2. Goal: To provide handles for
addressing the “difficult” in
ourselves and each other
Objectives:
At the end of this session, participants will
be able to:
-Discuss prototypes of difficult persons
-Describe how such persons may reflect us
-Explain ways to interact with different
people for optimal progress
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7. Faces of the “Difficult”
www.picsearch.com
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8. Mirrors of the “Difficult”
• Myself • Stereotypes
• Hierarchy vs
• Family “lower” archy
• “Just something”
• Not a people
person • Other
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9. Can’t We All Get Along?
• Blinkman and Kirschner
• Bramson
• Crowder
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11. For Further Reading
• Bakke, Dennis. Joy at Work: A Revolutionary Approach to
Fun on the Job. Seattle, WA: PVG, 2005.
• Benjamin, Susan. Perfect Phrases for Dealing with
Difficult People. New York: McGraw Hill, 2007.
• Bramson, Robert. Coping with Difficult People. Dell. 1988.
• Brinkman, Rick and Richard Kirschner. Dealing with
Difficult People. New York: McGraw Hill, 2006.
• Jones, Laurie Beth. Teach Your Team to Fish: Using
Ancient Wisdom for Inspired Teamwork. New York:
Crown Business, 2002.
• Lucado, Max. Dealing with Difficult People. Thomas
Nelson, 2007.
• Maxwell, John C. Be a People Person: Effective
Leadership Through Effective Relationships. Colorado
Springs: Cook Communications, 2007.
• Swenson, Richard. Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical,
Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives.
Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2003.
Crowder 6/2008
Thanks: Tameika, Evelyn and you for being here. Women’s Development Week Who’s in the room: Company 1 year; over 5, 10, 20? Supervisors? Team Leaders? Managers? Admin Asst? Mid-level? Why here? My background: Professor-students-personalities-grades-required, but unwanted classes; Pastor- church is for everybody; people have different reasons for coming to church and want all of their needs met; Person- customer/consumer; also was telemarketer; Parent- by children-don’t mess with them. Have been that difficult one or encountered that person
Go over goal/obj. So who are these difficult, hard to get along, hate to see them coming, don’t want to talk to people? Why is it some can get along with him/her, but I can’t? What makes them so difficult? Behavior, demeanor, dress, smell Everyday people; we tend to objectify/label; but they/we are humans behind those strong or not so strong personalities. Let’s look at some “faces” of the difficult; faces we tend to label and even caricature
This begins 1 st of 5 slides with “Faces”; comments are on the last slide.
Who are these people? Names for them: Pushy/bossy/know it all 2. Think they know it all 3. Yes/over-committed person 4. Maybe 5. No, no, no- dark side of everything-negative 6. Complainer 7. Sabotages/bombs/shooting arrows- comments, inappropriate humor 8. Aggressive/tantrum person/hot head 9. Always cheery/happy go lucky/talky talky Know this person(s)? Difficult for everybody or just you?How do you normally handle such a person? (Share from averagebro.blogspot.com- Have someone read the scenario? Then we discuss the answers given from the blog. Notice these answers just pertain to one scenario: talkative/chatty co-worker. There are certainly diff approaches depending on the different personalities. We will come back to this “different” idea. We began with the broad picture of prototypes of difficult persons- external-objective approach. In addition, I think it is important to look at ourselves (next slide)
Perhaps people are difficult, hard to deal with. Perhaps they remind us of some aspect of our own lives/ experiences/ failures Is it just me? Am I the one being difficult?
If by chance we conclude that “No it’s really not me” so then what do we do about “this hard to encounter”person? (Q and A) 1. Nothing 2. Avoid 3. Walk Away 4. Change Attitude 5. Change Behavior Rick Blinkman and Richard Kirschner- Dealing with Difficult People. New York: McGraw Hill, 2006 – Assess our own communication- voice, tone, facial expressions, body language- signs, symbols and suggestions- for the sake of “blending” and “redirecting”- Blending- finding common ground- point of contact-how we are similar; then Redirecting- taking the conversation to its desired end/goal- refocusing the energy for the sake of the outcome; not getting caught in web of “the difficulty” Bramson, Robert. Coping with Difficult People . Dell. 1988. CLASSIC WORK ON THIS TOPIC Coping- contend with person on equal terms; meet them where they are; knowledge anger, frustration, need to talk, for attention, to complain. Similar to Blinkman/Kirschner’s “blending” –make a connection for the sake of communication and achievement i.e. report to write and need this person’s portion; group project and this person has expertise… Crowder- Begin with self- how are you feeling today? Happened before work? Last night? Are you harboring presuppositions about this person based on someone else’s experiences? Objectivity? Subjectivity? Put self in person’s shoes- why the anger (no promotion)? Why complain (at home no one listens or lives alone)? Talkative? Over commit/yes (need for affirmation)? May be some people just not know they are that way- give them the benefit of the doubt Communication- with Blinkman/Kirschner-signals Turn – to + Not difficult, but different (perceiving, communicating, worldview- relationships, power, gender, money); Not deficient, not difficult, different, unique, special (church lady- SNL) Must do whatever it takes for the sake of your own productivity, performance, progress, peace of mind- This is your career; this is your life- promotions, evaluations, many hours, days of your life ----Golden Rule- Confucius-6 th BCE; Herodotus-Greek-5thBCE- Jewish writers; Bible Matt 7.12- Do unto others as would have them do to you. TELL BOSS –ME OR TED- HAS TO GO!!
