I was a speaker at the Prevent Child Abuse America conference in August. My presentation was: How to talk to 2-year-olds about child abuse. This is such an important topic. Please educate your children about child abuse today. Julie Federico Children's Services Author www.juliefederico.com

1. How to Talk to 2 Year Olds About Child Abuse Prevention:
Let me tell you how I got here. Do people while doing dishes one night say, “Hey, I want to talk
to 2 year old about child abuse! Yea, this is a great idea, let's get started.” No, my path to being
here today
was a little less enthusiastic. : My name is Julie Federico. I was a middle school counselor for
years. My kids were 11 to 14 years old. They were always recounting stories of abuse that
happened to them 0-8 years old. They were not over it, most of them never told anyone. They
were doing risk taking behaviors as a way to cope with the pain. One day I woke up and said,
“Is no one talking to the little people?” I wrote Some Parts are NOT for Sharing in one sitting.
My first draft was my last. The first publisher I sent the book to picked it up. Not because I am
such a great writer, they saw an untapped niche. They saw dollar signs. So I started on this
prevention journey in 2009. I am ending childhood sexual abuse one book at a time. This work
does not feel like work for me it is my life goal to save as many children as possible from sexual
abuse. I gave this presentation at the Darkness Into Light conference in April. It went well so I
am here to get the word out to more people.
Please see the Poll and the question. “ What is your hesitation in talking to 2 year old about
child abuse?” Later we will look at these answers. I know the answers will be affirming to those
who are fearful of doing this. You are in good company!
*Pause and say I should not even be doing this presentation. I wish we lived in a world where 2
years old were safe from harm. We do not.
*Thanksgiving dinner example. This is my twitter summary of my presentation: At Thanksgiving
we have; Green bean casserole, turkey, pumpkin pie, stuffing, dessert, dinner rolls. Six items. I
am only talking with kids about the dinner roles. Many people try to discuss all of the food and
this is where it becomes overwhelming and they just stop. One item only, dinner roll.
Translation of the dinner roll: Your body is your own, if someone makes you feel uncomfortable
tell a trusted adult. This is all kids need to know at a young age. In time your message will
build, but for now this is basic: this is enough information to keep to keep kids safe.
*Children will understand this message at a very young age much younger than what most
people think. My daughter was only 18 months old when I read her a copy of my children’s
Book Some Parts are NOT for Sharing. She understood the content. Soon after I read this to
her we were carving pumpkins she asked me, “Mom, do pumpkins have private parts?” I
thought, Ah, haw! I am onto something. She is not gifted, just a regular kid.
*Child abuse is all about access. The only people who can abuse your children are the people
who have access to them. I know that is basic. Parents need to inventory and think about who
has access to their children? Could you train the parents that you work with to think this way?
Show photo of kid/america’s most wanted

2. *Actual language to discuss body safety with toddlers. Keep it short, sweet and simple. This
will go a long way. Use direct language. Example: Hi children today I am going to talk to you
about body safety. What is body safety? Body safety is a tool to keep you safe from unwanted
touch. Body safety rules: 1. Your body is your own. 2. If someone touches you in a way that
makes you feel uncomfortable you say, “No!” or say “I have been trained in body safety and this
is not ok.” 3. If you do feel unsafe, tell a parent or trusted adult. 4. You always have the right
to feel safe. What questions do you have?
*Tips and tricks of the trade to make this conversation go smoothly. Many adults that I meet
have extra problems with this topic because they were abused as a child and never had the
opportunity to tell anyone. This topic is a whole nother training. You can not give this talk if you
can not compartmentalize. What happened to you is here. We are talking now with kids way
over here. You are most likely talking to children who ideally have not been harmed. The two
topics do not mix meaning your abuse and your prevention message. If you can not untangle
these two topics, do not do this. No judgement, it is extremely hard! So many times we as
counselors and social workers take on too much. It is okay to say “No, I can’t do this.” Opt out
and get someone else from your agency to help. Or email and I will tape something and send it
for you to use.
*Points that trip up parents that can be very dangerous to children. This conversation
sometimes gets tangled up in sex. Body safety is not sex. 2 year old are not interested in sex.
Children need to know they have a space allowance with people and they can use their voice to
challenge someone if they cross this space. Another point that hinders some parents is they tell
the whole story, remember the dinner roll example. We are only trying to communicate to
children that if someone touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable they need
to tell someone. We are not talking about consent, sex, sexual harassment, sharing naked
photos online, human traficking or any other adult topic. We are teaching kids they matter, their
feelings matter, their bodies matter. Parents absolutely want to be the first ones to have this
conversation with their children before the perpetrator gets to them. Remember the age
children are first approached is 4. When I first started doing this work it was 5. It may be lower
than four now but I can’t look, it is too scary.
*You are not telling children anything that they do not already know. People are born with a
built- in safety guard. 2 year olds have this safety guard. They know it is wrong for someone to
touch them in an inappropriate way. It is only after spending time with the perpetrator and
hearing their lies that they start to mistrust themselves. If you are speaking to kids who have
not been harmed this conversation will not be a hard sell. They will understand everything you
are saying. Spend some time talking about who a trusted adult is. Kids may need examples
such as; School Teacher, Sunday school teacher, Boy Scout Leader, Soccer coach, Auntie,
Grandmother, Mother, Cousin. This is a higher level conversation than basic body safety but
talk about what happens if you tell someone and they do not believe you. Then what? Tell kids

3. to tell someone else some. Keep talking until someone listens to you. Some people have to tell
their story three times before someone listens. All school personnel are mandatory reporters.
*What would happen if we had a community of two years old that could articulate the basics of
body safety and knew what to do if someone violated these boundaries. I think this is better
than anything. Because then these kids will pass on this knowledge to their children. I want this
to be the last generation of children who are not completely educated about body safety.
I am not doing this alone but with the help of people like yourselves. Thank you for the work
you do everyday!!
*Questions?
*Go over the files in the file room.
*Go over the Poll.