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The Four Agreements
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The Four Agreements

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Introduction to The Four Agreements by Ruiz: ...

Introduction to The Four Agreements by Ruiz:
"Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy and diminish our self-worth."
-Miguel Ruiz

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  • 1. The Four Agreements ® Made Practical
  • 2.
    • "Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy and diminish our self-worth."
    • -Miguel Ruiz
  • 3. The Four Agreements ®
    • Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
    • Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
    • Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
    • Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
  • 4. 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
    • Speak with integrity.
    • Say only what you mean.
    • Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.
    • Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
  • 5. Being Impeccable With Your Word Actions:
    • “ Your word can create the most beautiful dream or destroy everything around you.”
    • "The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby create the events in your life. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself. Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy. But making this agreement is difficult because we have learned to do precisely the opposite. We have learned to lie as a habit of our communication with others and more importantly ourselves. We use the word to curse, to blame, to find guilt, to destroy. Of course, we also use it in the right way, but not too often. Mostly we use the word to spread our personal poison -- to express anger, jealousy, envy, and hate. We must begin to understand what the word is and what the word does."
  • 6. Being Impeccable With Your Word Actions:
    • Impeccable from Latin: im (without) pecarre (sin)
    • Sin= anything that goes against yourself…judging and blaming yourself ..speaking ill of yourself…convincing yourself you can’t
    • Take responsibility for your actions without blaming
    • Be conscious of how you talk to yourself or use words against yourself: I’m fat, I'm old , I’m ugly, I’m failing, I’m stupid.
    • Be conscious of how we use words with others: Shouting “Shut up you have an ugly voice” to a child might have lasting effects…any opinion we hear and believe can be an agreement we hold against ourselves all our lives
    • Gossip is poison, a computer virus in life…you do not know a person’s motivation when they tell you gossip…some part of you believes even if you try not to listen…if you pass on the gossip you infect others with the virus…everyone touched by virus thinks less clearly…feels less confident…
    • Being impeccable with the word we will clean our minds and lives, give ourselves immunity to other peoples negative words (we just do not hear them…we only hear the good stuff…the love)
    • The only way to make a new agreement is to embrace the truth
  • 7. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally
    • Nothing others do is because of you.
    • What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
    • When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
  • 8. Not Taking Anything Personally
    • "Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me."
    • We think we are responsible for everything. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.
    • When you take things personally, then you feel offended [when someone insults you], and your reaction is to defend your beliefs. You have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong.
    • Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.
    • Don't take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.
    • When you make it a strong habit not to take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life. Your anger, jealousy, and envy will disappear. Even sadness disappears. You can break agreements with suffering and make yourself free.
    • Write this agreement on paper, and put it on your refrigerator to remind you all the time: Don't take anything personally."
  • 9. 3. Don't Make Assumptions
    • Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
    • Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
    • With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
  • 10. Not Making Assumptions
    • "We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.
    • We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking -- we take it personally -- then we blame them. We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict.
    • Even if we hear something and we don't understand, we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions.
    • When we believe something, we assume we are right about it to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position.
    • The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear.
    • If you don't understand, ask.
    • Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be, and even then do not assume you know all there is to know about a given situation. Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable. Don't make assumptions. Just saying this sounds easy, but I understand it is difficult to do because we so often do exactly the opposite."
  • 11. Not Making Assumptions Actions:
    • “ In any kind of relationship we can make the assumption that others know what we think, and we don’t have to say what we want. They are going do what we want because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we want, what we assume they should do, we feel hurt and think, ‘How could you do that? You should know.’ Again, we make the assumption that the other person knows what we want. A whole drama is created because we make this assumption and then put more assumptions on top of it.”
    • “… we have a fear of being ourselves around others…because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves.”
    • “ Also, find your voice to ask for what you want. Everybody has the right to tell you no or yes, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everybody has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.”
  • 12. 4. Always Do Your Best
    • Your best is going to change from moment to moment;
    • it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
    • Under any circumstance, simply do your best,
    • and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
  • 13. Always Doing Your Best
    • "The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three. Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.
    • Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything. It is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy.
    • When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward. Most people do exactly the opposite: They only take action when they expect a reward, and they don't enjoy the action. And that's the reason they won't do their best.
    • When you do your best, you learn to accept yourself. But you have to be aware and learn from your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes means you practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing. This increases your awareness. By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time."
  • 14. Always Doing Your Best Actions:
    • When you overdo you deplete your body and mind and go against yourself
    • If you do your best you will not judge yourself
    • You must take action on your ideas or your best ideas will become nothing
    • Taking action is being truly alive and expressing your dream
    • Hiding in watching tv instead of taking action you are not doing your best
    • Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and causes self pity and suffering
    • You must live right now simply because you are alive
    • Say yes when you want to say yes no when you want to no…
    • Do your best (you do not to be a great genius) you need to be YOUR best
    • You will not follow the four agreements perfect, but you can do your best
    • You become expert at doing your best by practicing doing your best
    • Honor your body and you honor your soul and mind…exercise, eat, enjoy your body