Transform yourself through dialoging. As a fledgling out of college from the University of Oregon, and entering the corporate sales world of NYC, one of the first things I learned was to ‘never’ argue or debate with a customer or prospect, but to use skillful means to inquire as to why they hold a contrary opinion. Of course, in rare cases, they may be closed to any engagement without their own opinion having a barbed wire gate barrier, in which case it’s a good idea to avoid the barbed wire, and change the subject, before coming in from another angle if possible. The self question might be asked, ‘is it better to find a more open prospect/person’?

1. DIALOG with Opinions
August 11, 2022
Transform yourself through dialoging. As a
fl
edgling out
of college from the University of Oregon, and entering the corporate sales world of NYC, one of
the
fi
rst things I learned was to ‘never’ argue or debate with a customer or prospect, but to use
skillful means to inquire as to why they hold a contrary opinion. Of course, in rare cases, they
may be closed to any engagement without their own opinion having a barbed wire gate barrier,
in which case it’s a good idea to avoid the barbed wire, and change the subject, before coming
in from another angle if possible. The self question might be asked, ‘is it better to
fi
nd a more
open prospect/person’?
There lived in Chicago a community activist by the name of Saul Alinsky who
used controversial means of communicating. Saul Alinsky allegedly lived by the
communist playbook. Alinsky advised, “Look in the mirror-whatever you see,
blame your opponent.” When negative people look in the mirror they see
criminals, they see traitors, they see the person they can’t trust. The closer they
get to the truth, the more desperate they become. So, they
immediately try to change the subject, known as ‘de
fl
ecting’.
They try to frame the one they’’re talking with for thoughts they
didn’t commit to, or in other words turning others thoughts into
the negative to bolster their own point of view.
Dialoging is an ‘art of harmony’, not unlike a meditation but
between one or more. Dialogue means trying to understand the
other with an open mind. Dialogue is a rare phenomenon and it
is beautiful, because both are enriched. In fact, while you talk,
either it can be a discussion – a verbal
fi
ght, trying to prove that I
am right and you are wrong – or a dialogue. Dialogue is taking each
other´s hand, moving together towards the truth, helping each other to
fi
nd the
way.
Being a student of personal human relationships, I’ve seen most couples to
not learn the ‘art of dialoging’ with each other, instead relegating many situations to an
‘engagement’ of disagreement that lowers their harmony with each other. It is togetherness, it
is a cooperation, it is a harmonious e
ff
ort to
fi
nd the truth. It is not in any way a
fi
ght, not at all.
It is a friendship, moving together to
fi
nd the truth, helping each other to
fi
nd the truth. Nobody
has the truth already, but when two persons start
fi
nding out, inquiring about the truth together,
that is dialogue – and both are enriched. The world is in dire need of enrichment through
dialoging to harmony!
Arhata~