1. Trials and Tribulations: My First Year ina Boarding House
Patrick Mahon
Abstract
I am goingto lookat two differentboys inmySocial group evaluatinghow I,andmy house
team, dealtwiththe specificspecialneeds.

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
Introduction
Before readingthe below,itisimportantthatImake clearhow the house systemworksinthe
school, andhowI fitintoit. There is one juniorhouse that all pupils(bothboysandgirls) enterin
Year 9 (aged13). The house has currently138 pupils,of whomabout15% are day pupils, the
majority gohome aftergameson a Saturday andthe remainder,almostall fromoverseas, are full
time boarders. Once pupilscompletetheirfirstyearinthe house,theymove intoone of 12 senior
houses.
The juniorhouse issplitintofour‘Socials’. EachSocial compilesof pupilsfromtwoormore senior
houses. Each Social hasa Headof Social (whois a seniortutorinthe house) andtwotutors. Each
Social meetsonce a day. My role withinthe house isasa Head of Social and hence Iam one of four
seniortutors. Thismeansthat I workunderthe directionof the Housemasterandwill deal with
‘minor’offences(lackof prep,lowlevel disruptioninthe classroom,etc),andworkincollaboration
withthe Housemasteronpastoral matters. The vast majorityof parental contact is withthe
Housemaster. Asa house team(matrons,seniorhouse tutorsandthe Housemaster) we meetonce
a week.
Case 1
Boy A came to us on a bursary. He was currentlyinfostercare inthe holidaysandhad a Social Work
carer withwhomboyA and the Housemasterliaised. Hismotheris alive butclaimedto be incapable
of lookingafterBoyA. His father is,I believe,unknown. BoyA isof reasonable academicabilitybut
suffers fromAttentionDeficit Hyperactivity Disorder(ADHD),forwhichhe takesmedication. He isa
verytalentedsportsman.
The firstnotable characteristicabouthisbehaviour ishisup-front,almostaggressive,responseto
everythingthatissaidtohim. Best,R (etal) talksabouthow boysdeal withseparation.
‘Inthe case of separation,boysare notexpectedtoshow emotionasgirlsare,oftenleaving
for boys aggressionasthe onlyoption’(Best,Retal,1995).

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
AlthoughBoyA didnot encounterseparationasa child (he neverhadanycontact withhisFather),
the feelingof rejection (oftenrelated toaseparation) couldhave been present,goingsome wayto
explaininghisattitude.
Thisaggressive tone andconfrontational approachwasparticularlynotable whenIconfronted him
infront of a group of hispeers. One notable occasionwaswhenIsenthimoutof Social call. His
response wasimmediately aggressiveand, althoughhe begrudgingly didwhathe hadbeenaskedto
do, we bothendedupbeingfrustrated. He was latersentto the HousemasterforhisoutburstbutI
believeitledtoa breakdownintrustinthe earlypart of hisschool careerfrom bothparties. On
reflection,Irealisedthatto questionhimin frontof a groupwas nevergoingtowork.
‘Whenhandlingmisbehaviour,keepyourinteractionsprivate,particularlywhendealingwith
reallydifficultstudents. Nevergive adifficultpupilthe oxygenof publicitybydealingwith
himor her infrontof the whole class. Thisonlyupsthe stakesand isfar more likelytolead
to confrontations.’(Teachernet,2007)
Thisviewwassupportedby the above statementtakenfromTeachernet(anonline teaching
resource) quotingfrom Sue Cowley's book ‘Gettingthe BuggerstoBehave2’.
In future occasions,whenhisbehaviourwas notupto an acceptable standardinSocial call,which
happenedonmore thanone occasion,I asked himto leave andwaitoutside. Ithenspoke withhim
afterthe meeting. Thiswasdesignedtotryand rebuildtrust overtime,whichIbelieveitdid, and
was the action recommendedbythe Housemaster.
RebuildingtrustIfeltwasof the upmostimportance,asI wasgoingto have to workwithBoy A all
yearand I fearedthat if we developed abadrelationship,itwouldbe detrimental forbothof us.
‘Whenwe lookat howrelationshipswithotherscanaffect achild’semotional well-beingand
social competency,we findthatdevelopinggoodrelationshipswithachild’speers,andthe
adultsthat care forthem,isessential totheir well-being’(Wear,K2000).
If I wasto protectBoy A’swell-being,Iwasgoingto have to developacouple of copingstrategies.
Thisseemedalmostimpossible as, whendealingwithBoyA, there alwaysseemedtobe a certain
reluctance toengage withwhatwasbeingsaidto himand a resistance toact uponit. Egan talks
abouta ’clients’reluctance tochange due toan unwillingnesstoputinthe extraeffortto develop,
describingthisasa trait foundinall humanbeings. Thisiscoupledwiththe reluctance todevelop
into‘unknownwaters’(Egan, 2007). Egan relatesreluctance andresistance,butdescribes
reluctance asa feelingcomingfromwithinthe person,andresistance asbeingstimulatedby a

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
stimulusoutsideof thatperson. Whenwe lookat possible stimuli forreluctance,we findthatit
comesfromemotionssuchas shame,lossof hope or a lack of trust (Egan,2007). Thisrelatesback to
my earlierreflectionsregardingthe underliningreasons beneathhisproblems.
To deal withBoyA long term, I realisedIwouldneedtodeveloparange of copingstrategies. These
included:
 Recognise,whereverpossible, the positivecontributions thatBoy A made to the school.
 RemaincalmwithBoy A, to avoidshoutingathimand not to confronthim infrontof hispeers.
 Advise all adults how he dealswithhisproblemsand tosuggestpossiblecopingstrategies.
 Remaininclose contact withhistutor,to monitorhisprogress.
 Monitorat everyavailableopportunity, hisprogresswithinthe house andhissocial interactions.
These were developed afterreadingadvice fromMarigoldBentlyinherchapteron’Conflict
Resolution’in‘GoodPractice inBoardingSchools’ (2001).She statedthe key skillsandattitudes:
1. Communication
2. Co –operation
3. Imaginationandcreative thinking
4. Analysisandcritical thinking
5. Empathy
6. Commitmenttojustice
Throughoutthe yearI triedto keeptothese principleswheneverdealingwithconflictwhich
involvedBoyA.
Recognise wherever possible, the positivecontributionsBoyA madeto the school
Thisis an approach recommendedbyMike Temple in‘CatchThemBeingGood’; torecognize good
behaviourandencourage it. The obviouspositive contributiontoschool wasinhis involvementin
sport and,as a result, at our first‘Social dinner’(formal dinner) Ipresentedhimwithasportingprize.
He waspleasedtoreceive thisandIthinkthiswentsome wayto rebuildingtrust.
Unfortunately,althoughthisprinciple workedonthe oddoccasion,the vastmajorityof feedbackI
got aboutBoy A wasnegative. Itherefore felt,asIam sure he did,that I wasalways speakingtohim
ina negative context. I thinkthat if I wasto deal witha similarsituationthisyear, Iwouldaskthat
everyteacherwhosentme negative feedbackaboutBoyA wasalso askedtoinclude positive

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
commentsonaspectsof hiswork. In thiswayI couldfindmyself praisingBoyA asmuch or, ideally,
more than I criticizedhisbehavior.
Remain calmwith Boy A, do not shoutat him anddo not confronthim infront of hispeers
Thisis againa strategy recognisedbyTemple. BoyA was keennotto be seennotto lose and,as
demonstratedearlier,hadanastyhabitof responding tocriticismthattookplace frontof his friends
ina verynegative way. Thisparticularstrategywasputto the testwhenI got an email fromone of
histeachersdescribinghisbehaviourinclass. Ispoke tohimverycalmly,awayfrom hispeers,about
hisbehaviour. Thisunfortunatelyhadverylimitedsuccess,largelyIthinkdowntothe fact that he
saw noproblemwiththe wayinwhichhe had behaved,andblamedthe boynexttohimforthe
majorityof the behaviour. Iam fairlycertainthat our conversationhadnothad an affect,asthe
nextweekinthe same class,he repeatedsimilarbehaviour. Isuggestedto the teacherthatin
future he shouldsit BoyA at the front of the class,andas far away from the secondboyas possible.
Boy A wentto see the Housemasterforhisbehaviour,andwasputon academicreport. Thisusefully
allowedme toimplementmyfirststrategymore effectively. My conclusionwasthatfor BoyA to
gainanythingfrom‘counselling’, hisbehaviourwouldonlyworkif he recognisedhe hadbehaved
badly.
Adviseall adultshe dealswith of hisproblemsand suggestpossiblecopingstrategies
To ensure thatall adultswere aware of Boy A’sissues,Iemailedbriefdetailsof hisproblems,along
withstudentsthatI suggestedthattheykepthimawayfrominclass. I got a reasonable response
fromthis. However,bythe time I hadsentit (about half waythoughthe Michaelmasterm),the
majorityof the teachershad worked outmostof the informationforthemselves.
In future,Ithinkthat I wouldimplement thisstrategyatan earlierstage, sopossiblytackling
problemsinthe classroombefore theyoccur.
Remain inclose contact with his tutor to monitorhis progress
Boy A’stutor wasnot an academicmemberof staff. Whetherornot thisevercontributed tohis
progression,itisimpossibletotell. Iwouldsuggest,however, thatitmostcertainly didnot, because

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
althoughhistutordidnot teach,he had spenttwenty-five yearsinthe Royal Marines. I thinkthat
thismusthave had a positive impactonBoyA, providinghimwith apositive role model.
Close contactwiththe tutor workedwell, however,some tutorsare more engagedthanothersand
therefore thisstrategymaynotworkwell witheverytutor.
Monitor,at every availableopportunity,hisprogresswithinthe houseand hissocial interactions
Thisstrategy,more than anyof the othersabove,requiredeverybodywithinthe house to
participate. Thisrequiredme toinformstaff of the problemshe wasfacing. Thiswasdone through
our weeklyhousemeetings. Belowisanextract of the minutesfromone of the meetingsheldinthe
laterstagesof the firsthalf of the firstterm,
(BoyA):on academicreportagain – lostlast week’sreportcardand got anotherone this
weekdue tolotsof GPs. PAM (author) tosendmemotoall teachingstaff toletthemknow
he is on ARC. Veryhyperactive inlessons,brightbutnoteasytoteach. Has pillsforADDand
AHDA but doesforgetto take sometimesandMatronshave hadto go to findhimre pills
(usuallyinafternoons).Needslotsof helpwithorganisation - staff needtohelphim toget
organisednexthalf of term. (BoardingHouse Staff Minutes,Nov2007)
Thisadequately demonstrates the range of differentissuesthatwe were dealingwith. Whenon
duty(once a week),Imonitoredhisprogressonboth anacademicand a social front. It was difficult
to do anymore thanthis, as the demandsof a full teachingtimetable,andabusyextra-curricular
life, meantthatextratime wasdifficulttofind.
On reflection,althoughthe above policiesdealtwithBoyA’sbehaviour withacertainamountof
success,I believe thattheyfailedtoaddressthe underlining issuesthatBoyA had. Namelyemotions
such as shame,lossof hope or a lack of trust,as mentionedearlierinthe report. Dealingwiththese
was far more difficult todoandI thinkthat, whendealingwithasimilarcase now, Iwouldaskfor
professionaladvice atanearlierstage. Thiswouldhave includedseekingadvice fromthe Support
and StudySkillsDepartmentandpossiblytryingtopersuade BoyA,at any earlystage,tospeakto
one of the school Counsellors.

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
Case Study 2
Boy B was,duringthe day, a slightlyawkward butpleasantboy,withahighacademicabilityanda
close groupof friends. Despiteall this, he gotterriblyhomesickeverytime he stayed inthe school.
The vast majorityof homesicknessisdealtwithbythe matronswithinthe house - theyare the first
port of call. However,we foundthatincreasinglyhe wouldhide himself awayanduse hismobile
phone tocall hismotherintears. This understandablyupsethismotheragreatdeal.
Initially we suspectedthatthe homesicknesswasareactionto beingawayfromhome forthe first
time. Carl Lyon reflectsinherpaper‘Homesickness’:
‘Whenthe featuresandcomfortsare removedorreplaced,the feelingsassociated withthe
feelingsof homesicknesssurface’(2007).
As a house team,we suspectedthe suddenchange of surroundingswas the maincontributingfactor
of hisproblemsbut,onreflection, Ithinkwe were wrong.
We alsosuspectedthatthis homesickness waspartlydowntohimhavingasiblingwholivedat
home. There seemedto be rivalrybetweenthe siblingsand BoyB’s siblinghadgotintoa more
academicschool,closertohome, whereasBoy B hadnot metthe academicstandard. Onrefection,I
thinkthishad a far greateraffectonBoy B than we had firstthought, andwas the underliningreason
for hishomesickness.
There were three particularincidences throughoutthe yearthat standout for me. The firstwasone
nightwhenIwas on duty. I do dutyon a nightwhenmany pupils attendchoirfora large proportion
of prep. Duringprep, I go aroundeverypupil’sroom andwhenIcame intoBoy B’s, I foundhim
alone inhisbathroom(hisroommate wasat choir),curledupinthe corner,sobbing. Ibroughthim
downstairsandwe had a chat inthe surgerywiththe matron. WhenI spoke to him aboutwhat he
had done duringthe day,whatlessonshe hadenjoyedand hada general ‘chitchat’,he calmed
downand we evenmanagedtogeta smile outof him. However, whenwe spoke tohimaboutthe
reasonsbehindhis homesickness, he becamecompletelyirrational.
The secondwas anothernightwhenIwas onduty. Onthis occasion there wasan eventoninthe
mainschool (a five minute walkfromthe juniorhouse). The pupilswere comingbackto the house
whenthe matron got a call fromBoy B’s parents. Iwas at the entrance tothe house directingpupils
up to theirrooms,unaware of whowas onthe ‘phone. Matronaskedme to go and speakto BoyB,
as he had justbeenonthe ‘phone tohismotherinfloodsof tears. However,he hadjustwalkedpast
me and I had jokedwithhimabouthisT-shirt. There wasnothingwrongwithhim. I decidedto

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
confronthimaboutthis,as I felthe was treatinghisparentsveryunfairly. He had no answerfor his
actions, soI removedhis ‘phone forthe restof the evening and‘phonedhismother.
The third wasnot a specificevent, butmore abouthisbehaviouroverthe course of a week. More
precisely,itwasthe weekthatwe wentskiingforaweekinSwitzerland. Bearinginmindthat,atthis
stage,he was strugglingtostayin school forevenone night, Iwas hesitanttotake him. However,I
was provedwrong spectacularly. Onthe firstnighthe had a bit of a ‘wobble’but,afterthathe was
fine forthe restof the week. Thisbehaviourconfirmedtome thathisactionsat school were almost
definitelyattentionseeking.
To deal withBoyB long term, I wouldneedtodeveloparange of copingstrategies.These included:
 Reduce the nightsthathe stayedinschool
 Closelymonitorhismovementswhenhe isboarding
 Remove hismobile ‘phone inthe evenings
These are strategieswere developedovertime, withthe helpof seniorstaff withinthe house. They
were implementedinstages,ashisbehaviorbecame more worrying.
Reduce the nightsthat he stayed in school
Thiswas a decisiontakenwithhisparentswho, bythisstage, were upsetandunsure whattodo. It
was a difficultdecisiontomake,aswe (the boardingstaff) believedthatBoyB was‘puttingona
show’andmanipulatinghisparentstogethisownway. Bypersuadinghisparentsintoagreeingto
take himhome in the evening (aconsiderableburdenonthem,astheywere notthatlocal), we felt
he was justgettinghisownway. However,itwas agreedthat he shouldstayinschool one nighta
week onThursdays,asthis wasthe day that I wason duty andwouldgive me the opportunityto
‘keepaneye onhim’. Unfortunately,BoyBalwaysseemedtofindareasonwhyhe was simply
unable tostay. Thisstrategy,therefore,wasonlygoingtoworkif hisparentsagreednotto take him
home.
It isdifficulttoknow whatto gainfromthe relative failure of thisstrategy. Onthe one hand, we
(the school andthe parents) didnotwantto be seento be giving in,however,if BoyB wasgenuinely
miserable everytime he wasforcedtostayin,thenwe wouldnevermove forward. Igot the feeling,
at times,thatwe were skirtingarounda slightlyworryingprobleminthatBoyB (a13 yearold) was
unable tospendeven one nightawayfromhome withoutbreakingdownintofloodsof tears. To

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
complicate the matter,we knewthatthiswasnot actuallythe case,as he had provedonthe ski trip,
where he spenta weekawayfromhisparentsinanothercountrywithno problemsatall.
Closelymonitorhismovements when he is boarding
Thisstrategyfeddirectlyfromthe previousone and workedtoa certaindegree. Iwastakingadvice
fromCarl Lyon inherpaper ‘Homesickness’ whichsuggeststhat‘makinganefforttobecome partof
a newenvironment occupiesthe mind’(LyonC,2007) and therefore pupilsare lesslikelytodwell on
the past and hence lesslikelytobecome victimsof homesickness. Therefore,whenBoyBwasin
school,Iinsistedthathe was alwaysbusy,whetherworking,watchingafilmorplayingfootball. This
didwork to a certainextent,butthe strategyseemedtohave noprogression. WhenItriedtoallow
himmore freedom,he slippedbackintohisoldhabits. Thiswasquite frustratingandledme to
believethathe wasa boy that neededalotof attention andtime spentonhim.
CloselymonitoringpupilsatBoyB’sage seemedanoddthingto do. I feltthathe was too oldto be
monitoredsoclosely butitappeared thathe wasachievingwhathe wanted - personal attention.
Now, personal attentionissomethingthatwe as staff tryto avoidgivingtopupils but,I feltthat
whenBoyB wasinresidence,I spentadisproportionateamountof time withhimandpossibly
neglectedthe needsof otherpupilsinthe house.
Remove his mobile‘phonein the evenings
Thisparticularstrategywouldseem atfirstalmostcruel,however,itwasdevelopedwithhisparents
and wasvital in avoidingBoyB fromtryingto manipulate hisparents. Unlike the previous strategies,
thisone appearedtowork well. Onreflection,Ithinkthiswould be astepIwouldtake earlierin the
future,howeverIalsothinkthat itis a strategythat mustbe takenin agreementwith the parents. If
thisstrategy had beenundertaken withoutthe parentsbeinginformedbeforehand,thenitmay
have looked, tothe parents,asif the school wastryingto coverup what wentoninschool.
Thiswas alsoa strategy whichput intoconflictthe rightsof the child, the parentsandthe
Housemaster. Boyd(etal) reflectsthat:
‘Asa general rule,whenitisnecessaryinthe interestsof the pupil’ssafety,educational and
otherwelfare’(Boyd R.,2007)

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Trialsand Tribulations:MyFirstYear ina BoardingHouse, PatrickMahon
The rights of Boy B, itcouldbe argued, were infringedhere. However,Ibelieve thiswasdone with
hisbestwell-beinginmind. Onreflection therefore,Ithink thatina similarcase now,Iwould
employthe same strategy.
Conclusion
Dealingwithbothcasesthroughoutthe yearwasan interestingongoingexperience,fromwhichI
learned agreat deal. Bothboyshave now gone onintoseniorhouses. BoyA seems,aftera
reportedly‘rocky’start,tobe doingwell. One of disadvantages,asmentionedearlierinthe report
abouthavinga horizontal boardinghouse,isthatthe boys(andgirls) have no-one oldertoadoptas
a role model. The importance of havingthis,Ithink, isveryevidentinBoyA’scase. One of my more
memorable conversationsthisyearhasbeenwithBoyA,whoproudlytoldme thathe had received
more meritssofar thisyear, thanhe haddone inthe whole of lastyear! I naturallycongratulated
him,butequallyquestionedwhether ornotwe had done anythingdrasticallywronglastyearthat
had slowedhisprogress. Myconclusionwasthatwe had not. The transitionfromprepschool into
seniorschool forBoyA cannot have beeneasy. The veryfact that he returned thisyeartowhat he
knew,musthave beenan immediate advantage, andalsobeinginasmaller,sporty,all boyshouse,
full of positive role modelsmustalsoplayitspart.
Boy B still hasbigproblemswithboardingand continues,despite livingaconsiderabledistance
away,to spend mosteveningsathome. Boy B’s failure to‘grow out‘of hishomesicknessis,inmy
view,averyworryingone. However,italsosuggeststhatitwasnot the unique positionhe wasin
withinthe juniorhouse,where he wasconstantlysurrounded bylotsof children,both boysandgirls,
and where he couldeasilyget‘lost’amongstaseaof people, thatwasnot a majorfactor in his
homesickness. One cannotquestion however, thatthe surroundingsBoyB was inmust have had an
affect. Quite howmuchof an affect,however, Idonot thinkitis possible totell.
I therefore believe,thathiscontinual failure toadaptto boardinglife,layin the relationshiphe had
withhisparentsand withhissiblings. Isuspectthat,as hisbrotherremainedathome,he feltthat
he was not the favouredsibling.

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References
BestR. et al.,Pastoral care andPersonal-SocialEducation,Cassell,pg193-pg 194
BentlyM.,2001, ConflictResolution, GoodPractice inBoardingSchools, BoardingSchool
Association,pg108
BoardingHouse Staff Minutes,November 2007
BoydR., 1999, Runninga School BoardingHouse: A Legal Guide for Housemastersand
Housemistresses,BoardingSchool Association,Pg10 (Chap2.7)
Cowley, S.,2007, Gettingthe Buggersto Behave 2.
(http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/teachers/issue31/secondary/features/DifficultBehaviour_Primary/)
Egan G., 2007, The SkilledHelper,ThompsonHigherEducation,pg184
Lyon C.,2007, Homesickness:GuidelinesforCopingwithHomesicknessinaBoardingEnvironment,
BoardingSchool Association
Temple M.,2007, Catch ThemBeingGood,
(http://behaviourmanagement.org/Recordingpositive.aspx)
Wear K.,Metal,Emotional + Social Health,Routledge,pg86