A TV Comedy Pilot (and series as well) (Premise/Tagline: This show chronicles the life of college student Xandria Eduwa as she attempts to survive the academic juggernaut that is the eccentric University of Chicago, while also attempting to hide her film major life and interests from her strict, "Med School is the Best School" parents.)

1. Getting Schooled
"Pilot"
By
Alex Obasuyi
1169 E. 54th Street
#3
Chicago, IL
aobasuyi@uchicago.edu
615-977-8043

2. COLD OPEN
FADE IN:
INT. CAR - DAY
XANDRIA EDUWA, 18, Nigerian American, sits in the car with
her sister, ONDRA EDUWA, 30, Nigerian, and her mother,
CAROLINE EDUWA, 50, Nigerian. Ondra drives as Xandria
presses her face against the window and smiles when she sees
a "Welcome to the University of Chicago" sign, squishing
some of her large, curly, afro.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Move-in day. It is single-handedly
one of the most exciting and
confusing days in the life of a
college student. You’re usually
faced with certain tasks like...
INT. HUDSON DORM/AQILA’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
...Saying goodbye to clingy-ass
parents...
AQILA BUGTI, 18, Pakistani American, lugs a backpack and a
crate into her room. She sits them beside the door FARAH and
AZIZ BUGTI, Pakistani, mid-40s, follow behind her with an
array of clothes and toiletries in their arms. Farah places
these things on the ground, walks up to Aqila, and pinches
her cheeks, her back to Aziz. Aziz stands off to the side,
looking bored.
FARAH
Lord, what am I going to do now
that my little Jaani will be here
and not at home with me?
AQILA
That’s a good question, Mom. But
I’m sure you’ll figure something
out.
AZIZ
(motions to door)
I’ll go start the car. Be back in a
sec.
FARAH
(waves Aziz off)
Okay, dear. See you, soon.

3. 2.
Aqila mouths the words "help me" to Aziz. Aziz shrugs
apologetically and exits.
FARAH
(frowns)
I don’t really feel comfortable
leaving you here by yourself,
Jaani.
AQILA
But I wouldn’t be by my--
FARAH
...Shh. It’s okay, Jaani. I won’t
let you be lonely.
(pauses)
So, I took the liberty of switching
around my schedule so that I can
stop by every day and check how
you’re doing.
AQILA
What?
INT. JELISSA’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
...Or possibly having to re-invent
yourself...
JELISSA DENIS, 21, Brunette, and MARCUS SIMPSON, 25, Mexican
American, lie in bed together. Jelissa looks over at Marcus.
She touches his face.
JELISSA
Everything is perfect. This
relationship is perfect. You are
perfect.
MARCUS
Thanks, babe.
Marcus places his hands behind his head. Jelissa stares at
him.
JELISSA
Well? Aren’t you going to say it
back?
MARCUS
Eh, I would.

4. 3.
JELISSA
You would?
MARCUS
(motions to hair)
Yeah. If only you were a blonde.
JELISSA
Um, what?
INT. PENELOPE’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
...Or realizing that everything
isn’t going to end up as peachy
keen as you may have initially
thought.
PENELOPE VASSALO, 20, Ethiopian American, drags a suitcase
into her room and tosses it onto her bed. She turns around
and spots TERRENCE JACKSON, 22, African American, hauling in
some boxes. He places them across the room and dusts off his
hands. Penelope throws back her wavy, black hair.
TERRENCE
Looks like we’re done here.
PENELOPE
Looks like it!
(jumps up and down)
O-M-G. You’re the best!
Penelope prances over to Terrence and starts draping her
arms around his neck. Terrance slowly eases himself away.
TERRENCE
(smiles nervously)
...No, no, no. I was serious about
being done here.
PENELOPE
(confused)
What? What do you mean?
TERRENCE
Pen, I’ve been trying to find the
right words for a long time.
(pauses)
I’m breaking up with you.
PENELOPE
...What?

5. 4.
INT. HUDSON DORM/FRONT DESK - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
As for me, the goal is just simply
to make it to my room without
anything going terribly wrong.
She eagerly walks up to the front desk. ADRIENNE HALL, 50,
Black American, looks up from her computer, clearly
irritated.
XANDRIA
Hi!
ADRIENNE
Hello. May I help you?
XANDRIA
Um, can I get my room key, please?
The name’s Xandria. Xandria Eduwa.
ADRIENNE
Slow your roll, Xandria. I got
this.
(looks at computer)
Uh...no, you can’t.
XANDRIA
No I can’t?
ADRIENNE
Yes, no you can’t.
XANDRIA
Um, I’m confused. What can I not
do?
ADRIENNE
Move in.
XANDRIA
What? Why?
ADRIENNE
It says right here that your
tuition hasn’t been paid in full
yet. You owe $5000. Why else?
XANDRIA
What?
FADE OUT
END COLD OPEN

6. 5.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. PARIS & XANDRIA’S ROOM - DAY
Xandria sits on top of her belongings, which have been
placed outside of her locked room. She stares at her phone,
video chatting with ANNALISA PAGE, 18, Black American.
ANNALISA
So, you can’t move in?
XANDRIA
Yup. I can’t move in. I owe the
university money already. I guess
I’m getting a head start on this
whole being-in-debt thing.
ANNALISA
That’s crazy.
XANDRIA
I know.
ANNALISA
How did that even happen?
XANDRIA
Who knows?
CUT TO:
INT. EDUWA HOUSEHOLD/LIVING ROOM - DAY
Caroline walks up to SUNNY EDUWA, 50, Nigerian, and hands
him a check.
CAROLINE
(thick accent)
Abeg, dahling, don’t forget to send
this to Xané’s school, okay?
Caroline walks away. Sunny looks at the check in awe.
SUNNY
(thick accent; whistles)
...Okay.
CUT TO:

7. 6.
INT. STRIP CLUB - NIGHT
Sunny waves an obscene amount of dollar bills around to the
back drop of something reminiscent of "Make It Rain" by
Travis Porter. He slaps a stripper in the ass with them.
SUNNY
Yes-o. I dey make it rain-o!
BACK TO:
EXT. PARIS & XANDRIA’S ROOM - DAY
ANNALISA
Are you sure the financial aid
office didn’t purposefully screw
you over?
XANDRIA
(sighs)
I’m sure. I checked with them after
the desk lady broke the news to me.
ANNALISA
Well damn. What the plan, then?
XANDRIA
I’m not sure, but I’ve got 24 hours
to do something to raise money or
they’re going to kick my ass out.
Annalisa opens her mouth to say something.
XANDRIA
And it can’t be illegal.
ANNALISA
Goddammit. That negates like
everything I was about to say.
(off Xandria’s look)
What? Look, if you want a serious
suggestion, I’d check whether that
Juicy J scholarship is still
running.
XANDRIA
You mean the twerking scholarship?
ANNALISA
Yeah. I mean, even if it’s over
with, you could always twerk on the
street somewhere. You’ve got more
ass that Miley, so you’re already
halfway there.

8. 7.
XANDRIA
...Thanks?
ANNALISA
Don’t mention it.
Xandria exhales. Just then, PARIS CLARK, 18, Jamaican, walks
past Xandria and stops in front of the door. She takes out a
key and unlocks it. Xandria squints at her, noticing her
lack of height.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Jesus Christ, she’s short.
XANDRIA
Um...who are you?
PARIS
I’m Paris. Who the hell are you?
XANDRIA
My name’s Xandria.
PARIS
Oh. You’re the weird girl Adrienne
was telling me about.
XANDRIA
I guess so?
PARIS
Anyways, I’d be happy to let you in
if need be.
XANDRIA
...Thanks.
Xandria keeps staring at her as she turns to open the door.
Paris turns back around after feeling Xandria’s eyes on her.
PARIS
What?
XANDRIA
It’s just--I was expecting you to
be a little...taller. But, you do
have a couple of inches on Peter
Dinklage, so I guess I can’t
complain.
Xandria covers her mouth with her hands.

9. 8.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
I did not just say that out loud.
PARIS
And there it is.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Yup. That just happened.
XANDRIA
Shit. I didn’t mean to--
PARIS
...You didn’t even last like thirty
seconds before you pointed it out.
XANDRIA
I apologize if--
PARIS
Save it. Have fun packing, bitch.
Paris flips her long hair back, slams the door behind her,
and locks it. Xandria sits back on her box and ends up
falling through it.
INT. AQILA’S ROOM - DAY
Aqila stares at her mom in disbelief.
FARAH
Why the long face, Jaani? I thought
you’d be happy.
AQILA
(mumbles)
Maybe if I was Norman Bates or some
shit.
FARAH
What?
AQILA
Nothing. I said nothing.
FARAH
All right, Jaani. I’m going to run
home and drop some stuff off. Do
you want me to bring you back
anything?

10. 9.
AQILA
(pained smile)
Yes, could you please bring me back
my balls?
FARAH
(laughs)
Oh, Jaani. You’re so silly.
Aqila stands there until Farah closes the door behind her.
She leaps onto her bed and screams into her pillow, her long
black hair falling around her face.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Terrence washes a bowl in the sink. Penelope stands off to
the side, crossing her arms and fighting back tears.
TERRENCE
Pen, it’s gonna be okay.
PENELOPE
No, it’s not!
TERRENCE
Pen, you might be overreacting just
a tad.
PENELOPE
Really? Really now? We were
together for like three years and I
was under the impression that we
were okay, you know? That we were
as perfect together as Justin
Bieber and Selena Gomez. So how am
I overreacting, exactly?!
TERRENCE
That was a horrible example.
PENELOPE
What was a horrible example?
TERRENCE
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.
They were literally like the worst
couple ever. Besides Taylor Swift
and literally everyone ever.
Horrible example. Horrible.

11. 10.
PENELOPE
(whines)
Are you saying that we aren’t
perfect for each other?
TERRENCE
Look, Penelope, it’s--
PENELOPE
--Not you, it’s me.
TERRENCE
(slowly)
...And I feel like--
PENELOPE
(mocks him)
--We should go our separate ways.
(normal voice)
You’re not the first jerk to break
up with me, Terrence.
TERRENCE
Seriously? I was trying to be nice
about this, but screw it. It’s not
me, Penelope. It’s actually you.
You’re selfish, needy, and clingy
as hell. And you know what? I can’t
take it anymore. I’m in grad
school, Pen. I don’t have time to
look after a lost ass puppy.
PENELOPE
(gasps)
I am not lost!
TERRENCE
...That’s the only part of that
insult that bothers you? Well then.
Seems like I’ve dodged a bullet.
I’m out, Pen.
Terrence throws the bowl back into the sink and starts to
exit.
PENELOPE
(yells after him)
I’ll show you! I don’t need you!
I’m not clingy or needy! I can get
on fine by myself.
Penelope stops yelling and realizes that she’s alone in the
kitchen. She looks back in Terrence’s direction and runs
after him.

12. 11.
PENELOPE
Wait! Don’t leave me in here alone!
INT. GAME ROOM - DAY
Jelissa plays pool as Marcus leans on the pool table,
looking at her. Jelissa is silent.
MARCUS
Come on, Jelissa. It was a joke.
JELISSA
(looks up)
It didn’t sound like a joke.
(looks down)
In fact, you sounded dead serious.
MARCUS
Okay. Maybe I was a little serious.
Jelissa slams the pool cue on the table.
JELISSA
Seriously, Marcus?!
MARCUS
What? I’m just sayin’! It’s been my
thing for a while now.
JELISSA
Why didn’t you say anything?!
MARCUS
There was no point. The food was
good. The sex was good. I figured
there was no point in ruining a
good thing.
JELISSA
But we’re not a great thing, are
we?
MARCUS
...I mean, we’d be a great thing if
someone was suddenlynblonder.
Jelissa crosses her arms and Marcus shrugs.
JELISSA
...Yeah, I don’t know about that.
Going blonde doesn’t work for
everyone. I mean, it didn’t work
for Angelina Jolie or Zooey
Deschanel or Anne Hathaway or--

13. 12.
MARCUS
Forget about all that. Just think
about it, babe.
Marcus exits. Jelissa runs her fingers through her
abnormally long, brown hair as she catches sight of a
pretty, blonde pin-up model on a nearby poster. The model
appears to be staring at her.
JELISSA
What are you looking at?
FADE OUT
END ACT ONE

14. 13.
ACT TWO
INT. HQ/COMMON SPACE - DAY
Xandria follows JILL CONNER, 21, dirty blonde, and REN
CHUNG, 22, Asian American, as they escort her around the
main common space.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Since I was locked out of my room
for opening my big-ass mouth, I
decided to get a tour of the place
from the RAs...who happened to be
unusually chipper for 9 in the
morning.
JILL
You’re going to LOVE it here!
REN
HELL YEAH. Hudson is probably the
best dorm you’re ever going to live
in.
XANDRIA
It’s probably the only dorm I’m
ever going to live in.
REN
What?
XANDRIA
Nothing.
The three walk past a GROUP OF PEOPLE sitting in front of a
big screen TV.
JILL
(motions to group)
Anyways, you’ve got your movie
buffs...
GIRL #1
I mean, I love J. Law and
everything, but she shouldn’t win
Best Actress for American Hustle.
Ren points to a nearby table full of PEOPLE.
REN
...your frat bros and frat gals...

15. 14.
GUY #1
Yo, so are you guys going to that
party down at AEPi this weekend?
Jill points to one corner full of PEOPLE.
JILL
...your theater kids...
GUY #2
Our show, ’Drowsy Chaperone’, just
got approved!
PEOPLE cheer. Ren points to the opposite corner.
REN
...your a cappella nuts.
A CAPPELLA GROUP
(singing)
"This school really sucks!"
The three of them walk toward a LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE
playing ’Smash Brothers’ on a series of TVs.
JILL
...your gamers...
GIRL #2
FUCK ME!!!!
(pauses)
OH, FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
Xandria’s eyes widen. Jill points at a GROUP OF EXITING
PEOPLE. They are decked out in sports gear.
JILL
...your pseudo-jocks...
JOCK GROUP
FOR THE GLORY OF HUDSON!
Ren points at a GROUP OF PEOPLE sitting on the floor.
REN
...your potheads...
GUY #3
(slowly)
Maaaaan, everything is awesome.

16. 15.
REN
...And your alcoholics.
He points at CROWD OF STUDENTS around the door.
GIRL #3
(drinks a beer; sobs)
Everything is awful!
JILL
(to girl)
HEY! PUT THAT AWAY!
The girl looks at her and runs off. Jill runs after her.
Just then, a visibly older student walks by. Xandria and Ren
stare at him.
XANDRIA
Who the hell is that?
REN
That’s Dave. He’s been here since
’98.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Well then.
REN
Anyways, if you have any questions
or need anything, Jill and I will
be around. Good luck!
XANDRIA
Thanks.
Ren walks off. Xandria sits on an unoccupied couch. TAQI,
18, Moroccan American, sits down next to her.
TAQI
(to Xandria)
OH HEY.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
And now there’s this guy.
XANDRIA
...Hi.
TAQI
I’m Taqi.

17. 16.
XANDRIA
I’m Xandria.
TAQI
Nice to meet you. Did you just move
in?
XANDRIA
...Yup.
TAQI
Oh. Where are you from?
XANDRIA
Tennessee. What about--
TAQI
(surprised)
Really? You’re much too pretty to
come from that hillbilly farmland.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Excuse me? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN
MEAN?
XANDRIA
Could you run that by me again?
TAQI
Oh, I said--
MALE VOICE
Yo, Taqi, Adrienne wants you.
Xandria and Taqi turn to see NICHOLAS HAIL, 18, Ginger,
standing there.
TAQI
Oh! Thanks, Nick.
NICHOLAS
Don’t mention it.
Taqi exits. Nicholas sits next to Xandria.
XANDRIA
Who was that asshole?
NICHOLAS
That’s Taqi. He’s as flaming as
they come.

18. 17.
XANDRIA
Ah. I’m Xandria. And you are...?
NICHOLAS
The name’s Nick. I’m your friendly,
gay, next-door neighbor.
XANDRIA
Didn’t expect you to lead with
that.
NICHOLAS
No one ever does.
Aqila enters the room. She looks over her shoulder and sits
down on a neighboring couch.
NICHOLAS
(to Aqila)
Aqila, say hi to Xandria.
AQILA
...Hey.
XANDRIA
(waves)
Hey.
Aqila nods as her phone rings. She silences it angrily.
XANDRIA
...Uh? You okay?
AQILA
No, not really.
Her phone rings again. She flips it over.
NICHOLAS
What’s wrong?
AQILA
So, my mother just invited herself
to come visit me every day here
until I’m no longer "lonely".
(pauses)
And on top of that, she’s been
calling me nonstop since she left.
XANDRIA
When’d she leave?

19. 18.
AQILA
Twenty minutes ago.
XANDRIA
Damn, girl.
NICHOLAS
Oh, honey.
AQILA
I know. This is complete bullshit
and I don’t even know what to do
about it.
Before Aqila can continue, Penelope and Jelissa enter.
PENELOPE
Oh my God, it’s people! Finally!
Penelope, sniffling profusely, sits on one side of Aqila
while Jelissa, her hair wrapped in tin foil, sits on the
other. Everyone takes turns staring at Penelope and Jelissa.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
What...the...hell am I going to be
living with?
XANDRIA
So, I’m just going to be that
asshole.
(to Jelissa)
Why are you wearing the tin foil
hat from ’Signs’?
(to Penelope)
And what is up with your ugly
crying? Who are you, Kim
Kardashian?
AQILA
(to Penelope; snaps)
YAAASSS! Please shut the fuck up
with all that crying!
Everyone stares at her. She clears her throat.
AQILA
...I’d say I was sorry, but I’m not
so...
JELISSA
(to Xandria)
...Anyways...screw you! I’m just
dying my hair, okay?

20. 19.
PENELOPE
(to Xandria; gasps)
How rude. My crying is not ugly!
XANDRIA
Whatever. I don’t even want to know
anymore. I’ve seen and heard enough
weird shit today.
(stands up)
I’ll see you guys later.
NICHOLAS
Where are you going?
XANDRIA
I’m going to twerk for my honor.
SFX: A record SCRATCHES.
Everyone in HQ stops what they’re doing to look at Xandria.
XANDRIA
...And by honor, I mean tuition?
Xandria backs away slowly and exits. Aqila silences her
phone yet again. Farah pops her head into HQ, holding up a
jug of milk.
FARAH
Look Jaani! I brought you milk.
AQILA
Kill my ass.
JELISSA
(touches tin foil hat)
Does anyone know if hair dye is
supposed to burn?
Penelope falls over on the couch and continues her ugly
crying. Nicholas looks at all of them.
NICHOLAS
I feel like there’s a story here.
FADE OUT
END ACT TWO

21. 20.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Even though the day had already
been weird enough, never mind me
being on my way to twerk for the
whole of Chicago, it was about to
get a bit weirder.
Xandria bounds down the hall, toward a set of stairs. Before
she reaches them, she and the adorable BROOK ANDREWS, 18,
Native American, crash into each other as he is exiting his
room. He drops the clothes basket he was holding. They both
crouch down to pick everything up.
XANDRIA
Oh, geez. I’m so sorry.
BROOK
It’s cool, don’t even--
(looks up at Xandria)
...worry about it.
Xandria throws a sock into the basket and stands up. Brook
joins her, glancing at her thoughtfully.
BROOK
(pauses)
I’m sorry; I didn’t catch your
name...?
XANDRIA
It’s Xandria.
BROOK
Nice. Mine’s Brook.
XANDRIA
Brook?
BROOK
Yeah.
XANDRIA
...Weird. Anyways, I’m sorry for,
like, body-checking you, but I’ve
gotta go.

22. 21.
BROOK
Whoa, wait a minute. Where are you
headed in such a hurry?
XANDRIA
I’m going to go twerk for my honor.
Brook blinks.
XANDRIA
Somehow, I thought that’d be
funnier the second time. Anyways,
gotta run. See ya!
BROOK
(stops Xandria)
Hold on. You’ve piqued my interest.
What’s with this twerking for your
honor bullshit?
Xandria stares at Brook.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Even though I’d just met this Brook
guy and I probably shouldn’t be
telling him my life’s story, there
was a chance that I’d be ass-out
tomorrow. So...
XANDRIA
Here’s the short version: I’ve got
to raise five thousand dollars
before tomorrow or I’m outta here.
So, I’d love to stay and chat, but
I gotta go.
Xandria starts running down the stairs. Brook leans over the
railing.
BROOK
(yells after Xandria)
Good luck!
XANDRIA (O.S.)
Thanks!
EXT. CHICAGO/STREETS - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
After running into Brook, I set out
to twerk and do many other random
things to help my cause.
SERIES OF SHOTS

23. 22.
A. Xandria twerks haphazardly in front of a GROUP OF PEOPLE.
They throw a couple of dollars in a nearby bucket.
B. Xandria plays a tune on a guitar in the subway. Badly.
Most PEOPLE ignore her. One PERSON throws a quarter at her
face.
C. Xandria attempts to pawn her jewelry at a pawn store. The
CASHIER shakes his head.
EXT. WATER TOWER PLACE - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
After I failed miserably at raising
even fifty bucks, I decided to go
the homeless route. So far, it was
working.
Xandria sits in front of a busy shopping mall, pretending to
be homeless. She wears a sign that reads: "Need money for
twerking lessons." Several people read the sign, laugh, and
dump cash into her bucket. A HOMELESS MAN with a long, white
beard walks up to her, crossing his arms. He clears his
throat. Xandria looks at him.
XANDRIA
Can I help you?
HOMELESS MAN
You’re in my spot.
XANDRIA
Oh please. Like it has your name on
it.
The homeless man points at the wall behind her. Xandria
turns and sees the name "BARNEY" etched into it.
XANDRIA
Huh. Whadduya know.
HOMELESS MAN
...Hey, I haven’t seen you around
this block before.
Xandria turns and pulls her scarf closer around her face.
XANDRIA
(nervous laugh)
Yeah, I’m kinda new here. Recently
fell on bad times, y’know?
Barney squints at her.

24. 23.
BARNEY
You’re not even homeless, are you?
XANDRIA
Nope, not at all.
INT. HQ - DAY
Farah shakes the jug of milk at the group as Aqila stands up
and walks toward her.
AQILA
Why are you holding a jug of milk?
FARAH
I thought my Jaani could use it.
You know, strong bones and all that
jazz.
AQILA
Mother, we need to talk.
(pauses)
Can you please go wait in my room?
FARAH
All right. Anything for my Jaani.
Farah exits. Aqila rolls her eyes and sits back down. A
blonde, PATRICIA STRATFORD, 20, struts her stuff as she
walks by. Jelissa glares at her.
JELISSA
What’s so great about blondes,
anyway?
NICHOLAS
I’m sensing some bitterness,
Jelissa. Do tell.
JELISSA
Well, it all started when my
bootyhead--
AQILA
--Bootyhead?
JELISSA
--My boyfriend. It all started when
he mentioned that I’d look better
blonde. Hence all the foil.

25. 24.
NICHOLAS
Ah...okay.
PENELOPE
(whining)
At least he cares enough to tell
you what’s up. Mine just up and
broke up with me out of the blue.
JELISSA
...Not sure that it was out of the
blue.
PENELOPE
I mean, all I wanted was for him to
call me every day, send good
morning, good afternoon, good night
texts; pick me up whenever I
wanted, cuddle with me a minimum of
seven times a week--
JELISSA
There are only seven days in a
week.
PENELOPE
I know.
AQILA
(whispers)
This bitch cray...
NICHOLAS
Sweetie, have you ever considered
that maybe, just maybe, you were
just a tad bit demanding? And
needy? And clingy?
PENELOPE
Demanding? Needy? Clingy? Nope, not
me.
JELISSA
Listen, doe-eyes, you drove your
man crazy with all your weird-ass
demands, and now he’s gone. So,
don’t act surprised, all right?
AQILA
Agreed. Please don’t act like this
is the break-up of the century.
You’re no Jennifer Aniston and I’d
bet my left ass cheek that he was
no Brad Pitt.

26. 25.
PENELOPE
(whines)
We were close.
JELISSA
(yells)
GET OVER IT.
PENELOPE
(taken a back)
Well, if this type of stuff comes
so easy to you, why are you letting
some dipshit tell you what you can
and can’t do with your hair, then,
huh?
JELISSA
(pauses)
That’s actually a good ass
question.
Aqila phone rings again. She picks it up and chucks it
across the room. She gets up.
AQILA
That is it! I’m going to go handle
my overbearing mother.
(to Jelissa and Penelope)
Have fun bitching about your stupid
problems and your equally stupid
men.
Aqila exits. Jelissa and Penelope look at each other.
EXT. WATER TOWER PLACE - DAY
Barney stares at Xandria, arms crossed.
XANDRIA
You know, I’ll give you back your
spot. Just as long as you don’t
call the cops.
BARNEY
Deal.
XANDRIA
--Awesome! I’ll just be leaving t--
BARNEY
--Wait. I want all your cash.

27. 26.
XANDRIA
What? Hell no. I’ve been making an
ass of myself all day for this
money. I’m not just going to hand
it over.
BARNEY
All day? Try being here in front of
this mall, every day, for five
years because the government keeps
cutting your veteran benefits. Then
come talk to me.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Well then. That escalated quickly.
Xandria picks herself up off the sidewalk and hands him the
bucket.
BARNEY
...Wait. You’re actually giving
this to me? Just like that?
XANDRIA
Yup. You need it more than I do.
It’s not enough anyways.
BARNEY
Not enough?
XANDRIA
(shoves hands into pockets)
Yeah. I needed to raise five
thousand dollars before tomorrow or
get kicked out of school. But as
you can see, that’s not $5,000;
so--
BARNEY
--Why don’t you just take some time
off and work to raise the money?
XANDRIA
I mean, I could do that. I was just
excited to start school, you know?
I didn’t expect any of this to
happen.
BARNEY
(smiles)
There are worser things than having
to wait a while to start school. I
mean, you could homeless. Like me!

28. 27.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
He sounded way too excited to say
that.
XANDRIA
...Yeah. I guess so.
Barney hands her the bucket.
BARNEY
Here. Buy yourself something nice.
XANDRIA
Thanks. You know, you’re a cool
dude, Barney.
BARNEY
No problem.
(serious; pulls out knife)
I just better not catch you in my
fucking spot again, capisce?
Xandria’s eyes widen.
INT. FRONT DESK - DAY
Xandria enters the dorm and walks up the the front desk.
XANDRIA (V.O.)
And so, I didn’t end up raising the
five thousand dollars like I
wanted, but I figured that I’d take
Barney’s advice and take some time
off to work.
XANDRIA
Hey Adrienne, do you know where I
can--
ADRIENNE
--Hold that thought.
Adrienne hands a key and a form to Xandria.
XANDRIA
Um? What is this?
ADRIENNE
Why you askin’ me stupid questions?
That’s the key to your room,
obviously.

29. 28.
XANDRIA
But I didn’t pay my--
ADRIENNE
(hand up)
--Uh uh uh. Don’t worry about all
that. It’s been paid already.
XANDRIA
What?
XANDRIA (V.O.)
College is really odd sometimes.
But, it does end up teaching you a
couple of useful things.
INT. PENELOPE’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
Like accepting who you are...
Penelope looks through at her phone, sifting through the
obscene amount of messages she and Terrence have shared over
the years. She hits the delete button and lies back down on
her bed, exhaling.
INT. JELISSA’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
...accepting who you aren’t...
Jelissa looks into a mirror, spotting her tin foil hat. She
tosses a bottle of blonde hair dye into the trash.
INT. AQILA’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
...And asserting your independence
so that you can grow into your own.
Aqila shakes her head at Farah. She takes the milk out of
Farah’s hand and tosses it into the trash can. She crosses
her arms.
INT. PARIS & XANDRIA’S ROOM - DAY
XANDRIA (V.O.)
As for me, however, I’ve learned
that sometimes, college likes to
throw curveballs at you and you’ve
just gotta learn to go with it.
Xandria hauls in the last of her belongings and sits on her
bed. Paris stands in a nearby mirror, trying on heels.

30. 29.
XANDRIA
(to Paris)
So Paris, I just wanted to--
PARIS
--apologize for being a stupid
asshole and insulting my most
obvious physical imperfection?
XANDRIA
...Yeah. That.
PARIS
It’s okay. You know, as long as I
get access to your heels for, like,
ever.
(shrugs; off Xandria’s look)
I have big feet.
XANDRIA
I guess so...?
Paris shrieks happily and dives into Xandria’s closet.
Meanwhile, someone slides a note under the door and Xandria
sees it at the last minute. She gets up and walks over to
it, picking it up.
It reads: "You’re Welcome" and features a blurred out check
for $5000.
PARIS
(from out of nowhere)
What the hell is that?
XANDRIA (V.O.)
..It’s the check that just saved my
college career.
XANDRIA
..It’s the check that saved my ass.
Xandria and Paris look at each other briefly before looking
back at the check.
FADE OUT
END ACT III

31. 30.
TAG
INT. HQ - DAY
Xandria, Aqila, Jelissa, Penelope, and Paris sit in HQ
hanging out and chatting. Jelissa’s hair is now bright
green. Nicholas points at it.
NICHOLAS
Care to explain?
JELISSA
(finger to lips)
Shhhh. Let’s not talk about it.
Nicholas shrugs. Brook enters and takes a seat next to
Xandria.
BROOK
Hey ’Fro.
XANDRIA
’Fro?
BROOK
Yup. That’s your new nickname.
XANDRIA
Alright. As long as you’re okay
with the nickname "Brooklyn".
BROOK
Touché. Anyways, judging by the
fact that you’re still here, it
looks like you got everything
straightened out.
XANDRIA
...Yeah. It’s actually a funny
story how it all worked out and...
Xandria’s voice trails off as Dave walks by, completely
naked. Everyone stares.
PARIS
...Happy move-in day?
Everyone looks at each other, shrugs, and laughs.
FADE OUT
END TAG