how to raise responsible children

1. BY CHISUPA ERIC
PRINCIPAL LECTURER
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2.  99% of all parents want to be good parents, and avoid
doing what they consider to be a bad parent.
 Regardless of their parenting abilities, they love their
children.
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3. What influences a parent’s
choice of parenting style?
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4. • All parents incorporate both love and
limits in their style of parenting,
• The balance of love and limits
determining a particular style.
• There are 4 parenting styles,
• Most parents use some combination of
the 4.
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5. • Each style has strengths and/or
weaknesses,
• only the authoritative parenting style
combines both high love and high
limits.
• It is considered the best style in
today’s society.
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6. AUTHOURITARIAN
PARENTING STYLE
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7. • Authoritarian parents value obedience,
structure, and respect.
• They use external control to teach right
from wrong, such as spanking, and are
quick to act on a discipline problem.
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8. • They believe in a
family hierarchy, with
dad usually at the top,
mom next, and
children last.
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9. • Children in these families would not
describe the relationship with their
parents as close, warm, and loving.
• The underlying assumption in this style
is that “parents know best”.
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10. Low love and high limits.
The parents make the rules,
and the children obey them
without question or
negotiation.
If the young child asks “why
should I?”, the parent
responds “because I said so”
(often a legitimate answer).
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11. This is the most traditional
parenting style historically, and is
based on the use of power.
Low love and high limits.
Giving orders
.
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12. High Love and
Low Limits.
Giving in
Parents have difficulty setting firm
limits and are inconsistent.
Sometimes it works pretty well
because children generally want to
please their parents.
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13. • Parents view themselves as their
children’s friend; they worry that their
children will not like them if they set
too many rules. Over time, children
often become selfish, self-centered,
and manipulative to get their own
way…because they know they can.
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14. • Parents take a "hands-off" approach,
allowing children to learn from the
consequences of their actions
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15. Dr. Benjamin Spock was a leading child
care authority of the late 1940’s -80’s. He
encouraged a fairly permissive parenting
style, excusing all manners of misbehavior
in children as somehow perfectly normal.
In his later years, after having children of
his own, he expressed misgivings about
some of the advice he had given.
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16. • Permissive parents often become bitter
and resentful of their children.
• They place their children’s needs above
their own, and tire of the lack of respect
or appreciation for all they do.
• The children tend to have troubles with
responsibility, relationships, and
understanding the rights of others.
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17. Low Love and Low Limits
Giving up
Sometimes called an indifferent
parenting style due to it’s lack of
emotional involvement and
supervision of the child.
Generally considered as
uncaring and inadequate to meet
the needs of children.
They might be indifferent,
distant, unengaged, non-
communicative, self-absorbed,
unstructured, detached, and
sometimes cruel.
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18. These parents usually do not consider themselves to be
bad parents, but are operating under a mistaken set of
beliefs about what a good parent does. Their attempts to
do what they think needs to be done to raise their children
ends up being neglectful or abusive.
Many individuals
or couples are
simply not
prepared for the
demands of good
parenting.
Children take time,
money, energy,
effort, and good
parenting skills.eric chisupa 18

19. Giving choices
High Love and High Limits.A balance of freedom and
responsibility. Sometimes called
the democratic or balanced parenting
style, it relies on the principles of equality
and trust.
Parents and children are equal in terms
of their need for dignity and worth but not
in terms of responsibility and decision
making. Parents model right and wrong
by their words and deeds, and give
reasons for limits; discipline is used to
teach and guide, not punish or control.
Parents present expectations to gain a
child’s cooperation and respect,
including demands of maturity.
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20. Children raised by this style learn to accept responsibility,
make wiser choices, cope with change, and are better
equipped to succeed in a work-force which relies on
cooperative problem-solving.
.
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21. there has been an increase in the
number of people choosing not to
marry and living alone in households,
and a decrease in the number of
married people living with their
children in households.
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22. The “traditional” nuclear
family, with a husband
wage-earner, wife
homemaker and
dependent children, now
accounts for less than
10 percent of all
American households.
Although statistically the traditional nuclear family grouping
is the most successful one for raising children, it has not
existed in the majority of homes. It once reached 46% for an
all time high. Many factors have influenced the family picture
historically, including life expectancy/mortality, child labor
trends, women in the workforce, divorce rates, births to
unwed mothers, etc.
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23. There is a direct
correlation between a
family founded on a
lifelong marriage and low
incidences of crime,
addiction, abuse, illness,
and underachievement.
There is no doubt, statistically, that the children raised in a
household with both biological parents are at an
advantage. Fathers and mothers, men and women,
interact differently with children.
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24. eric chisupa 24

25. • A high amount of conversation and level of
interaction between parents and children
has an enormous, positive impact on a
child's development.
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26. FAMILY MUST BE #1eric chisupa 26

27.  When it’s been a long, hard day, are you still going to
make the effort to read a bedtime story?
 When your child wakes up in the morning too sick to go
to school, are you going to leave them home alone so
you can go to work?
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28. • Responsible adults make the decision to
have children… they are not just
“accidents”.
• A couple must decide that the children will
be a priority in their lives.
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29. • They must be willing to place their family’s
needs in the proper perspective in relation
to job, career, friends, personal interests,
finances, demands on time, increased
energy needed, and their marriage.
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30. Lower incomes relate to:
1. Lack of health insurance
2. Improper medical and
dental care
3. Lack of immunizations
4. Hunger/malnutrition
5. Inadequate shelter.
A key characteristic of single-parent families is the limited
resources, including time, energy, and money available to
them... whether the single parent is the mother or father.
Nearly 60% of children in single parent families are living in
poverty. Less than ½ of all child support is paid in full.
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31. Children in single-parent families are twice as likely to drop
out of high school as children living full time in two-parent
families.
Children in single-parent homes are more likely to have
their own marriages end in separation or divorce.
Children in single-parent homes are at the highest risk for
unmarried parenthood.
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32. The children are:
more likely to go to prison.
more likely to become rapists.
more likely to be seriously abused.
One-tenth as likely to get A's in school.
On average have a 44% higher mortality rate.
On average have a 72% lower standard of living.
43% of all children are living without the
biological father in the home, due to
divorce, unwed mothers, abandonment,
death, etc. What are the results?
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33. 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders,
90% of all homeless and runaway children, 71% of all
high school dropouts, 75% of all adolescent patients in
chemical abuse centers, 63% of children committing
suicide, 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions,
and 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in
fatherless homes.
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34. Step families are commonly
referred to as ‘blended families’.
Single mothers of daughters are the least likely to remarry, citing fears
that men they bring into the home would abuse their daughters.
• Husband with children marries ,
no-kids wife.
• Husband with children marries wife
with children.
• Mom with children marries no-kids
husband.
Mom with children marries dad with
children.
• Widow or widower with kids remarries.
• Divorced or widowed parents of adult
children marry. Etc. etc. etc.
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35. 1. At least some members of the family have experienced
“loss”, an emotional crisis.
2. The biological parent and child have a longer history and
stronger ties to each other than the couple does.
3. The children’s other biological parent does not belong to
this family…and may belong to another family
4. Children from a previous marriage now have 2 families to
deal with and schedule time with, including holidays and
children’s birthdays, etc.
5. Stepparents don’t fill biological parent’s roles, including no
legal rights
6. Over 1/3 of all children born now will live in a stepfamily
household by the time they are 18 years old.
7. 60% of all remarriages end in divorce; over 50% of
divorced people remarry within 5 years.
Blended families have unique
problems:
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36. Some families with children under age 18 have a family
member age 65 or older living with them.
.
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