1) The author experienced brain damage as an infant due to a high fever and childhood vaccines, leaving them with developmental disabilities. Doctors said they would never walk or talk, but their family provided intensive therapy and support. 2) The author struggled in mainstream school due to their disabilities and lacked social inclusion. They felt out of place in special education classes with more severe disabilities. 3) After leaving high school's transition program at age 19, the author enrolled in community college and has thrived, achieving a 3.5 GPA. The support from faculty and programs has helped empower them to challenge themselves academically and pursue their goals.

1. Transformations
It all started when I was about a year old. I caught a typical childhood cold, which
was accompanied by a fever. The pediatrician thought it wasn’t a big deal and so I
received my routine childhood vaccines. My body reacted in a very negative way,
sending me into multiple seizures and a series of events that left my young, fragile brain
with damage. My parents were told I would never walk or talk; that maybe they should
consider placement in a facility, because my care would be extensive and very difficult
for a family to handle. They were devastated, but knew that I had potential beyond what
these so called experts had to say. I am fortunate that my family left that doctor’s office
and never returned and did everything possible for me, so that the impact of that event
early in my life, would be minimized. As a young child I didn’t have an awareness of my
differences, that awareness came later, and so did the anger.
As a young child, I struggled with judgment; I once ran out of the house onto
Highway 5, and thankfully, was rescued by a good Samaritan. I was unaware of safety
and had to be supervised at all times. Instead of playing little league and soccer growing
up, I visited bunches and bunches of doctors and therapists each week. I saw speech
therapists, occupational therapists, vision therapists and physical therapists. I had play
therapists and tutors of every kind. Helping to repair the brain damage that had been done
was a full time job, it was a hard job, at times, it seemed impossible. Progress was slow.
I really hated everything about the therapy. I wanted to be like a regular kid, what I had
to do on a regular basis made no sense to me. This went on for many years. Although I
got through elementary school with the support of an aide, socializing and friendships
were difficult for me. I desperately wanted them, and I was the sweetest kid on two feet,
but most parents in my neighborhood were busy making sure their kids were at the top of
the class academically, seeking me out for a play date wasn’t a top goal for them.
Qualities such as compassion, acceptance, and empathy didn’t rank as highly as learning
math and reading. And, so I was not exactly the most popular kid in the neighborhood. I
was often excluded from birthday party invitations and play dates. It would be years
before I understood the full impact on my soul and my self worth from this lack of

2. inclusion and isolation. As I grew older, I struggled with deep isolation, and building
anger.
My experiences with education throughout my lifetime have been frustrating and
depressing, and up until I reached college, everything a good education lacked. Due to
the insult to my brain, I was diagnosed with a developmental disability at a very young
age. And so, as the academic gap got wider between myself and the other kids, I was
placed in special education beginning in middle school. It was then that the reality of how
different I was, hit me in the face, hard. The feeling when I first entered the special
education classroom made me dizzy. I felt my senses became warped, muting the sight
and sound and feel of everything. I was placed in class with people who could not feed
themselves, talk, and often screamed loudly. I felt completely out of place. I felt alone
and isolated. My normal happy self began to fade away, sadness slowly took over, and
my life was not what I wanted it to be. The limits placed on me due to my own struggles
with learning and the perceptions of others largely defined how my education took place,
and took away my hopes and dreams for the future.
The limitations placed on me included being in classes that didn’t help me for my
future or really do anything for me. I was capable of being in higher-level classes. I hated
being in an environment that was completely not motivating and downright depressing.
In the special education classes, the expectations were exceeding low. I was lumped into
the category of students who had no potential, students who were viewed as throwaways.
Class goals had to do with life skills, not academically focused; none of them addressed
my dreams or desires. I plummeted into a depression that was hard to fight on a daily
basis. By nature, I am a happy go lucky kind of guy. But this constant reminder of where
society had placed me, what it’s definition of a person with a disability is, what they
thought I was capable of, shaved bits and pieces of my soul away, year by year.
These experiences have shaped everything about me, and I am now more
motivated than ever to learn everything I can, immerse myself in all of my classes here at
City, and be a successful person in my own right. I am so incredibly motivated to make
something of myself and to be an educated person. I want to be something that most
people thought I would never be able to be. My goal is to work in the news business one
day and to inspire other people to reach their goals.

3. I attended a highly ranked high school here in San Diego, Torrey Pines High
School. There were parts that I really enjoyed. I was involved in managing the football
team, ASB, and many other High School events, and went to all the sporting events.
There were times I felt very normal and part of the typical teenage scene and other times
I felt alone, isolated, different, and unworthy. I clearly remember how I was viewed and
dealt with on a daily basis. There was no one to talk to, no one to ask questions to, no one
who understood me. It’s like I had one foot in the special world and one foot in the
regular world. I was desperately trying to get both feet in the regular world, but seemed to
always fall short. I still am. I fight it constantly. My goal now is to have piece within, and
accept me as I am. This is easier said than done. It is a work in progress.
Being in classes with kids with severe disabilities where the goals for many of the
students consisted of not wetting your pants, or behaving appropriately in public was
humiliating for me. Even my biggest advocate, my mom, was powerless to make
changes. Choices for students with academic difficulties were extremely limited. There
really was no appropriate class for me. It didn’t exist. We tried to create better options;
our ideas fell on deaf ears. The typical high school classes were fast paced, I would
receive no help; this was not an option. Money and resources went to kids who were
university bound. I was in the group that was silenced, on the margin; the group no one
cared about or paid attention to. There were social difficulties as well. Although I was
part of the football team as the manager, the players knew I had a disability and there
were some that took advantage of that. They used me as a target to be made fun of. There
was one particular instance where a player tried to bribe me to touch a girl
inappropriately for a fee of five dollars, which he thought would be funny. He wanted me
to be the butt of his joke. I declined his offer. Little did he know, that clearly, despite my
disability, I knew right from wrong, and had higher moral standards and more respect for
women than he did.
I was in a program called TAP (Transition Assistance Program) which was
designed for kids who had more prominent disabilities, those living in group homes, not
able to take care of their own basic needs; it was extremely frustrating and made me
angry. There was no middle ground; so being in the TAP classes was a rough place for
me. I learned nothing from an academic standpoint. I didn’t learn how to be a student or

4. how to study. Because of this lack of preparation, I was put at a further disadvantage in
life. What I needed was a middle ground, a class where there were supports in place, to
break the material down, and work towards a high school diploma like everyone else.
Spending time going on field trips to grocery stores and pumpkin patches and making
Valentine cards in class did not serve me well. Doing dot-to-dot worksheets became
routine. I was stuck in classes that did nothing for me. I hated it. I hated my life and tried
to look happy when I really wasn’t. Despite all sorts of meetings, contracts, and plans, I
certainly did not get the free and appropriate public education I deserved.
This frustrated me and annoyed me because I felt I was more capable and
motivated then many of the kids in those classes. I desperately wanted to learn. I was also
one of the only ones that actually wanted to be in school. I am not saying some of the
kids weren’t motivated because that’s not the case, I am just saying that it was hard
because I was setting goals for myself, and this was a very difficult thing to do
considering the environment, most of my peers, and the lack of people believing in me.
The program I was in prepared people to occupy particular rungs on the social ladder.
Not rungs that matched goals I set for myself. I also felt like I was always nice to
everyone and helping people in the class and at times, felt like I was the only person that
was actually there for these kids. I seriously felt like the mentor and felt like I had to be
happy all the time because if I wasn’t then I felt I would be looked down upon by the
adults that expected that of me. After awhile, I didn’t want to be a role model, I wanted
role models of my own. To make matters worse, I had to take the yellow school bus for
kids with disabilities to school from my house each day. I was the only kid on the bus
that could talk, and the bus driver and I quickly became good buddies, talking about
sports and news events. Imagine the surprise on the face of Gary the bus driver, when I
pulled up beside him recently at a red light, while driving my car. When he saw me
behind the wheel, he yelled out the window, “Hey, Matthew, you were the coolest kid I
ever drove.” I was probably the only student he ever drove to school, that now has a
driver’s license of his own.
Some of my goals were to get a high school diploma but it never happened. I
couldn’t get a diploma because I wasn’t in diploma bound classes. I was in classes that
meant nothing, classes that led nowhere. There was no real goal setting in these classes,

5. other than basic life skills. My mother and I would sit at these IEP meetings and fight the
system, but it seemed like it was a loosing battle, despite fierce and fiery attempts. I
actually saw teachers rolling there eyes at our attempts to set important academic goals
for myself. This fueled my depression, frustration, and anger because I was trying to be
like everyone else in the general classes and trying to stay as far from a disability as
much as possible. I had a hard time excepting my disability and what that entailed, and
honestly, I still struggle with that. I got through this depression many different ways and
with many hours of counseling. I took many long walks around the neighborhood. Walks
are super calming for me and let me have time to process my thoughts and feelings. I
persevered through depression by just thinking positive, working towards my goals, and
taking it a step at a time.
I am now 21 years old, and by law, I am entitled to still receive “services” from
the high school, to be in that TAP program, until the age of 22. At the age of 19, I’d had
enough. I left the program, cut the ties with special education, and enrolled at San Diego
City College. It was the best decision I have ever made. I am proud to say that after 4
semesters of college work, I have a solid 3.5 GPA and most importantly have learned so
much about so many things. I am happy, I feel fulfilled. I am working towards my goals.
I have felt incredibly supported by every single faculty member at City College, by
disability support programs and services on campus, and by the community at large. I am
empowered, I am working harder than I have ever worked, and happier than I’ve ever
been. I have plenty of academic challenges and I recognize that I always will. But, I’ve
been given a chance, and that means more to me that I can ever put into words. I believe
that there are a lot of reasons that the school system is not always super organized and
fails to address the needs of individuals. I believe this is the case in a lot of schools
because I think there is a judgment and prejudice that exists which is widespread thinking
that people with disabilities can’t do anything. I am proving that this is absolutely wrong.
I am a firm believer that everyone can learn. Everyone. I understand that I will
never have the ability to be a surgeon like my older brother is, but I can learn many
things and I should have the opportunity to maximize my potential. I have had many
great professors that have inspired me to keep working and being who I am. They have
always said that they were happy to know me and felt inspired by me. Recently, Laura

6. Castaneda, the head of my department, told me that I was a great inspiration to her. She
has no idea how good that made me feel. That one comment made my whole day. I am a
very motivated student because of the welcoming kindness I have received in college and
all the experiences I have gone though in life and though my years of education. My
experiences have made me strong, determined and more motivated than ever. I have felt
welcomed and excited to be at school and part of this great family here at San Diego City
College. I seriously wake up every morning excited to learn, excited to be challenged,
excited to work with my professors and tutors. From being told you will never be able to
go to College and now being here makes me feel that much more motivated to be the
student I am today. I want to graduate from College because I want to show others that
even people that have limitations can go to college and contribute positively to their
communities.
While this has been a long process for me and my family, and I know I have a
long and challenging road ahead of me, I am so happy to have the opportunity to struggle
in school, to challenge myself, and to be who I have always known I am capable of.
Currently my major is RTVF (Radio, Television, Video and Film), I would love to use
the media to bring disability awareness to the public. I love working hard and being
proud of myself and shocking people that didn’t think I could do things. I am so excited
for the future and excited to see where I will land with my education. The feeling I have
nowadays is one of gratitude. I am grateful for the opportunities I now have and for the
people in my life, who support me to be the best me I can be.