2. Dec. 11, 2009
I just realized that even though we celebrated Auralee's birthday yesterday, it's
actually tomorrow! Priya was born on the tenth, Auralee on the twelfth. Don't
anyone ever tell her when she gets old enough to understand what a dork her
mother is.
3. Sept. 2, 2010
I said, "after we finish this puzzle, you can watch Dora so I can take a shower.
Auralee said, "Okay. I will let you take a shower so you can smell good because
right now you stink.". Excuse me?
4. Oct. 7, 2010
The message Priya wrote to the neighborhood stray in chalk on our driveway:
DIR CAT I HOP YOO DO NOT GIT LOST
5. Oct. 21, 2010
I know my years as a mother of young children are limited, but when all four
children are either crying or yelling, the 15-minute drive home lasts three days.
6. Nov. 16, 2010
One sure sign that mothering young children may be wearing on you: when
your two-year-old puts on a shirt with horizontal pink and white stripes and
pants with vertical pink, yellow, and white stripes, all you think is, 'well, she'll
probably pee in those pants and have to change them before the morning is up
anyway...'
7. Nov. 20, 2010
Elijah woke up three times last night, Auralee had a fit because I broke off the
bruised portion of her banana instead of cutting out the bruises one by one,
Priya is upset because she can't go to the carnival with Joe and Ian, Joe woke up
at 6 a.m. as usual, and John is working today and tomorrow, which means I'll be
taking four kids to church by myself. But I'm having a good hair day. Just
saying'...
8. Feb. 1, 2011
Played princesses with Auralee today--so glad I got to be Sleeping Beauty.
9. Feb. 1, 2011
Discovered this afternoon that Priya went to school commando style today.
Good thing she wasn't wearing a skirt!
10. Apr. 19, 2011
Three-year-old wakes up at 11:30 pm for the sole purpose (it seems) of
throwing a tantrum. Seriously? Pharmaceutical science has come such a long
way. Where's the logic pill, people? Cause if she doesn't develop some soon, I
may lose what's left of mine.
11. Aug. 25, 2011
Auralee: Mom, what if there was a lot of running lasagnas in this house? What
would happen?
Me: Um.
12. Dec. 17, 2011
Just because you have a cool, pet rabbit doesn't mean you're not creepy.
13. Dec. 21, 2011
Yesterday, Auralee told me that we are really poor. I asked her why she would
say that. She said that we don't have a hundred camels. You are rich if you have
a hundred camels. Guess I'm destined to be poor all my life.
14. March 14, 2012
Auralee: Mom, is it going to be an awfully warm day today?
Where do they learn this stuff? Oh, wait...
15. Mar. 15, 2012
Priya: um, wait a minute. I have to go to the bathroom. I can't think when I
have to go to the bathroom.
16. Jun. 4, 2012
For his birthday, the hospital sends John a nice birthday card and a gift card to
the "Portal Grill." I am impressed, until I remember that's the name of the
hospital cafeteria!
17. Jun. 28, 2012
It does no good for the girls to sleep in until 9 if the boys still get up at 7.
18. Sept. 5, 2012
Why does Priya think that the way to get Auralee to stop crying is to shriek at
her? And why did I have to try three spellings of shriek before I got one that
looked right? Am I losing my mind? I think mothering young girls is decreasing
my intelligence quota. Either that or my internal spellcheck is volume sensitive!
19. Sept. 25, 2012
Me: Guys, stop gargling your yogurt.
Auralee: Then what was gargling created for, anyway? Just for water?
List of possible responses: mouthwash
So French people can pronounce the letter 'r'
Liquids with a greater viscosity than yogurt
Milk, obviously, because of the possibility of overflow
Me: Jello?
Auralee: But we never have Jello.
Score one for the mom!
20. Sept. 26, 2012
Auralee is training Elijah.
Auralee: What do you think of my fingernails?
Elijah: Beautiful!
Auralee: What do you think of my lip gloss?
Elijah: Beautiful!
Keep it up, little buddy. You're on track to have a very successful marriage.
21. Oct. 1, 2012
On the way to school this morning, Joe asks, "Mom, if I'm ever at a yard sale
when you're not around and there's a new bow for sale, well, not totally new
but just kind of new and nice, and I have my money with me, and it's not too
expensive, can I buy it?"
Yes, Joe, if that ever happens, you can absolutely buy a bow and arrows.
22. Oct. 11, 2012
You know you're old when you hear the wind whistling and your first thought
isn't, "Oh no! A ghost!" but "Oh no! Is that the baby crying?"
23. Dec. 20, 2012
Auralee woke up this morning and told me she wanted to get her ears pierced --
and she did! The only problem is that her sister may very well succumb to peer
pressure and follow suit, and then what am I going to do with all the clip-on
earrings I bought for their stocking stuffers?
24. Feb. 1, 2013
During breakfast this morning, listening to Elijah's monologue as he played
with his new Star Wars toy, I thought, "I hope he never grows up." Then I
listened to Joe's personal rendition of a soundtrack for "Jurassic Park IV" in the
car on the way to school. Phew!
25. Feb. 4, 2013
Current score --
Potty: 5
Underwear: 3
Mom: 1
It's been four hours. Yes, he really does pee that much!
26. Feb. 20, 2013
When trying to decide between an Insanity workout and housecleaning, I would
do well to remember that I like housecleaning better! And that's saying
something.
27. Feb. 26, 2013
While sorting clothes in my bedroom yesterday, I hear Elijah's voice shouting in
the living room, "I don't believe it! Aang can save the world!"
Wonder what he's been watching.
28. March 16, 2013
Oh running, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways: 1) ...?
Wait a minute!
29. Mar. 27, 2013
Things I never thought I'd hear myself saying to my kids: “Elijah, you can't eat
hummus with pliers. Go get a spoon.”
30. April 1, 2013
And the struggle for dominant parental influence continues…
I'm cleaning out the van. Elijah and Auralee are playing I don't know what in
the back seat. I hear Auralee ask, "What's the password." Elijah thinks for a
moment, and then hazards a guess, "Poop?"
Well played, John Sanders, well played.
31. April 18, 2013
Benign Paraxysmal Vertigo. That's what I get for stretching after my run. On
the upside, it's easy to imagine I'm riding a carousel with my eyes closed!
32. July 18, 2013
Just when I thought I'd gotten my cellulite under control, I had to go and
squeeze into a pair of thigh-high compression socks.
33. July 26, 2013
Signed Joe up for flag football, Priya up for volleyball, and Auralee up for
soccer this fall. If you need us, we'll be at a tent we're setting up at the ball
fields for the duration of the season.
34. Dec. 19, 2013
My new phone is so obedient! When I say, "OK, Google, now call John
Sanders," here is a list of things my phone doesn't say back to me:
- I don't want to
- I will in a minute
- I called him last time, make your ipad do it
- What will you give me if I call him?
- Okay, but can I play Angry Birds after that?
All it does is call John Sanders. Every mother needs a phone like mine.
35. Jan. 3, 2014
Just tried out the recording equipment we got ourselves for Christmas, thus
fueling the illusion that we really are rock stars in disguise.
36. Jan. 8, 2014
And then there are mornings when my six-year-old throws a colossal fit
because she doesn't want Dad to take her to school, and I have to carry her to
the car and strap her in. Yes, folks, it's going to be a faux hawk day. That's the
only way to face my irrational fear that I am somehow ruining her life.
37. Feb. 4, 2014
Elijah: Mom, if you vacuum up the slit in my pants, will they become vacuum
pants?
Me: Um...
10+ years of motherhood and I still can't answer a simple question.
38. Apr. 10, 2014
When you visit a place you've lived before and find the piece you left behind,
do you sometimes wish you'd never left?
39. May 7, 2014
"Ah, the sweet sounds of an eight-year-old practicing the dulcimer," said
nobody ever.
40. June 25, 2014
We're driving home from the pool when we pass a group of motorcycle riders
on their way into town. Joe says, "Whoa! Look at all those motorcycles. Is there
some kind of season for that?" Elijah explains, "It's always the season for
Jesus." Amen, son. Hallelujah.
41. July 25, 2014
At the Indigo Girls concert, thinking I'm still 20.
42. Aug. 4, 2014
Found my first gray hair today. Immediately pulled it out. I mean, sure, grow
old gracefully and all that, but my scalp doesn't need to labor under the
delusion that this kind of behavior will be tolerated.
43. Aug. 21, 2014
Elijah called me into the bathroom yesterday to...well, you know...he is only
four. Anyway, as I was washing my hands and he was flushing, he turned to me
and asked, "Mom, does Jesus have wings or does he walk?" I said I didn't think
he had wings. "How does he get down to earth, then?" As usual, I am a little
flummoxed.
44. Sept. 17, 2014
In the car this morning, Elijah asked me when I was going to become a fairy
godmother so I could make him a house underground with a slide leading to it
from his bedroom window. Um...can this be a multiple-choice question, please?
45. Sept. 23, 2014
Joseph comes home from soccer complaining about his injuries. I say, "If you
always get hurt, why do you keep playing?" He asks, "Mom, if an agent doesn't
like your book, do you stop writing?"
...
Oh.
46. Oct. 7, 2014
Finally finished a project that had been sitting on my sewing desk for five
years...Then I wrote it on my to-do list so I could cross it off. #iwin!
47. Oct. 12, 2014
Driving by the cemetery on our way to church this morning, Elijah says, "Look,
mom, it's the grave garden!" That's one way to look at it, I suppose.
48. Jan. 12, 2015
Another day has come and gone, and I'm STILL not Queen of the Known
Universe. Sheesh!
49. Jan. 19, 2015
Somebody left the light on in my car yesterday, so when I tried to run to the
grocery store tonight, the battery was dead. But...I once was a teenager, so that
wasn't going to stop me. #poptheclutch
50. Feb. 19, 2015
As he is getting off the toilet yesterday, Elijah informs me, "Roland says his
house is made of whipped cream, but I don't believe it." He then flushes, pulls
on his underwear, and reflects, "But wouldn't that be cool?"
Yeah, my deep thoughts don't even come close.
51. March 2, 2015
My almost - five - year - old just used the word "fragile" (correctly) in
conversation. My life is now complete.
52. March 8, 2015
Priya said her leg was hurting. I said we might have to amputate it, but maybe
her dad should take a look. John said we could zamputate it instead -- cut off
the leg and replace it with the leg of a zoo animal. We suggested all sorts of
animals, but she didn't like any of them. She is so closed-minded!
53. May 4, 2015
Elijah says, "See this, mom?"
"Yes."
"You think it's just a crumpled-up piece of paper, but guess what?" He unfolds the
paper to reveal a very colorful scribble. "It's for Mother's Day. You know how mothers
forget stuff?"
"Yes."
"Well, you'll forget on Mother's Day, and you'll think it's just a crumpled-up piece of
paper, but it's really a present."
"Oh. Thank you?"
54. June 2, 2015
6:00 am - Woke up and dressed in workout clothes
6:30 am - 9:00 pm - Made a smoothie, packed the swim bags, got the kids up, fed
them, dropped them off at swim team, did the dishes, cleaned Elijah's room, folded a
batch of towels, got the kids, made second breakfast, did the dishes, did a reading
lesson with Elijah, found three books for Auralee to read, assigned math and language
arts, made lunch, taught four piano lessons, had a violin lesson, did the dishes, washed
and dried the last batch of laundry, made dinner, fed the kids, pulled some weeds, read
to the kids, put them to bed, did the dishes.
9:00 pm - 10:00 pm - Rode the spin bike while watching a rerun of Numb3rs.
10:00 pm - 10:30 pm - Showered, dried my hair, put on my pajamas, went to bed.
#rockedit #exerciseeveryday
55. Oct. 23, 2015
Elijah's thought processes
1) # of sensory organs = # of senses,
2) sensory organs are: eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hands, feet.
Elijah's comment
"Mom, we have six senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, kicking, punching."
My thought process
Make every moment a teaching moment.
My comment
"Is 6 an odd number or an even number?"
56. Dec. 18, 2015
Eating dinner at the Moab Diner tonight, the kids asked if they could have ice
cream. I said they could have some cake at the wedding reception we planned
to attend afterward. "Let them eat cake," I quoted (Marie-Antoinette). Which
led, naturally, to an explanation of the French revolution, etc, etc. Because any
self-respecting discussion of French history must always end at the guillotine.
57. Feb. 16, 2016
Benefit of homeschooling when you're an English teacher
Me: "Oh, you don't want to read Captains Courageous? Well, we are studying
ancient Assyria. Here. Read Gilgamesh."
Him: "Cool. Okay."
58. April 26, 2016
So on the one hand, he spilled those plastic bead, iron-on thingies all over the
floor and he's only pretending to pick them up. On the other hand, he's singing
the Prologue to Little Shop of Horrors over and over while he "cleans" up. To
discipline or not to discipline, that is the question.
59. May 6, 2016
On the way to soccer yesterday, Elijah pipes up from the back seat, "Sometimes
I laugh so hard I pee my pants."
Well...that's the breaks, kid.
60. July 5, 2016
Me: We'll leave tomorrow as soon as the kids get all their work done.
Husband: You mean 'get their poop in a group?'
Me (knowing his linguistic preference for 'poo' over 'poop'): Don't you mean
'get their poo in a group?'
Husband: Nah. Doesn't rhyme as well. *thinks* Get their poo in a shoe! That's
got a nice ring to it.
Come on, people. Let's help this expression get the usage it deserves!
