wise in choosing life partners

1. DATING
A young man is interested in a girl and falls in love with her. But somehow he is unable
to communicate his intention or feelings with her. He shares his inner longings with his
friend, who devises a way to bring her to him for a lunch. The boy and girl are alone. Lust and
passion overtakes his mind and he rapes the girl. In modern parlance it could be termed as
“date rape.” Then, he rejects her and also hates her with the same intensity he “loved” her.
This is an adapted version of the incident recorded in the Bible. The victim of this was Tamar
and the rapist was Amnon.
First, Amnon thought he was in love with Tamar, but he was interested in her body, not
in her. He had infatuation rather than true love. Second, he did not have respect or regard for
her as a woman, but lusted her physical features. He was not looking for a companion or life
partner, but a toy to play with. He did not have respect for Tamar’s feelings or desires or
aspirations. He imposed his selfishness on her. Third, he did not have words to express his
love or appreciation for her. He did not have the conviction or courage to communicate with
her, as his love was not genuine but instead had evil intentions. Fourth, he also operated with
the mind-set that he could force his will upon any person, including Tamar. He did not think
love as reciprocal or that relationships need mutual consent. Fifth, he also saw sex as a casual
activity, without reference to marriage.
Tamar on the other hand was naïve and not smart enough to smell the evil intentions of
Amnon. She was totally unprepared to confront a situation like this. If she had been wise, she
would have discerned the evil intention of Amnon when he wanted her to come to his
bedroom. In that case, she would have asserted herself and would have refused to go to
Amnon’s bedroom to provide him meals.
Developing healthy relationships: It is very important in modern life to develop healthy
relationships with people of the opposite sex. Purity in relationships is essential. Considering
people of the opposite sex as brother or sister with purity of mind is essential. An intimate
relationship is possible only within marriage and with one person only. That means, sex is
holy within the context of marriage and it is sin outside of marriage.
Definition: Dating is any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the
aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a

2. spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon
social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.
Dating is not physical relationship: Dating is a social activity and it is done generally in
public places like restaurants or parks. It does not happen in private rooms and homes. It is the
time to talk with one another in order to understand the other person. In our postmodern
culture, dating has been degraded into a physical relationship, which is not good for young
people.
Dating is to understand one another: There are several areas both should try to
understand. Discuss to understand the attitude of a person towards various aspects of life,
which includes religious life, spirituality, career, money etc. Also figure out the breadth and
depth of the thinking of a person. Is the person narrow-minded or broad-minded? Does s/he
have sub judice or pre judice that may affect your relationship? Is the person a prisoner of the
past or future-oriented? What are the likes and dislikes; choices and preferences; hobbies and
habits? What is the communication style?
Dating is to determine the possibility of commitment: When a person understands the
general aspects of another person, then s/he could explore whether this relationship could
have a long term commitment. Knowing the other person’s strengths and weaknesses, likes
and dislikes, etc. you can determine whether there could be commitment to one another. Can I
trust this person with my whole life?
Dating is to decide on marriage: If you are sure that you could understand that person’s
intentions, lifestyle, thinking pattern and attitude, and determine to trust your life with
him/her, then you can take the next step. The next step is to think and commit for marriage.