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Will the narcissist please stand up
- 1. WILL THE NARCISSISTSIN THE ROOM PLEASE STAND UP? Presented by Christine Hammond, LMHC Author of The ExhaustedWoman’s Handbook
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- 7. Objectives Identify within afew minutes Compare and contrast different types Recognize co-mingling Discuss narcissism in relationships Manage effective treatment
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- 9. DSM-VDefinition NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder Painting by MichelangeloMerisi da Caravaggio 1594-96
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- 13. SevenSinsof Narcissism 1. Shamelessness 2.Magical thinking 3. Arrogance 4. Envy 5. Entitlement 6. Exploitation 7. Bad Boundaries Hotchkiss 2002
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- 24. Co-mingling N I I M Generalized Anxiety Disorder DepRession SuiCidality AddictionS EatingDiSorders Other PerSonality Disorders
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- 31. MindGames Step 1 Narcissist engages battle by blaming spouse. Step2 Spouse attacks back. Step 3 Narcissist becomes the victim. Step 4 Spouse feels bad and wants to rescue the Narcissist. Step 5 Spouse minimizes the attack.
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- 38. ChildrenofNarcissists Favored vs. Non-favored child Training for future narcissists Childhood promises that cement NPD
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- 52. TheNarcissistinCounseling Identification Techniques Trust building Boundary setting Family guidelines
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- 56. AllHopeisNotLost Narcissists Can Change: “As aface is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” Proverbs 27:19
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- 58. Resources Konrath S,Meier BP, Bushman BJ (2014) Development andValidation of the Single Item Narcissism Scale (SINS). PLoS ONE 9(8): e103469. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0103469 Lerner, Rokelle. TheObject of my Affection is in my Reflection: Coping with Narcissists. HealthCommunications, Deerfield Beach, FL 2009. Hotchkis, Sandy. Why is it Always AboutYou? Simon and Schuster, NewYork, NY 2002. Meier P, Charlebois L, MunzC. You Might be a Narcissist If… Langdon Press, Minneapolis, MN 2009. Morey, L. C. (1988). Personality disorders in DSM-III and DSM-III-R:An examination of convergence, coverage, and internal consistency. American Journal of Psychiatry, 145, 573-577. Morey, L. C. (1991). The personality assessment inventory professional manual. Odessa, FL: Psychological Assessment Resources. Morey, L. C., & Jones, J. K. (1998). Empirical studies of the construct validity of narcissistic personality disorder. In E. F. Ronningstam (Ed.), Disorders of narcissism. Diagnostic, clinical, and empirical implications (pp. 351-373). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press. Ellison, Lindsey (2014).The #1 Secret on HowTo EngageWith a Narcissist. Huffington Post.
Editor's Notes
- #2 Background Private practice at LifeWorks Group in Winter Park specializing in exhausted woman and their families Author of The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook Website is www.GrowWithChristine.com Taught classes on: personality disorders, woman’s sexuality, preparation for marriage, marriage, and H/S psychology class Groups on: boundaries, anger management, marriage, parenting, and ADD/ADHD Life experience as a teacher, small business owner and stockbroker Married for 18 years with 3 teenagers My Personal Narcissism Journey Privately with family members: abusive biological father, grandmother, adopted father, brother, other family members, friends & their spouses Professionally in counseling: male & female clients with marriage, divorce, and parenting issues
- #4 Story of Narcissus “Many versions of this myth have survived from ancient sources. The classic version is by Ovid, found in book 3 of his Metamorphoses (completed 8 AD); this is the story of Narcissus and Echo. One day Narcissus was walking in the woods when Echo, an Oread (mountain nymph) was him, fell deeply in love, and followed him. Narcissus sensed he was being followed and shouted “Who’s there?” Echo repeated “Who’s there?” She eventually revealed her identity and attempted to embrace him. He stepped away and told her to leave him alone. She was heartbroken and spent the rest of her life in lonely glens until nothing but an echo sound remained of her. Nemesis, the goddess of revenge, learned of this story and decided to punish Narcissus. She lured him to a pool where he saw his own reflection. He didn’t realize it was only an image and fell in love with it. He eventually realized that his love could not be addressed and committed suicide.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harcissus_(mythology))
- #5 Simple Question (Bushman) Single Item Narcissism Scale (SINS) "To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.' (Note: The word 'narcissist' means egotistical, self-focused and vain.)“ Results very closely align with Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) 40 questions
- #8 Objectives: Part 1: Identify a narcissist within a few minutes of meeting them Part 2: Compare and contrast different types of narcissism Part 3: Recognize co-mingling with other disorders Part 4: Discuss narcissism in relationships Part 5: Manage effective treatment of narcissists and their family members
- #10 DSM-V Definition A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by 5 (or more) of the following: Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Requires excessive admiration. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
- #12 Believes they are better than others Fantasizes about power, success and attractiveness Exaggerates achievements or talents Expects constant praise and admiration Believes they are special and acts accordingly Fails to recognize other’s emotions and feelings Expects others to go along with their ideas and plans Takes advantage Expresses disdain for those beneath them Jealous and believes others are jealous of them Trouble keeping healthy relationships Sets unrealistic goals Has a fragile self-esteem
- #14 The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism according to Sandy Hotchkiss (2002) Shamelessness - Inability to process shame in healthy ways Magical thinking - Uses distortion and illusion to see self as perfect Arrogance - Diminishes, debases, or degrades others Envy - Uses contempt to minimize others and gain superiority Entitlement - Unreasonable expectations and automatic compliance Exploitation - Of others without regard for their feelings or interests Bad Boundaries - Doesn’t recognize other’s boundaries but will enforce their own
- #15 Nature Has the highest heritability of any personality disorder Can trace narcissism through family tree Freud believed we all begin as narcissists Erikson’s stage 2 – Shame develops instead of Autonomy Nurture Narcissistic parents raise narcissistic children through favoritism Behavior is modeled Responsibility of parents to minimize narcissism Parents contribute to development of shame
- #16 Male Narcissists Charming Uses charm to seduce Self-confident Uncaring Unfaithful Children are a nuisance Competes with sons
- #17 Female Narcissists Preoccupied with appearance Uses body to seduce Child are an extension of self Spends excessively without shame Idealizes spouse then emasculates Feels good about self if she feels better than others Competes with daughters
- #19 Disorder React to criticism with rage Takes advantage of others Fantasies of unlimited success Lacks empathy Can’t express remorse Prognosis not good Traits Hypersensitive but can change Shrewd but can be fair Talks about being the best Some awareness Can express remorse Often accompanies addiction, fair prognosis
- #22 Based on DISC personality profile
- #29 How they act… Charming Flirtatious Mesmerizing attention Almost too perfect Intense interest Romances and seduces Gains sympathy by calling ex crazy What they look for… Another narcissist Someone with narcissistic traits Child of a narcissist Child of an addict Someone with low self-esteem Someone with abandonment issues Someone willing to sacrifice their personality
- #30 Marriage of Two Narcissists Grab the popcorn – conflict is intense Rapid escalation of hostility Need for intimacy without knowing how No self-responsibility Avoidance of vulnerability Unable to see the impact on each other Repetitive triggering of trauma Lack of compassion Ongoing search for admiration and attention outside of marriage
- #31 Narcissistic Spouse Provokes spouse to leave by being cruel Threatens abandonment Remorse is used as manipulation Punishes with physical abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, neglect, withholding love and attention Expects spouse to meet their needs at all times Projects their negative characteristics onto spouse Jealousy triggers rage and violence
- #33 Where the narcissist and the spouse merge Losses their identity and becomes a reflection of the narcissist Diminished energy or power Fearful of angering because of rage and contempt that follow Doubts reality Thinks they are going crazy Often neglects self May medicate with substances Takes responsibility for how the narcissist feels Potential Spousal Disorders Narcissistic Personality Disorder Borderline Personality Disorder Dependent Personality Disorder Addict Co-dependent
- #45 When a Narcissist Leaves and Divorces Fearful of losing attention, narcissists fake change to try to keep a spouse Engage in brutal personal attacks and threats Dismiss spouse’s needs and devotion Cause confusion so spouse questions their sanity Project fears, shame, and guilt onto spouse Uses psychological, emotional or financial abuse to retaliate Even after the divorce, attempts to maintain control As a precaution: all communication should be email or text
- #47 The Aging Narcissist Roles become reversed: spouse is now caretaker Becomes child-like in behavior Hates the aging process, goes to great measures to remain young High expectations from family members drives them away Few friends because they have taken advantage of so many Paranoia is common Dementia reduces narcissism but anger outbursts are intense Remains selfish to the end Attempts to remain in control, refuses help even when needed Will still try to manipulate through shame and guilt Frequently anger, little control of outbursts
- #48 Narcissists at Work “High maintenance” Constant need for admiration and attention Demeaning to those beneath Creates insecurity about other’s jobs Usually industrious Sometimes can’t hold down a job Threatens fellow employees Treats superiors better then subordinates Lack of empathy allows them to fire with ease Refuse to share credit or take blame
- #57 Narcissists can change Trauma Life threatening experience Illness Death of loved one Spiritual awakening Must choose change Types of Effective Therapies Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Group Therapy Family Therapy Dialectical Behavioral Therapy