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REFOCUS
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n article encouraging leaning back from your goals
this year seems incongruous. Isn’t this the time of new
beginnings? A time of fresh opportunities?
In 2013, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
by Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook, was released to
significantfanfare.Themessagesinthisbookbecamethe
focus of talkback radio, news reports and numerous magazine articles.
Last year, Rosa Brooks, a law professor who served as a counsellor to
the US undersecretary of defence and a US State Department senior
adviser, wrote in the Washington Post, “Long ago, before Sandberg’s book
Lean In convinced me to change my ways, I had a life. I had friends,
family and children. I had hobbies. I had a job, too, of course, but I also
took occasional vacations, knocked off work at a sensible hour and got
eight hours of sleep each night. Then I read Lean In and realised that I
was a self-sabotaging slacker.”
Rosa shares in her article how she stepped up at work, accepting
invitations to speak at conferences and media requests, and writing
articles. She ‘leant in’ at home, too, helping out in her children’s
classroom, hosting a mother-daughter book club, and making school
lunches that were organic and packed in eco-friendly containers. She
acknowledged seeing the rewards of leaning in and achieving the bigger
and bigger goals she set for herself – and then she realised she “hated
Sheryl Sandberg”. Why? “Because, of course, I was miserable. I never
saw my friends, because I was too busy building my network. I was too
tired to do any creative, outside-the-box thinking. I was boxed in.”
STEPPING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD
As an executive and leadership coach who works with women who
everyday are stepping up, pushing harder, driving forward and taking
risks, Rosa Brooks’ story sounds very familiar.
As a coach, my job is not to provide answers but to ask questions that
encourage deep reflection and consideration.When leaning in becomes
the topic of conversation in coaching sessions, the question I ask is,
‘How can you lean in without toppling over?’
Forget leaning in
– Premium member
Jo Bassett says 2015
should be the year of
taking a step back.
L E A N I N G
BACK
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This is where leaning back is important. Leaning back creates space.
Leaning back makes room. Leaning back provides the counterbalance,
enabling you to shift your focus from goals that are hurting you, and
lean in towards those experiences and goals that move you closer to
your vision of success, fulfil a need that you have identified and provide
a sense of satisfaction.
Leaning back is harder than leaning in. Stories of women leading
organisations, raising children, exercising every day and hosting elaborate
dinner parties while looking immaculate are all around us. We hear
these stories and think if we pushed hard we too could be ticking all
of those boxes.
Some of the more fiery client sessions I have is when the topic of
‘leaning back’ becomes a focus. This is where I will ask questions like, ‘Are
your goals serving you or are you serving your goals?’ ‘What price are you
willing to pay to achieve your goals?’ ‘What are you giving up to achieve
success with these goals?’
‘Leaning back’ from goals that are hurting you requires taking
a spotlight and shining it into places that are usually avoided; questioning
long-heldassumptions.Formanywomen,decidingto‘leanback’requires
facing anxieties and fears head-on. Fears about
what other people will be thinking. Anxieties
aroundwhowillbeletdown.Fearsthatfocuson
what opportunities will be missed or doors that
will be forever closed on career and professional
opportunities.
A client of mine, Vivienne, is in her thirties
and had been financially independent since
her late teens. She had a solid investment
portfolio and had transitioned successfully
through a variety of careers. Vivienne thrived
on stepping up and taking on new challenges.
She set herself a goal of establishing a start-up
business consultancy. After 12 months of giving
110%toachievehergoal,sherecognisedthatthe
cost she was paying for success was too high.
“My daughters, who were well cared for by a
live-in nanny, were wanting more time with
me,” she says. “And after being single for several
years I was also in a new relationship that was
beginning to stall – and I was going backwards
financially.” Vivienne faced her fears head-on
and leant back. “It wasn’t easy; I wasn’t one to
walk away from a challenge.” She accepted a
government position that she approached with
a different focus. “I wanted to do what was
required of the role and not much more – and
make room for hobbies, exercise and family. I
had previously represented Australia in sport
and that part of my life had slipped.” The
outcome for Vivienne? Within 12 months she
hadbeenfast-trackedontoanacceleratedtalent-
leadershipprogramandpromoted–andonthe
home front was planning a wedding. “Now
I can see that what I did when I made that
decision to lean back was to let go of a goal that was hurting me,” she says.
People often quote Nietzsche’s famous saying, ‘That which does not kill
youcanonlymakeyoustronger.’Buttherealityisthat,whileyourchosen
activity might not kill you, it might do enough damage that you end up
hurt as a result. Here are some strategies to tackle anxieties and fears that
come with leaning back …
NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
At a Business Chicks Breakfast last year, Alisa Camplin commented
that if the voices inside our head said those same things outside they
would be up on bullying charges. Negative self-talk is corrosive at best
and at worst becomes a truth. Lean back from negativity and criticism
by acknowledging the negative self-talk comment briefly and follow up
with, ‘This thought is not adding value, I will let it pass,’ and make room
for confidence and encouragement.
CHASING
In the pursuit of goals, the focus can quickly become, what am I doing
next? Instead of, what is this goal doing for me? The result of intensely
focusing on the action plan is disconnection with the motivation
for setting the goal. Put aside one day a week where you replace ‘doing’
with reflecting on how your goals add value to your life and make
room for clarity.
DISAPPOINTMENT
There was once a time where disappointment and I were strongly
connected. My friend and I used to joke that our simple definition of
disappointment was when our expectations didn’t meet reality, and at
that stage of my life I felt that there was a significant gap between what
I believed I deserved and reality. Despite my
efforts, I wasn’t achieving what I wanted from
the goals that I had set. I was focused on the
gap that existed between where I was and what
I wanted. Lean back from disappointment by
putting aside three minutes to celebrate your
progress (no matter how small) by writing a
list of what has been achieved at the end of each
working week – I call these Champagne Friday
moments – and make room for celebration and
recognition of what you’ve done.
JUDGEMENT
Last year, Oscar-winning Australian actress
Cate Blanchett revealed that she “felt judged by
other mothers during the school drop-off who
questioned why she couldn’t ‘brush her hair’”.
Why do we care? Specifically, why do women
care so much about what other people think?
Lean back from judgement by identifying three
people whose opinion matters to you (this may
change from scenario to scenario). Seek out
theirviewsandturndownthevolumeonother
perceived or real voices of judgement, and make
room for self-assuredness and self-trust.
EXPECTATIONS
There is a fine line between expectation and
aspiration. Aspirations are hopes, desires a
wish to achieve something. Expectations carry
assumptions, predictions and anticipation.
Goals that were set or opportunities that were
taken that were once aspirational can end being
burdened by the weight of expectation. Passion
and excitement are replaced by ‘shoulds’ and
‘musts’.Leanbackfromexpectationbygettingtogetheronceamonthwith
asmallgroupoffriendsorpeersandeachtakingaturntorecogniseaquality
that they have noticed each individual person in the group demonstrate
that month. Note the positive difference it made, and make room for
acceptance and self-acknowledgement.
‘How I leant back’
Juliette Wright, social entrepreneur,
founder and CEO of charity GIVIT.
In 2010, nine months a er Julie e launched
GIVIT, where people can donate near-new
or gently used items directly to charities that
were supporting people in need, a series
of devastating floods hit Queensland and
200,000 people were affected.
The need for GIVIT services skyrocketed in
a way Julie e could not have anticipated. “I
was writing over 2,000 emails a day to ensure
people in urgent need got exactly what they
needed,” she says. GIVIT€became the state
government’s official website for matching
donors and recipients – with 1.8 million hits
resulting in 33,500 goods matched in three
weeks. “I believed if I stopped working things
would not happen, and people would suffer.
But I wasn’t sleeping more than a couple of
hours before waking up. I was frenetic and
ge ing sick. I noticed that people were leaning
back from me – friends, family and volunteers!
“I remember the moment that I decided to
surrender and let it all go. I wrote a hearty
le er to the team telling them I required
immediate stress leave. I went to my
naturopath and joined a yoga group with
friends. In making the decision to lean back,
I created the space for my vision to flourish
and my goals were achieved faster than
anticipated and more.”
Last year Julie e launched GIVIT Kids,€a safe
website for children to give new or pre-loved
belongings. Since then, she won the 2015
Queensland Local Hero award and went on
to be honoured as the Australian of the Year
Local Hero for 2015. She’s proof that stepping
back can drive you forward. givit.org.au
JO BASSETT IS HEAD COACH AT LIVING SAVVY COACHING
JOBASSETTCOM TWITTER @LIVINGSAVVY OR FACEBOOK
COM/LIVINGSAVVY JO IS A PREMIUM MEMBER OF BUSINESS
CHICKS REQUEST HER ONLINE BUSINESS CARD AND
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