Working With Parents

Tennis 10’s Tutors Workshop
and Coaches Seminar
Athens 2009
Mark Tennant
inspire2coach (GBR)

Copyright © inspire2coach 2009 –
www.inspire2coach.co.uk

Working with parents

Mark Tennant
inspire2coach (GBR)


Introduction
•What do we think of tennis parents?
•Why is it so hard to be a tennis parent?
•The parent paradox
•How can we work with parents
•Parents and coaching
•Parents and competition


Key relationships

COACH PLAYER

PARENT

What do we think of tennis parents?


The parent paradox
•The good reasons we have for encouraging
kids into sport can lead to behaviours which
teach our kids bad habits!
•The love and support which parents have
for their kids is also the cause of pressure
which leads to stress and burn out


Good parent : bad parent
•Parents love their children but they get so involved that
they ignore their child’s feelings and think about their own
•Parents dream about success but sometimes forget about
what the child wants
•Parents love their children so much that they make huge
sacrifices for their children and end up putting huge
pressures upon them
•Parents want their child to succeed so much that they
hope other children will fail
•Parents want success so badly that they want “winning at
all costs”


•The best parents are able to put their own
desires aside and focus on what their
children need
•The worst ones live their dreams through
their children and push too hard


•The best parents are able to put their own
desires aside and focus on what their
children need
•When things are going well they are great
parents; when things are going wrong they
are bad parents!


A study from the 1988 Olympics
•46 US athletes preparing for 1988 Games
•95% said their parents were the main source of
encouragement
•Many also said they were the greatest source of
stress
•35% said their mother discouraged them at times
•25% said their father discouraged them


A study from the 1988 Olympics
“I didn’t understand my dads harsh
attitudes. I just wanted to go out and have
fun, and my dad wanted me to go out there
and kick ass. That took all the fun out of it
for me. That meant you had to be mad all
the time, and I didn’t want to play like that”


The positive and the negative
ENCOURAGEMENT OVERINVOLVEMENT
• Watching the child play • Watching every match the
• Shouting encouragement child plays
• Providing financial support • Challenging the umpire, line
• Playing with the child calls or the opponent
• Organising or providing • Wanting the very best of
transport everything for their child
• Offering a time and support • Pushing the child to do
outside of the sport better

Copyright (C) inspire2coach 2009
- www.inspire2coach.co.uk

The positive and the negative
GOOD ROLE MODEL POOR ROLE MODEL
• Correct and good • Their child is always
behaviour towards all more important
competitors and • Aggressive behaviour
officials under pressure
• Remaining calm under • Rewarding and always
pressure talking about results
• Rewarding effort more
than results

Copyright (C) inspire2coach 2009
- www.inspire2coach.co.uk

Helping parents
•There is no way to avoid the emotional
pressure which parents feel when their kids
compete
•Much of the bad behaviour shown by
parents is due to lack of understanding


Talk to parents
•If parents don’t know or don’t understand,
whose fault is that?
•Communicate regularly with parents on 1-1
basis
–De-briefs at end of each term
–Progress record card
–Discuss and agree goals with the parents
•Parents evenings


Talk to parents
•Remember - it is probable that you think
that many tennis parents interfere, have
unrealistic expectations or do not in some
way help you do your job
•Parents ask questions
•They ask questions because they don’t
understand
•If they don’t understand, who’s fault is
that!

Set expectations
•Have a charter or contract:
–This is what we expect from the coach
–This is what we expect from the player
–This is what we expect from the parents


Involve the parents
•Help the parents to understand training methods
•Help the parents to understand how hard being a
good tennis player is
•Involve the parents in officiating and other parts
of the programme
•Invite parents to parties so they can have some
fun too!
•Invite them to participate in an active
way in the programme


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