The Perimenopausal Prude & Dr. Phil
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Perimenpause and Libido. Why middle aged women don't want sex especially after having children. Perimenopausal mothers don't have a libido because her job of mothering and caring for children is now the most important role she has, and having sex is no longer hard wired in her brain. There's a reason perimenopausal women don't want sex and it's not because they don't love thier mates. This show discusses a segment on Dr. Phil that touched on the lack of libido in a perimenopausal woman and Dr. Phil's shitty recommendations. #MTR #Moxie #DrPhil #Libido
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The Perimenopausal Prude & Dr. Phil
- 3. Perimenopausal Libido Perimenopausal women do not want to have sex. Perimenopausal women do not want to be touched. Perimenopausal women do not want to emotionally connect.
- 4. The Dr. Phil Show When Sex Goes South The Story of Lindsie and Charles Air Date: April 16, 2014 Link: http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/2209/
- 5. Mercy Sex Most women want to want to have sex because they love their significant other but have a lot of “rules” in order for her to be able to have “mercy sex”.
- 6. Poor Charles, jumping through hoops to get laid. Charles’ Contribution
- 7. Have you ever wondered why your doctor looks at you like a deer in headlights when you ask them about hormone replacement therapy? Sex Twice A Year
- 8. Emotional Checkout No emotional connection or intimate connection.
- 9. I’m a mom now. The last thing I think about is sex. The Mother
- 10. Alessandra Rampolla, are you !@#$% kidding me?! The Reinforcements
- 11. Nobody addressed why this woman was feeling this way. Are You !@#$% Kidding Me?
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- 19. Thank you for listening and spending your time with me. I know how busy things can get, and it means a lot you chose to listen. I’d love to hear from you. Please email the show and tell us what you’d like to hear at info@menopausetalkradio.com. If you enjoyed the show, please forward it to a friend you think may enjoy it as well.
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- 21. All the information in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only, and should not be construed as personal medical advice. Marie Hoag, MBA is not a physician, and does not give medical advice. She encourages you to do your own research and to make your own health care decisions with the guidance of a qualified physician. *This information has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Neither the information, nor any formula(s) mentioned are intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. The above information, comments, and opinions are for educational purposes only. At no time should it take the place of individualized evaluation and treatment recommendations provided by a qualified and licensed health care practitioner in the context of a clinical relationship. Practitioners should evaluate the above information using their expertise coupled with each patient’s individualized assessment.
Editor's Notes
- I named this show The Perimenopausal Prude and Doctor Phil because of a particular segment of a Dr. Phil show a patient of mine sent me. The woman in the segment is a typical perimenopausal woman of which we see hundreds in the clinic. I’ve posted the show clip on menopausemoxie.com for those of you who haven’t had the chance to see it.
- Lindsie says her husband, Charles, has a very active sex drive, but she could go the rest of her life without it. She says her libido started to go downhill five years ago, while she was pregnant with her daughter. They now have a second child, age 11 months, and Lindsie says she feels too insecure about her body to be intimate. "Sex is like a burden, because I only do it for Charles," she says. Lindsie continues, "Since my son was born, we have been sleeping in separate beds. Charles asks me over and over, 'Lindsie, do you think tonight we can?' Sometimes, I’ll say 'yes,' and then I’ll pray he falls asleep on the couch."Charles says he is very sexually frustrated — and admits that he strayed during Lindsie's first pregnancy. "I said, 'I can’t be with someone who can’t give me love and affection,'" he recalls. "She said, 'I'm sorry, I can't give you that.'" He insists that he has tried everything to romance his wife, including flowers and cooking candlelit dinners, but to no avail. "It feels like my manhood and my self-esteem has been stripped away from me," Charles says. "I just don' t know the answer to making her sex drive better.""I want to have sex, and be happy and want to make Charles happy, but I can’t. It is not in me," Lindsie says.
- Lindsie’s rules were:Must showerCant drink beerBaby has to be to sleepThree minutes for sexual activity (because that’s how long the commercials typically are)If baby wakes, Charles is on his ownCharles feels a lot of pressure for a three minute time slot. Poor guy.
- Scheduled date nightsGave complimentsBought her new clothesFlowers and candyCooked for her and cut her steakCaters to her whimCandles and romanceLindsie has no interest in porn or anything that would require her to respond sexually.
- It isn’t unusual for perimenopausal women to put sex off as long as possible. Perimenopausal women are under a great deal of pressure to engage in sex or any kind of intimacy. The closer it gets to the promised time, the more nervous the woman get, and tends come up with excuses to prolong the period.She ends up feeling bad and “gives in” to get it over with.
- When perimenopausal women end up in a situation of mercy sex, they typically check out emotionally and avoid making intimate connections during the sex.Lindies goes so far as to count in her head up to a hundred in hopes her husband will finish before she reaches 100. When sex is over, the woman feels huge relief because she’s off the hook for an extended period of time. Even though there’s relief to a degree for the man, there’s still an awkward feeling of disconnect. When Dr. Phil asked Lindsie what she thought the problem was, she said she “thinks it’s something medically” and that she can’t just “make herself do it”.
- Dr. Phil went on to ask her when she felt this change take place and she said after the birth of her second child. Lindsie appears to be in her mid thirties, like most women in this predicament. She claims she just turned into a mother and is wrapped up in that right now.Dr. Phil pointed out she stopped being a wife and started being a mother. He points this out like it’s a choice but it’s hardwired in our brains on purpose.
- Dr. Phil sent clinical sexologist Alessandra Rampolla to Charles and Lindsie’s house to meet the couple and learn more about their sexual issues. Lindsie reveals to Alessandra that she sleeps with their children in the master bedroom, while Charles sleeps in his daughter’s pink bedroom. She shares that she considers herself a mom and is perfectly content with not having any intimacy with her husband, but she knows it’s not fair to Charles. Lindsie and Charles both say they’re still in love. Onstage with Dr. Phil, Alessandra says Lindsie is disconnected from her own sexuality and never has any sexual thoughts. “Your libido is never going to be jump-started until you start thinking. It starts in your brain, and then goes down your body,” she says. Alessandra suggests erotic literature to get her mind in the right place. She also notes that Lindsie may not have completely healed from the affair her husband had years ago. “There’s something about the rules, and excuses and justifications that almost seems like there’s a punishment behind the controlling of the sex,” she says.Dr. Phil chimed in and said she needs a better attitude about it, and Alessandra said they needed to touch more and advises the couple to touch hold hands and give each other non sexual touches at home. Dr. Phil went on to suggest a change of scenery and offered them a trip to Sandles and whichever location they want to help spark romance. The look on the face of Lindsie was a typical one of, “Oh my God. I can’t believe I’m going on trip where I’m required to have sex when I don’t want to.”
- This is it regarding any sort of treatment or recommendations by anyone. Dr. Phil went on to promote his son’s new credit card. I couldn’t believe no one was going to give her any information of value. I’m embarrassed and feel like Dr. Phil let this woman down and is more interested in promoting Robin’s and Jay’s entrepreneurial endeavors. I can’t believe the only advise this woman got was to “start thinking, read erotic novels, touch each other, get her mind in the right place, and it starts in your brain and then goes down your body. WTF?
- When Dr. Phil wasn’t busy peddling his families products, he used to give good advice and offer to get their entire body checked out including hormones. Both Dr. Phil and Alessandra act as though this is something that can be addressed by changing the environment or thinking about it. When Dr. Phil asked Lindsie what she thought it was, she said she thought it was medically related but no one listened to her.Lindsie isn’t supposed to want to have sex right now in her life because that’s what her estrogen levels are telling her. Lindsie’s estrogen is in the toilet which is a woman’s main-sex libido hormone. Also, when estrogen gets low