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Essential Consultants Presentation to Novartis
1. Understanding the Trump Administration:
Insightful guidance developed exclusively for:
Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
2. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
Donald J. Trump is still the
President of the United States.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
3. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
You guys make pills.
That’s a good racket.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
4. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
Donald Trump doesn’t need any pills,
because he’s the healthiest man
who ever lived. A real doctor said so.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
5. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
But tons of people do need pills.
So based on my vast experience in
pharmaceuticals, I recommend that you
make even more pills than you’re making now.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
6. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
But give them better names.
No more of “Levitrox” or “Amberu.”
People want simple, exciting names –
like “Feel Good Red Pill” or
“Yowza Yowza Tablets.”
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
7. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
Also, charge more for the pills.
If people really need them, they’ll pay.
=
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
8. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
But don’t charge too much
or they’ll crucify you like they did
that cute little pharma boy, Marty.
He was a good kid.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
9. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
A lot of drug companies are making
money by selling erection pills.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
10. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
DONALD TRUMP HAS ABSOLUTELY
NO PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
IN THIS AREA.
11. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
In fact, his doctor has been begging him
for years to get a manhood reduction
out of concern for his partners’ safety.
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
12. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
But the President has refused due to
concerns that liberals would use that to try
and get rid of the Second Ammendment.
(I’m not sure how those correlate exactly,
but it sounded true when he said it.)
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
13. Essential Consultants
insightful insights and definitely not a slush fund
Understanding the Trump Administration: A Presentation for Novartis
Your 5 Cornerstones for Success:
(1) make penis pills
(2) lots of them
(3) funner names
(4) charge a lot
(5) keep me on retainer