Delivered at Sex, Drugs & Scotland's Health Virtual Conference, this presentation was delivered by Dr Peter Robinson. More information about the virtual event is available here: http://ow.ly/YntW50GWhJ0

1. Sex and older gay men
Dr Peter Robinson,
Swinburne University, Melbourne,
Australia

2. 2
Introduction
Background literature
—two principal arguments
Sample: interviewees
—where, when, who
Discussion
—effect of age and ageing; age preference
Conclusion

3. 3
Introduction
Focus:
stories of adventurous sex from eleven gay men (aged 43–71) interviewed in Auckland, London,
Los Angeles, Melbourne, and New York
Central argument:
while older gay men can resist ageism & continue to include episodes of sexual adventure in
their lives,
physical ageing or illness can hamper their efforts.
Reference:
Robinson, P. (2021) ‘Sex and older gay men’ in Hafford-Letchfield, T., P. Simpson and P. Reynolds
(eds) Sex and Diversity in Later Life: Critical Perspectives (Bristol: Policy Press), pp. 113-19.

4. 4
Background literature
Two principal arguments from the literature on gay ageing.
FIRST
1. At the time of WWI, youth became the valorized stage of life (Ariès, 1973; Beauvoir, 1970).
2. In the 1950s, youth as valorized accentuated with creation of ‘teenager’ as new stage of life and marketing
category, as well as the youth culture of the 1950s, 1960s (Frank, 1998).
2. Youth culture and interest in the cult of the body were physically enacted in 1970s gay discos & gay circuit or
warehouse parties of the 1980s and 1990s, which were central to gay socialising (Robinson, 2008).
3. Gay & mainstream media: public narrative of gay youthfulness developed & normalised, i.e., personal value &
desirability construed in terms of youthful appearance (Robinson, 2008);

5. 5
4. Youthful bodies age & youthful aesthetic in the gay world signals when these commodities are out of date and
their sexual and bodily worth decline:
Although the age with which maximum beauty is associated varies culturally, it is nearly always a young
one (Boswell, 1980: 29).
SECOND
As gay and lesbian scholarship grew, another narrative developed:
that middle-aged and older gay men have agency because of their age and how they learned to navigate
the gay scene and its practices (Heaphy 2007, Simpson, 2015).
And that an aesthetic for older men and older bodies existed—not only among ‘Bear’ communities, comprising
older, fatter, hairier and bearded men and their admirers—but also more generally; and was present in the sexual
stories of the men interviewed for this paper.

6. 6
Sample
Eleven interviewees from Auckland, London, Los Angeles, Melbourne, and New York were
interviewed 2009–2011 as part of a larger project (Robinson, 2013).
Ages = 43–71
Majority were under 60: six men in their 50s and three in their 40s; one in his 60s; and one in
his 70s.
Majority worked in white-collar jobs, e.g., business, education, health or media.
With the exception of two African-American men, who lived in Los Angeles and New York,
the sample comprised white, middle-class males.

7. 7
Discussion
Analysis revealed the following narratives
Firstly,
the effect age & ageing had on participants’ ability to satisfy their sexual desire because of
changes in
(a) their self-regard or sex appeal, and
(b) their sex drive or performance.
Secondly,
age-preferences in participants’ choice of sexual partners.

8. 8
1. Effect of age and ageing
(a) Changed self-regard, sex appeal
Five men reported self regard & sex appeal increased or decreased as they got older.
The accounts suggested high level of reflexivity, common to gay men who socialise in bars and clubs of gay
world, which Pollak (1985: 44) described as markets where, ‘in the last analysis one orgasm is bartered for
another’.
INCREASED
The two who said their self-regard or sex-appeal was better now: 72-year-old from New York and 53-year-old
from London.
Focus is on the account provided by Ryan (aged 53) from London: worked in media, spent half each year in
Europe and half in SE Asia for work & holidays.
The latter accounted for his improved social life: ‘I am making a lot of contacts and so my social life is getting
slightly insane. I have got more and more friends’.

9. 9
His friends included sexual partners: ‘I also meet people sexually and they become friends’.
When he dedicated himself to improved body maintenance, his ‘sexual marketability’ increased:
I started going to the gym and … then I discovered that my body was changing even at my age … I was …
meeting new people a lot of the time, so that was the currency that mattered.
It did make a difference, so I continued doing it and my sex improved dramatically and got to the point
where I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by it.
Ryan’s use of ‘currency’ suggested understanding of the transactional nature of social/sexual relationships
where,
as people ‘work’ on their body, they are rewarded:
the closer the actual body approximates to the idealised images of youth, health, fitness and beauty, the
higher its exchange value
(Featherstone, Hepworth and Turner, 1991: 177)
Observation that he felt overwhelmed:
Are older gay can creating different set of issues for themselves, if too successful at challenging ageism by
building their body so as to appeal to younger men?

10. 10
DECREASED
Three said they believed their self-regard & sex appeal had decreased over time.
Their accounts represented by Calvin (aged 51, Melbourne) — aware of being less attractive now:
as a single person who is also getting older and has grey hair as opposed to someone who has got thick,
black hair.
While he believed his sex appeal had declined, he did not accept that age diminished his capacity to engage in
gay social activities:
In terms of sex, when I was younger, I was able to pick up whenever I wanted. Nowadays, for social
activities, I still go to the venues. I still go to dance parties. I still go to the sauna if I want to. In terms of
going … [out] ageing has not affected me. It may when I am in my 60s but at the moment it has not.
So: less desirable (own estimation) but still actively engaged in social scene.

11. 11
(b) Sex drive, sexual performance
Three interviewees said sex drive had changed: one in early 60s, others in 50s; all three in couple relationships.
Theme connecting stories: all had illnesses which affected them physically and their sex drive.
Focus on accounts provided by two from the USA.
First account
Parry, a 63-year-old New Yorker and the only man from the sample who was HIV-positive.
Despite being, “a borderline diabetic” who had gout and erectile dysfunction, he continued sex with casual
partners, his long-term partner no longer interested in sex.
According to Parry, age and ailments had changed his sex life
but
only in terms of how he engaged with the other person: “ageing is only changing the method of sex and it is not
changing my concept of my ability to have sex”.

12. 12
Aware that medicines could affect his reality:
The HIV meds always concern me because I never know how they are going to react. I am sometimes not
fully present when I am under my meds and I am concerned what is going to happen, could happen, all
that.
As far as growing old in itself, I do not think getting older is a way not to have sex.
Declining sex drive ≠ an absence of sexual interest, for, as British sociologist Laslett argued, people in their 60s
and 70s can expect continued sex life:
Sexual activity can continue both for men and women almost indefinitely into the Third Age* and does so in
spite of the still persistent stereotype which would disavow it.
(Laslett, 1991: 19)
[* Third Age = period between retirement and loss of faculties or death]

13. 13
Second account
Marvin (59, Los Angeles) was diagnosed with prostate cancer some years before interview & when withdrawing
from methamphetamine (or Crystal Meth) addiction.
Drugs to treat prostate cancer affected his testosterone level, which reduced his sex drive & sexual appetite:
Maybe if they take me off the drugs I’d be a horn dog and be on the internet all the time. During my Crystal
[Meth] period, I probably spent more time on the Internet than ever. I watched more porn than ever, went to
more circuit parties.
That was the norm for me, a manifestation of being fucked up and high as a kite, which I loved by the way
… It was great. I do not look back at that with a whole lot of regret. I tend to romanticize it which actually
gets me in trouble some times [with younger partner].
Strategies to overcome physical effects of ageing not surprising in accounts from men in 50s and 60s, because,
with age, men:
take longer to achieve an erection, the power of orgasm may decline, the volume and intensity of
ejaculation decrease
(Seabrook, 2003: 115)

14. 14
2. Age preference
Stronger age preference was for younger men, across all four deciles in the sample (40, 50s, 60s, and 70s).
Experience of ageism: reports of symbolically brutal ageism when seeking sex partners on-line.
Associated with the general preference for younger men was parallel narrative of old gay men as unappealing
because of their physical appearance:
It is a horrible prejudice in gay men. They do not want to touch someone who is not beautiful … It is like
[they are afraid] they would catch it. (Colin, 72, New York)
Another view: older gays were unattractive because so many the interviewee’s age had “let themselves go”:
They have gained weight. This is not an attractive time for a lot of people my age … And if you look at what
our barometers are for beauty in the gay community, we are so outside the box on that one …
Maybe if we were a little nicer, less alcoholic, more joyous, it would not be that way. But most of the older
gays I have come across have some issues. (Marvin, 59, Los Angeles)

15. 15
Eight interviewees cited age preference; the majority were in their 50s.
Older
One man expressed preference for older men — Parry (63, New York):
In my 20s, I was dating people who were in their 50s, occasionally their 60s. They were a little too old for
me at that time, but definitely 40s and 50s.
Older men were still his preference:
I am still attracted to sugar daddies. There are some very hot-looking 70-year-old men.

16. 16
Younger
Six provided stories of sexual encounters with younger men & are represented here by men from Los Angeles
and Auckland.
Jude (aged 46) was from Los Angeles and preferred younger men and was aware of problems associated with
dating them:
I met this young guy right after I turned 40. When we were together, he always wanted to have sex and
would get mad at me when I didn’t want to …
We would plan dates and he would cancel at the last minute because his friends planned to do something
… I think you see a lot of that with young guys. It is flattering when you get hit on by a young guy … and
you relax your standards until you realise that he wants to be with his friends.
I think the older people get, the more they want the couple as the centre of the social life. Not all of us, but
most of us. And young guys travel in packs.’
Issues in relationships where age difference is 20 years or more and/or the younger is in his 20s:
some young people like to “travel in packs”;
the couple relationship can be more central in social-sexual life of older people.

17. 17
By contrast, 49-year-old Aucklander said he never approached younger men:
I do not approach younger men, even if I find them attractive. I have been approached by younger men on
a number of times, which is very nice
But I would never make the first move because … it seems wrong for a man in his 40s to approach a man
in his 20s and that has affected how I operate sexually …
I put limits up because of how I perceive my age.
His belief and practice: waiting for a younger man’s approach is appropriate; approaching a younger man is not.

18. 18
Conclusion
Because sexual appeal & attraction are often associated with youthfulness,
almost all interviewees believed that their sex appeal had declined as a result
of growing older.
If gay men wish to continue to explore sexual opportunities in middle age and
older—as many baby-boomer men do—they must accept the limitations
imposed by their ageing body or illness and approach the task differently from
when they were young.

19. 19
References
Ariès, P. (1973) Centuries of Childhood, Harmondsworth: Penguin Books.
Boswell, J. (1980) Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the
Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century, Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Beauvoir, S. de (1970) Old Age, trans. P. O’Brien, Harmondsworth: Penguin Books.
Elias, N. (1987) The Loneliness of the Dying, trans. E. Jephcott, Oxford: Basil Blackwell.
Featherstone, M., Hepworth, M. and Turner, B.S. (eds) (1991) The Body: social process and cultural theory, London: Sage
Publications.
Frank, T.C. (1998) The Conquest of Cool: Business Culture, Counterculture, and the Rise of Hip Consumerism, Chicago and
London: University of Chicago Press.
Heaphy, B. (2007) ‘Sexuality, Gender and Ageing: Resources and Social Change’, Current Sociology 55(2): 193-210.
Laslett, P. (1991) A Fresh Map of Life: The Emergence of the Third Age with a new preface by the author, Cambridge, Mass.:
Harvard University Press.
Pollak, M. (1986) ‘Male homosexuality–or happiness in the ghetto’, in P. Ariès and A. Béjin (eds) Western Sexuality: Practice
and Precept in Past and Present Times, trans. A. Forster, Oxford: Basil Blackwell, pp. 40–61.
Robinson, Peter (2008) The Changing World of Gay Men (Basingstoke and New York: Palgrave Macmillan).
Robinson, P. (2013) Gay Men’s Relationships Across the Life Course, Basingstoke and New York: Palgrave Macmillan.
Seabrook, J. (2003) A World Growing Old, London: Pluto Press.
Simpson, P. (2015) Middle-Aged Gay Men, Ageing and Ageism: Over the Rainbow? Basingstoke and New York: Palgrave
Macmillan.