Launched in the United States in 1969, Tic Tac is one of the market's leading breath mints. The Tic Tac product line is owned by one of the largest confectionary companies in the world, the Ferrero Group, which has 36 operating companies, 15 factories, and almost 20,000 employees worldwide. The Tic Tac line is sold around the world, with dominant markets in Italy, Australia, Ireland, England, France, Germany, South America, and North America.
In 1969, the catchy jingle "Put a Tic Tac in your mouth and get a BANG out of life!" was a huge success for the company. In the 1970s, the tiny white mints were joined by the first line extension of cinnamon-flavored red mints. This was followed closely by the next extension--tangerine-flavored orange mints. The product was repositioned in 1980 as "The 1 1/2 Calorie Breath Mint" so as to fit the growing health craze in the United States, and wintergreen and spearmint flavors were also added to the line. With a strong line of breath mints, the company began to make Tic Tac into an icon with its little flip-top packaging. The product's 25th birthday was celebrated in Times Square (New York) with a cake made with thousands of Tic Tac packages, and a lime flavor was also introduced. Ferraro introduced Tic Tac Bold! mints in the early 2000s, along with mixed fruit flavors.
Tic Tac enjoyed its position as the number one breath mint in the United States. It was around this time that Altoids, the "curiously strong" mints in the metal container from Callard & Bowser-Suchard, overtook Tic Tac for the lead position in the mint marketplace. Other breath mint competitors (Everest, Cool Chews, Icefresh, Blitz, Ice Chips, Cool Blast, Ice Breakers) were also entering the market. All the while, the packaging icon remained consistent. However, in 2008, the Ferrero Group decided to modernize the Tic Tac brand, introducing Tic Tac Chill with new packaging.
The Chill mints are larger than the traditional Tic Tac mint and are the first Tic Tac mint to be completely sugar-free. The mints are sweetened with xylitol, an all-natural sweetener that has proven popular with people following diabetic diets. In introducing the new Chill mint, Tic Tac tapped into two fast-growing product segments in the U.S. mint marketplace--sugar-free and strong flavoring. Both of these products segments have experienced keen interest from consumers. Not only did Tic Tac introduce new flavors--Paradise Mint and Exotic Cherry--and new mint sizing, the Chill mint was introduced in a new package--new packaging that maintained the iconic nature of the original packaging.
Tic Tac Chill mints are available in a dual-use package. The pack is the familiar Tic Tac see-through, flip-top packaging. Yet, it also has a new, wide slide-top opening that enables one-handed access. The target market for Tic Tac Chill is consumers in the 25- to 45-year-old age group. The product is positioned as recognizing that consumers in this age group rarely take the time to ...
Launched in the United States in 1969, Tic Tac is one of the market.docx
1. Launched in the United States in 1969, Tic Tac is one of the
market's leading breath mints. The Tic Tac product line is
owned by one of the largest confectionary companies in the
world, the Ferrero Group, which has 36 operating companies, 15
factories, and almost 20,000 employees worldwide. The Tic Tac
line is sold around the world, with dominant markets in Italy,
Australia, Ireland, England, France, Germany, South America,
and North America.
In 1969, the catchy jingle "Put a Tic Tac in your mouth and get
a BANG out of life!" was a huge success for the company. In
the 1970s, the tiny white mints were joined by the first line
extension of cinnamon-flavored red mints. This was followed
closely by the next extension--tangerine-flavored orange mints.
The product was repositioned in 1980 as "The 1 1/2 Calorie
Breath Mint" so as to fit the growing health craze in the United
States, and wintergreen and spearmint flavors were also added
to the line. With a strong line of breath mints, the company
began to make Tic Tac into an icon with its little flip-top
packaging. The product's 25th birthday was celebrated in Times
Square (New York) with a cake made with thousands of Tic Tac
packages, and a lime flavor was also introduced. Ferraro
introduced Tic Tac Bold! mints in the early 2000s, along with
mixed fruit flavors.
Tic Tac enjoyed its position as the number one breath mint in
the United States. It was around this time that Altoids, the
"curiously strong" mints in the metal container from Callard &
Bowser-Suchard, overtook Tic Tac for the lead position in the
mint marketplace. Other breath mint competitors (Everest, Cool
Chews, Icefresh, Blitz, Ice Chips, Cool Blast, Ice Breakers)
were also entering the market. All the while, the packaging icon
remained consistent. However, in 2008, the Ferrero Group
decided to modernize the Tic Tac brand, introducing Tic Tac
Chill with new packaging.
The Chill mints are larger than the traditional Tic Tac mint and
are the first Tic Tac mint to be completely sugar-free. The mints
2. are sweetened with xylitol, an all-natural sweetener that has
proven popular with people following diabetic diets. In
introducing the new Chill mint, Tic Tac tapped into two fast-
growing product segments in the U.S. mint marketplace--sugar-
free and strong flavoring. Both of these products segments have
experienced keen interest from consumers. Not only did Tic Tac
introduce new flavors--Paradise Mint and Exotic Cherry--and
new mint sizing, the Chill mint was introduced in a new
package--new packaging that maintained the iconic nature of the
original packaging.
Tic Tac Chill mints are available in a dual-use package. The
pack is the familiar Tic Tac see-through, flip-top packaging.
Yet, it also has a new, wide slide-top opening that enables one-
handed access. The target market for Tic Tac Chill is consumers
in the 25- to 45-year-old age group. The product is positioned
as recognizing that consumers in this age group rarely take the
time to just relax or "chill." The product rollout was
accompanied by an online campaign in which the first 50,000
visitors to the www.TicTacUSA.com Web site could choose
four free downloads from 20 different "chill" songs. The first
1,000 visitors also received the added bonus of free Tic Tac
Chill mints. With new flavors and new packaging, the goal is to
modernize the brand while giving it a personality.
QUESTION
The Tic Tac case deals with product decisions. The breath mint
market has had an explosion of offerings in recent years, which
has caused Tic Tac management to consider new packaging for
the product. You have been hired to guide Ferrero management
in making the packaging decision. In your recommendation you
should address the following questions:
1. What are the benefits and risks of changing the packaging of
the Tic Tac product?
2. Profile the Tic Tac consumer.
3. If Ferrero were to research changing Tic Tac packaging, how
should they test the ideas?
Develop a response that includes examples and evidence to
3. support your ideas, and which clearly communicates the
required message to your audience. Organize your response in a
clear and logical manner as appropriate for the genre of writing.
Use well-structured sentences, audience-appropriate language,
and correct conventions of standard American English.
Writer's Model
Rubric
Writing Prompt
Writer's Model
Rubric
MY Tutor®
Tic Tac
Latoiya Foster
Started: Dec 30, 2016
Submitted: Dec 31, 2016
Points Earned: 19
Essay
1.
“Change is the only constant”, which says the company should
keep on changing the variants and test of its consumers to gain
traction of old as well new consumers on board. However, the
company might need to face challenges or risk for changing the
package for Tic Tac product because the company’s existing
consumers are quite familiar with the current packaging. As a
result, they are likely to switch to other products in case they
won’t find the same style and design going forward.
2.
The product is primarily targeted to the youngsters within a
range of 25-35 years. However, it is not necessary that its target
consumers fall only within this range, the target consumers may
change in case if the product is changing its variance,
packaging, and test.
3.
The company needs to conduct a market research based on the
4. package, which the company is planning to roll out in the
market. In this research, the company needs to give away free
samples to its existing consumers in order to determine whether
the new package is actually fitting the right consumers.
1.
“Change is the only constant”, which says the company should
keep on changing the variants and test of its consumers to gain
traction of old as well new consumers on board. However, the
company might need to face challenges or risk for changing the
package for Tic Tac product because the company’s existing
consumers are quite familiar with the current packaging. As a
result, they are likely to switch to other products in case they
won’t find the same style and design going forward.
2.
The product is primarily targeted to the youngsters within a
range of 25-35 years. However, it is not necessary that its target
consumers fall only within this range, the target consumers may
change in case if the product is changing its variance,
packaging, and test.
3.
The company needs to conduct a market research based on the
package, which the company is planning to roll out in the
market. In this research, the company needs to give away free
samples to its existing consumers in order to determine whether
the new package is actually fitting the right consumers.
MY Tutor® Feedback
Focus
Content
Organization
Language
Mechanics
Revision Goal 1
:
Establish and maintain a controlling idea or bottom line
throughout the document in order to achieve the purpose
established in your writing prompt
5. .
1
. Re-read your document. Find a sentence that you could use as
the controlling idea or bottom line of your document. You may
also write a new sentence if you wish.
Example
: Thomas's document jumps from one idea to another, but once
he reads it again, he finds the sentence he wants to use as a
controlling idea:
"Telecommuting has economic benefits for employers and
employees."
2
. Once you have your controlling idea, highlight all the areas in
your document that are on track with your controlling idea or
bottom line.
Example
: Thomas finds a few sentences that are on track with his
controlling idea, including these:
"Telecommuting allows a business to operate in a smaller space
since some of its employees will be working from home."
"Telecommuting gives people who are disabled or challenged
or non-traditional greater access to employment."
3
. Integrate key words from your controlling idea into your
supporting details. In addition, use transitional expressions to
connect your thoughts.
Example
: Thomas still has to make sure that the ideas in his document
are connected, so he uses key words from his controlling idea as
well as transitional expressions to connect his thoughts:
"An economic benefit of telecommuting is that it allows a
business to operate in a smaller space since some of its
employees will be working from home. Similarly, disabled,
challenged, or non-traditional employees benefit economically
by gaining greater access to employment."
Revision Goal 2
6. :
Understand and connect with the intended audience
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight sentences that demonstrate
a lack of adaptation to the audience.
Example
: Alicia reads her document and finds a couple of sentences that
she realizes would make smokers angry and non-cooperative,
definitely not the purpose of the document:
"Smoking is bad for you. The management of XYZ company is
no longer going to support it."
2
. Pay attention to the audience's knowledge, needs, beliefs,
and/or feelings.
Example
: Alicia has to do a lot of work to revise the above sentence.
Notice how the sentences below show empathy and respect for
all involved while still maintaining management's authority:
"The management team at XYZ company acknowledges how
difficult it is to quit smoking, despite the health benefits of
doing so. As we evaluate the smoking policy and health care
coverage in regard to smoking cessation programs, we will
consider the rights and responsibilities of all employees -- those
who smoke, those who are trying to quit, and those who do not
smoke."
Revision Goal 1
:
Offer details that support your ideas
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight one or two ideas that can be
further developed or expanded.
Example
: Michelle finds this sentence in her document:
"All presenters should know who their audience is."
7. She realizes that she needs to add details to her idea.
2
. Brainstorm details such as reasons, explanations, facts, or
arguments that can support each idea.
Example
: Michelle brainstorms, focusing on reasons that presenters
should know who their audience is:
"Make presentation on technology relevant to audience."
"Assess what applications audience may already know."
"Pay attention to diversity of audience; for example, seniors
versus fifth graders."
3
. Now incorporate some or all of the supporting details you
brainstormed into your document.
Example
: Michelle adds minor details and uses transitional expressions
to incorporate two of the supporting details she brainstormed
into her document:
"All presenters should know who their audience is in order to
make their presentation relevant to the audience. For instance,
in planning a presentation on emerging technology, the speaker
assesses that a group of fifth graders will understand new, slang
technology terms more readily than an audience of 60 to 80-
year-olds will."
Revision Goal 2
:
Use business concepts and terms in your document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight at least two areas where you
can include relevant business concepts or terms.
Example
: Andre finds a supporting point in his document that he decides
he can express in more business-like terms:
"The people showed they were bored by not paying attention to
the speaker."
8. 2
. Brainstorm three business concepts or terms that you can
include in your document.
Example
: Andre brainstorms business terms that relate to the idea he
presents in his sentence:
"Nonverbal behavior."
"Audience, presenter."
3
. Now incorporate these concepts or terms into your document.
Example
: Andre adds minor details to the business terms he
brainstormed and incorporates the terms into his sentence:
"The audience displayed numerous nonverbal messages--
yawning, texting, and checking the time--demonstrating that
they were not paying attention to the presenter."
Revision Goal 1
:
Establish and maintain a controlling idea or bottom line
throughout the document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight sentences that could serve
as the controlling idea or bottom line. You may also write a new
sentence if you wish.
Example
: Dan's document jumps from one idea to another, but once he
reads it again, he finds the sentence he wants to use as a
controlling idea:
"Adopting our free and open source software (FOSS) will
greatly benefit your teen youth group."
2
. Now that you have the controlling idea or bottom line of your
document, brainstorm support for it. This support will become
the bottom line or controlling idea of the paragraphs in your
document.
9. Example
: Dan can think of three ways that adopting the FOSS can
benefit a teen youth group. The first is cost. Open source
software is by definition free. In addition, open source software
is customizable, so with some training, the youth group could
customize software to fit their needs. If they did so, they could
even teach the teens they help to customize the software, giving
those teens a valuable job skill. Dan also realizes that he will
have to write an introduction that explains the concept of "free
and open source" in case the youth group organizers are not
aware of it.
3
. For each paragraph, brainstorm at least three supporting
details.
Example
: Dan decides to start with the cost. He brainstorms the
following supporting details:
"Other operating systems charge hundreds of dollars in
licensing fees.
"FOSS is free."
"Technical support for FOSS is free as well, provided by
thousands of volunteers."
4
. Integrate key words from your controlling idea into your
supporting details. In addition, use transitional expressions to
connect your thoughts.
Example
: Dan now has to take the ideas he brainstormed and turn them
into a paragraph that will fit into his document. This is what he
writes:
"Adopting our free and open source software (FOSS) will save
your teen youth group thousands of dollars a year in licensing
fees you would have to pay to a mainstream company. FOSS, on
the other hand, is free, and so is our technical support, which is
provided by thousands of knowledgeable volunteers."
Revision Goal 1
10. :
Accentuate the positive and de-emphasize the negative in your
document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all words and phrases that
sound negative such as
do not, no, stop
, and
not
, as well as words that convey a negative, unpleasant, or
disagreeable tone such as
unfortunately, cannot, unable to, problem, difficult, error, loss,
failure
, or
regret
.
Example
: Kiara focuses on these sentences, which have two negative
words sure to upset customers:
"We do not ship from our central warehouse. You can only pick
up your purchases at our downtown store."
2
. Revise your document to accentuate the positive and de-
emphasize the negative:
Example
: Kiara revises her sentences to focus on what can be done.
Doing this helps to make the tone of her document positive:
"Your purchases can be picked up at our downtown store, which
offers free parking on the south side of the building. In
addition, you may contact our downtown store by fax, email, or
phone to arrange for shipping."
Revision Goal 2
:
Use active voice
.
11. 1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all sentences that use
passive voice.
Example
: Wendy reads her document and finds several sentences in the
passive voice, including this one:
"Several family-friendly policies were implemented."
2
. Revise those sentences so that they are in the active voice.
Example
: Wendy realizes that she needs to know who implemented the
policies before she can write the sentence in the active voice.
She reads her document again and sees that the Human
Resources and Management team implemented the policies, so
Wendy revises her sentence like this:
"The Human Resources and Management team implemented
several family-friendly policies."
Revision Goal 3
:
"Omit needless words." -- Strunk and White
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all wordy sentences.
Example
: Kyle reads his document, and one of the sentences he
highlights is this:
"Lacking all sense of responsibility, Tadd chose to personally
abandon the project."
2
. Revise all highlighted sentences.
Example
: Kyle revises his sentence like this:
"Irresponsibly, Tadd chose to personally abandoned the
project."
His revision is clearer than the original, shorter, and contains
the same information.
Revision Goal 4
12. :
Correct fragment errors
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all sentence fragments.
Example
: Donna highlights these passages in her document:
"I revised the quarterly estimate. Even though I did not have to
do so."
"Cost overruns in pest control and advertising."
2
. Revise fragments by combining fragments with other sentences
or providing a subject and a verb for the sentence fragment.
Example
: Donna revised those passages like this:
"I revised the quarterly estimate even though I did not have to
do so." These two clauses belonged together since separately,
the second one was a fragment.
"XYZ Company had cost overruns in pest control and
advertising." Donna added a subject and a verb to this idea to
turn it into a complete sentence.
Revision Goal 5
:
Correct run-on errors
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all run-on errors.
Example
: Jeff highlights this passage in his document:
"The development of the report took more time than the
committee had initially expected thus the report was finalized
and offered for review on January 12, 2011, due to a heavy
work load during the first part of every year, so the committee
will need a little more time to complete the quality review that
the report deserves."
2
13. . Revise run-ons by identifying sentences and placing periods at
the end of them.
Example
: Jeff realizes that untangling this run-on will take some work,
so he rereads it slowly and out loud, looking and listening for
the end of each sentence. This is how he revises that passage:
"The development of the report took more time than the
committee had initially expected. Thus the report was finalized
and offered for review on January 12, 2011. Due to a heavy
work load during the first part of every year, the committee will
need a little more time to complete the quality review that the
report deserves."
Revision Goal 1
:
Follow these steps to improve your use of mechanics and
conventions
.
Use the MY Editor feedback to improve your understanding of
mechanics and conventions.
1
. Pay attention to the specific feedback that MY Editor gives
you as you compose and edit your document. Begin by revising
any spelling or punctuation errors you have committed. Then
run MY Editor again to reexamine any remaining grammar
errors that remain.
2
. Write down the terms used in the feedback.
3
. Study the terms that came up most often.
4
. When you master your understanding of a particular term,
move on to a new one.
Network to improve your understanding of mechanics and
conventions.
1
. Start or join a small, serious study group on the topic of
14. mechanics and conventions.
2
. Ask your instructor to recommend other resources to help you
master mechanics and conventions.
When you rewrite your document, pay attention to your
sentences to avoid errors in mechanics and conventions.
1
. Place a period at the end of each of your complete
thoughts/sentences.
2
. Place the subjects of your sentences as close as you can to the
beginning of your sentences.
When you rewrite your document, focus on correcting the
errors that came up the most often in the original document.
Focus
Revision Goal 1
:
Establish and maintain a controlling idea or bottom line
throughout the document in order to achieve the purpose
established in your writing prompt
.
1
. Re-read your document. Find a sentence that you could use as
the controlling idea or bottom line of your document. You may
also write a new sentence if you wish.
Example
: Thomas's document jumps from one idea to another, but once
he reads it again, he finds the sentence he wants to use as a
controlling idea:
"Telecommuting has economic benefits for employers and
employees."
2
. Once you have your controlling idea, highlight all the areas in
your document that are on track with your controlling idea or
bottom line.
Example
15. : Thomas finds a few sentences that are on track with his
controlling idea, including these:
"Telecommuting allows a business to operate in a smaller space
since some of its employees will be working from home."
"Telecommuting gives people who are disabled or challenged
or non-traditional greater access to employment."
3
. Integrate key words from your controlling idea into your
supporting details. In addition, use transitional expressions to
connect your thoughts.
Example
: Thomas still has to make sure that the ideas in his document
are connected, so he uses key words from his controlling idea as
well as transitional expressions to connect his thoughts:
"An economic benefit of telecommuting is that it allows a
business to operate in a smaller space since some of its
employees will be working from home. Similarly, disabled,
challenged, or non-traditional employees benefit economically
by gaining greater access to employment."
Revision Goal 2
:
Understand and connect with the intended audience
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight sentences that demonstrate
a lack of adaptation to the audience.
Example
: Alicia reads her document and finds a couple of sentences that
she realizes would make smokers angry and non-cooperative,
definitely not the purpose of the document:
"Smoking is bad for you. The management of XYZ company is
no longer going to support it."
2
. Pay attention to the audience's knowledge, needs, beliefs,
and/or feelings.
Example
16. : Alicia has to do a lot of work to revise the above sentence.
Notice how the sentences below show empathy and respect for
all involved while still maintaining management's authority:
"The management team at XYZ company acknowledges how
difficult it is to quit smoking, despite the health benefits of
doing so. As we evaluate the smoking policy and health care
coverage in regard to smoking cessation programs, we will
consider the rights and responsibilities of all employees -- those
who smoke, those who are trying to quit, and those who do not
smoke."
Content
Revision Goal 1
:
Offer details that support your ideas
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight one or two ideas that can be
further developed or expanded.
Example
: Michelle finds this sentence in her document:
"All presenters should know who their audience is."
She realizes that she needs to add details to her idea.
2
. Brainstorm details such as reasons, explanations, facts, or
arguments that can support each idea.
Example
: Michelle brainstorms, focusing on reasons that presenters
should know who their audience is:
"Make presentation on technology relevant to audience."
"Assess what applications audience may already know."
"Pay attention to diversity of audience; for example, seniors
versus fifth graders."
3
. Now incorporate some or all of the supporting details you
brainstormed into your document.
Example
17. : Michelle adds minor details and uses transitional expressions
to incorporate two of the supporting details she brainstormed
into her document:
"All presenters should know who their audience is in order to
make their presentation relevant to the audience. For instance,
in planning a presentation on emerging technology, the speaker
assesses that a group of fifth graders will understand new, slang
technology terms more readily than an audience of 60 to 80-
year-olds will."
Revision Goal 2
:
Use business concepts and terms in your document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight at least two areas where you
can include relevant business concepts or terms.
Example
: Andre finds a supporting point in his document that he decides
he can express in more business-like terms:
"The people showed they were bored by not paying attention to
the speaker."
2
. Brainstorm three business concepts or terms that you can
include in your document.
Example
: Andre brainstorms business terms that relate to the idea he
presents in his sentence:
"Nonverbal behavior."
"Audience, presenter."
3
. Now incorporate these concepts or terms into your document.
Example
: Andre adds minor details to the business terms he
brainstormed and incorporates the terms into his sentence:
"The audience displayed numerous nonverbal messages--
yawning, texting, and checking the time--demonstrating that
18. they were not paying attention to the presenter."
Organization
Revision Goal 1
:
Establish and maintain a controlling idea or bottom line
throughout the document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight sentences that could serve
as the controlling idea or bottom line. You may also write a new
sentence if you wish.
Example
: Dan's document jumps from one idea to another, but once he
reads it again, he finds the sentence he wants to use as a
controlling idea:
"Adopting our free and open source software (FOSS) will
greatly benefit your teen youth group."
2
. Now that you have the controlling idea or bottom line of your
document, brainstorm support for it. This support will become
the bottom line or controlling idea of the paragraphs in your
document.
Example
: Dan can think of three ways that adopting the FOSS can
benefit a teen youth group. The first is cost. Open source
software is by definition free. In addition, open source software
is customizable, so with some training, the youth group could
customize software to fit their needs. If they did so, they could
even teach the teens they help to customize the software, giving
those teens a valuable job skill. Dan also realizes that he will
have to write an introduction that explains the concept of "free
and open source" in case the youth group organizers are not
aware of it.
3
. For each paragraph, brainstorm at least three supporting
details.
19. Example
: Dan decides to start with the cost. He brainstorms the
following supporting details:
"Other operating systems charge hundreds of dollars in
licensing fees.
"FOSS is free."
"Technical support for FOSS is free as well, provided by
thousands of volunteers."
4
. Integrate key words from your controlling idea into your
supporting details. In addition, use transitional expressions to
connect your thoughts.
Example
: Dan now has to take the ideas he brainstormed and turn them
into a paragraph that will fit into his document. This is what he
writes:
"Adopting our free and open source software (FOSS) will save
your teen youth group thousands of dollars a year in licensing
fees you would have to pay to a mainstream company. FOSS, on
the other hand, is free, and so is our technical support, which is
provided by thousands of knowledgeable volunteers."
Language
Revision Goal 1
:
Accentuate the positive and de-emphasize the negative in your
document
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all words and phrases that
sound negative such as
do not, no, stop
, and
not
, as well as words that convey a negative, unpleasant, or
disagreeable tone such as
unfortunately, cannot, unable to, problem, difficult, error, loss,
20. failure
, or
regret
.
Example
: Kiara focuses on these sentences, which have two negative
words sure to upset customers:
"We do not ship from our central warehouse. You can only pick
up your purchases at our downtown store."
2
. Revise your document to accentuate the positive and de-
emphasize the negative:
Example
: Kiara revises her sentences to focus on what can be done.
Doing this helps to make the tone of her document positive:
"Your purchases can be picked up at our downtown store, which
offers free parking on the south side of the building. In
addition, you may contact our downtown store by fax, email, or
phone to arrange for shipping."
Revision Goal 2
:
Use active voice
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all sentences that use
passive voice.
Example
: Wendy reads her document and finds several sentences in the
passive voice, including this one:
"Several family-friendly policies were implemented."
2
. Revise those sentences so that they are in the active voice.
Example
: Wendy realizes that she needs to know who implemented the
policies before she can write the sentence in the active voice.
She reads her document again and sees that the Human
21. Resources and Management team implemented the policies, so
Wendy revises her sentence like this:
"The Human Resources and Management team implemented
several family-friendly policies."
Revision Goal 3
:
"Omit needless words." -- Strunk and White
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all wordy sentences.
Example
: Kyle reads his document, and one of the sentences he
highlights is this:
"Lacking all sense of responsibility, Tadd chose to personally
abandon the project."
2
. Revise all highlighted sentences.
Example
: Kyle revises his sentence like this:
"Irresponsibly, Tadd chose to personally abandoned the
project."
His revision is clearer than the original, shorter, and contains
the same information.
Revision Goal 4
:
Correct fragment errors
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all sentence fragments.
Example
: Donna highlights these passages in her document:
"I revised the quarterly estimate. Even though I did not have to
do so."
"Cost overruns in pest control and advertising."
2
. Revise fragments by combining fragments with other sentences
or providing a subject and a verb for the sentence fragment.
22. Example
: Donna revised those passages like this:
"I revised the quarterly estimate even though I did not have to
do so." These two clauses belonged together since separately,
the second one was a fragment.
"XYZ Company had cost overruns in pest control and
advertising." Donna added a subject and a verb to this idea to
turn it into a complete sentence.
Revision Goal 5
:
Correct run-on errors
.
1
. Re-read your document. Highlight all run-on errors.
Example
: Jeff highlights this passage in his document:
"The development of the report took more time than the
committee had initially expected thus the report was finalized
and offered for review on January 12, 2011, due to a heavy
work load during the first part of every year, so the committee
will need a little more time to complete the quality review that
the report deserves."
2
. Revise run-ons by identifying sentences and placing periods at
the end of them.
Example
: Jeff realizes that untangling this run-on will take some work,
so he rereads it slowly and out loud, looking and listening for
the end of each sentence. This is how he revises that passage:
"The development of the report took more time than the
committee had initially expected. Thus the report was finalized
and offered for review on January 12, 2011. Due to a heavy
work load during the first part of every year, the committee will
need a little more time to complete the quality review that the
report deserves."
Mechanics
23. Revision Goal 1
:
Follow these steps to improve your use of mechanics and
conventions
.
Use the MY Editor feedback to improve your understanding of
mechanics and conventions.
1
. Pay attention to the specific feedback that MY Editor gives
you as you compose and edit your document. Begin by revising
any spelling or punctuation errors you have committed. Then
run MY Editor again to reexamine any remaining grammar
errors that remain.
2
. Write down the terms used in the feedback.
3
. Study the terms that came up most often.
4
. When you master your understanding of a particular term,
move on to a new one.
Network to improve your understanding of mechanics and
conventions.
1
. Start or join a small, serious study group on the topic of
mechanics and conventions.
2
. Ask your instructor to recommend other resources to help you
master mechanics and conventions.
When you rewrite your document, pay attention to your
sentences to avoid errors in mechanics and conventions.
1
. Place a period at the end of each of your complete
thoughts/sentences.
2
. Place the subjects of your sentences as close as you can to the
beginning of your sentences.
24. When you rewrite your document, focus on correcting the
errors that came up the most often in the original document.