1. JACOB AVINU SPOTTING LEAVING B’EER SHEVA
Mr. Avinu seen heading in
the direction of Charan
News reports out of B’eer
Sheva are that Jacob Avinu
left in a hurry after running
from his brother Eisav.
Local sources report that
Jacob fled Canaan several
weeks ago after an
encounter between Jacob’s
brother Esau and their father
Isaac Avinu, in which the
senior Avinu apparently
advised Eisav that he gave
his blessing intended for
Eisav to Jacob after Jacob
came to him in ‘trickery.’
Jacob Avinu is expected to
arrive at his uncle Laban’s
house next week where he
is hoping to spend several
days. “It will be a much
needed rest” Jacob told AP.
“I am not a walker, like my
brother Eisav. All of this
travelling is really too much
for a guy like me, I am used
to sitting in tents studying all
day. I could really use the
respite”
THE GENESIS TIMES
www.dailynews.com THE MIDDLE EAST’S FAVORITE NEWSPAPER - Since Creation
Jacob and his twin brother Esau on father Isaac’s lap in better days
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
2. NEWS
FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND
Jacob: Call Home!
AN
IMPRESSIVE
EXIT
By Austin Smith
People throughout B’eer
Sheva are talking about the
loss experienced by the
community after Jacob Avinu
departed from the town on
Wednesday.
“Its crazy” said Ben Sher.
“There’s this void. People
feel like it’s a totally different
place with Mr. Avinu’s
departure.
Tucker Smith lamented
Jacob’s departure. “They
say that when righteous
people leave a town,
everybody feels it. I guess
Jacob Avinu was a really
special person because we
miss him so much.
Rebecca Avinu, wife of Isaac Avinu and mother of
Jacob Avinu is desperately trying to learn what she can
about her son Jacob’s whereabouts and whether he is
ok after he left in a hurry.
Jacob ran for his life after he ‘stole’ his brother Eisav’s
blessing from father Isaac and Esau threatened to kill
him. Anybody with any information on the whereabouts
of Jacob Avinu is asked to call (972) 33-RIVKA
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Jacob’s footprints were spotted by several community
members just hours after he departed
Just hours after Jacob Avinu left the City of Be’er
Sheva, a walker on the beach reported finding footsteps
on the beach which police officers later traced to Jacob
Abinu. Local law enforcement officials confirmed that
they were Jacob’s footprints by comparing the size of a
shoe of his twin brother Eisav with the size of the
footprints on the beach.
Page Two
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
3. NEWS
Reflections on a Rainbow
The Ark has landed
The SCIENCE
CORNER
By Keo Clarkson
Following the experience with the
rainbow 3 weeks ago, people all
over the Coast are asking about
the scientific qualities of the
rainbow and why G-d might have
chosen a rainbow as his means to
express himself and warn the
people of the world
about his wrath.
“Its basic science,” said Dr.
Clarkson. “Rainbows are
light hitting rain drops and
water braking the light and
making a color display.
Rainbows are really nothing
more than a reflection. G-d
causes us to “reflect”(get it?)
on the science and the
religion come together. We
need to reflect on who we
are and what we are doing!
Hikers on Mount Ararat on Sunday discovered a boat looking
object. “The thing was HUGE! It had three floors in it. And boy
did it stink of animals when we got there!” said one of the hikers
who didn’t want to be identified. Others in the community are
wondering whether the object is the same one that was
reportedly seen last week with longs lines of animals coming off
of it in twos, followed by birds and all kinds of exotic beings. [In
actuality, all people writing this article and reading it were
actually on the ARK because there is nobody else on earth but
don’t tell anyone!]
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Three
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
4. NEWS
Jacob son of Isaac Avinu and Leah
Daughter of Laban Married Last Evening
RUNAWAY
News out of Canaan this
morning is that Abraham Avinu
was missing from his bed when
Dad Terach went to check up
on him. “All of his stuff is gone”
said Terach. “I have no idea
what happened.” Terach was
called in for questioning after an
hour long search. So far, no
foul play is suspected.
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Four
After seven years of anticipation, Jacob the son
of Isaac Avinu was married last night to Leah the
Daughter of Laban in the Town Square. Until the
wedding, the Bride has resided in the home of her
parents in Charan. The Bridegroom, an
immigrant from Cna’an, is an employed with the
firm of Sheep, Cattle LLC where he is an
associated. The bridegroom’s father, Isaac Avinu,
was also a shepherd. The Bridgegroom’s
grandfather was the famous Abraham Avinu.
Just 2 shirts and a couple of pairs
of shoes remain after Abraham
Abinu disappeared from his room
17 year old Apparently Killed in Animal
Attack
Joseph Israel, a teenager from Canaan was apparently killed
yesterday after an attack by a wild animal, Although there
were no known witnesses to the attack and the victim has not
been found, a bloodied coat was recovered at the scene
after a search by the victim’s brothers. Jacob Avinu confirmed
that the bloodied coat belonged to his son. “I made him that
coat as a special gift” said Jacob. Neighbors described
Joseph as a bit aloof but otherwise a good kid. “Its really a
tragedy” said a neighbor who preferred not to be named.
“His father just cant accept it and keeps saying that the whole
thing is a mistake and Joseph will still turn up alive”.
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
5. FEATURE
THE ADVICE COLUMN
By Ben Sher
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Five
Ask Dr. Ben
Have an etiquette question?
Write Dr. Ben,. c/o the Genesis Times
1 Creation Way, Gan Eden, NY 10613
Dear Dr. Ben,
I am told that it is not polite to look out
the window when waiting for guests and
that I should never run or move quickly
in the presence of my guests. I really
want to know the best way to greet and
treat guests. Any advice?
Signed,
Itching to Do Right
Dr. Ben responds:
Dear Itching to Do Right,
Of course its good to look out the
window. That will help you know when
your guests are coming and if there are
people outside in need of food and
shelter. Remember when Abraham
would look out of the tent for guests
who needed food and water?
As for running when in the presence of
guests, its usually impolite to run but
when you want to greet them to say
“hello” or get them food its acceptable.
Again, that is exactly what Abraham
did. He asked his wife to quickly get
his guests food and then he ‘ran’ to get
them food. Remember, also that when
your guests leave its important to say a
proper goodbye. Definitely walk them
to the elevator or the stairs or the edge
of the driveway as Abraham escorted
his guests. If you want more
information, please visit your Jewish
library (if you have one) and read the
stories of the Bible. They can teach
anything including manners.
Signed,
Dr. Ben
RECIPE FOR JEWISH
HOSPITALITY
From the Abraham and Sara Guide to
Hospitality
3 soules whole flour
3 cups water
3 lbs whole beef
Wait outside in search of those in need.
Heat of day not an issue.
Invite guests in. No matter what they ask
for, give them more then expected. Always
move quickly.
QUICKLY mix water and flour in large
mixing bowl to make 3 matzos, 1 per
guest. Allow to sit in stone oven at 3500
for 15 minutes.
RUN to get them finest meat and engage
other family members in process.
Make sure guests have rested in shady
area and feet are washed. After guests are
finished eating and are fully rested, escort
them to door.
6. GOSSIPFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Six
HEARD ON THE STREET…
Rumor has it that Jacob Avinu stole the identity of his
brother Esav so that he could get his father’s blessing that
was supposed to go to his brother. Jacob is supposedly now
running for his life and is headed toward his Uncle Laban’s
house….Lets hope he’s got an armed guard….
Others claim that Jacob Avinu is not on the run anymore but
has already arrived at the home of his uncle Laban where he
is working very hard. Sources claim that he has already
been working for seven long years, and is already married to
Laban’s older daughter, Leah. He is now supposedly going
to be working another seven whole years for the beautiful
younger Rachel.
(Serves him right for stealing from his brother’s
blessing!)
We hear that… Abraham Avinu was seen leaving his
home this morning with his son Isaac and he was holding
knives. Isaac was carrying bundles of wood. People are
concerned about what Abraham’s intentions are especially
since when approached, Abraham shot down reporters
saying he’s doing “Gds work”. People are speculating that
Abraham may cause harm to his son…Lets hope everything
is OK.
Abraham spotted with Isaac. Where are they headed?Was this Jacob Avinu seen on the run this morning?
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
7. OBITUARIESFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Seven
Sara Imeinu, Matriarch, 127
Funeral services were held yesterday in the Cave of
Machpelah in Hebron for Sara Imeinu, a well known
matriarch in the Canaan community, who passed away
last evening after suffering an apparent heart attack.
She was 127.
Ms Ameinu apparently died after falling ill earlier in the
day. Speculation has arisen that Mrs.Imeinu might have
become stricken after becoming distraught upon
learning that her husband might have taken their only
son Isaac to be slaughtered. Her body was discovered
by her husband upon his return from a trip..
Mrs. Imeinu was known in the community as the
quintessential homemaker and hostess. She was
especially famous for her challah bread, her cakes, the
openness of her home and her elegance.
Internationally, Mrs. Imeinu was well known for
establishing, together with her husband Abraham, many
Torah institutions throughout the Middle East, bringing
countless families closer to their religious roots..
Mrs. Imeinu was the subject of a lot of media attention 37
years ago when she gave birth to her first and only son
Isaac at the age of 90..
She is survived by her husband Abraham and her one son,
Isaac, a 40 year old bachelor.
In lieu of flowers donations can be made to the Machpelah
Fund in Hevron.
Funeral Services for Sarah Aminu in Hebron yesterday
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
8. SCIENCEFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Eight
Keo Answers:
Dear Curiously Confused,
Don’t worry. Scientifically, the world is about 6.3 billion years,
biblically its 5,775 years old. While this may seem like a
contradiction, its possible that on the day world was created it
was already 6.3 billion years old minus 5,775 years. (Just like
when Adam was created, he wasn’t created a newborn but as an
adult - after all, if he was a baby, who gave him milk?).
With days too, we tend to think of ‘days’ as 24 hours. But a day
can sometimes be 24.1 or even 25 hours. It matters on what
part of the world you are in because a “day” is determined by
sunrise and sunset. In Antartica, the sun doesn’t set for five
months, so technically, a ‘day’ could be as long as six months.
We don’t know how long a ‘day’ lasted in the time of the bible but
its possible a ‘day’ could have been even millions of years during
summer.
As for dinosaurs, when the world was created, it might have had
a history that included dinosaurs, but from the first day of
creation forward, there really were no dinosaurs. Its also
possible that the reptiles in the bible, leviathans, are dinosaurs.
Finally, some scienitsts suggest that there was a prior world with
dinosaurs and the biblical world is a new one that was reset.
But that. Is not a traditional view since the bible refers to the
“Beginning” apparently the beginning of EVERYTHING.
Keo’s Corner
By Keo Clarkson
Reconciling the Bible and
Science
Whats in a Day?
Dear Keo:
I’ve been studying Genesis and have a few questions.
How old is the world? And how long was each ‘day’
during the days of creation? Finally, were
there really dinosaurs? Why aren’t they
mentioned in the bible?
Signed, Curiously confused….
ADVERTiSEMNT
Buy the latest book by
Keo Clarkson,,,
Dinosaurs
and the Bible
Available at all major
bookstores.
9. RELIGION
The Rabbi’s Table
By Rabbi Austin (Avraham) Smith
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Nine
Religion: Message from the Rabbi
This time of year people are asking me
why we read the story on Yom Kippur
that includes the sacrificing of a goat, and
the sending of another identical goat to
the desert. For those who still ponder, I
have some answers for all you out there.
The first goat we transfer our sins to and
send out to the desert, the second goat is
what we use to ask God for forgiveness.
But why goats? Many people who have
studied the Torah say that a goat’s blood
is similar human blood and we are
repenting for our “blood”. Also, the goat’s
name in Hebrew “izim” also symbolizes
audacity, for which we are repenting.
Another explanation is that Yom Kippur is
for the forgiving of sins between man and
man and the worst sin of man against
man was when Joseph’s brothers sold
him into slavery. They used a goats’
blood to cover their sin’s tracks, and now
we ask Gd to forgive us for that terrible
sin.
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
10. The Daily review By Tucker Smith
The movie is
GENESIS: FAMILY AND FAITH
Faith. Running. Family. Genesis is a tear breaking story
about a family that started off many generations ago. It
starts off in early Israel when the young couple Isaac and
Rebecca give birth to the children of two nations, Esau and
Jacob. All starts well till Jacob runs away from his family
with his father’s blessing. Reminds me of when I had set off
for college, my mother and father crying with joy(either
happy to know I’m set to lead my life or just glad I’m out of
the house). Also later on in the movie I thought the most
happy part was when Joseph, son of Jacob had revealed his
identity to his 10 brothers who had believed that Joseph
was dead. Later, the family rejoiced and moved to Egypt
and when all was well until… BAM! PLOT TWIST! Egypt
takes the Jews as slaves! But G-D had fixed that by cursing
Egypt for 7 days and eventfully convinced the Pharaoh to
set the Jews free, but they had to go immediately. This day
was known as Passover, the best happy ending I’ve ever
seen.
In the end I’ll rate the movie 5 out of 6 Jewish stars
because sadly there are some pretty inappropriate parts. I
recommend this movie for adults and young adults from
10+. And that’s the daily review, see you next week!
5 out of 6 Jewish stars
Family and Faith
MOVIESFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Ten
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
13. 1. Lot was Sarah’s __________ , Abraham’s ___________________ and Isaac’s _______________
2. Leah was Laban’s _________________, Rachel’s __________ and Joseph and Benjamin’s ____________
3. Eisav was Jacob’s ___________ and Isaac’s ______________________
4. Laban was Rivka’s ____________________ and Betuel’s _____________________
5. ________________ was both Jacob’s father-in law and his mother Rivka’s ______________.
6. ________’s wife was Rivkah and her father _________ was also Isaac’s first cousin, ie. Isaac’s father’s brother’s ______________.
7. Sarah was not only ______________ wife but also his brother _________’s daughter.
8. Ishmael was Isaac’s _____________________
9. Reuven was _____________ oldest son.
10.____________________ was Joseph’s younger full brother and ___________’s and ______________’s youngest child.
Answers on page 14
Roots and Relatives
Terach
Haran
Lot
Sarah
Isaac
Abraham
Nachor
Betuel
Rivkah
Eisav Jacob
Laban
Leah
ReuvenShimon
LeviYehuda
Yisachar
Dan
Zevulun
Gad
Asher
Naftali
Rachel
Joseph
Benjamin
Hagar
Ishmael
Friday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Thirteen
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
14. ANSWERSFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Fourteen
T
W
I
N
S
M
A
T
Z
A
H
E
I
G
H
TE G Y P
L
I
J
J A C O B
H
R A N B O W
U
N
N
I S H E
N
G
M A
A
C
H
P
E
L A C E
A
H E V O
T
H
I
R T
T
E
E
N
A
B
I
R
A
H
A
M
P
H P
A
R
A
O
H
A R K
N
G
E
L
R
A
C
H
E
L
L
O
T H R E
C H R A
E I S V
J O S E P
A
R
I S A A C
H
ANSWERS TO “ALL IN
THE FAMILY”
ANSWERS TO “ALL IN THE FAMILY”
1. brother, brother-in-law, uncle
2. Daughter, sister, aunt
3. Twin brother, son
4. Brother, son
5. Laban, brother
6. Issac, Betuel. Nachor, son
7. Abraham’s, Haran’s, niece.
8. Half-brother
9. Leah and Yaakov’s
10. Benjamin Yaakov and Rachel’s
ANSWERS TO CROSSWORD
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
15. ADVERTISEMENTSFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Fifteen
ABRAHAM’S KITCHEN
“The Tent For All”
Great Falafel and
Sparkling Holy Water
Open 24 Hours a Day
Guests welcome all the time!
Closed Saturdays
Shomer Shabbat
Introducing Noah’s Ark by
Boomerang
A miniature plastic ark that floats
in your bathtub…..
Warning: small parts..only to be
used by 3+
Magical Multiplying Rock Cereal and
Toy in One
A new cereal product developed by
Kellogs with DreamNight Toys.
Put the rock in milk – it multiplies into a
delicious cereal.
Put the cereal m under your pillow – they
become one rock.
Available at Angel’s ladder
Government of Egypt
Positions Available.
Pharaoh seeks Dream interpreter
and new minister of baking (Don’t
ask what happened to the last one.
He had an “accident”.
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
16. ABOUT OUR STAFFFriday Cheshvan 25, 2000
Page Sixteen
Keo Clarkson, the staff scientist is, in real life, a student. When he is not writing on
science, he is driving his motorized Krazy Kart around lower Manhattan.
Jack Pilson, our genealogist, and classified editor, lives in Brooklyn. When he is not
working on this paper, he enjoys reading books on philosophy.
Ben Sher, our advice columnist and gossip editor is a hard core gamer. He has three
siblings and will provide no more personal information. He loves the creative side of life
Austin Smith, serves as Rabbinical advisor to the Genesis Times writing columns on the
Bible. He loves the circus and fighting with his twin brother, Tucker.
Tucker Smith is the better of the two Smiths – just ask him. He is an excellent movie
critic, and when he is not a movie critic, he is an honors student who engages in much
community service.
Meyer Muschel is their teacher.
(c) Copyright by Meyer Muschel 2015
