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Food Lion
- 1. Food Lion? By Martiii
- 2. Hello, lady! Welcome to Food Lion! Can I help you with anything? >>Yes, where is your dog food aisle? >>No thanks. I’m just here to buy a candy bar.
- 3. Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. We only sell cat food…would you like to buy some? >>No…I don’t have a cat. >>You guys don’t carry dog food? That’s odd! Why not? Cat food
- 4. That’s all? Just a candy bar? Why don’t you buy some dog food, too? >>No…I only want a candy bar. >>Okay…I guess my dog could use some food…
- 5. Would you like to BUY a cat? >>No…I’m allergic! >>Wait…you sell cats, but you don’t sell dog food?
- 6. Dogs are gay! Okay? Jesus! Will you just buy something, already?! >>What?! Are you insane?! Let me speak to your manager! >>All I want is a candy bar! Where might I find one?
- 7. Please buy something. I could really use the money! I want to buy a baby! >>No thanks…just a candy bar! >>Well as sad as that story is…I STILL only want a candy bar!
- 8. Crap in a bag! What is it with you and candy bars lady?! That’s why you’re so fat! >>What?! Don’t call me fat, you stupid Jew! Let me speak to your manager! >>Gosh! You’re mean! You make me sad on the inside!
- 9. Hey! You’ll sneeze a little bit? So what?! Buy the kitty! >>No way! I’m allergic! And it’s really rude of you to jeopardize a customer just for a sell! >>What?! Are you crazy?! I could die! Let me speak to your manager!
- 10. >>Yes! He’s completely psycho! And so is the rest of the Food Lion employees as far as I can tell! >>Yes! He’s scary! Let’s go over there and talk about him behind his back! Hello ma’am! I’m from Bi~Lo! Is this man bothering you?
- 11. >>That crazy man yelled at me because I wouldn’t buy what HE wanted me to buy! He’s really mean! >>I don’t know! That crazy man just freaked out on me! He’s acting psychotic! Help me! Alright…so what seems to be the problem?
- 12. >>Oh no! Not you too! I’m getting out of here! >>What?! Kitty cat?! Are you kidding me?! Get me out of here! Ahhhhhhh! Well how about you come to Bi~Lo and buy a kitty cat! That’ll make you feel better! Right, fatso?!
- 13. >>Oh my God! Everybody has gone crazy! Get out of my way you bald-headed weirdo! >>What?! Dinosaur puppet?! Are you crazy, too?! Ahhhhhh! Hello, ugly freak lady! I’m from Winn Dixie! Would you like to buy a dinosaur puppet?
- 14. >>Ahhh! More crazy grocerie store people! Ahhhhh! >>Shut your face, cue ball! Ahhhhhhhhh! Hello, you hermaphroditic retard! I’m from Piggly Wiggly! Come to our store and buy a chocolate covered flashlight!
- 15. >>No! No! Shut up! I’m not buying any of these things! Move! >>Ahhh! You’re a loony! Somebody help me! Hey there, monkey-face! I’m from IGA! Come to our store and buy a tube sock full of locusts!
- 17. Oh! My leg is broken! Ouch! Ahhhhh!
- 18. Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff! Buy stuff!
- 19. This has been a paid advertisement for Harris Teeter!