Managing Stressful Emotions

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MTL: The Professional Development Programme
Managing Emotions
MANAGING EMOTIONS
Don’t sweat the small stuff

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Managing Emotions
Attribution: All images are from sources where a Creative Commons license exists for commercial use. All icons are on subscription
from thenounproject. All clipart is from free sources. The MTL Professional Development Programme is copyright of Manage Train
Learn.
Managing
Stressful
Emotions
Introduction: We often hurt ourselves far more emotionally than we do physically or
mentally. Bodies can heal; thoughts can change; but emotions rooted in the damaged past
or the feared future can harm us for a long time. To manage damaging emotions, we need to
employ the power of reason and a range of emotion-healing techniques. In this topic, we’ll
show you 7 ways to do this.

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Managing Emotions
1. YOUR
EMOTIONS
CAN KILL YOU
One of the most powerful stories about how our
emotions can stress us is the food worker who
became locked in a walk-in freezer late one
night. Desperate to escape from the cold, he
tried to raise the alarm but everyone else had
gone home. As the seconds passed, he tried
everything but to no avail. In the morning, his co-
workers found him dead. They also found the
freezer had been switched off and was actually a
few degrees above zero. The man had allowed
his thoughts to turn to irrational emotions that
had killed him.
We can all choose our emotions
Flickr attribution: /dzromanina/6127239748/

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Managing Emotions
How Simple Things Can Trigger Office Rage
Small office irritations can cause more resentment than
some of the major issues. Recruitment consultancy
Office Angels surveyed 1000 offices to find out what
caused the greatest levels of disharmony.
The Top 10 List of Office Irritations
1. Mobile phones going off in meetings
2. Doing your own copying and using up the paper
3. Others in the office talking loudly about their private life
4. Gossiping
5.Takingotherpeople'sstationery
6. Selfishness, like making coffee for yourself and nobody
else
7. Untidy desks
8. People loitering near you when you're on the phone
9. Sending long emails
10. People looking fed up
Removing Our Mask to Show Blind Rage
Flickr attribution: /27787901@N06/4522004226/

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Managing Emotions
2. ANXIETY
The word "anxiety" comes from an old word
meaning "to choke". Anxiety can choke the life
out of us and lead to fear and panic. There are
many antidotes to anxiety. Ask yourself whether
you have any real reason for your fear. In 99.9%
of cases, fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
Once you have defined your fear, imagine the
very worst that could happen to you. When you
do, you no longer have to fear it. Instead you can
take steps to prevent the worst scenario
happening.
The double scream
Flickr attribution: /adactio/8036170205/

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Managing Emotions
What Do You WorryAbout?
Anxiety can show itself in a number of ways, some of which we may not be aware of. Knowing where our
anxieties come from can help us to deal with them.
1. A major change, eg who
will the new boss be?
10. Lack of coping
skills eg "What if I
get a flat tyre?".
2. Something awful that you think
might happen to you, eg getting
cancer, dying.
8. Worrying about worrying,
eg "Why do I worry so
much?"
7. Worrying what others think, eg
"What if she turns me down when I
ask her out?"
3. The thought of losing
control of yourself.
6. Imagining catastrophes, eg
"What if there's a war?"
4. A guilty
conscience, eg "I've
not finished the
report".
9. Habitual worry, eg
fear of spiders,
people in your house.
5. Talking yourself
into anxiety, eg "I'm
starting to panic."

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Managing Emotions
3. ANGER
Anger is one of the emotions that can literally kill
us. It is one of the seven deadly sins; it fuels
aggression and violence. The key to managing
anger is Ownership. Don't blame others for how
you feel: not "you make me angry!" but "it makes
me angry when..." Once you own your anger you
can make choices about more appropriate
responses. You can recognise when anger wells
up in you and divert it to an area called the
"defusing zone". Let your anger go. Visualise it
being dropped in a waste bin, thrown into a fast-
flowing river or jettisoned into outer space.
Irritation, annoyance, anger, fury, rage
Flickr attribution: /breatheindigital/4704953402/

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Managing Emotions
How Most of Us Hide Our Feelings at Work
Research varies on whether it is more healthy to
express your anger or to suppress it. According
to researchers at Iowa State University, letting
your anger out can lead to high blood pressure.
On the other hand, research also suggests that
keeping your anger in can lead to stress.
Dr Sandi Mann, in her book "Hiding what we feel,
faking what we don't" says that people at work
spend much of their time hiding their real feelings
and acting out false ones instead. The worst
faking-it jobs are: call centre operators, workers in
patient care, those in face-to-face customer care
jobs, undertakers, and those who have to use pre-
set scripts.
The list of faking-it phrases includes: "It's a
pleasure"; "No problem"; "Glad to be of help";
"Can I be of assistance?"; and, of course, "Have a
nice day".
Flickr attribution: /plantronicsgermany/15410077232/

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Managing Emotions
4.
RESENTMENT
Resentment of others is a stressful emotion
because it locks us into the past and condemns
us to re-live a time of pain. Often our hatred
continues when those who are the object of our
hate have moved on. The key to managing
resentment is Forgiveness. Resolve to let go of
your hatred by an act of forgiveness. If you like
ritual line-drawing, send the person a bunch of
flowers or a small gift. Do the same when you fall
out of love with yourself. Give your resentment a
proper burial and move on with the rest of your
life.
Some hatreds last a lifetime
Flickr attribution: /andywithcamera/6063106902/

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Managing Emotions
Reach Out Like Kevin in “HomeAlone”
We often pursue resentments by breaking off
contact with others as a punishment, a threat or
a way to force others to respond to us first. Sadly,
they rarely do.
In the film "Home Alone", the 7-year-old Kevin
(played by McCauley Culkin) is mistakenly left at
home when his parents go on holiday to Europe
for Christmas. Home alone, Kevin meets an old
man who is unable to spend Christmas with his
own family because of a falling out many years
before. With simple childlike directness, Kevin
suggests he should ring his son and speak to him.
Despite his older years, the man finds it hard to
make the first move although he desperately
wants to. In the end he does. He reaches out.
When we reach out, we put old unsatisfactory
positions behind us and dare to change
ourselves.
Kevin in “Home Alone”
Flickr attribution: /21345996@N04/2071303135/

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Managing Emotions
5.
INADEQUACY
It is thought that most people suffer feelings of
inadequacy at some time or another. This is
made worse by a world which promotes images
of other people who appear to be more
successful than we are. The key to managing
inadequacy is a strong self-image based on a
proper sense of your value and not on false
values such as money and success. Don't
compare yourself with others. Say to yourself: "I
am me, you are you. We are unique human
beings; there is nobody else like us in the world."
Inadequacy: not feeling big enough for life
Flickr attribution: /kleinstadtgross/15599969749/

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Managing Emotions
How George Bailey Learns that It's a Wonderful Life
The Frank Capra film "It's a Wonderful Life" tells
the story of George Bailey played by James
Stewart.
As a young man, George has big dreams but he is
unable to realise them when his father dies and
he is forced to stay in his home town to run the
family business. Through no fault of his own, the
business collapses and, facing bankruptcy, George
decides to kill himself. On the night he would
have killed himself, however, George Bailey, with
the help of his guardian angel, is given a glimpse
of what life would have been like had he not
lived. He sees the impact he has had on others'
lives and their love for him.
In his hour of need, George's customers come up
with the money he needs and rescue his
business. By the end of the film, George no
longer feels inadequate but understands the real
value of his life.
James Stewart, (1908-1997), with HenryTravers (1874-1965).
James Stewart played George Bailey and Henry played Clarence,
Angel Second Class.
(Flickr attribution: /tom-Margie/11379254813/)
"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many others. When he isn't around,
he leaves an awful hole." (Clarence in “It’s a Wonderful Life”)

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Managing Emotions
6. GUILT AND
SHAME
Guilt and shame arise when we compare
ourselves with an idealised belief of how we
should behave. We fret over mistakes; we panic
when we don't do what we should do; we feel
miserable when we come in way down the track.
There are two keys to managing guilt and shame;
one is Confession and the other is Letting Go of
the past. Don't punish yourself needlessly. If you
have made a mistake, don't exaggerate it;
instead work to put it right. Then let it go.
Don’t let others make you feel bad
Flickr attribution: /daneshj/6149379556/

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Managing Emotions
7. LETTING GO
OF EMOTIONS
In our age of stress, most of us live by unrealistic
expectations about what we should achieve, how
we should act, and how others should treat us.
As a result, we are consumed by guilt and fear -
guilt because of our failure to achieve what we
should have achieved in the past, and fear that
we will fail again in the future. Inevitably, these
negative emotions play havoc with our state of
mind, our self-esteem and what we expect of
others. Jerry Jampolsky says that there is only
one way to rid ourselves of such emotions and
that is to let them go through a newly-learnt
perception of ourselves.
Releasing a sky, or “Kongming”, lantern
Flickr attribution: /mikolski/4942641599/

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Managing Emotions
FacingYour Fears In his book "The Executive Mystic: Psychic Power Tools for Success“, Barrie
Dolnick recommends the following 2-step technique for overcoming your
fears.
Step 1: ConfrontYour Fear and Define It
If you ever feel rising panic taking hold of you, write down what you fear on a piece of paper. Write down how you feel,
the origin of your anxiety, when it manifests itself, what the outcomes you dread are. Use any form of expression that
best describes your fear: words, pictures, child-like sketches, symbols, colours.
Step 2: LetYour Fear Go
When you feel your fear has been
adequately expressed, take the paper
to a fireproof bin and set light to it. Feel
yourself surrounded by white light
through which your fears cannot
penetrate. When the paper has been
reduced to ashes, take them to a bin
and throw them away.
“FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real”
Flickr attribution: /sabbeke/12210861883/

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Managing Emotions
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn
AFinal
Word
At some time or another, all of us experience harmful emotions such as anxiety, anger, and
resentment. For most of us, these feelings are short-lived, even if they still cause us unhappiness
while they are with us. For others, the feelings can last much longer, in some cases for years. Only
by managing such destructive emotions can we re-gain our health, balance, and sanity.

Managing Stressful Emotions

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