1. GRIEF MATTERS
JANICEM. MANN,AUTHOR
INTRO
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE- WHAT ISGRIEF? How doesitaffect us?
CHAPTER TWO - Symptomsof Grief andLoss
CHAPTER THREE - Loss of LovedOnes
CHAPTER FOUR- - Hospice andTerminallyIll LovedOnes
CHAPTER FIVE- Divorce andSeparation
CHAPTER SIX - How doour religiousandspiritualbeliefshelporhinderus?
CHAPTER SEVEN - Howto keepmovingforwardwhenyouare grieving
CHAPTER EIGHT - - Recovery - Creatingaseriesof healingchoicestoheal forthose grieving
CHAPTER NINE- Coping,caring,compassionandgrieving
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE-
Resources
Grief and the Bible
Suicide Worksheet
BuddhismandGrief
2. INTRODUCTION
I have beenwaitingforyoutoshowup. It is time foryouto have thisinformationatyourfingertips.
There isno such thingas a coincidence.The Universeisincomplete control of everythingevenif it
seemstoyouthat it isnot. You are meantto have pickedthisbookup to readat thismomentinyour
life.Ithasbeenmylife experience thatwhenthe studentisreadythe teacherappears.
I have writtenthisbookfromthe mindsetthatyouare mydear friend.Iwantyou to trustthat I know
whatI am talkingabout.Iam goingto walkwithyouthroughone of the mostincredible,lifechanging
experiencesyouwill everparticipate in. Ihave had numerousfamilylosses,worklosses,petlossesand
breakupsof significantrelationships.Ihave foughtseverephysical illnesses.Ihave knownthe feelingof
lossquite often.Ihave learnedtomake grief myfriend.Iknow thatsoundsridiculoustosome of you.
Grief a friend?Hardly!Perhapsanenemy!Ihave foundovertime thatonce I see the giftsof grief i nmy
life itcan take on anotherenergy.Anenergyof gratitude forwhatIhave shared,whoI have lovedand
howblessedIam forthe experience.Withoutgriefwe cannotexperience joy,comfortorhappiness!
You are onyour ownpersonal journeyinlife.There will be momentsof joy.There will be momentsof
pain.That isjust the wayit works.Howyou handle the painwill make ahuge difference inhow you
handle the joysinlife.Yourhighesthighsinlifewill be equal toyourlowestlowsinlife.Itishow this
journeyworks.Grief matters.Howyouexperienceyourgrief willshow how youperceiveyourlife.Take
a deepbreath.Relax.Letme helpyousee differently.Transformyourmindwithknowledge.Free
yourself of oldthoughtsandpatterns.Openyour mindtoseeingdifferently.
ChapterOne
What isGrief?
I believethatyouare readingthisbookat thisspecificmoment because you orsomeone youlove are
experiencing feelingheartbroken.Heartbreakandgrief gohandinhand.
What isgrief? Where doesitcome from?Where doesitgo whenitleaves? Grief hasa few names
includingmourning,bereavement,heartache,heartbreakandgrief.Idefine itasa natural response and
an individualprocesstoa lossor a perceivedlossof someone orsomething thatwe are attachedand
emotionallyinvestedinhavinginourlife.Grief isinherentwithinus;justasjoy,happiness,comfort,
contentment are builtinus.We arrivedon thisEarth withcertainbuiltinmechanismsandgifts.Grief is
an energythatis heavyladenandsluggish.Whengrief leavesusitgoesback intothe ethersthatit came
3. from.Let me be veryclear here.Youmost likelywill alwayshave some levelof grief thatstayswithyou
day afterday andyear afteryear.It will notbe a sustaininglevel of painforforever.Igrieve the lossof
my motheraftertwelve years.EventhoughIknow she isoutof physical painandhangingoutwiththe
angelsonthe OtherSide.I wouldnotwanther tocome back.She was fragile andill.Itwasher time to
go. She had foughtthe goodfight.Thatdidn'tmeanI wasimmune toheartbreakthough.
Heartbreakisan emotional,physical andspiritualeventwhenithappens.Youactuallyfeel the physical
ache inyourheart area or inEastern Thoughtinthe area we call the heartchakra. The ache doesnot go
away bywillingitaway.Itstaysas an unwelcome visitorinyourlife until youfindthe strengthtomove
throughthe pain.You will findthe strengthintime.Youmayhave nauseaor digestiveissuesaswell. At
any momentyoumayhave constipationordiarhea.Theygotogether.The energyof grief tapsintoall
your chakras.Your core areasof the solarplexuschakra,throatchakra andthe heartchakra experience
a mightyjolt. Don't be surprised if headaches,neckachesorbackachesappear. Theyshow up after
your bodyhastensedupphysicallyforquite some time.Some folksfindthattheyhave beengrinding
theirteethandclenchingtheirjaws.Ourgrief manifestsitselfintoourmuscularsystem. Everypartof
your bodysystemhasthe opportunitytorespondtothe emotional andspiritual painyouare feelingin
your body.We are energy.Energymovesandchangeseverysecond.Grief movesandchangesevery
second.(MORE ON ENERGY)
Heartache and grief are devastating. Ithitson all levels. Sometimesthe painhitsall atonce.
Sometimesthe painhasanintermittentpattern. Itcan be both as well.Yougofromfear andanxietyto
panicattacks. Simultaneously,youeithercannotsleepatall orall you can do issleep.Quite afew of us
will wanttoself medicate toattempttonumb the pain.Here isan importantfact to learn:You have got
to feel the painandmove throughthe painto getto the otherside of the pain.
Alcohol isa depressantbyitsverynature.Payattentiontoyourlevel of drinkingalcoholtonumbyour
pain.The same goeswithdrugs otherthan alcohol.Theymaybe a temporaryfix fora permanent
problem.Once the buzzwearsoff youare weary,woundedandwonderingwhattodonext.I know. I
have beenthere.Additionally,yourthinkingisfuzzy.Stinkingthinkingwillnotserve youinthe grief
process.Youneeda clear mindtolearnhow to use the informationyourbody,mindandspiritare
sharingwithyou.
Anotherchallenge withgrief is thatyoucannotholdany fooddownor all youcan dois eat comfort
food.Carbohydratesandsugarsare the Americanwaywithor withoutgrief. If youhave everlivedin
the country youwill findthatwhensomeonediesthe neighborsandorthe local church people bring
foodto the home to pay respectandsave the familyfromcooking.Itisa smorgasbordof carbohydrates
and sugars.Mashedpotatoes,scallopedpotatoes,pastasalads,cakes,pies,freshhotrollsandanything
sweettheycanthinkto share.You see,those compassionate friendsknow thatsoonerorlateryou
needtoeat. In America,we stuff ourfeelingwithfoodquiteoften.Payattentiontohow yougrieve.
The more youlearnaboutyourself andyourgrievingprocessthe betteroff youwill be the nexttime
grief knocksonyour door.It is importanttoknow yourself well.Grief isheartbreaking. Self medicating
withfoodischallengingaswell.Eatingfeelsgoodtosome folks. Those people whocan'teat struggle
too.Once youmove throughyourgrief youmay needtomove to the nextsize upor a couple of sizes
4. down in yourjeans.Be careful.Be gentle withyourself.A couple of homemade cinnamonrollsare
great; but,a half dozenmaybe waytoo many!Beware of spicyfoodsand greasyfoods.No needtoadd
to the nausea.You will knowwhenyouare feelinguptoeatingthose again.Watchyour sugar
consumption.Youare goingto have plentyof moodswingswithoutaddingfuel tothe fire! White
refinedsugarisa moodswingall onits own.
In heartbreak,fatigue canbe sodeepyoucan hardlytalk yourself intomovingsometimes. Itisa
momentousoccasionif youcanget yourself intothe showersome days.Time isaconceptthat hasvery
little influence onyourlife whengrieving. Momentsbecome minutesthatbecome hours.Daysseem
much longerthaneverbefore.Time doesnotfly.Itstandsstill.Don'tbe surprisedif youlackmotivation.
The lifeforce energyinyourownbeinghastakena huge hit. That is one of the realitiesof grief.
Spirituallythereare twoextremesthatmostfolksgothrough.The extremesare eitheryougoto your
religiousandorspiritual beliefstosustainyouoryou fightwiththe Godof yourunderstanding. Itisnot
unusual tochallenge youroldbeliefsandtenets.
I rememberwhenIwaswithmyextendedfamilyinNew Jerseyafter911.The husbandof my sisterin
lawwas murderedbythe terroristswhenthe plane ahitinTowerTwo. Needlesstosaythe devastation
was palpitable.Myseventyfiveandeightyearoldin-lawswere IrishCatholics.Theystruggledwiththeir
belief thatGodwouldallowthistohappentoa memberof theirfamilyaftertheyhadbeenactive
church membersforyears,tithingandsharing. Itwas hard to observe letalone feel. Inotedthat
somehow,somewhere intheirthinkingtheyhadcreatedavendingstore God.Itappearedthatthey
believedif theytithedtothe church,wentto Mass, followedthe tenetsof theirbeliefstheywouldbe
savedfromthislevel of calamity.Ifeltforthemastheypickedupthe piecesof theirnow brokenbelief
systemandmovedforward.Ihonor themandtheirprocesses.
My partnerat the time wasdevastatedaswell. Hersacredspace waswithinandwasmade in part with
lotsof greenplants,incrediblecolorfulvast arrayof flowersof everykindand plentyof energyandlove.
Her grief tookherto a place where hersacredspace wasno longeralive.Itwasa parcheddesertof arid
humidheaviness. Nothinggrewthere.It wasyearsbefore she wasable toreallybegin anew withlife.
Grief has a verylowheavyenergytoit.It isthe nature of grief to respondthatway.
Grief matters.Howwe experienceitisdifferentforeachperson.We will have ourownunique wayof
experiencingit.There isnoone way to grieve.There isnotime periodforgrieving.Whatmayworkfor
some folksmaynot workforothers.Remove yourself fromanyone if theyfeedyouthattoxicthinking.
Theywill suckthe lifebloodrightoutof you.Surroundyourself withloving,supportive friends and
family.If the toxicthinkingfolksare yourfriendsandfamilyfindagrief supportgrouporhospice facility
supportgroup.Do not isolate yourself.
INTRO
5. TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE- WHAT ISGRIEF?
CHAPTER TWO - Symptomsof Grief andLoss
CHAPTER THREE - Loss of LovedOnes
CHAPTER FOUR- - Hospice andTerminallyIll LovedOnes
CHAPTER FIVE- Divorce andSeparation
CHAPTER SIX - How doour religiousandspiritualbeliefshelporhinderus?
CHAPTER SEVEN - Howto keepmovingforwardwhenyouare grieving
CHAPTER EIGHT - - Recovery - Creatingaseriesof healingchoicestoheal forthose grieving
CHAPTER NINE- Coping,caring,compassionandgrieving
CHAPTER TEN CHAPTERELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE- Closingthoughts
WORKBOOK
Grief and LossChecklistof Symptoms
Chapter One
Grief isdefinedbythe Merriam Webster'sDictionaryas" deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by
bereavement. " Other words that may be considered to be connected to grief are anguish,woe,regret,and
sorrow Regret mean distress of mind. Sorrow implies a sense of loss or a sense of guilt and remorse. Grief
implies poignant sorrow for an immediate cause. Anguish suggests torturing grief or dread.
6. Grief is a response to losing or perceiving to lose someone or something that one has an investment in as in a
relationship, a death, a loss of a job or promotion at work, the death of a pet, the reality of a divorce etc.
Grief and loss are our tortured feelings caused by the change or end of our familiar patterns of behavior.
Familiar patterns of behavior bring us a sense of comfort and safety.
Survivor's Guilt
Accepting the sense of relief when our loved one haspassed on.
Chapter Two
Grief and Loss Symptoms
We must have a support system to grieve and move forward.
Chapter Three
Loss of Loved Ones
Chapter Four
Terminally Ill Loved Ones
7. Chapter Five Divorce and Separation
Divorce produces grief. It is incredibly painful watching your hopes and dreams float away. Not to mention the
pain of losing someone who was once so intimate and now is angry, wounded and full of resentment. Both
parties in a marriage are grieving no matter what you think. The children are definitely grieving and are fearful
of the unknown unfamiliar patterns that are being created in their lives. They feel powerless.
Recovering from the grief of divorce includes addressing all the issues within yourself and becoming
accountable for your part in the breakup.
Failing to address your grief in a divorce may have the capacity to hold you back emotionally in future
relationships. It is an imprisoning toxic feeling that damages your present moment yielding a fear based choice
pattern and hypervigilant self protective behaviors.
Chapter Six
Spiritual and Religious Beliefs
Do they help or hinder your process?
8. Chapter Seven
Keep Moving Forward
Do You Move On?
We move on one day at a time and one moment at a time in the day. We cannot just decide our grief is done.
We have to feel that the work is complete. We cannot will it away. Start to move on by moving through what is
in front of you as you are able. Take a walk. Even a small walk around the block in the sunshine can help you.
Fresh air helps. The minimal exercise will help you emotionally, spiritually and physically. Don't try to take a
long walk in the beginning. Your fatigue will catch up with you and exhaustion will return. There you are on a
long walk and all of a sudden you can't walk another step. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. It is
important to get back to your regular schedule as soon as you are able.
Finding peace
Gratitude Journal
Support Systems
Hospice Support
Grief Groups
Church or Spiritual Group Support
Reading about grief and personal empowerment
Eating well and regularly
Staying hydrated
Exercise regularly
create a structure to your life post loss
Talk with your friendsand family
