1. volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014uc san diego
The
Collective
Voice
2. 2
SIAPS3rdAnnualCollege Tour2014
This college tour has given me a better outlook on what it means
to be a college student from sleeping in the UCSD dorms to sit-
ting in a classroom where higher education takes place. I have
learned what it means to pursue a university degree because my
parents never had the chance to do so. In the long run of senior
year, I applied to 16 colleges and I had the chance to experience
four of them on the college tour. It was such a great experience
that the whole SPACES staff put together. Also, all the college
tour leaders I had were informed on the social and academic
aspects of college. They were understanding of our family and
personal histories and have motivated me to graduate college
successfully. If it was not for this trip, I did not see myself consid-
ering university because of such the high expenses. Their motiva-
tion has given me every reason to get the education I deserve no
matter how low my family income is and how my family line does
not carry much educational knowledge. To be honest, not even
my own family supports my decision to go to college but UCSD
SPACES has given me every reason to follow this dream of mine.
- Kristina. D, 12th grade, Lincoln High School
I learned so much on the college tour. From how
to pay for it to all these fun facts about each of the
colleges. The college tour changed my outlook on
college because I was stressed and worried about
the drastic change from high school to college
and how I was going to pay for it but now I am
informed and feel a lot better. While at the college
tour I learned that sometimes stepping out of my
comfort zone is a great thing to do. I came to it
scared and worried to be alone in the trip but at
the end met a lot of people and had a lot of fun!
I am so glad I had the opportunity to be a part of
the SIAPS 2014 college tour!
- Gresia. P, 12th grade, Gompers Preparatory High
School
Planning and co-coordinating the SIAPS College Tour for SPACES this year has been one of the most chal-
lenging, exciting, and fulfilling experiences I have ever had at UCSD. My job as one of the SIAPS Co-Coor-
dinators has been challenging this year and there have been MANY points where I just felt like I wanted to
leave SPACES and not look back. However, I am so thankful to have come into contact with 40 wonderful
and inspiring students. Although they thanked me and the SPACES staff countless times, to be honest, it
is I that should be thanking them. They reignited a passion within me that, up until the college tour, had
been at its lowest point in years.
The work that is done at SPACES is not easy. Especially with access work, I don’t always get to see the
fruits of my labor. However, I know that I have to trust the process and trust that I have at least planted
seeds of knowledge and empowerment in the students that I work with. The following is a quote by Jorge
Luis Borges that I love and carry with me when I do access work:
“Cada persona que pasa por nuestra vida es única. Siempre deja un poco de
sí y se lleva un poco de nosotros. Habrá los que se llevarán mucho, pero no
habrá de los que no nos dejarán nada. Esta es la prueba evidente de que
dos almas no se encuentran por casualidad.”
English Translation: “Every person we meet is special and will always leave a part of himself or herself
with us and they will take a part of us with them. There will always be those that take a lot, but there will
never be anyone who will leave us with nothing. This is proof that no two souls meet out of coincidence.”
Whenever I meet a student (or anyone) for the first time, I do not ever know if it will also be the last time
that I see them. Regardless, I am at ease knowing that I will leave a part of me with them and I will take a
part of them with me.
A Few Words from SIAPS Co-Co: Victor Jacobo
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
3. uc san diego 3
While on the college tour I learned various things, like what type
of things I do and do not like in colleges. I learned that the stu-
dents themselves have to be proactive in their college years so
that they can influence others and actually use their education
with their passions. I also learned that the colleges sometimes
need the push of the students to do certain things, like to rec-
ognize a fault in their college’s system and to correct it. As well
as the fact that teamwork is a major help in doing pretty much
anything, and that some things really are group efforts, and that
that’s more than okay, but encouraged. Not only that, but it
changed the way that I think when looking at colleges; I started
to look more into its surroundings, and how the college affects
the community of the college itself and of the surrounding areas.
What these two communities actually consist of. I learned that
as a minority, I have a responsibility to reach out to other minori-
ties, and to help express my culture so that others can under-
stand it. Not just because I feel oppressed by it, but because it
can open the minds of others that seem to think that the world
is already fixed, and so they can truly be the judges of this unjust
society.
- Israel. C, 11th grade, San Diego School of Creative and
Performing Arts
Everyone always talks about how they visit
a college and they get this feeling like they
know that it’s the college for them. Before
going on this tour, I didn’t think I’d feel that
way about any of the colleges we were visit-
ing. But when we went to Occidental Col-
lege, I fell in love. It was so perfect, and now
it’s my number one choice. If I hadn’t gone
on this tour, I wouldn’t have seriously con-
sidered even applying there. So thank you
so much for organizing this event! It means
so much!
- Chelsie. D, 11th grade, The Preuss School
of UCSD
Prior to the college tour, I had very little knowledge of the
majority of the colleges we visited, let alone the entire
application process. On top of that, I was scared out of my
mind of the whole “college life” idea, thinking I would never
be able to survive. However, with the tons of help given
from the college tour such as: speaking first-hand to college
students themselves, countless motivational speeches from
them, fun, yet eye-opening workshops, along with walk-
ing through the actual college campuses, I was sent home
with a much clearer idea of college and the most motivation
I’ve ever had before. The tour entirely was definitely a life-
changing experience that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
With the help of SPACES, my dreams of college aspirations
now seem more like a reality. I wouldn’t be the person I am
today without this college tour. I not only learned to trust
others, but also trust in myself, and have gained the confi-
dence necessary to pull through in higher education. Thank
you so much, SPACES!
Jed. L, 11th grade, Morse High School
The SIAPS College Tour changed my life. Before, I
thought for me there were very few options for me
when it came to college because I did not have a lot
of money, I could not go to visit colleges, and also I
did not feel motivated to go to other colleges because
I did not know them I did not know about the pro-
grams and ways to get there. I am extremely happy
that programs like this exist because if it weren’t for
programs like this, maybe I would have never had the
opportunity to go to UCLA or get the immense knowl-
edge I got.
- Abner. G, 12th Grade, Otay Ranch High School
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
4. 4
This is a story of my love affair with L.E.O.
L.E.O. taught me a lot during my trip to Selma, Alabama.
L.E.O is a concept: Lifestyle, Exchange and Option.
Let me begin on how I met L.E.O. Picture this scenario. You see a classic southern house, with humble white trims on the exterior. As you
walk up the stairs to enter the doors, the owners welcome you wholeheartedly. You are not a guest, but a part of their lives. Inside this
house, you see volunteers of a non-profit organisation, Freedom Foundation, the local community, and visitors like yourself. I witness
this scenario personally in Selma. I chose this image because it is a statement of the volunteers’ involvement with the local community.
It shows how they adopt their work as a lifestyle. They believe the youths of Selma can be given hope for a bright future. They trust
that the cultivation of the next generation will break the cycle of poverty and racial inequality. And, they have committed their lives to a
cause that they believe in with absolute passion.
In 2013, Gallup Inc., an American research-based, global consulting company surveyed 230,000 full time and part-time workers in 142
countries. It was reported that 87% of these workers were, I quote ‘emotionally disconnected from their workplaces’. It is always a
wonder and an inspiration to see people engaged in their work, and in turn find fulfillment in it. Hence, I fell in love with this concept of
adopting your work as a lifestyle.
Then in my interaction with L.E.O, I found Exchange. In the environment created by our non-profit, the volunteers empower the local
community. This relationship does not just work one-way. The local community empowers the volunteers just as much. I truly under-
stood this exchange on my last day in Selma, when some of the youths came to send us off. As usual, we were greeted with hugs and
‘How are you?’s. It hit me then, how in the past week, these youths have been so open to us. We were mere strangers in the beginning,
but they opened up their hearts and lives without reserve. And through that, I have felt cared and blessed. It dawned on me the impor-
tance of this two-way relationship, I wasn’t just there to empower the youths of Selma -, I was there to be empowered by them.
My affair with L.E.O progresses with Option. I’d like to share the story of one of the youths of Selma that grew under the wings of the
non-profit who was raised by her single mother in poverty. According to statistics, herself and her sister would not make it to college or
even be living in a house. Well, what is statistics, really? Today, she is in college and one of the most passionate, fearless and open-mind-
ed people that I have met. I quote her, ‘I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my mom pushing past all the negative things
that can be in a town like Selma or a town anywhere.’ She is an embodiment of choice. Whatever our given circumstances, given the op-
portunity, we can choose to carve our future.
So, why am I in love with L.E.O? Well, through the lifestyle, exchange, and option of the people that I’ve met in Selma, I realised that
they have adopted a lifestyle because it is valuable to them. I found that the volunteers and locals engage in exchanges because it is
valuable to them. And last, I discovered that the youths chose to be with the non-profit, chose to go to college, and chose to commit
their life to the betterment of their community, because it is valuable to them. In the end, L.E.O has taught me that what matters most
is living a life of value, where value is dictated by the worth of your actions, to yourself and your community. I end with a quote from
Albert Einstein, ‘Try not to be a success, but rather to be a value’.
A Love Affair
Sheng Hui Lim
I just want to giggle
I want to smile until my cheeks hurt
I want to feel the cold wind rub up against my cheeks until they feel numb.
Because all these sensations make me feel so happy
They foster a fuzzy warmth within me and I feel like I’m flying – like nothing
else in the world matters.
Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for when I study abroad next fall. I hope I do.
But, if I don’t, I know something good will come of my trip. At the very least,
I’ll be brave enough to venture out on my own. I’ll have to start over and be
the little, lonely fish again. But it’s okay. I’ve done it plenty of times now. I’ll
find my friends. Hopefully I’ll find one that makes me burst with joy because
they’re just like one of those movies. The movies that assume you already
know everything about their cinematic universe. They give you the benefit of
the doubt, and, if you don’t know, they know you’re smart enough to catch
up – because you’re the type of person that likes a challenge.
I like challenges. Actually, I think I like the end result more than anything. If
the challenge leads to something positive, then I think I fall in love with the
whole process.
Falling in Love with the Process
Anonymous
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
5. uc san diego 5
Rape. It is an all-consuming, ever-lasting, tragedy that poses perhaps the greatest obstacle to one’s identity, to one’s future, to
one’s destiny. It certainly has to mine. Before March 9th I was set in my ways – I had extremely detailed and specific plans for the rest
of my time at UCSD, where I would go to grad school afterward, what type of man I would date, where my political and religious beliefs
would stand, who I would be every tomorrow that I was lucky enough to live. But then March 9th came around and all of my plans were
thrown out the window. Suddenly, classes didn’t seem to matter; I couldn’t think about getting out of bed the next morning, let alone
where I would go to grad school; dating became a mythical occurrence; politics and religion had no logical basis for me- how could it
when I would never receive justice-; and tomorrows seemed less and less like a miracle, and more like a burden. I have questioned
everything and everyone I thought I knew. The world grew to be a mighty stranger.
But as strange as this new world became to me, one simple fact remained. I am alive. Being alive is more than just merely
surviving; it’s taking yourself to the very edge of your limits, just to know that you can. It is adaptation, the destruction of an old life and
the creation of a stronger one. But more than anything, being alive is healing and moving forward, making way for a new future, a new
destiny. Yet, it is not a linear process – it’s more like taking one step forward and two steps back, countless times. I suppose, that’s the
beauty about all of this – nothing is inevitable.
Healing and moving forward begin when you realize that no matter how strange the world may seem, you are never alone. For
me, this stepping stone has been the foundation for my own journey. Whether it’s my family, or my friends, or counseling, or my faith,
I am fundamentally not alone - I never have been and I never will be. All the same, you are not alone, and you never will be.
Because your story is my story, and we will get through this.
Yet, there’s more to it than that. Healing and moving froward, creating your own future, your own destiny, is about knowing with
everything in you, that you are worth more than what you have been given. I am worth more than being a medium through which he
found his pleasure. I am worth more than being a victim, an innocent bystander of his decisions. I am worth more than the stares and
whispers; more than the probing and prying; more than the tears and the pain. I am worth more than the cards I’ve been dealt. And so
are you.
Now that the two most critical stepping stones have been laid, now it’s up to you to write the rest of your story. My story
continues here: I am several weeks from completing my second year at UCSD; I am going to get a place of my own this summer so I can
stay and work in this beautiful city; I am going to revel in the relationships around me and strengthen each and every one; and most
importantly, I am going to love myself enough to keep moving forward and not stare too long at the past. The rest, well the rest is still
unwritten. But that’s where the fun, the thrill and excitement lies. Because I am alive, and so are you.
“Decisive Moment”
Photography by:
Fabian Torres
Being Alive
Gabriella Muñoz-Parker
- Henri Cartier-Bresson
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
6. 6
Her description of herself
I am in a better place right now. I am a free spirited person. Very outspoken. Too
blunt. I don’t not think before I act! One great word to describe myself is VIVCA-
CIOUS. I like to laugh because laughter keeps the should alive in the mind and the
body running. I hope for peace one day… one day
How we met
We met in High school and the friendship was not instantaneous. Actually we didn’t
even like each other at first. She later told me she used to even be openly racist against
Blacks until she met me and our other friend Juno. Throughout my senior year and her
junior year we became best friends and would spend as much time together as pos-
sible. After she entered her senior year and I went on to community college we lost
touch for a while. Then like clockwork we came together again. She moved to Arizona
and from the remainder of my community college to my first year at UCSD, we com-
muted to see each other. She told me in High school that she didn’t feel like she was
going to live past 21. She reminded me of this a month or so before she passed on but
said she had lived a full life and wouldn’t mind. That was the same to she asked me to
get a tattoo to remember her by. That whole time I always thought she was just being
dramatic and it hurt my feelings that she thought of death so often but in doing so she
was actually determined to live a fuller life. On March 12, 2013 she was riding her mo-
torcycle to work when she was struck by a drunk driver in a SUV. Elsa passed on scene.
I had planned on visiting her soon again. Later I eventually went back out to Arizona to
visit our mutual friends and celebrate Elsa’s spirit. One of her friends told me a secret
of Elsa’s. She knew that year that she had an enlarged heart and wasn’t going to live
much longer. Around the same time she found out she earned her motorcycle license,
went sky diving, made plans to live with me out here in San Diego, wanted to join the
military, and dreamed of us being in a relationship with each other with some sort of
formal commitment to each other if we could not find anyone else.
I can’t say
I can’t say I’ve been in love with a special someone
But I’m in love with the comfort and support you give
me
I’ll never be done with your love or your attention
I am content with never being all yours
Because you are too special to be kept a secret
-Keauna
2/13/13
A few months before she passed she dedicated, ‘My Rose’ to me
I am the soil you grow from. You are the beauty I give life to. You make me look
good, feel good. I make you beautifully fragrant. We are one after the seed was
planted. We nurtured it and made a rose, arose with a sensitive petal, a petal that
one day will die. But whilst there’s life for that rose I will live, we will live, we will
enjoy, we will live. We will love. When the soil runs dry while the rose wilts. The
love grows stronger and stronger. Finally one day the rose dies but the memory
lives on forever. The love lives on forever. And the soil dries out. I am the soil, you
are the rose. Friend I will forever love you, hold you close. Remember and think
of you. Even when I die. Even when I’m gone. To my last breath and on…
More on our friendship
Elsa was my foundation long before she pas
meaning of my own existence. As much as s
and self-love she cured up enough motivatio
esteem and self-love in myself. Her love is e
status almost daily reminding each other on
and appreciated each other. We had no rese
tic love, it had the best aspects of it, passion
respect, and care for each other.
“You are very intelligent and beautiful. Get o
like it super cocky and confident and outspo
Elsa
“Please focus my love. You deserve being in
of knowledge being thrown at you. You dese
You’re amazing. You’ll be fine. You’re perfec
Congrats my friend. You deserve to be a UC
friend. May you succeed to infinity and beyo
Feb 2nd, 2013 - Elsa
Digesting what happened was a defin
Elsa, you were the best friend I could hav
me feel special, always supported me! Yo
love you!!’ or ‘Miss you so!!’ You really c
ed you for your honesty and diligence. Yo
never had a single argument. We were s
how I could be so lucky to have had such
It always felt too good to be true whethe
texting. I am so glad we met and honore
grown from our friendship in more ways
you will keep on inspiring me. I love you
She loved my poems so I knew it was v
feelings through
Oh hunny, please forgive
I think with strength b
I love you, please know, h
I miss you
-Sigh –
I keep busy to
It’s almost easier to think you never
Than to know you were once he
Now gone and now I a
….
It’s not all tha
And people do not
I have never consciously paid attenti
heart’s beating t
Ever…
Because I still have it
Come back to m
If only
Let this reality be
….
I have learned what ever lesson
Come back and
I love you
Written 5-25-13
Edited 5-13-14
Elsa (Kizz) Tovar & K
Johnson - Encapsu
Rhapsodic Memories
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
7. uc san diego 7
ssed and still remains the root to the
she struggled with her own self-esteem
on to always encourage me to find self-
eternal. We celebrated this unconditional
n a regular basis of how much we love
ervations and although it was not roman-
n in the other. Passion to always love,
on your high horse and act like it. I act
oken. You do that too.” Jan 17th, 2013 -
n that University. You deserve every ounce
erve every breath ad every inch of life.
ct and no one can take that from you!!!
CSD fucking student!!! Talk to you later my
ond!!! :P”
nite and painful process
ave ever asked for. You always made
You never sent me a text without ‘I
cared. I looked up to you and respect-
You were never a burden on me; we
so different and I always wondered
h a free spirited and amazing friend.
er we were hanging in person or
ed to have had you in my life. I have
s than you would have known and
forever Elsa.
vital to continue expressing my
h words
e my weaknesses
but I avoid hurt
hunny. I am sorry.
u
forget
existed except in my dreams
ere, so beautiful and true
am just awake
at easy
understand
tion to my breathing and my
this much
and you don’t
me please
the dream
n I was supposed to learn
love me
u
I kept my promise to remember her the way she had wished so I now have my first tattoo!
For you best friend! I miss you Elsa. This is a peace sign for your dreams of world peace
someday. A beautiful flower made with oranges and peaches and an outline of purple to
remind me of the warmth, love, and beauty that you provided me to keep me growing and
a live with happiness and inspiration. Circle represent a cycle of life and friendship...some
may end but memories can continue. Your Initials in green like vines or roots. Just a year
ago I would have never thought I’d have a tattoo but for you, it was more than worth it. It’s
on my forearm where I will see it every day in plain sight and so others may ask and I can
share your essence and cherish your life with them too.
And continued to write to honor and appreciate: Feelings are just as real
Your eyes out there
And I can see you
Can you see me?
Your heart out there
I can feel you
Can you feel mine beat?
Your words out there
I read them
But I wish they would speak to me
Your images out there
I can hold it in my hand, rectangle and flimsy
Hold in my mind faint, fog, and clumsily
Hold in my dreams if only longer before consciousness wakes me
I want to tell you that that dream, I finally did it
Those words, I finally said them
My image? I finally can see it
My heart, I finally love it
But you can see all this can’t you?
You could always see ...all along
Thanks for believing in me
I will never forget you
Your memory is as real as these tears
Not just of sadness, but of love and admiration for thee
Keauna (Blewqwala)
ulating Friendship,
s, & Unbounded Love
Spread continued on the next page->
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
8. 8
History, you history maker
History, you history maker
You pop out from your picture
Megapixel images..tiny images darker and lighter making you .. you
You who contains both shadow and ray but who fought for more temperate weather
Your eye lid barcode tattoo it had...
Numbers it contained and when scanned, a message
I scan you and your image in this picture and receive my message
Dear friend of mine ( I imagine Elsa saying), please please please keep your head up
Tupac Shakur rapped it...cocky people flaunt it
But no I mean you know what to do
So why look down?
Why down where streets are trotted upon, thousands of vibrations thumping and
some bass and boom is good
YET UP is where the birds fly
Creatures who may walk but who also sing tunes
Singing when down makes one sadder so sing when happy to not become sad.
Trust, trust because you want to
You want to because you know very little still about who you are, what you know, and
what is out there
If one was present enough to take in what was happening to them and what the uni-
verse has taken in, storytelling would be richer than any material rich.
You loved the rainbow Elsa
Each stripe may serve to remind me of your complexities, depth, visions
Tattoo swirl amongst your temple, the shrine to your hearing
Tips of ink pricked in fine holes becoming part of you
Tips of ink swirling in every which direction
This reminds me of your quest, struggle, and curiosities of the future...
Ears pack packages
Little cargo containers of guilt, pain, sorrow made convenient to release at times
Unravel you blues, hues of emotion
Fine ( I think)
Unpack these thoughts...wait...disperse fluid to the external. The external has no
doubt affected me
How many pages should the wise man write until he’s satisfied and assure that all
knows his wisdom of the world and then be tossed upside down by life lessons?
I have never embraced grow
change, and life more than n
Thank you Elsa for teaching m
importance of Self- Love and
ing me stand up for what I de
and expect from others – res
acceptance of who I am.
Unrestricted power of expression, tears make me fearful of rejection, of doubt, sub-
ject to judgment
But wow does it feel good to cry, honesty being what it deserves : USED
Stay in one place too long and you concentrate on the important and what are we
today in fact?: RUSHED
Dear love, take time to reflect, to remember, to heal
HEAL
Heal slowly so you can always be on a journey where you pick up road blocks - obsta-
cles that provide you with more life experiences in order to aid the healing of others
Don’t forget to be mad, she says
I am not mad at you, she says
..but who are you mad at that you can’t show you are mad? Is it...she hesitates...your-
self?
“Mad at myself?” I imagine myself asking and then answering....yynooyesss yes?
While agony sets in
Don’t forget to be mad she repeats
Trust this feeling...one who is happy but fears showing the little anger they contain
not being taken well
No see...it is just that!
Some bit of worth comes from knowing that you by and large were honest and open
with yourself to trust and to be honest and open with others
Maybe you weren’t angry much but...expressing it brings into question the moment
between raising violence of air and raising healing through calls of question
You don’t know how much you’ve been holding back until you are breave enough to
jump into loss of self
When we close our eyes, we can see truth
What you think you don’t know, really just lies deep inside of you
Lose yourself and get lost
Do it because you NEED it
She leaned in to kiss my forehead
The missing link to this puzzle is still hard for me to swallow: ABSENCE
But in the meantime I will be here enjoying the show called perspective ( I think..)
4/9/14
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
9. uc san diego 9
th,
now.
me the
d for help-
eserve
spect and
I am that fruit you think is a vegetable
Tomato me not, I am ripe and I don’t need you to pick me..
If you imagine me the way you want, that’s fine
But you are missing out on the whole that I may offer
..and somehow no matter how dry things get
I still have my red skin’s beauty
I use to not like tomatoes...but they are fruit misjudged
I am fruit and I am misunderstood
So I embrace my insides now, sweetened with extra sugar of self- love.
I can’t achieve my bloods’ ketchup without it
I didn’t fight off all these pests out of vain...
I am out of season they say...confused at what I am doing...what right do I have to grow this way?
What am I doing?
I grow on without the help of the one reaping my fruit’s rewards at the end of the day
Still, they are missing out on my essence if they think something familiar, normalized, and safe as
season..as reason can stop this growth.
I am my own reason...skin crimson as my fruits’ heart
The best part that keeps everything...myself together
And now I am at a point where I feel like I have enough self-love to love another romantically
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very
condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence,
means accepting the risk of absence.” - The little prince
I came into contact with your bloom
And it was only beginning to bud
A gust of wind came too early and ripped apart the intertwine our stems were forming
In pieces we grew roots in separate ways
Loose connections from isolation and an existing state of shock
We reached bloom again, sharing our delicacy and charm with others
But I could no longer pretend I didn’t want to cultivate your bloom with more care and attention that
it really deserved
I sent my seed out to plant some sort of hope
But to my surprise another season went by with miniscule growth
My own bloom could not deny it wilted
And to my surprise the sun broke through traces of long existing storm clouds
Peace and yearning tenderness survives in this environment
How marveling this season of spring, has been
3/15/14
• HOWLS WITHIN
4/30, 10:23pm
Aaks Bharania
sand swallowing my toes
i was finally ready to take the journey back to the land from which we are born filled by the power
of Chandini - the moon light feeling her energy consume me, light and acidic through my veins
realities - blurred visuals - kaleidoscopic (fucking awesome) but some how illuminating my path to
liberation leaving behind all shackles im bound by to a space which im no longer in
where am i?
the vibrations of energies around me are in harmony we are all separate but one bound together
by connections which im only beginning to understand
a burst of euphoria pierced my ears. the sound was familiar in this otherwise unfamiliar place then
i realise, thats not the sound of euphoria its a revolutionary roar of people returning to their primal
self channeling themselves back to the universe they have embraced their path
as i looked within myself and back out to the moon and universe beyond i knew what i needed to
do i began to understand myself stretching my neck positioned towards Mwezi in the sky
why cant i howl? im looking into the eyes of the wolf inside of me knowing the wolf is me
its nearly time to take flight
H O W L BITCH !
its already too late and my other me has already begun fighting the beast back to a dark place
where no one will see
how will i be able to fly the transcendental path if im not ready to accept and love myself
snap. realities changed. wolf gone.
B
L
O
O
D
Y
T
O
M
A
T
O
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
10. 10
Title IX, a portion of the Education Amendments of 1972:
No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to dis-
crimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance.
- cartoon by Kyle Trujillo
A ONE-SIDED WAR - pictures from Ferguson, Missouri
Here we could print a picture of Mike Brown with the cap and gown from his high school graduation to prove to some that he was a good young man and
that he didn’t deserve to die. But we shouldn’t have to. Brown was unarmed and had his hands up when he was shot between six and eight times by Of-
ficer Darren Wilson, who is now on paid leave. Soon fundraisers started for both the murderer and the murdered youth’s family. The police then acted, by
all accounts, like an invading and occupying force, meeting peaceful protestors with illegal tear gas and rubber-coated bullets, and every US military toy
they. Residemts welcomed advice from palestinian’s living under the State of Isreal’s aparheid Recent deaths like Brown’s prove this is a world where
the utility of knowing your rights depends on your skin color. But across the country, people are rising up to hold our police accountable, cameras ready.
CALIFORNIA COLLEGES ADOPT “YES MEANS YES” RULE [trigger warning: rape mention]
On September 28, Governor Jerry Brown signed a law requiring all state campuses which receive state financial aid to adopt a pol-
icy of affirmative consent, defined as a “conscious and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity.” California state schools
are now the first in the U.S. to include the language of affirmative consent in campus sexual assault policies. The bill will require
training for university faculty to avoid inappropriate questioning of victims, as well as access for all survivors to counseling, health
care, and other resources. This new, unambiguous model of addressing rape culture on college campuses defines “consent” as a
clear and conscious yes—not silence, intoxication, or the absence of the word “no.” It’s a big step forward, but hard work remains
for lawmakers, students, and universities if the pervasive rape culture is to be eradicated on our campuses. We must stand with
survivors across the country and demand further, measurable changes.
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
11. 11
After his sister broke her arm, and while their mother was icing the wound with a cold pack, he caught a glance
of the inflamed curve in her bone. And he gently felt along his own skeleton, aware that bodies could crack, but reas-
sured that his bones looked nothing like hers.
---
There was a long balcony outside of the elevator, which seemed troublesome for the psychiatry department (al-
though he didn’t consider himself a flight risk). At the check-in desk, a woman smiled at him through paranoid bullet-
proof glass and handed him a questionnaire. He passed the time matching questioning to disorders until they called
his name.
The therapist doing his intake was sitcom blonde, with a perpetual smile branded on her face by her profession
and the wrinkles on her cheek. Her office was directly behind the check-in desk, the way a fry kitchen lies behind the
register.
She asked him if he was suicidal, or if he had plans to hurt himself or others, working down her own checklist.
The whole interview came with a disclaimer: the questions were standard and mandatory and he shouldn’t take them
personally.
When she was done, she put her hands in her lap and leaned forward, the keyboard to her side. “So what
brings you here today?”
He’s had thoughts that scared him; caught himself chanting personal spite in the dark. It took him months to
work up the courage to find the phone number a therapist and he let himself lose it a week later.
“I’m not sure if I know what happy feels like,” he says, and cringes. “I mean, I’ve been feeling upset lately, but I
don’t know if it’s a problem or not.”
“What do you mean?”
“…I’ve been having these, really bad weeks, and they’ve been scaring me. But I can’t remember not feeling like
this, which means I’m either broken or completely normal and just… weak.”
“How long have you been feeling depressed?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Do the ‘bad weeks’ actually last for a couple weeks or longer?”
“Shorter before but longer now.”
“Are you currently depressed?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t know?” “I don’t know.”
He measured the success of his answers by how much typing she did. Furious clicking meant he had said some-
thing meaningful, with a bonus if she started in the middle of his sentence. If all she did was nod, it meant he was
wasting their time. But after a while, the questions felt cursory, like she was drawing his silhouette on the road with-
out looking at the body.
“You don’t seem bipolar to me-” she said. She waited afterwards, as if she expected him to disagree.
“Okay.”
“…Because, usually,” she continued, “when I have patients with Bipolar disorder, and they’re not currently de-
pressed, they’re more… bubbly. Bounding off the walls. Talkative. Has anyone ever called you those things?”
“I… don’t know.”
“What about OCD?”
“I don’t know.”
Wrong answer. The typing stopped and they stared at each other until she reached over to the bookshelf and
pulled off the DSM.
“Do you have compulsive tendencies?”
He told her that there was a time he had to counterbalance his own touch, because he didn’t want to leave
surfaces uneven. The bits of his skin, or the pressure, or the time he lingered would wear a material down. His mind
became graph paper, keeping track of where he needed to counteract himself, sweeping across wide surfaces of desk
with the side of his arm and delicately outlining his fingerprints to prevent overlap that would require he start all over
again. Until the third grade when he put a handprint on the back of a leather bus seat and forced himself to stare at it
for half an hour while his fingers twitched.
“Have you had those compulsions recently?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” They don’t feel like compulsions when you need them.
She nodded, glancing at her keyboard but apparently thinking better of it. “Well, to me, it sounds like you
might have had OCD as a child, but not really anymore.” Another pause. “Is that correct?”
“Okay,” he said, “by what’s wrong with me now?”
She paged through the book, reading a checklist for G.A.D that felt as specific as a pronoun.
It was like talking to WebMD. Refresh. Search. Enter.
---
His mistake is thinking he can ever know what normal feels like, or assuming that normal meant healthy; after
all, the people who break their bones outnumber the ones who don’t. His problem was looking for certainty.
He knows that in the second grade, his teacher gave each of her students a half-sized water bottle for the cooler
in the back. After two days, he could see white particles floating in his stale water. After a week, they were twice as
large. After two, they were green, and with a ban on wasting water, one day, he was desperate enough to try and
stomach it.
He knows that when he tries to drink water that has gone warm, he gags.
General Anxiety
by Evvan Burke
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
13. uc san diego 13
Photography by Fabian Torres
Barren Existence
On the night of Monday 26th, well over a thousand students and supporters gathered in front of Geisel Library and lit candles in remem-
brance of the six students killed on May 23rd. Some were faculty, some were local parents, some were high school students and students from
SDSU. The vigil then walked silently to Revelle Plaza, and stood before the fountain and new monument to George Winne Jr. and to peace.
Over 2,000 people rsvped to the Facebook event. Some were faculty, some were local parents, some were high school students and students
from SDSU. The crowd nearly filled the plaza, lighting up the concrete with countless points of flickering orange light.
Several students spoke out over the silent crowd.
“The support was overwhelming, a true testament to the way humans can come together in support and love of each other,” said one of the
vigil’s organizers, Julia Eva-Maria Brown. Julia, along with several others, spoke out over the silent crowd from the fountain. The grief in the
air was palpable, but so was the sense of solidarity.
There are many institutions in our society that tell us there are certain people it is okay to hate and kill - misogyny, the NRA, the war on
drugs, the war on terror, our borders, our military, our “tough-on-crime” politicians, even the police officers charged with protecting us.
Candlelight vigil like this one and protests all over the country tell a different story.
We Are All One UC
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
14. 14
I, too, am UC
On May 8th, 2014, UCSD SPACES created a space for marginalized students on campus who have felt devalued, unheard, mis
express themselves and their grievances and engage in dialogue with one another. We aimed to unite our campaign with the “I T
project campaigns in order to increase the general awareness of the presence of students of color and other marginalized studen
projects feature students holding up whiteboards with the project hashtag and a quote or other example of a microaggression the
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
15. uc san diego 15
srepresented, or who have faced any microaggressions to
Too Am Harvard”, “I Too Am Oxford”, and similar photo
nts in higher education and the misconceptions that they face. These
ey have faced regarding their belonging in higher education.
Revelle College junior Ricardo “Vencedor” Delgado Ambriz died at approximately 2:30
a.m. on the morning of Saturday, May 17. He was dedicated member of Phi Iota Alpha
fraternity, y un hermano de MEChA. He also volunteered at OASIS and graduated from UC
San Diego’s Summer Bridge program. Over ten-thousand dolars were soon raised to cover
the cost of his funeral by his many friends at UCSD. He had a bright future ahead of him,
but those who knew him are glad they did, if only far too briefly.
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
16. 16
Amanda Mannshahia
Paola Pérez
Paige Hancock
Kyle Trujillo
CO-EDITORS IN CHIEF
1
We want freedom
2We want social unity
and equality for all
people on campus
3We want to promote social
awarenessandcombatsocial
ignorance
4
We want to unite student
activistsandstudentswith
progressive values and
common struggles
5We want to educate others
about ourstories and our
true role in present-day society
6
Wewanteducationalequity
and to empower under
resourced communities
7We want to fight the
rhetoric propagated by
oppressive forces on campus
8
We want our beliefs,
practices, and ethics to be
illustrated in a correct light
9We want peace. The
ability to coexist on
campuswithoutfearofprejudice
or persecution
10We want to be recognized
asequalindividualsdespite
and because of our ethnicity,
religiousaffiliation,race,gender,
or sexual orientation
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Evvan Burke
Gabriella Munoz-Parker
Keauna Johnson
Sheng Hui Lim
SIAPS College Tour Students
Victor Jacobo
I, Too, Am UC Participants
Kyle Trujillo
cveditors@gmail.com
STAFF
ARTISTS
Kyle Trujillo, Co Editor-in-Chief
Paola Perez, former Co Editor-in-
Chief
Brianna Bradley
The Collective Voice is a student-run, student-initi-
ated publication of UCSD’s SPACES, the Student Pro-
moted Access Center for Education and Service.
The mission of the Student Promoted Access Cen-
ter for Education and Service (SPACES) is to act as an
empowering dynamic on campus where UCSD students
collaborate to achieve greater educational equity. This
encompasses equal access to higher education, under-
graduate retention and graduation, and matriculation to
graduate and professional schools. SPACES values the
power of student-initiated action and organizing by pro-
viding an environment for student growth and develop-
ment and thus is a foundation to create leadership and
unity through community engagement.
In line with SPACES’ mission of valuing “the power
ofstudent-initiatedaction,”“provinganenvironmentfor
student growth and development,” and creating “unity
through community engagement,” The Collective Voice
is UCSD’s progressive newspaper that promotes social
unity, justice and awareness across the many commu-
nities that exist on the UCSD campus. The Collective
Voice will help create a sense of safe space and com-
munity for students who may otherwise feel unwelcome
at UCSD’s challenging campus climate thereby con-
tributing to existing retention efforts of campus. This
newspaper deeply values students’ voices by providing
an outlet for open dialogue and discussion surrounding
issues and developments affecting their communities.
Additionally, The Collective Voice allows UCSD’s
progressive community to outreach, collaborate and
communicate to the greater San Diego communities
outside of our campus. Most importantly, The Col-
lective Voice, provides marginalized students and un-
der-resourced students the empowering opportunity to
protect the representation of their identities and beliefs,
and report alternative news that is not otherwise covered
by mainstream media. The Collective Voice, in partner-
ship with SPACES, allows for the creation of “an em-
powering dynamic where UCSD students collaborate
to achieve greater educational equity.” It is through
this mission that the collective of diverse voices in one
newspaper will actively demonstrate an empowering
progressive community on the UCSD campus.
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Brianna Bradley
Fabian Torres
UCSD Community
Disorientation is a festival thrown by the Student Sustainability Collective,
the co-ops, and other student orgs for new and returning students to build and celebrate
strong communities on campus. The event begins 2 P.M. on Monday, October 20 =
at the Original Student Center and continues Wednesday and Friday of the same
week, at 3 P.M. at the Che Café Collective both days. Disorientation will feature
workshops, music, performances, food, and prizes. Come hang out and get disoriented!!!!
I have seen the boxes of books and unopened letters have
been stuffed haphazardly into a closet next to the Veteran’s Resource
Center in the original Student Center. It made me very angry.
Over the course of the year, working together with other
student orgs, maybe we can get the UC administration to renew the
space. It’s going to take numbers of pissed-off students we don’t
have right now. Just as the once-coroful walls of Mandeville Hall were
painted over, it’s clear that the eviction was timed to minimize any
student response, and it worked.
I’m not sure how Books for Prisoners at UCSD will operate out
a postage stamp of space, while the University Centers does exactly
what they’ve done with the Craft’s Center: they’ve fenced it off and
left it to rot. People like University Centers director Sharon Von Brug-
gen clearly don’t mind if San Diego’s many prisoners do the same.
But I do know that they will be forced to get up from their desks and
sit down at the negotiating table for the first time, and I hope to be
at that table to ask what exactly University Centers is doing with the
space that is so much more important than providing prisoners with
a small reminder that they are not forgotten or alone, that there are
people who see them as human beings out there, and that these
students want the state to fund rehabilitation and education, not
prison expansion and profiteering off recidivism and mass incarcera-
tion (Students Against Mass Incarceration - SAMI). What is so much
more important than that, and yet the windows of the space must be
covered in paper to conceal it? Is it not ready yet? Is it anything at all?
If you’re curious like me, go ahead and email Sharon Van Bruggen:
svanbruggen@ucsd.edu.
If she doesn’t have an answer for you, here’s
Chancellor Pradeep Khosla: chancellor@ucsd.edu or (858) 534-3135,
or his secretary’s line: (858) 534-5335
UCSD Books for Prisoners Will Not Be Forgotten - Kyle Trujillo
Calling all journalists, poets, writers, cartoonists, illustrators, and doodlers, freedom fighters, story
tellers, collectivists, pissed-of protestors, burnt-out activists, and uncompromising social justice nerds!
You have something to say that this campus needs to hear. You have our attention.
JOIN US at our first meeting: Monday, October 13th at 1:00 PM at SPACES
in the Isang Mahal Workroom on the 2nd floor of Price Center
(snacks will be provided) You can also email us at cveditors@gmail.com • twitter: @TCV_SPACES
volume VII, issue 3, Spring/Fall 2014
