Discover why your conversations are going wrong at work and how to fix them. Improve your negotiation and listening skills and benefit in your career. From Workstorming by conversation expert Rob Kendall.

1. W O R K S T O R M I N G , R O B K E N D A L L
W H Y C O N V E R S A T I O N S A T
W O R K G O W R O N G A N D
H O W T O F I X T H E M

2. T H E 4 M O D E R N D A Y
C O P I N G S T R A T E G I E S
S T A C K I N G
S P I N N I N G
S P I L L I N G
S K I M M I N G
Overfilling our day. Scheduling back-to-back
meetings and filling every available space in
our diary, so there is no free time.
Our attention runs from one thing to the next
meaning we are never fully engaged in our
conversations.
We pick out the headlines and urgent issues,
focussing on speed rather than depth, which
can cause us to miss things.
The boundaries between tasks blur meaning we
are never fully present in the task at hand, and
work can spill into our home life.
How we're (wrongly) adapting to work challenges

3. S O W H A T D O W E D O ?
S T A C K I N G
A N T I D O T E
S P I N N I N G
A N T I D O T E
S P I L L I N G
A N T I D O T E
S K I M M I N G
A N T I D O T E
Create spaces in our day between
commitments. Schedule them to have space for
thinking time or important conversations.
Manage your attention. Notice when our
attention drifts in a conversation and bring it
back to the person. Practice this.
Go deeper. Not shallower. Have fewer, but more
meaningful conversations. Really listen, and
think about the other person's perspective.
Put the boundaries back in. Keep work away
from home. Don't check emails during the
evenings and weekends.
How to combat these and improve our conversations

4. T H E W A R N I N G S I G N S
B L A M E S T O R M I N G
E S C A L A T I O N
D O M I N A T R I C K S
M I X E D
M E S S S A G E S
Y E S , B U T . . .
Accusations and criticisms that we use to
justify our own behaviours and assign fault to
others rather than resolving an issue.
When your emotions take over, inflaming your
conversation to the point where logical
thinking and rational discussion are impossible.
When you brush aside someone's opinions
because they don't tally with yours, or dismiss
their solutions because you don't feel heard.
The flow and rhythm of a conversation start to
fall apart because you're trying to take control
of it.
When you're speaking at cross-purposes or
making assumptions without checking for
mutual understanding.

5. S O W H A T D O W E D O ?
S T E P 1 : P A Y A T T E N T I O N T O T H E S I G N A L S
When we ignore the warning lights, we are likely to end up in one of the
following places:
THE TANGLE – where crossed wires lead to uncertainty and confusion,
uncoordinated action and frustrated expectations.
THE BIG ARGUMENT – where a conversation spirals into a bitter row with
a work colleague, a supplier or even a customer.
THE BAD PLACE – where you're left feeling angry, upset or disconnected
with someone after a conversation has gone wrong.
THE LOCK DOWN – where someone withdraws from the relationship and
is reluctant or unwilling to discuss it.
Rather than being quick to recognise and judge other people who ignore the
warning lights, start to identify the signals in your own behaviour.

6. Having noticed the warning lights, you're still at liberty to say 'Yes,
but...', or to employ Dominatricks and Blamestorming, or even to engage
in Escalation. It's your choice, but the difference is that you can choose
consciously. Every time you see a warning light, you can press on
regardless or you can change direction. And if you decide to press on,
you can do so with open eyes.
Start noticing that conversations don't just happen. They are filled with
choice points. At any moment, you can continue a conversation or stop
it, speed it up or slow it down, maintain its rhythm or break it up. You'll
only see the choice points if you pay attention to the underlying
dynamics of the conversation rather than listening through your
opinions. In theory this should be a relatively simple practice, but it
often seems hard to achieve.
S T E P 2 : M A K E A C H O I C E

7. Find out more in
Workstorming
by Rob Kendall