Memories from West Middle School's 8th grade GATE class, 2017

1. MOST LIKELY TO…
2017 GATE
8th grade Memories

2. ABBY BEAVERS
Travel the world as the Director of
her newest film about a bald super
villain hunting down a sandwich shop
owner who wraps her doorway in
intricate yarn patterns because
“somebody must be having an affair.”

3. SAMI BOWLIN
Become as famous as J. K. Rowling
for writing murder stories about a
nitwit blonde (or two) on Earth Day,
known for skipping town to go to
Disney and ignoring people who say
her name over and over and over.

4. KATE BOYD
Walk in huge water shoes all around her
very own island, dressed as a Pink Lady/
Tree of Life, threatening to bring her
dad to school with a scary sacapuntas—
or anything else that’s equally
instructional -- to get everybody to
show up for the ceiling tile work day.

5. EMILY BRADFORD
Pose as an evil reporter (in earbuds)
whose latest excuse for why she
doesn’t have her Independent Reading
finished is because she time traveled
with Dr. Who to a Beatles concert—
in other words, she was on a hiatus.

6. ELLA BROWN
Become the world-class pediatrician
Rosie the Riveting Cheerleader who
orchestrates ceiling tiles, only to be
mistaken for a digitally altered Mona
Lisa who’s actually Helen the felon,
serving time for ain’t having none good
grammar neither.

7. RHETT CLAWSON
Win a martial arts tower tournament as
the brute strength guy who’s secretly
smart --alright, alright check me out—
but be disqualified because of his
illegible handwriting and the fact that
his hair is as long as the time his crane
has been sitting on the windowsill.

8. LAURA DICKINSON
Finish all her homework three days
before it’s even assigned, but forget
to come up at lunch to work with her
group because she was too busy
buying pearls and walking on Jadis’
Ice cube blocks in order to
electrocute Lexi for being Da’ Bomb.

9. OLIVIA DUVALEUS
Rush headlong through the Pledge of
Allegiance because she is desperate
to get back to eating her breakfast,
then procrastinate on finishing her
self-portrait because she’s too short,
okey dokey artichokey?

10. LEXI GALLAGHER
Use any excuse to dress up (in heels as
high as her BrainBooster points) then
happily identify with Nerdon, winning
debates & revolutionizing physics with
her protracterangs, but remain unable
ever to finish her Independent Reading
on time. Which makes her sad.

11. NOEL GLAMANN
Rise to become the CEO Programmer
of her own company after her
miraculous recovery from being
thrown out the window as a giggling
maid who psychically steals a car to
go to the hospital and start a fire
that seriously wasn’t even her fault.

12. KATY GOLTZ
Explain to her boss, Bert, that the
reason she’s late in creating an artistic
rendering of the next Apollo space
mission is because it was just more fun
to ‘chill’ out and sneakily draw her
Graffiti about a spidah with 10 legs
under Mrs. Wurm’s puzzles.

13. MICHAEL HALPRYN
Show up first and win the Roswell
debate by arguing a vast array of
trivial facts about long hair, tiny
handwriting, calculus formulas, and
antipseudononwordmasterabilititis,
then celebrate by dabbing with the
Vitruvian man.

14. ADAM HAWKINS
Clothe himself in a smothering beard
and dizzying array of golf attire to work
as an undercover cop who actually
understands the hardest novels and
Einstein’s theory of relativity, but
somehow can’t seem to stop accidentally
saying the pyramid category aloud.

15. TAYIN HOTMER
Argue about having his name
mispronounced a million times while
flipping his badge to introduce
himself in a weird accent as none
other than Ghandi Sherlockayin, the
bald inventor of the spiral staircase.

16. NATHAN JAWORSKI
Fall off a chair as a tech guy, starting a
Rube Goldberg chain reaction where the
Titanic Captain has to navigate 6 (eh)
miles of aestheometrically spray-
painted roller coaster tubing, avoid the
big poop, and solve the Rubik’s cube.

17. GRIFFON KIPPER
Finally graduate from his ‘slice’ of work
as the Punny Pizza Guy to his new job as
a Sports Journalist covering the hair-
raising, slow motion adventures of Roy
the snail traveling across all the blocks
of the Pyramid on a roller coaster
called the Eyebrow.

18. JAYDEN KOUADIO
Win the Pulitzer Prize for his very
engaging story about a quiet Old
Reliable character who uses his clever
wit and inventive water alarm clock to
wake up gangster Al Capone, calling,
“Sami, Sami, Sami, ya’ like jazz?”

19. MADI NOLAN
Patiently manage to survive a class of
boys and Olivia’s pop tarts, then go on
to win the Most Creative Design
award for building a cathedral for
make-up artists, only to be poisoned
by a seemingly unsuspecting sandwich.

20. RILEY O’NEAL
Become an undercover military cop
posing as Bob the mechanic who can
solve every hands-on puzzle, then fly
around on his ornithopter to catch bad
guys by hiding behind a lamppost and
confusing them with his long list of
Wordmaster words.

21. BRADEN PURCELL
Become a famous rich rapper whose
hit song, “Cat on a String,” goes
platinum until a surprise dramatic
character shows up with a ruler from
Mrs. Wurm’s former student,
revealing that he’s really just a clone
who’s woken up on a movie set.

22. HANNAH ROWLAND
Appear to be a highly trained, serious
intelligence agent code-named Black
September until she begins to laugh
hysterically and miss what’s going on,
then she’s just-- wait, what? Bungee
Babe has a cheating fiancé? Could you
please repeat all the Plexers?

23. MAX SCANLAN
Travel at breakneck speed over his
world-famous feat-of-engineering Eco
bridge to be the first to find stuff (like
the golden Shrektangle) while creating
video mash-ups of Adam and himself
doing Russian squat kicks under the glow
of Sunshine Kharma’s disco ball.

24. AARYA SHAH
Impress Bill Gates with extremely neat
blueprints of a house designed for
tycoon Fidel Roller Castro, then end up
stuck in the ladies’ room for the entire
mystery as punishment for having left
his bronze horse on the windowsill
almost as long as Rhett’s crane.

25. BRANDON TOLBERT
Win the lottery by guessing all 2’s but
instead of spending the money on a new
car — (who needs a new Lamborghini
when you can fly on Fledge’s wings?) -
buy his way into the NBA playoffs and
sink the winning basket by bouncing the
ball off his huge hair.

26. CONOR VERSTRAETE
Break an arm or two while standing at
his desk, then decide to make a little
‘arrangement’ with the red-haired cable
guy to steal a watch, three sheeps, and
some pastries, then strategically
escape in da Vinci’s original helicopter.

27. JACKSON WILLIAMS
Hold the ever-important STOP sign on
his way to win the soccer tournament
with his team, the Halley’s Comets,
then take the wise advice of Dr.
Watson not to show too many of his
feelings (whoah, whoah, whoah).

28. CURTIS WITT
Convince a book dealer to publish his
story about 9…no, 12…dyslexic ghosts
who are interviewing a criminal suspect
who somehow can’t find his ID because
it turns out he is actually a robotic
knight with an artificial heart.

29. LOGAN ZAVERTNIK
Wear a bow tie to the famous Lego
Last Supper, where he will calmly and
clearly explain, in exquisitely accurate
detail, the atomic bomb devastation to
be incurred by any criminal who dares
to rob his jewelry store or beat his
Wordmaster word.

33. THE END!!!
I WILL MISS YOU!!
COME BACK AND VISIT!!