“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
WHAT IS ANGER??? Anger is a basic human emotion that is experienced by all people. Typically triggered by an emotional hurt, anger is usually experienced as an unpleasant feeling that occurs when we think we have been injured, mistreated, opposed in our long-held views, or when we are faced with obstacles that keep us from attaining personal goals.
The experience of anger varies widely; how often angeroccurs, how intensely it is felt, and how long it lasts aredifferent for each person. People also vary in how easilythey get angry (their anger threshold), as well as howcomfortable they are with feeling angry. Some people arealways getting angry while others seldom feel angry. Somepeople are very aware of their anger, while others fail torecognize anger when it occurs. Some experts suggestthat the average adult gets angry about once a day andannoyed or peeved about three times a day. Other angermanagement experts suggest that getting angry fifteentimes a day is more likely a realistic average. Regardless ofhow often we actually experience anger, it is a common andunavoidable emotion.
Anger can be constructive or destructive. When wellmanaged, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental healthor interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signalto you that something in your environment isn’t right. Itcaptures your attention and motivates you to take action tocorrect that wrong thing. How you end up handling the angersignal has very important consequences for your overallhealth and welfare, however. When you express anger, youractions trigger others to become defensive and angry too.Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Violencecan ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerousloose cannon whom no one wants to be around.
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS??? Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Hereare some easy steps towards forgiveness:Acknowledge your own inner pain.Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways withoutyelling or attacking.Protect yourself from further victimization.Try to understand the point of view and motivations ofthe person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship.Decide whether to remain in the relationship.Perform the overt act of forgiveness verbally or in writing.If the person is dead or unreachable, you can still writedown your feelings in letter form.
What Forgiveness Is Not…• Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did happen, and we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto the pain.• Forgiveness is not excusing. We excuse a person who is not to blame. We forgive because a wrong was committed.• Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors; nor is it condoning the behavior in the past or in the future.• Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.
Forgiving and letting go can be verydifficult challenges, but it’s even morestressful to hold on to grudges. There areseveral symbolic letting-go rituals that canhelp with the process. If you are havingtrouble forgiving someone else, write thema letter expressing all of your feelings andexplaining why you need to let go. Youdon’t need to mail that letter — it iscathartic just to write it all down. You canalso write down all of your excess“baggage” on a piece of paper and burn itor cast it into the sea in a bottle when youare ready to really let go
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violetsheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
Why Do I Need to Ask for Forgiveness???Forgive and forget – how many times have you heardthese phrases? Most people would say forgive those whohave hurt you and have done you wrong and just let go ofthe past. It is easy to say but much harder to do.Forgiving is not an easy task. Letting go of the thingsthat have caused you pain or suffering is not at all easy.Other people can forgive and forget easily but most havea hard time.
But no matter how hard it is, itis important to forgive.Forgiving is healthy and holdinggrudges will only leave yousuffering more. You are on thelosing side if you do not forgive.It may do you more harm thangood.Forgiving is one issue, askingfor forgiveness is anotherdifferent aspect of forgiveness.
A person who is sincerely ready to ask for forgiveness hasalready let go of any negative pride that may have dwelled in hisheart for a period of time. Sincerely asking for forgiveness nomatter whose fault it is, is very courageous and admirable. Justbecause it is not your fault does not necessarily mean youshould not ask for forgiveness. The other person may not beready to ask for forgiveness or to forgive so it your duty to takethe initiative and be the one to ask for forgives.
So why is it important to ask for forgiveness????Ask for forgiveness to help you physically. Holding a grudge or anger has beenproven unhealthy. It may cause health problems like cancer, hypertension and othercardiovascular diseases.Ask for forgiveness with an eye toward an emotionally healthy you. Not only isforgiving good for your physical well-being, it is also helpful in keeping you sane andaway from depression. Anger causes depression, anxiety and other negativeemotional thoughts and feelings.Ask for forgiveness for peace of mind. Being angry at somebody else does not giveyou a peace of mind and will always give you a feeling of uneasiness. Asking forforgiveness to those persons you have hurt or have hurt you will give you a sense ofliberation and relief.
Ask for forgiveness for a better you. The major benefactor of asking for forgiveness is not the person you have asked forgiveness of but it is you. You ask for forgiveness not just because of the other person but because you want to free yourself from anger, guilt and other negative feelings. You are not the one defeated here. You are actually making yourself a winner once you have asked for forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness to renew a relationship. Finding people to be friends or partners with in this world is a tough job. It may be difficult to find new people like the ones you have been angry with. Nurturing a relationship is tough and once that relationship is ruined with misunderstandings or quarrels, it is a big waste. Asking for forgiveness can rebuild those broken relationships. Ask for forgiveness to have a happier life ahead. Not forgetting the bad things that have happened in the past and keeping anger in your heart against those persons that you have acted negatively on or have hurt you, will not make you a completely happy person. In order to go on fully with life and face new challenges and experiences ahead, a person must let go of past anger. One can never be fully happy and satisfied if something keeps on bothering them like anger and guilt.
Now that you are convinced, that askingfor forgiveness is not only beneficial to theother person but for you as well, maybeyou are asking, okay how do you do it?Think about what really happened andreflect on the things that have caused youand the other person pain. Now organizeyour thoughts and think of all the thingsyou want to say to that person, how sorryyou are, and how you felt about thesituation.Swallow your pride and have the guts toask sincerely for forgiveness from thatperson. After that give that person time toreflect and think about what just happened.That person may or may not be ready toforgive you but what’s important is youalready did your part and that is the firststep in rebuilding your relationship witheach other.
Always remember that forgiving and asking for forgiveness are two of the mostimportant things that we should practice, as this will lead to a happier and morepeaceful life.Stress and Anger have always been related with each other. There have beencountless studies, even more theories, about stress and anger and how they relate.But, no matter how many studies are conducted, there will always be the questionsabout whether or not stress and anger are related. But, I am here to provide thefacts on both stress and anger, and then allow you, as the reader, to determine therelationship, because all-in-all, I feel that stress and anger can and cant be related,depending on the circumstanceIf psychologists completely understood how stress and fears developed, we wouldknow how to produce and reduce a phobia or an anxiety state. We dont. Thereseems to be a wide variety of life experiences which result in some form of stress,fear, anxiety, or psychosomatic illness. It would be convenient if life were simpler butit isnt.
Changes, such as sudden trauma, several big crises, or many small daily hassles,cause stress. Intense stress years earlier, especially in childhood, can predispose usto over-react to current stress. Events, such as barriers and conflicts that preventthe changes and goals we want, create stress. Having little control over our lives, e.g.being "on the assembly line" instead of the boss, contrary to popular belief, oftenincreases stress and illness. Many environmental factors, including excessive orimpossible demands, noise, boring or lonely work, stupid rules, unpleasant people,etc., cause stress. Conflicts in our interpersonal relationships cause stress directlyand can eventually cause anxieties and emotional disorders.The human body has different ways of responding to stress; one quick respondingnerve-hormonal system involving adrenaline, another long-lasting system involvingcortisol, and perhaps others. These systems not only determine the intensity of ouranxiety reactions but also our attitudes.