Textbook’ the art of Charm
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This document provides guidance on effective texting strategies for attracting and engaging with women. It discusses topics like generating comfort through humor, using nicknames to build intimacy, mirroring a woman's communication style, role-playing to spark emotions, and ending conversations on a positive note to make her want more interaction. The overall message is that texting should be lighthearted and focus on setting up an in-person meeting.
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Textbook’ the art of Charm
- 2. Are You ‘Textually Active’? People Text More Than They Make Phone Calls. It Is A Preferred Method Of Communication AmongWomen!! We Must Master It!
- 3. Are You ‘Textually Active’? Flirt/Banter(Attraction) Logistics (Setting Up Dates)
- 4. Tried&Tested We Are Sending Average Of 7,000Texts/Month For 3Years. Over90%Of The Recipients Have BeenWomen. ’Scientifically’ Tested System
- 5. Apply It Now! Two Steps ToLearning Anything.: Get a Coach. Practice!
- 9. DirectAccess
- 11. FundamentalsOfTexting. The Main Purpose Is To Meet Up With Her! NODeep Rapport (No Emotional Sharing) If It Doesn't Bring You Closer To The Meet-up, DO NOT Send The Text!
- 13. TextingToo Much. MYTH: “You Can Never Have Too Much Text”
- 17. Keep It Light Display The PlayfulSide Of Your Personality. Easy To Misinterpret Intentions Via Text.
- 18. UsingEmoticons. Text Conversations Are Missing Over 93% Of The Input As A Face-to-face Interaction. Example: “I Could Never Hang With You. You're Trouble.” -Versus- “I Could Never Hang With You, Ha-ha. You're Trouble! ;)”
- 19. Emotional Filtering. Women FilterYour Text Through Their Current Mood. MirrorFemale Communication Patterns.
- 20. CreativeMisinterpretation. FlipTheScript.. Example: Torri: Guess What? Ryan: You Want To Come Have Drinks With Me And Get Me Drunk So You Can Take Advantage Of Me?! Girl You Are Naughty! Torri: Oh Man! You Totally Read My Mind... Haha. I'm Back In New York.
- 23. Choosing a Nickname. Based On Comfort Level& Convo Type. FUN: Otter Pop, Strawberry Shortcake, Girl Scout, Rainbow Brite, Baby Toe, Smurfette CUTE: Princess Sparkles, Snuggles Mcgee, Lady Bug, Bumble Bee, Little Miss Pretty Face
- 24. Choosing a Nickname. TEASING: Nerd Ball, Sassy Pants, Butterbean, Cracker Pants, Midget Ninja, Girly Face SEXUAL: Sex Kitten, Cock Weasel, Cum Smuggler, Penis Puppet, Wiener Warmer NOTE: Be More Careful With These!
- 25. TIPS: Try Rhyming The End Of Your Texts Using A Nickname. Example: “Peace Out Girl Scout” Diminutive Nicknames Work Best
- 26. Mirroring:s Example: Britney: So... Can You Think Of Any Care Package Item That You Might Need? I've Got Like Two. Ha. Ryan: Not That I Can Think Of..Maybe A Towel Or Two? Lol Britney: Haha Okay. What Colors? Also- You're A Medium Right? Ryan: Most Of The Time Yes Lol Britney: Okay. And What Are Your Favorite Colors- Blues And Greens Right? Ryan: No Real Britney: Lame. You Make Things So Difficult! Lol I'm Determined To Find Some Amazing Stuff For Your Package... Care Package That Is Ha. Your Package Is Amazing On Its Own. :)
- 27. WhatWe KnowSo Far. Generate Comfort Make Her SMILE ”If It Makes YOU Smile, It’ll Make HER Smile”
- 28. Part II: Practicing Safe Text
- 29. What Your First Texts Tell Her. You're Not The Only Guy In Her Life She Must Select YOU!
- 30. Why Most Guys Fail: First Text No-no’s Engage Playfully Compel A Response
- 31. We’re All4thGraders She’ll Associate Positive Emotion With You. Wording Is Key: ‘Dancing’ Vs. ‘Bust-a-move’.
- 32. CompellingHer ToRespond Rewording Basic Questions Example: “Hey, What’s Up?” Vs. “What Kind Of Mischief Are You Causing Today?” Cliffhangers
- 33. AnEffectiveFirst Text… Evokes Emotion From The Interaction. Sparks Attraction All Over Again Includes Nicknames, Role-playing, Teasing, Etc.
- 34. …LooksSomethingLike This: “Hey Little Penguin Princess, What Kind Of Mischief Are You Causing Today?!? :)” -Or- “Hey My Little Penguin Princess, I Just Realized Which Celebrity You Remind Me Of… Crazy! ;)”
- 35. Get To The Choppa! StrikeWhileTheIron Is Hot!!
- 36. Troubleshooting: “Who Is This?” How You Respond Is Crucial. Make Her Want To Know.
- 37. Examples: “Oh My Dear <Nickname>, I Thought My Name Was Inscribed Upon Your Heart!” “Your Future Ex-husband, Obviously! ;)”
- 38. InAction! Amber: Who Is This? Ryan: Prince Charming...Duh! Amber: Then Why R U Not With Me? Ryan: Because Ur Evil Step Mother Had Me Locked Up In The Castle! But I Broke Free And Now We Can Live Happily Ever After...How Excited Are You!? :)
- 39. Playfully Tease Her. Keeps The PressureOff. Never Directly INSULT Her (Obviously!)
- 40. Examples. “You’re A ClosetDork Aren't You…except Without The Closet ;)” “Come On Now. You Have Work Today? Are You Sure It Isn't Mandatory Community Service? A Cute Yet Sassy Gal Who’s A Felon… Who Would Known?!? Haha ;)”
- 41. Examples. If She Has Problems With Her Phone: “That’s Cool If You Can't Afford To Pay Your Bill This Month –I’m Not Judging You…that Much. Haha :)” If She Suggests A Time To Meet Up (E.G. 6pm) “No Way! That’s Too Early. I Don't Want To Be Stuck With You For That Long! Let’s Do6:04Haha :-)”
- 42. Teasing In Action: Katelyn: Ohhhhh That's Right You're That Cool. Forgot For A Moment Who I Was Talking To. Ha-ha. Kelly: Hahaha U Seem Pretty Cool :). Still Got My Eye On You Though. So No Funny Business :) Katelyn: I'm The Coolest -May Even Top You Sir. Yeah You Should Keep An Eye On Me Most Guys Tend To. Good Thinking. Kelly: You're Funny. Did U Have Like A Big Stain On Your Shirt Or Something?! Hahaha U Are Kinda Adorable.. :)
- 43. PassHer Tests! Ignore It ”You’reCute” Play Along Example: Her: “You’re A Player!” Me: “What Is It About Players That You Find So Attractive?”
- 44. IfThat Doesn't Work… Find Out The REALIssue. Be Willing To WalkAway.
- 45. InAction: Heidi: What Ever Happened To Picking My Brain About All The Places I Have Been? I Feel Like You Charmed Me Into Bed And That Makes A Good Story To Add To Whatever You’re Working On. Ryan: What U Decide To Believe Of Course Is Always Your Decision My Dear :) I Have No Interest In Convincing U One Way Or Another Only In Enjoying My Time With High Quality People. Heidi: Good Way To Put It. Guess Im In My Head. Thanks For Considering Me High Quality Same To You
- 46. Ryan: Not Into What? Tara: Being One Of The Girls From Your Website. I Was Interested In Getting To Know You Because I Thought You Sounded Really Fun, So I Guess You're Really Good At What You Do. Ryan: Really? So Now You Don't Want To Get To Know Me Because I Help Guys Develop Their Personality So They Can Meet Awesome People? Tara: It Just Sounds Like I'm One Of Several Girls You're Setting Up A Date With This Week. InAction:
- 47. InAction:(cont’d): Ryan: Haha Now I Get It...I Just Want To Help People Have Choices In Their Dating Lives So They Don't Settle But Are Happy..Does That Make Sense? Tara: And You Do That By Sleeping Around? Ryan: Seriously That Make Me Laugh....I Wrote The About Us Page :) Read That! But Hey If That Is Reason Enough Not To Hang Out And Have Fun Goofing Around I Totally Understand. Have A Good Night :) Tara: Well I'm Interested In Meeting U. So Why Don't We Just Meet Up And Get To Know Each Other. You're Not Free Till Tomorrow Pm?
- 48. MakingFunOfYourself. Don’t Be “Too Cool For School” Women ‘Secretly’ Think They're Nerds/Dorks At Heart.
- 49. Made-up Memories: Role Playing The Key Is In The Details. Frame As Her Chasing YOU. Examples: Husband & Wife Teacher & Student Rock Star & Groupie
- 50. InAction: Ryan: Hey Wanna Come Over Here And Grab Some Lunch Wifey? Alicia: I Would Love To But I'm Working The Bon Jovi Concert Tonight Through An Agency And I Have To Leave At 4! :0( Thank You So Much Tho! Ryan: Well Us Not Seeing Each Other Very Often Is Putting A Definite Strain On Our Marriage:-( Alicia: I Know! I Cry Myself To Sleep At Night.... 6 More Days Till We Go On Our Double Honeymoon!
- 51. “Guess What?” When Asking A Question, Guess Her Answer. EXAMPLE: “What are you up to this weekend?” -versus- “What are you up to this weekend? Let me guess, taking a speed-knitting class so you can make me a scarf? You are shoo sweet!”
- 53. Do NOT Over-text! Women AreFilters. Maintain A BalanceBetween You.
- 54. Ending the Conversation End On A High Note! Give Her The Gift Of Missing You!
- 55. Troubleshooting: The Re-engaging Text! Happens To The Best Of Us. Solution: Build More Attraction.
- 56. InAction: Ryan: “What Has A Bottom At The Top? (No Response) ...8 Days Later… Ryan: “So It’s Super Cold Out Today...Could You Come Knit Me A Sweater And Make Me Some Hot Chocolate? Thanks :)” Kayla: “Yes. Be Right Over. The First Text You Sent Me Was A Riddle, But I Couldn't Figure It Out. Do You Remember?” Ryan: “Yep...The Answer Is Your Legs :)” Kayla: “You're A Dork...Love It”
- 57. The Ego-stroker. You Saw/Met Someone/Something That Reminded You Of Her. Example: Ryan: “I Just Saw The Cutest Little Squirrel In The Park Gathering Nuts And It Made Me Think Of You :)” Janiece: “Lol! Ur The Best! I’m Totally Saving That Message! Too Cute!”
- 58. Creating Urgency! People Are Compelled To Act To Avoid Losing Something They Have. Can Jump-startThe Conversation And Re-engage Where All Else Has Failed. Example: “Haven’t Heard From You In A While, Is This Still Your Number? I'm Deleting Numbers To Clean Up My Phone.”
- 59. Wrap Up. Remember: The Purpose Of ALL OF THIS Is To Meet UpWith Her! Be Playful Make Her Smile Generate Comfort Pass Her Tests
Editor's Notes
- Intro self, PickUp Podcast, AoC, SiriusXM showPPC story: quit wall st, co-founded AoCYou’ve been here all day: -Slap exercise (everyone stand)We’re giving you the book for free guys, so when you hear me refer to it, it’s not a tease for you guys to buy something. -you guys get enough marketing in this industry -that’s why PickUp Podcast is also free
- Txt almost 2x more than phone
- If you can't do it, someone else (who’s obviously not as cool as you) will make it happen instead.ALL MY COOL PUNS USED ALREADY TODAY
- Learn and benefit from our mistakes instead of spending years making your own
- START DOING THE THINGS WE ARE TELLING YOU TODAY RIGHT AWAY.Today you'll see a ton of examples to illustrate exactly what we’re doing here
- Not in real-time. Can craft perfect response.“What happened when Neo saw everything in slow motion?” -Can actually see the elements of attraction forming & guide interactionCan train your brain to form patterns of banter & attraction slowly for quick recall when in real-time conversation later on -will develop your quick wit -160 characters forces you to be concise (no babbling)Direct Access: She doesn't have to decide to answer or not. -no need for quiet place -more likely to get a responseIncreased Boldness: this is for both you AND her. Much more likely to say what’s on someone’s mind when they're not right in front of you. -Social consequences aren't real -”big balls” jerks/trolls on the internet (wussies in real life) -great for developing sexual state w/herTime mgmt: can flirt with 10 girls at once, all one-on-one
- AUD: "How many of you guys are able to get numbers pretty regularly? (show of hands)"AUD: "how many, WHEN FIRST STARTED got flakes every now and then?" -this system will nearly eliminate thatTexting adds up SO fast, so before you even think of doing this, get UNLIMITED txt planSection in the book dedicated to getting her #, but we’ll skip it here
- This is the stuff you'll need to get down before you’ll start really seeing results -like the BL & vocal tonality of textingYou won't form a real relationship via text aloneTRAP: guys will text a girl as long as she’s responding (stems from validation)Face-to-face is where the magic occurs -can’t kiss/touch/have sex thru textAttraction & sexual tension built thru text designed to show her that MEETING YOU is the BEST OPTION -if she’s attractive, she has optionsIf it doesn't make meetup more likely, don't send it. -better to move forward and fail than be a text-orbiter (waiting for her to text you back when she’s bored) -DOESN’T mean that you ask her to hang out every time you txt. KEEP purpose in mind -don’t text just for the sake of texting -point is to keep her interested over time when you can't hang out with her (keeps momentum going) *story about keeping Tamara interested for 11 weeks via text
- Once you send it, go on with your life. Don't check your phone for response. -puts you in your head -causes you to 2nd guess yourself & screw things upEngaging words elicit a response -no social pressure to respond via text -Imagine she’s bored at work/school and your job is to make her smile -you’re her escape even for a momentNo big deal: outcome dependency is a killer. Relax and have fun.
- Risk: pushing the envelope (out of comfort zone is the only way to fly) -become a social scientist -that’s how we invented this system in the first placePersist: if she doesn't respond, re-engage after a few days and try again -we’ll teach you this a bit laterBounce: “Know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em” -save your time and energy
- Guys constantly text the same stuff to girls -”what’s up?” -”how are you?”I know this, because I used to do the same thing, and now, as a guy in-demand, I get those all the time from girls I'm already bored with.Send txts that are UNIQUE & FUN. Give her CHOCOLATE when all she gets is VANILLA and she’ll wonder about you.
- Persistent texting = needy (scarcity mentality)AUD: “What happens when you call a girl, she doesn't answer, and then you call her back 2 or 3 more times?” -kills attraction FAST
- She has no URGENCY or NEED to respond if you continually make contactWe’ve all heard these: ‘Okay’, ‘Sure’, ‘Yep’If you're the one texting her all the time you're probably NOT on her mind, or she knows you'll hit her up regardless.
- If she’s asking YOU questions and keeping the conversation going, especially if SHE initiated it, you're on the right track.Is she curious about you? REMEMBER: attraction = curiosity!This stuff is a GREAT indicator of her interest level as well*NOTE: same criteria w/respect to phone calls
- Taking some time to respond signals that you have other things going on. -Don’t make her the most important thing in your lifeDon't over-compensate by taking hours to respond to everything -MIX IT UP!NOTE: if it’s something important you're discussing, wait until subject changes or indicate that you have to run. -don’t leave her emotionally exposed.
- Most important mindset yet hardest to cultivateAsk yourself what you'd do if you had 10 other women in your life. -wouldn’t care if someone flakedThis is why 10% of the guys get 90% of the womenBe willing to walk awayThere are SO many ops to meet women every day -you CAN afford to mess up! -ABUNDANCE mentality!
- AUD: “How many of you guys have ended up in a fight over instant messenger or something because someone misunderstood something you typed?”No need to be serious when you first meet someone -don’t even know enough about her to be seriousKeep deep rapport topics for in-person conversation (more powerful)MISINTERPRET: Serious topics can go horribly wrong via text so keep it light -no BL -no EC -no vocal tonality -can’t see your face or smile
- Said before most comms is nonverbal: -BL -EC -VOC TONE*we don't have this in text comms *emoticons fill this gap in commsCan use smilies, ‘lol’, etc instead of a smile & playful deliveryEX: One of these could be misinterp as serious. The other won't.
- Previous example could go poorly if misinterpreted.Using similar emoticons and shorthand is similar to mirroring her during a face-to-face interaction. -she’ll know you're playing around and being fun if you communicate that to her in HER OWN language.
- Here’s another form of mis-interp that actually HELPS you.Obv we know not to put her on a pedestal (ESP when just met) -frame it as her chasing YOUHow do we do this if we’re texting HER?(EX) Frames her as chasing me -if she’s feisty/witty she’ll play along -this becomes role-playing (recreates feelings that she IS chasing you)
- 1) Put smile on her faceSet you apart -shows you're fun2) Nicknames usu for people know know each other well -creates effect that you go way back & have shared experiences3) Creator of nicknames directs interaction. -when you're comfortable, she will be too4) Inside jokes create comfort/trust
- Not typical for her to get these via text. -sets playful frame(AVOID these when trying to develop sexual state)Easy to create: ours aren't very sophisticated at all!
- You need a higher comfort level to use a teasing or sexual nickname versus a fun or cute nickname.
- You can tell when she’s getting more invested because she’ll start nicknaming you backWomen like to feel physically smaller than you both because of self-image and because of your role as “protector” -add word ‘little’ or ‘baby’ to the nickname -EX: baby squirrel, ‘my little <whatever>’
- AUD: “ever txted something long and involved and then you get one of those one-word replies?” -too much too soon kills attractionThe person writing the most is the most invested. -the person investing the most is the one chasingIn this example, Britney is WAY more invested than Ryan. (I actually cut this because it went on forever with Ryan’s one-word responses and her paragraphs)
- Build these into habitPractice them with every girl you interact withEvery woman is unique (treat her as such)Not rules, simply guidelines
- Ok, got the basics, now let’s get our thumbs dirty!
- You need to separate yourself from the herd of others chasing her.Many guys can get a girls phone # -then they forget how to act when they interact with herShe needs reassurance that you're the guy for her, not the next chump in lineSubtext:Is meeting women typical for you?Are you high value?How strong is your identity?Are you needy?Are you exciting/fun?We’ll get into how to subcommunicate ALL of this
- First let’s look at why what most guys do DOESN'T work.EX: “Hey What’s up?” puts you in lame/boring category -doesn’t evoke emotion -kills attractionNeed to engage her playfully and compel her to respond. -once she does, it’s on
- Let’s look at each element here:As we said before:Light-hearted & playful keeps it light -you’re her escape
- Cant just ask her anything, otherwise “whats up” would be an effective text.Cliffhanger: “I just figured out what you would be if you were an animal” -she has to text back to find out the answer -ppl always curious about what others think of them
- Suppose we met a girl and she talks about how she used to go to the zoo to see the penguins. -Had a stuffed penguin named Chilly Willy
- AUD: “Can you guys point out the different elements here that we talked about just a short while ago?” -diminuitive -nickname -ref’s Penguins -reworded question -smiley face
- If you guys are following any kind of 3-day rule or crap like that then knock it off -her memory of you will fade or you'll be replaced by someone elseText within hours of meeting her -never later than the next day
- Could be many reasons for this -lost/broken phone -unsaved # -been too long (deleted)Response is key: -DO NOT remind her how you met! -trying to convince someone how they know you makes you the chaser -you remember them but they don't remember you. Ouch.Make her want to know: -spike her curiosity -by the time she figures it out, she’s already having fun(EX)
- Notice this cheesy little exchange. -Amber went from a logical state to a playful, attracted state quickly -role playing has been kicked off and it’s easy to segue from here
- Keeping things light lowers her defenses -she’ll mirror you (remember?)Shows her you're not chasing -guys who chase are typically afraid to upset herCauses her to qualify herself to you -this reaffirms your value in her mindShould go without saying, but never insult a girl. -HUGE difference between playful teasing and insulting -this has nothing to do with ‘negs’ or any garbage like thatWomen get insulted by lame guys when she hurts their feelings -you are NOT one of those guys
- Can playfully tease her ALMOST any time -NOT when she’s emotionally vulnerable or sharing something intimate -ANY other time should be good(discuss examples)Emoticons are ESPECIALLY important when teasing over text. -otherwise could be misinterpreted (remember SHE filters them through her current state)
- After her response, NO MATTER HOW she reacts, stay positive/playful -if you strike a nerve, don't be overly apologetic -just apologize then move on to something else that's still playful
- Using the stuff we’ve been telling you here, you'll begin developing attraction quickly. -women aren't used to this -you’ll get tested to see if you're the real deal -TESTING MEANS SHE’S INTERESTED!If you pass, attraction will spike a LOTKey is to remain emotionally unreactive -she’s trying to get a rise out of you. If she can't, attraction goes thru the roofThis is where it becomes a GAME. -shes basically telling you she likes you and is giving you an opportunity to make her more attracted to youHere’s how you handle these (slide)Ignore: outframe and keep doing what you were doing/sayingCute: shows you're unaffectedPlay: go over the top so it’s clearly a joke
- Sometimes tests stem from HER own insecurities. -find out the real issue and handle THAT instead. -no sense getting caught up in a fake argument -examples here in a secAs always, be willing to walk away. -know what you want, what you're willing to put up with, and what you're not.There’re a million fish in the sea, and you guys are quite the catch
- Here he’s willing to walk away, doesn’t need to convince her of anything. -truthful -didn’t explain himself -keeps you from digging a bigger hole
- ince Ryan was willing to walk on this one, Tara ended up being even MORE interested in him. -didn’t explain/defend himself or his industrySHE asks HIM to meet up*Obviously, I deal with this issue ALL the time, since I'm super visible in radio and internet media.
- Poking fun at yourself you're solid in your identity -makes you relateableDon't hide your silly side -shows you're not trying to be someone you're notA girl’s dorky side comes out around her closest friends ONLY. -will feel like she can be her true self around you -she’ll feel like she’s “known you forever”
- Remember playing house or king of the castle (aka the slide) -you’ll wonder why you haven't been doing this all alongHuman brain doesn't distinguish from imaginary and real memories/experiences -all relationships in your life formed from shared memoriesThese usu lead to long-lasting callback between both of you -display exciting/romantic side of yourself -creates TONS of comfort!
- Role-playing also helps her let go of other insecurities. -playing role of someone else -no personal responsibility/judgment -this is why people also do this during sexOf course this = outlet for how she REALLY feels
- Guessing an answer on the outrageous side demonstrates creativity & humor -more compelling for response than the usual because it invites her to play along.NOTE: This is also a good example of a re-engaging text.
- Reason why you can't move forward with her -MUST be silly/outlandish -gets her to re-earn your approval (even jokingly)Good time = when she voices her opinion about something
- Here whatever I'm DQ’ing is arbitrary and labels her in a silly way. -implies she’s a bad influenceThis is a role-play invitation and jokingly sets a hoop for her to jump through.
- Filters: this process in women is largely subconscious but VERY powerfulMake sure to maintain balance.More fun when it’s a 2-way street anyway
- End on a high note: Don't wait for things to fizzle outGive her the gift of missing you -if you have a lot going on, you wouldn't be available constantlyHow? -YOU'RE the leader -If there’s no need to respond, then don't. -keeps her wantingEX: if she says: “okay, talk to you later” or “okay, have fun!” -DON’T come back with “you too” or whatever -KEEP the tension
- Lots of reasons for her to not respond. -don’t over-think itSend something playful/non-needy that involves her DIRECTLY
- Just like sending the first text all over again. -compels response -makes her smileDON'T reference her absence/flakiness
- Involve her ego to compel a responseKeep it silly/outrageousWe as humans are ALWAYS curious about what other people think of us (and why)
- Use as a last resort -encourages a response or pushes her awayWhen she responds, playfully tease her and move the conversation forward
- There’s no point in texting if you don't plan to meet up with her and make things happen for real. -JUST a tool to keep her interestedOf course, there’s MUCH more to this, and getting her to meet up with you is an entire talk in itself -(only had an hour here)L
- Thu-Anh and AJ are in the back there with a sign up sheet and copies of the draft of the book for all of you guys.The draft copies are free, and you'll get a free version of the final copy if you respond to us in the next 30 days with any edits/corrections/suggestions for the book itself.THANKS EVERYONE -pleasure -best of luck!