she touched each one with her tiny little
pointing finger. Though she uttered not a sound except the cutest laugh I'd
ever heard.
Then I dug into my purse and pulled out her little doll. " La La" came out of
Sara mouth. Aw she calls dolls la las. That was the first word I ever heard
her say. After a little while Sara wanted to do something else. I could tell so
I went to the mirror and looked in at Sherry. Sara was confused as to why
when we looked in the mirror we could see us and somebody else. How
could I explain to a one year old that I had to have supervised visitation only
right now. I couldn't understand that myself. So I just tapped on the
window to get Sherry's attention off her paperwork a minute and I
motioned for her to come here. She did when she walked in I said " Sherry
can I take her outside and play? It is a real pretty day."

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" Mmm yes. But I'll have to go with you okay? "
" Okay thanks." I told her
" Give me a minute and I will be right back to walk with you and Sara
outside." Sherry said then returned to her paperwork a few minutes and
then she came walked us out of D.H.S. Me carrying Sara and purse, her
holding the la la.
When we got outside we went to the side of the building next to the
parking lot. I sat down on the grass and sat Sara down next to me. Sherry
remained standing for awhile, then she too joined us on the neatly cut grass.
Sara was starting to take a few steps so I held her hands in mine and she
managed a few steps. I looked up at Jimmy D smiling like a proud mama.
When Sherry ask " Who is that?"
" My boyfriend Jim he brought me here. I couldn't of seen Sara without
him."
" Sounds like a nice guy. Where did you meet him?" Sherry ask so I told her
" At my right front door on Mommas mountain where I was living."
" Yes I heard you were living with him. Where does he work?"
Sherry ask more...
" For Nabors drilling. " I told her without hesitation.
" Good job." Sherry remarked and then was quiet for a moment.

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Then she said while I was in between words with Sara " He can get out and
visit if he'd like."
So I waved at him to come here and join us; he just waved me to himself.
" Can I take Sara and show him how big she got?"
" Don't get in the vehicle. Just stand by his door and let him see her."
Sherry told me so I said " Okay thanks" and carried Sara on my hip toward
the driver door of the van.
" Look how big she got!!! So fast!!!" I said holding her close to Jim's
window which was open.
" Yeah I seen her take a few steps for you there." Jimmy D stated now
holding Sara hand and gently shaking it hello.
" How ya doing there little Sara?
Long time no see." he finished and patted her head.
Sara smiled at him. Just then Panda barked once to get my attention. " Oh
yeah you got to see Panda. She wants to see her Sara. So I said to Jimmy D
" Why don't you and Panda get out and come visit with us."
Jimmy D replied " I don't want nothing to do with them people I will help
Panda out." and he did and I thanked him aloud as she ran to me and Sara.

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I played on the grass a little while and let Panda and Sara visit too. Panda
kissed Sara cheek once just like she kisses me. Sara pattted Panda gently
and smiled a lot.
Then I noticed the dollar store and remembered the twenty and ask Sherry
" Can I take Sara to that store and buy her something? "
" Yes but you can't take that dog. And I have to go with you." Sherry told me
so I said " Okay let me tell Jim and put Panda back in the van."
" Leave Sara here with me while you do that, okay?" Sherry said so I replied
“Okay." and did.
I told Jim “ I'll be right back, going to the store for a minute. “ He said " Me
and Panda will be right here take your time enjoy your daughter."
" I will!" I said and then went and got Sara from Sherry and we walked to
the dollar store a few feet away. When we went in, I put Sara in the
shopping cart and started to get the belt to fasten it; when Sherry said
“Hook the belt around her."
" I am." I told her and did.

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As I pushed Sara around the store I told her " Show me what you want."
She looked around and when I got to a little doll that had a bottle and
pacifier she pointed at it. So I got it and handed it to her. Sara hugged the
box. I paid for it and we went back to D.H.S. to the yard and I opened the
doll and handed it and the bottle and pacifier to Sara. She put the pacifier in
the baby's mouth and it started crying like crazy and loud. Sara dropped
the doll and was scared. I picked up the doll and said' Maybe she wants her
bottle." So I put the bottle to her mouth and she made a drinking sound and
then burped. Sara liked that. Me too.
" Okay time is over. Say goodbye to Sara I got to take her back now.
So I kissed and hugged and handed over my little girl. Sherry took her and
carried her back into the building. I waved goodbye with clear eyes as I
could muster. Then when they were out of sight I rejoined Jimmy D and
Panda in the van.
I wiped my eyes with my hand and said " She is so cute." with a smile on my
face.
" You ready to go home now?" Jimmy D ask me and I responded with a yes.
So we did.

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Supervised visitation continued until court which came six months from
the last one. Before court came Sherry and the parenting class woman and
a man came and looked at our home.
I was proud to show them, that it was safe, clean and ready for Sara to come
home finally.
But when court time came Jim again took me and sat by me in the court. I
again didn't get to speak on my behalf " That I wanted my daughter back
now!" Even my public defender didn't allow me to speak. So I remained
silent. Not a word came out of my mouth as the court then stated ... That
my home was not ready. That Sara room was a little cubby hole or closet.
( Strange but that is exactly what Maggie had her in when she had her)
anyways they decided if I find somewhere else to live without Jim, that I
could have supervised visitation with Sara at my new residence.
So seeing as Mom was depressed living with Maggie. I talked her into her
and Johnny and me getting a place together. So we did it was a trailer not
very far from 707 Nichols lane. Maybe four miles or so from it. Jim is the
one that told me about it his friend Dodie owned it. So I could still be with
Jim when I couldn't see Sara. On the weekends that they let me see Sara; I
was at the trailer with Mom and Johnny. Just because they didn't approve
of Jim and 707 I did. But I did what D.H.S. told me to do.

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I fixed up me and Sara a little room. Hoping D.H.S. would approve of this
place. I unpacked Mom and Johnny too and made us a home. Knowing
when I get Sara back we would go live with Jim at 707. It was a much better
place and I loved Jimmy D. It was not their business to mind my life. But,
for the time being they were. I found out much later how much Maggie was
keeping them informed of my every move.
One weekend I was finally able to see Sara. The grass was kind of tall
where I wanted to play with her under a large shade tree. So I cut the grass
with scissors. It took awhile but I made us a perfect play place. As I was
finishing up someone showed up with Sara.
I took her and they said " We need to see your home." So I carried Sara in
and they followed behind. When I opened the door Mom and Johnny were
watching t.v. I explained to Mom " They got to look at the trailer."
Mom just nodded.
I showed them the kitchen the bathroom, pointed out Johnny and Moms
room. And showed them me and Sara room. It was very cute. I had a small
bed for me and a baby bed for Sara set up. With stuffed animals and dolls
all around the room. Some diapers and wipes, and other things I needed
for Sara.
They said " Looks good. Now just one more thing we need your Mother and
brother to fill out some paperwork.

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I took the paperwork to Mom and gave Johnny his.
Mom said " What is this about?"
" I don't know. They said you and Johnny need to fill it out. " I guess it was
a background check. To make sure Sara would be safe here.
" This is ridiculous!" Mom said but began to fill out the paperwork and
Johnny was reading his when I said " Is that it?" to the two people who
answered me " Yes. But for this visit we will be staying and watching you
with Sara."
Mom looked at me like Too much...
So I said " I want to take her out to play."
" That will be fine." The two said and followed me outside and sat on the
porch with " Go ahead and visit. Forget we are even here."
So I did... I took Sara to the shade tree and was showing her how to walk
better. She still couldn't walk alone. I held her hands and she walked all
around the tree. When I thought she was tired I laid down on the grass and
sat her on my stomach facing me. Talking and singing to my little doll Sara
Michelle Justice.
Hey if you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world...
Tell her I love her... Tell her I need my baby... Oh won't you tell her that I
love her... Sara listened to me singing and then as I watched her reaction
she looked into the heavens. Her eyes so blue and smiling.

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Then I carried Sara around showing her flowers and trees and stuff
outside. Until Mom came out and handed the people the paperwork all
filled out. The people stood up and called to me.
" Okay Lori! Time to say goodbye to Sara until next time."
So I kissed her cheek and returned her. They drove off. I sat alone under
the tree for hours; just thinking about all this. Jim showed up and we went
in the trailer he wanted to say hi to Mom and Johnny.
When he got indoors he said friendly " Hi Mom! How are you feeling?"
They had got close seeing each other often over the last year and a half. "
Howdy. I'm okay I reckon!" Mom smiled at Jimmy D whom then turned his
attention to Johnny who was watching The price is right.
" Hey there brother! How bout we go skydiving ?"
" I don't think so!" Johnny answered grinning that smile of his.
" Come on bro we can get you up there in your wheelchair and hook a
parachute to it and we could hit the skies!" Jimmy playfully chided Johnny.
" No thank you ass whole ha ha!" Johnny talked to him like he talked to my
brother in heaven when he ( Donnie ) would tease him as Jimmy D was now
doing. Hey Jimmy D is the same age as Donnie. Two years younger than
Johnny. We all laughed at his joken round.

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We visited a little while and then Jimmy D and I went home. It was
appropriate that I lived in two places; for I was torn apart. Jimmy drove the
van and I drove my Chrysler La baron
" What's wrong with your right arm?" Jimmy ask as I got out of the car at
707.
" I was carrying Sara for quite awhile today. " I told him adding " I showed
her some flowers and trees and bugs."
" Why didn't you take her indoors so you could set her down some." Jimmy
D ask and I answered...
" Because people were watching me and Mom didn't want them in her face.
So I led them outside to watch me play with Sara. They said they had to
supervise this visit but next time I get her to myself at the trailer! In two
weeks!"
" That will be good. Finally they are seeing that she needs her Mother."
Jimmy D stated.
" I hope." I said wondering why it was taking so long to get her back. I
couldn't understand ! I didn't do anything wrong.
Although I did test positive for marijuana the first time they tested me but
I quit completely Because I had too, to get Sara back. Besides that is not a
felony! (That was never brought up in court. )so far. They had nothing
against me or at least nothing they told me in court hearings.

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They just wouldn't give me back my daughter! They kept nit picking my
every move. Telling me what to do and I done every thing they said to do.
What in the world was going on... Why were they keeping my daughter from
me. All I did was call 911 for help for her cause she was crying so hard, and I
couldn't get her to stop. No matter what all I did; she kept crying! And at
Childrens Hospital they said she might have something wrong with her
kidneys. So I called for help and it continues on...
Two weeks go by time to visit Sara. Jim had already gone to work at four-
thirty am My car wouldn't start. So over thinking and not knowing exactly
what to do I quickly started walking toward the trailer. It was only a few
miles and by my timing I would get there pretty darn close to perfect. When
I was just about to turn onto the dirt road about five minutes from the
trailer. A truck passed me flinging dirt onto my face. But that aint what
made me mad it was that it was Mary contrary (The woman who did the
parenting classes) driving and I could see an evil smile on her face when she
recognized me. I could also see Sara in her car seat Mary just flew by and
didn't even slow down. I turned and watched her go to the stop sign wait a
second and leave.
I continued my walk to Moms broken hearted. I missed my chance to see
Sara. By five minutes.
Going into the trailer with a knock knock knock and a
"It's me. I missed Sara."

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"Well you should of been here like your suppose to be. Instead of worrying
about a man." Mom said
" I'm not worried about a man. I have the right to have a relationship! And
have my daughter!"
" Don't yell at me little girl!" Mom said calmly
" I'm sorry I'm just sick of all this shit!"
" Well who aint sick of all this shit!" Mom ask
" Maggie! She keeps telling on me." I went on
" Well quit doing what your not suppose to do. And do what you are
suppose to do." Mom informed me.
" I am and I have been! Why can't Maggie just leave me alone and quit it!"
" She happens to love that baby!" Mom took up for Maggie.
" I love her too! And God gave her to me!"
I whaled loud then " I didn't do anything wrong and they took my baby!"
" Oh you little holier than thou!" Mom freaked me out with her words she
never said anything like that to me before. Mom never even griped at me.
" I never said anything like that!" I came back.
"Yes well you act like it!" Mom kept on.
" I'm leaving!" I said and grabbed my purse.
" Good!" Mom said as I slammed the door and walked back to 707.

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When my Jimbodene got off work he took me to the Nublane General store.
Jimmy D bought a bottle of wine. When we got home We sat at the creek
and drank together and talked.
" Say? Are you okay?" Jimmy D ask as I stared quietly off.
" Yes." I answered.
" What is on your mind?" Jimmy D ask.
" I was just daydreaming that we got Sara back and we were living here and
we all had a horse." I told him
" Sounds good to me!" said Jimmy D.
Jim gave me the van that day so I would have transportation and he drove
the F 150 truck that he traded for his car.
We talked and drank the bottle of wine. Then began to play in the sand in
the front yard. It was perfect playing place. Two feet deep sand about 40
feet wide and 80 feet long. Where I had a kiddy pool to get wet in on hot
days. Like this day.
Jimmy D jumped into the small pool like he was diving in head first but he
didn't . It looked funny all 6 feet of him in a 4 foot pool.

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And it looked fun so even though I was wearing my white summer dress. I
jumped in with him. He made room for me what he could.
I was barefooted he was sandaled. After we played around awhile and got
good and wet; we got out of the pool. Jimmy D went and sat on one of our,
outside fold up chairs, as it started to rain. Even though it was sunny.
I ran and got my umbrella and gave it to my Jimbodene. He opened it and
held it up over him. Even though we were both soaking wet. IT was funny.
I laughed at him.
Till he stopped me with " Be serious. I want to ask you something."
" Okay?" I said now being still for the moment.
" Lori Lori I love you and I love your daughter Sara as if she were mine and
yours. I promise to take care of you both forever.
Will you marry me?" Jimmy proposed!!!!!!!
" Yes!" I said without hesitation.
Jimmy D then said " Right now. Right here and now in front of God and all
the heaven will you marry me right now?"

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" Yes!" I took off my wedding band from off my married finger and handed
it to him. ( It was a set my Mom had given me years ago. I had put them on
as soon as I found it after I had first been with Jim. For in my heart when
two lie together they are no longer twain but one flesh. To me in Gods eyes
we were already married.
But this was wonderful...
" Lori Michelle Justice I take you this day to be my wife in Jesus name
amen."
" Jim you are my husband and I do! In Jesus name amen."
We kissed and it quit raining. It was beautiful.
Then we had a honeymoon in the woodshed.
Luckily we got done in time for soon after we were dressed someone
pulled into our driveway. Got close to the house and stopped. Sherry got
out. With her was the bitch I couldn't stand.
The other Social worker the one that did the classes of Parent teaching. I
raised three sons for sixteen years! Till I was kicked out on July the
sixteenth of 2000. And I did a good job being a house wife and mom. But
Mary thinks she knows it all and acts like I know nothing. Bitch!!!! They
walked up as Jim and I were ringing out our wet clothes in the front yard.
" Did we interrupt you two?" Mary quite contrary ask.

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" No!" Is all I said to her.
" Hi Sherry!" I then said trying to see what was up.
" Hi Lori and hello James was it? Sherry said holding out her hand to greet
him.
He shook her hand with " Yes mam."
Then Sherry said " We heard that you two were still together and were living
here. So we thought we would come hear your side.
Can we go inside and talk a minute?"
I got angry and screamed " You can but that bitch aint going in my house! I
have nothing to say to her! " My middle finger pointing at Mary Mary quite
contrary.
Her eyes opened wide like ( How dare you! )
Jim said to Sherry " She don't want to talk to her."
" Okay she won't come in!" Sherry told me so I showed her the way into the
living room and offered her a seat on the company couch. Jim and I sat on
the other facing her.
" Let's see how can I put this?" Sherry began adding It had been let known
to us; that you have been living here with James not at the trailer like you
said.”

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" I live both places. That aint against the law! I live her on the days that I
don't have Sara and I live at the trailer when I get her!" I sounded upset
cause I was sick of it!
" So you think when you get her back you can just live here; with her if you
want?"
" It is a free Country! And Yes! That is my daughter and I want her back!!!
Now!!! It is nobody's business where I live! "
" It is our business if you want your daughter back." Sherry advised. ( But
that just couldn't be right. How could that be, that they can tell me where
to live. It all boils down to this ... My sister wanted my daughter... She got
me put into an institution when I wasn't even sick. For thirty days. They let
me out after observation saying I was neither homicidal nor suicidal. She
got me illegally evicted before I got out by telling my landlady that we were
smoking in the house. ( We smoked on the front porch) and she so far has
succeeded in taking my daughter from me.
" Sherry I don't want to talk to you no more either!" I spoke up.
" Okay, I'll leave but I'm the only one on your side."

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" It don't seem like it to me!" I told her no longer trading her, to be my
sister, instead of Maggie. As I had told her, when after a D.H.S. Visit, with
Sara;... when I was upset and trying not to cry... Sherry drove through Mc
Donalds and bought me a Chocolate shake. She was nice and cared that I
was hurt and so I told her that day...
" Sherry I'm trading You are my sister now instead of Maggie." But now
things changed she was not my sister at all just another stranger helping to
take away my daughter.
She left; she wasn't nothing to me but another enemy.
Jim said " You shouldn't of done that."
" What tell her the truth?"
" Yeah, you should just tell them whatever they want to hear."
" That is bullshit! So I messed up being honest? "
" Kind of crazy but yeah.
It will be alright Jimmy told me and held me close comforting me.
I stayed with Jimmy D at 707 till it was my weekend to see Sara. When it
was time I went back to the trailer with Mom and Johnny.
They brought Sara to me. I took her to our room and showed her all the
dolls. They were mine but now they were hers.