This document outlines an exercise for practicing active listening skills. Participants will break into pairs and discuss controversial topics while one person speaks for 5 minutes about their position. The listener must then repeat back what they understood without arguing. They will then switch roles. Afterwards, participants will discuss in larger groups what they found difficult and easy about just listening, what they learned about other perspectives, and how their dialogue skills improved. The goals are to understand different viewpoints and hone communication skills based on love and understanding.

1. Listening to
Understand
Mariapolis Luminosa
July 7 to 10, 2016

2. What’s the point?
• Researcher John Gottman says that listening is
the best thing to improve a relationship.
• 50% of people quit their job because they feel
their boss does not listen to them.
• Listening creates trust.

4. The Four Rules of Active Listening
• Seek to understand before you seek to be
understood
• Be non judgmental
• Give your undivided attention to the speaker
• Use silence effectively

5. Goals
• To practice applying the
principles of communication
skills based on love
• To understand points of view
different from our own
• To practice active listening
skills

6. Topics
 Gun control
 Immigration
 “Death with Dignity”
legislation
 “Black Lives Matter” and
racism
 Public funding for private
education (charter schools,
vouchers, etc.)
 Free speech
 Same sex marriage
 Universal health care
 Sex education in school
 Legalization of marijuana
 Minimum wage legislation
 Redistribution of wealth
(from 1% to 99%)
 Free trade economic policy
 Common core curriculum
and testing
 Expanding free education
(pre-K through community
college)
 Voter ID legislation
 Other topic of your choice

7. Instructions
• Break into pairs
• Select a topic
• Person with the closest birthday to today goes first
• States one’s position for 5 minutes
• Other person only listens
• Then listener repeats back what he or she
understood (5 minutes)
• First person correct misunderstandings or omissions
• Exchange roles

8. Ground rules
• Stick to the process, whether you agree with each other or
not. This exercise is intended to practice active listening.
• Don’t push back or argue any points – only seek to
understand.
• Try and put aside your assumptions and opinions. Keep
emotions in check.
• Ask clarifying non-judgmental questions.
• Give your undivided attention to the speaker.
• Create silence within you.
• Watch your body language.

9. Debriefing
Break into groups of 6-8 including the pairs together. Spend
15-20 minutes discussing some of the following questions:
• What was it like to just listen?
• What was difficult about it? What was easy?
• What did you learn about the other person’s point of view?
• What did you learn about your own?
• Where did you find commonalities in your interests?
• In what ways do you feel you increased your dialogue skills
today?
• What would you like to do differently with difficult
conversations in the future?

10. Thank you!