Conflict Resolution

1. Create better work climates and more
fulfilling relationships

2.  Normal and healthy part of relationships
 When mismanaged, can harm relationships
 When handled in a respectful and positive
way, provides opportunity for growth

4. • Values, motivations,
perceptions, ideas, or desires
Conflict arises from
differences.
• a need to feel safe and secure
• a need to feel respected and
valued
• a need for greater closeness and
intimacy.
Sometimes these
differences may seem
trivial to you, but
when a conflict
triggers strong
feelings, a deep
personal and relational
need is at the core of
the problem

5.  Recognize the legitimacy of conflicting
needs
 Be willing to examine them in an
environment of compassionate understanding
 This will open pathways to creative problem
solving, team building, improved
relationships, and trust

6.  Successful conflict resolution depends on
your ability to:
 Manage stress while remaining alert and calm.
 Control your emotions and behavior.
 Pay attention to the feelings being expressed.
 Be aware of and respectful of differences.

8. Cooperation
I want to win and I want
you to win, too.
• Orange example
• Ask probing questions to find out needs
Discuss underlying needs
Recognize individual
differences
Be open to adapting your
position in light of shared
information and attitudes
Attack the problem, not
the people

9.  Turn problems in to possibilities
 Attitude colors thoughts
 Perfection (winners and losers)
 Discovery (winners and learners)

10.  Information
 Getting a clear picture
 Affirmation
 Affirming, acknowledging, exploring the
problem
 Inflammation
 Responding to a complaint or attack on
you

11. • How it is on my side, how
I see it, and how I would
like it to be.
• You need to let the other
person know you are
feeling strongly about the
issue
• Others often
underestimate how hurt
or angry or put out you
are, so it’s useful to say
exactly what’s going on
for you—making the
situation appear neither
better nor worse.
When to
use “I”
statements

12.  Responding to resistance from others
 Ask open questions to reframe resistance
 Find options
 Redirect
 Move to the positive
 Go back to legitimate needs and concerns

13. • 5 questions
• Why am I feeling so
angry/hurt/frightened?
• What do I want to
change?
• What do I need in order
to let go of this feeling?
• Whose problem is this,
really?
• What is the unspoken
message I infer from the
situation?
• 5 goals
• Aim to avoid the desire
to punish or blame.
• Aim to improve the
situation.
• Aim to communicate
your feelings
appropriately.
• Aim to improve the
relationship and
increase
communication.
• Aim to avoid repeating
the same situation.

14. People’s behavior occurs for
a purpose. They are looking
for ways to belong, feel
significant, and self-
protect.
• Avoid attention-seeking behaviors.
• Disengage from the struggle for
power.
• Convince them that you respect
their needs.
• Encourage any positive attempt, no
matter how small.

15. Be hard on
the problem
and soft on
the person.
Focus on
needs, not
positions.
Emphasize
common
ground.
Be inventive
about
options.
Make clear
agreements.
Where
possible
prepare in
advance.

16. • Be objective and supportive
• No judging
• Steer the process, not the
content
• Win/win
These attitudes
are relevant when
you are advising a
conflict that is
not your own.
This may be an
informal chat
with both
conflicting people
or a formally
organized
mediation session.

17. Respect and
value
differences.
Recognize a
long term
timeframe.
Assume a
global
perspective.
Deal with
resistance
to the
broader
perspective.
Be open to
the idea of
changing
and risk-
taking.

19. Inability to recognize
and respond to
matters of great
importance to the
other person.
Explosive, angry,
hurtful, and
resentful reactions.
Withdrawal,
resulting in
rejection, isolation,
shaming, and fear
of abandonment.
Expectation of bad
outcomes.
Fear and avoidance
of conflict.

20. The capacity
to recognize
and respond
to important
matters
A readiness to
forgive and
forget.
The ability to
seek
compromise
and avoid
punishing.
A belief that
resolution can
support the
interests and
needs of both
parties.

21. Quickly relieve
stress.
Recognize and
manage your
emotions.
Improve your
nonverbal
communication
skills.
Use humor and
play to deal
with challenges.

23.  Make the relationship your priority.
 Focus on the present.
 Pick your battles.
 Be willing to forgive.
 Know when to let something go.

24.  Fair fighting: Ground rules
 Remain calm.
 Express feelings in words, not actions.
 Be specific about what is bothering you.
 Deal with only one issue at a time.
 No “hitting below the belt.”
 Avoid accusations.
 Don’t generalize.
 Avoid “make believe.”
 Don’t stockpile.
 Avoid clamming up.

25. • Listen to the reasons the other person gives
for being upset.
• Make sure you understand what the other
person is telling you—from his point of view.
• Repeat what the person said in your own
words, and ask if you have understood
correctly.
• Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving the
person time to think before answering.
• Resist the temptation to interject you own
point of view until the other person has said
everything he or she wants to say and feels
that you have listened to and understood his
or her message.
Tips to
be a
better
listener

26. Encourage
the other
person to
share his or
her issues as
fully as
possible.
Clarify the
real issues,
rather than
making
assumptions.
Restate what
you have
heard.
Reflect
feelings.
Validate the
concerns of
the other
person.

27.  Conflict Resolution Network
http://www.crnhq.org
 The Counseling and Mental Health Center at
The University of Texas at Austin, University
of Wisconsin, Madison
http://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents
/conflict.pdf