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Plain language August 31 2016

This document provides an overview of a training presentation on writing in plain language. It introduces the presenters, Zoe Stetson and Jim Dunn, and outlines the course objectives of explaining what plain language is, describing its value, reviewing plain language principles, and using the Flesch-Kincaid tool to improve writing. The presentation then covers trends in lower reading levels and shorter attention spans that make plain language important. It also discusses how plain language benefits customers, Aetna, and employees. The presentation teaches plain language techniques including using familiar words, short sentences, active voice and reviews the Flesch-Kincaid tool for assessing reading levels.

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Quality health plans & benefits Healthier living Financial well-being Intelligent solutions Zoe Stetson & Adele Angle August 31, 2016 Writing plain is everyone’s gain
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Your presenters 2 Zoë Stetson, Communications Consultant & quality reviewer • 4 years with Aetna • Life before Aetna: Director of marketing and public relations at two colleges, a long-term care facility and several non-profits; television producer and talk show host; freelance writer Jim Dunn, Manager, Writers’ Center for Excellence • 3 years with Aetna as a copy quality reviewer. Now supervise 10 quality reviewers who look at all materials to be sent externally. • Life before Aetna: More than 25 years in health care communications at Anthem, United Health and HealthNet
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Before we start • Be sure the Flesch-Kincaid Index is working in Microsoft Word • Have class exercises open on your desktop • Ask questions throughout • Keep your phones muted • Avoid multi-tasking 3
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Course objectives 4 • Explain what plain language is and what it isn't • Describe the value of using plain language for consumers, Aetna and yourself • Go over the principles of plain language • Use the Flesch-Kincaid tool to improve your writing
Aetna Inc. So here’s the question …
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain How do we change language like this: After this review, we determined that the proposed injection penicillin g benzathine, home infusion/specialty drug administration, home injectable therapy would not be covered under the member’s benefits plan, assuming all of the clinical information remains unchanged. Aetna does not consider intravenous antibiotic therapy medically necessary for Lyme disease when the medical records do not support that a definitive diagnosis of Lyme disease is established (positive serologic and/or cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) titer by indirect immunofluorescence assay (IFA), Prevue Borrelia burgdorferi antibody detection assay, or enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), which itself is validated by a positive Western Blot Test), and there is no documentation that any of the following criteria is met: Lyme arthritis which persists after failing to respond to a 4-week course of appropriate oral antibiotic therapy, moderate to severe cardiac involvement, Neurologic involvement of Lyme disease (neuroborreliosis), or Lyme disease in pregnant women who exhibit symptoms and signs of Stage II or Stage Ill Lyme disease. 6 READING GRADE LEVEL 40.6
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Into language like this? We cannot cover the treatment with antibiotics given through a vein. That’s because the laboratory results do not confirm that you have Lyme disease. Also, you do not have symptoms that would need this treatment. 7 READING GRADE LEVEL 7.1
Aetna Inc. May we have a volunteer?
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Michelle’s Law 9 Under federal law, known as Michelle's Law, dependents who lose student status due to a disability (that is, serious illness or injury) may be eligible to continue coverage for up to one year from the first day of a medically necessary leave of absence or at such time coverage would otherwise terminate under plan or coverage terms, whichever occurs first. Public Law 110–381 110th Congress An Act
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Michelle’s Law revised 10 A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. To do this, the student must attend college before the leave starts. The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. The letter must say why the leave is needed.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language 11 Communication that your audience understands the very first time they hear it or read it. Baby talk, or “dumbing down” Imprecise Stripping out necessary technical or legal information Is … Is NOT… Familiar words Short sentences Pronouns Bulleted lists Headlines/subheads No jargon Active voice
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Why plain language is necessary – 3 trends 12 1. Adults have different levels of reading skill. 2. Our attention span is lower than ever before. 3. People are now expected to make their own health insurance purchasing decisions.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Trend #1: Adults have different levels of reading skill 13 Nearly 50 percent of adults in the U.S. read below the 6th grade level. The average adult in the U.S. reads at the 7th grade level. More than 80 percent below the 10th grade level.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Trend #2: Our attention span is shrinking 14 Our attention is pulled in too many different directions at home … at work … everywhere. The average American’s attention span is eight seconds. (Microsoft study, 2013) And Psychology Today says that only 2 percent of us are effective multi-taskers ... but almost all of us try to. multi-task
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain So here’s the situation we face today • Your audience reads at a low grade level. • They have short attention spans. • We’re asking them to make their own health plan purchasing decisions. • We expect them to learn a new vocabulary. What is precertification? What is a tiered network? What is coinsurance? What is step therapy? 15
Aetna Inc. So our communications needs to be Plain Direct Simple
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Why plain language is good for Aetna 17 • Makes dealing with Aetna easier and less stressful • Builds trust • Allows our audience to understand what we’re saying For our customers For Aetna For us (employees) • Makes for satisfied, loyal customers • Helps to keep us competitive • Reduces expensive calls to customer center • Saves us from costly lawsuits (misinterpreted language) • Makes me a more effective communicator • Makes my job easier – fewer phone calls from a confused audience • Complies with the Aetna Way
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language has been important at Aetna for a long time 18 “Each letter you write should be short, direct, courteous and clear. Whoever receives it will form his impression of the Company from what you have written.” Morgan Brainard, president and chairman from 1921 to 1957
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language uses 19 • Familiar words • Short sentences • Pronouns --“you,” “we” • Bulleted lists • Headlines and subheads • No jargon • Active voice
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language 20 Flesch-Kincaid index
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Flesch-Kincaid index 21 Developed in 1975 by J. Peter Kincaid and his team for the United States Navy does doesn’t It can serve as an early warning system. It can tell you if your writing is too dense. It doesn’t measure • Organization, logical order • Gender, class or cultural bias • Poor design
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain The Flesh-Kincaid formula 22 .39 15.59 total words total sentences total syllables total words+11.8 -
Aetna Inc. Taking Flesch-Kincaid for a test drive Go to your exercises in the MS Word document.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Using the tool—Exercise A 24 1. Highlight what you want to test 2. Go to Spelling and Grammar check 3. You’ll get a prompt. “Word has finished checking the selected. Do you want to continue checking the remainder of the document.” 4. Click “NO”
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Testing reading level 25 Your goal is: • A grade level of 5.0 to 5.9 for employees, members • A grade level of 9.0 to 9.9 for doctors, brokers, plan sponsors Exercise A Under federal law, known as Michelle's Law, dependents who lose student status due to a disability (that is, serious illness or injury) may be eligible to continue coverage for up to one year from the first day of a medically necessary leave of absence or at such time coverage would otherwise terminate under plan or coverage terms, whichever occurs first. (Reading Level: ) A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. To do this, a student must attend college before the leave starts. The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. The letter must say why the leave is needed. (Reading Level: ) 28.2 5.4
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Remember 1. Write a paragraph 2. Check the reading level 3. Revise 4. Test 5. Revise 6. Test again
Aetna Inc. The seven plain language principles Now we’ll learn how to apply plain language to our own writing.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 28 1. Use familiar words
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Scrape, cut Not cancer, harmless Side effect Heart attack High cholesterol SHORTER WORD Let’s come up with familiar words for … Abrasion Benign Adverse health effect Myocardial infarction Hypercholesterolemia 29 (FROM AETNA’S DIFFICULT WORD LIST) ORDINARY WORD
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain More Use Give or add About Private SHORTER WORD Examples of shorter words for these ordinary words Additional Utilize Contribute Approximately Confidential 30 (FROM AETNA’S DIFFICULT WORD LIST) TIP A long word with many syllables can raise your grade level. ORDINARY WORD
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Familiar words—Exercise B 31 First, test the sentence. Substitute plainer words for the ones in bold. Now test again by clicking spell check. Research studies have demonstrated that eating additional whole grains may contribute to the reduction of cardiac disease, cancer and diabetes by lowering triglycerides, contributing to insulin control, assisting with weight management and slowing the gradual accumulation of plaque.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Exercise B before and after examples Before: Research studies have demonstrated that eating additional whole grains may contribute to the reduction of cardiac disease, cancer and diabetes by lowering triglycerides, contributing to insulin control, assisting with weight management and slowing the gradual accumulation of plaque. (Grade 23.7) After: Research shows that eating more whole grains may reduce the risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes. It lowers triglycerides, helps control insulin, helps with weight control and slows the build-up of plaque. (Grade 8.3) 32
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 33 2. Use short sentences
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Short sentences (and paragraphs) 34 sentences paragraphs Aim for 15 words or less No more than five lines. Four lines is even better.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Short sentences 35 Original Michelle’s Law sentence: 56 words Revised Michelle’s Law sentence: Average length 10.8 words • A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. (18) • The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. (11) • To do this, a student must attend college before the leave starts. (12) • The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. (10) • The letter must say why the leave is needed. (9)
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain How do I make my sentences shorter? 36 delete diet divide
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Delete ‘THAT’ constructions 37 Instead of this: Try this: Our records indicate THAT your June premium is 30 days overdue. This letter is to inform you THAT your prescription is covered. It’s a well-known fact THAT a yearly physical is a good idea. Your June premium is 30 days overdue. Your prescription is covered. A yearly physical is a good idea.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Put these phrases on a diet 38 Instead of this: Try this: Each and every month Fair and just decision Clear and simple case Added bonus Personal and confidential Each month Fair decision Clear case Bonus Private
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more One sentence: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services whenever you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence, or whenever you are traveling in a foreign country. 39 READING GRADE LEVEL 23.6
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more Two sentences: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services. It’s there for you when you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence, or whenever you are traveling in a foreign country. 40 READING GRADE LEVEL 14.2
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more Three sentences: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services. It’s there for you when you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence. You can also use it when you travel in a foreign country. 41 READING GRADE LEVEL 10.4
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hint: Look for sentences with and or or 42 You can usually split compound sentences – those with “and” and “or” into two or more sentences quite easily. Instead of this: Try this: Your premium is 30 days overdue and we must terminate your coverage. You can get more information by going to www.aetna.com or calling 1-877-555-1111. Your premium is 30 days overdue. We must end your coverage. You can get information at www.aetna.com. You can also call us at 1-877-555-1111.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Short sentences—Exercise C 43 First, test this sentence. Try breaking this sentence into two or more sentences. Can you substitute some shorter words? Manipulation of your call volume is unacceptable and violates our departmental procedures for appropriate call handling and providing the level of service that our customers expect, and, as a result, if at any time in the future you place callers on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts, display any other inappropriate behavior in the normal process of handling a call, or display any other form of misconduct, it could result in your immediate termination without further warning.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Exercise C before and after examples Manipulation of your call volume is unacceptable and violates our departmental procedures for appropriate call handling and providing the level of service that our customers expect, and, as a result, if at any time in the future you place callers on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts, display any other inappropriate behavior in the normal process of handling a call, or display any other form of misconduct, it could result in your immediate termination without further warning. READING GRADE LEVEL 37.6, no passive sentences Please follow our rules when handling a customer’s call. They expect a high level of service. We may fire you immediately if you manipulate your call volume or handle a call the wrong away. Don’t put a person on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts. Don’t show inappropriate behavior when handling a call or display any other form of misconduct. READING GRADE LEVEL 7.7, no passive sentences 44
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 45 3. Use pronouns – you, we, us
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Pronouns are part of Aetna’s brand voice • Warms up the tone of your writing • Sounds conversational, not robotic Example: My supervisor asked me to do a presentation on the product changes. I told him I wasn’t familiar with them but that Mary can do it. She knows all about the recent additions.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Example of using pronouns 47 “A decision on the above claim cannot be made at this time because not all of the requested information has been received.” “We can’t make a decision on your claim. We did not receive the information we requested. Please send it to us.” or
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Using pronouns—Exercise D 48 Use pronouns to “warm up” this paragraph. At the customer’s request, Aetna will send copies of all documents relating to the claim, free of charge. The customer can contact the 800 number on the member ID card, and a customer service representative will supply instructions on how to request copies of any documents used in the decision-making process.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Using pronouns—Exercise D 49 At your request, we’ll send copies of all documents relating to your claim, at no cost. You can call us at the 800 number on your member ID card. We’ll give you instructions on how to ask for copies of any documents we used in our decision- making process.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 50 4. Use bulleted lists
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Where can we break up this copy by using bullets? 51 DocFind, our newly redesigned online provider directory at www.aetna.com, provides information on all our participating providers including physicians, dentists, optometrists, hospitals, and pharmacies. DocFind is updated three times per week: Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings, including during holiday periods. DocFind receives provider data updates from our Enterprise Provider Database (EPDB), our single source for all provider data. READING GRADE LEVEL 17
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Bullet guidelines 52 • If you find three or more items in a row, pull them out of the paragraph and use them in a bulleted or numbered list • Keep items short (remove details that don’t add value for the user) • Don’t use too many bulleted lists in one piece – or too many bullets in one list (aim for no more than five) Aetna style: • Primary bullets ─ Secondary
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain This is much easier to read with bullets 53 DocFind is our online provider directory. You can find it at www.aetna.com. It lists our participating providers, including: • Doctors • Dentists • Optometrists • Hospitals • Pharmacies We update this listing three times a week. READING GRADE LEVEL: 5.3
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Use parallel structure Parallel construction helps readers quickly understand what they‘re reading. Unparallel construction is confusing. It forces readers to do a double-take and reread. Or worse, they may stop reading completely. This structure uses all verbs and is in parallel construction. Other ways you can get help with your appeal: • Call the Employee Benefits Security Administration at 1-866- 444-3272. • Go to www.aetna.com. Search on the word “ombudsman” or “consumer assistance.” • Call us at the number on your member ID card. 54
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Use parallel structure If one bullet starts with a verb, they should all start with a verb. If the first bullet starts with a noun, the rest should all start with a noun. This is parallel construction. It’s NOT this: Other ways you can get help with your appeal: • By calling the Employee Benefits Security Administration at 1-866-444-3272 • You can go to www.aetna.com. Search on the word “ombudsman” or “consumer assistance.” • Call us at the number on your member ID card. 55
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 56 5. Use headlines and subheads
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain How are email subject lines, headlines and subheads like highway road signs? Road signs help us find our way as we speed down the highway. Subject lines, headlines and subheads help us find our way while we speed through communications from Aetna. 57
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain What do headlines and subheads do? 58 • They summarize your main messages. • They break up copy and make it easier to read. • They’re specific and meaningful. • They’re positive, not alarming. • They’re brief – typically, fewer than 10 words. Remember: • Don’t use punctuation at the end of your headlines and subheads. • Only capitalize the first word. • Focus on why it matters to the READER, not to US. Help us ensure we have accurate information Help us pay your claims faster – give us up-to-date info Use our online InTouchCare diabetes resource guide Here’s help so you can more easily manage your diabetes
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Which is easier to follow? Which is easier to read? 59
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 60 6. Avoid jargon
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Jargon: the special language used by any group or profession. It's our common shorthand.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 62 If you have any questions, please call me. Should you have any questions or concerns regarding the above, please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned. READING GRADE LEVEL 2.2READING GRADE LEVEL 9.1 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 63 We may ask you to give us proof that you live in the state. Proof of state residency may be mandated. READING GRADE LEVEL 1.6READING GRADE LEVEL 7.3 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 64 If you give us false information on purpose, we may change or cancel your policy. Intentional misrepresentation may result in the policy being modified or terminated. READING GRADE LEVEL 7.5READING GRADE LEVEL 17.6 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Do customers know what our jargon means? We adjudicate claims. We terminate members. We incent good health practices. We send information that’s pursuant to a law.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Use Finish Send Call, email Bring everyone up to speed SHORTER WORD Think of another word for… Leverage Finalize Cascade Reach out Level set 66 JARGON
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain What does this mean?!@@#$% 67 "I leveraged and re-cannibalized a slide deck that was cascaded to my team because I didn’t have the bandwidth to recreate the wheel." READING GRADE LEVEL 11.6
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Translating ?!@@#$% 68 “To save time, I used a slide deck from a coworker to help me get started.” READING GRADE LEVEL 5.1
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Use a simple explanation for these terms 69 AD&LM: Aetna Disability & Leave Management (Say this instead: the area that manages Aetna's disability leaves) STD: Short-Term Disability (not to be confused with sexually transmitted diseases) PTO: Paid time off ERISA: Employee Retirement Income Security Act (Say this instead: the law that requires an appeal process for covered benefits, among other things) How did using acronyms start? In the late 1800s, businesses began abbreviating their company names in writing to fit into places where space was limited ─ on a barrel or crate, small-print newspapers and railroad cars. For example, the National Biscuit Company became NABISCO.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Simple initial tips 70 1. Spell out the name, then put initials in parentheses: EXAMPLE: National Insurance Association (NIA) 2. If you only use the term once, don’t use initials. 3. Always assume your reader will forget what an “initialism” means two paragraphs later. If your piece is long, spell out the acronym again, after first mention.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 71 7. Use active voice
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Active versus passive voice 72 Active voice describes a sentence where the subject performs an action. It tells what a person or thing does. I’ll always remember my first promotion at Aetna. Passive voice describes a sentence in which the subject is acted upon. It tells what is done to someone or something. My first promotion at Aetna will always be remembered. Active voice Sounds more direct Reader knows what’s going on right away More genuine Passive voice Sounds robotic & business-like Hides who or what is doing the action
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain The three-step active voice recipe 73 1.Find out who or what is doing something 2.Put this who or what in front of the verb 3.Use a verb that describes the action Example: PASSIVE: The nonsmoking policy was explained in the letter. ACTIVE: The letter explained the nonsmoking policy.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Passive sentences 74 Passive sentences hide who is doing the action. Your claim was denied. Who denied the claim: My doctor? The hospital? Aetna?
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Active sentences 75 Active sentences say who is doing the action. We denied your claim. Oh, OK, you denied the claim. What should I do now?
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Passive sentences 76 Passive sentences are indirect because they don’t start with who is doing the action. The report was written by the manager.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Active sentences 77 Active sentences start with who is doing the action. The manager wrote the report.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Put this passive sentence into active voice 78 Your job application will be reviewed by Human Resources. (Using our recipe, who is reviewing?) Human Resources will review your job application.
Aetna Inc. The Flesch-Kincaid Hotline How may I help you?
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain What other resources are there for writers at Aetna? 1. Aetna Editorial Style Guide (plus, the “Difficult word list”) 2. Writing templates (letterhead, PowerPoint, email) 3. “In Plain Language” newsletter – quarterly 4. Win with plain language – on Aetna Connect 5. Writer certification courses 80
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 81 I am getting a high grade level score. What do I do now? • Test one paragraph at a time. Is one paragraph way worse than the others? • Then work on that paragraph.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 82 I am stuck with the word “maternity.” I have to say it in this brochure. How can I get my score down? Say it just once. Then try to use a pronoun in future references. “You can read up on these topics by consulting your Beginning Right® Maternity Program booklet. You haven’t received it yet? We can send it to you today!”
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 83 I keep getting a score of zero. What am I doing wrong? • Simple. Make sure your sentence has punctuation at the end. • Your sentence(s) might be too short. I removed some words. But my score went UP instead of down. What do I do? • Keep working.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 84 I am stuck at a 6.2. I just can’t get this down any more. What do I do? • Look at all the sentences that have the word “and” in them. See if you can split them into two sentences. “Or” works, too. • Is there a word you MUST use? Test without it. (Just remember to add back in.) • Is there phone number or URL? Test without it. (Just remember to add back in.) • It’s OK. This might be the best you can do.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 85 Are we supposed to test with legal disclaimers? • No – never. Am I supposed to include websites and phone numbers? • If your score is too high, take them out and test again. Should I test other writing? • Yes. The more you practice and use the tool, the better you’ll become.
Aetna Inc.Writing Plain is Everyone’s Gain Hotline 86 All this plain language stuff is great. But frankly, to me, it doesn’t seem professional. Or business-like. Thoughts?
Aetna Inc. The Flesch-Kincaid Hotline Do you have a question for the hotline?
Aetna Inc. Thank you

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Plain language August 31 2016

  • 1.
    Quality health plans& benefits Healthier living Financial well-being Intelligent solutions Zoe Stetson & Adele Angle August 31, 2016 Writing plain is everyone’s gain
  • 2.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Your presenters 2 Zoë Stetson, Communications Consultant & quality reviewer • 4 years with Aetna • Life before Aetna: Director of marketing and public relations at two colleges, a long-term care facility and several non-profits; television producer and talk show host; freelance writer Jim Dunn, Manager, Writers’ Center for Excellence • 3 years with Aetna as a copy quality reviewer. Now supervise 10 quality reviewers who look at all materials to be sent externally. • Life before Aetna: More than 25 years in health care communications at Anthem, United Health and HealthNet
  • 3.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Before we start • Be sure the Flesch-Kincaid Index is working in Microsoft Word • Have class exercises open on your desktop • Ask questions throughout • Keep your phones muted • Avoid multi-tasking 3
  • 4.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Course objectives 4 • Explain what plain language is and what it isn't • Describe the value of using plain language for consumers, Aetna and yourself • Go over the principles of plain language • Use the Flesch-Kincaid tool to improve your writing
  • 5.
    Aetna Inc. So here’sthe question …
  • 6.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain How do we change language like this: After this review, we determined that the proposed injection penicillin g benzathine, home infusion/specialty drug administration, home injectable therapy would not be covered under the member’s benefits plan, assuming all of the clinical information remains unchanged. Aetna does not consider intravenous antibiotic therapy medically necessary for Lyme disease when the medical records do not support that a definitive diagnosis of Lyme disease is established (positive serologic and/or cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) titer by indirect immunofluorescence assay (IFA), Prevue Borrelia burgdorferi antibody detection assay, or enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), which itself is validated by a positive Western Blot Test), and there is no documentation that any of the following criteria is met: Lyme arthritis which persists after failing to respond to a 4-week course of appropriate oral antibiotic therapy, moderate to severe cardiac involvement, Neurologic involvement of Lyme disease (neuroborreliosis), or Lyme disease in pregnant women who exhibit symptoms and signs of Stage II or Stage Ill Lyme disease. 6 READING GRADE LEVEL 40.6
  • 7.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Into language like this? We cannot cover the treatment with antibiotics given through a vein. That’s because the laboratory results do not confirm that you have Lyme disease. Also, you do not have symptoms that would need this treatment. 7 READING GRADE LEVEL 7.1
  • 8.
    Aetna Inc. May wehave a volunteer?
  • 9.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Michelle’s Law 9 Under federal law, known as Michelle's Law, dependents who lose student status due to a disability (that is, serious illness or injury) may be eligible to continue coverage for up to one year from the first day of a medically necessary leave of absence or at such time coverage would otherwise terminate under plan or coverage terms, whichever occurs first. Public Law 110–381 110th Congress An Act
  • 10.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Michelle’s Law revised 10 A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. To do this, the student must attend college before the leave starts. The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. The letter must say why the leave is needed.
  • 11.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language 11 Communication that your audience understands the very first time they hear it or read it. Baby talk, or “dumbing down” Imprecise Stripping out necessary technical or legal information Is … Is NOT… Familiar words Short sentences Pronouns Bulleted lists Headlines/subheads No jargon Active voice
  • 12.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Why plain language is necessary – 3 trends 12 1. Adults have different levels of reading skill. 2. Our attention span is lower than ever before. 3. People are now expected to make their own health insurance purchasing decisions.
  • 13.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Trend #1: Adults have different levels of reading skill 13 Nearly 50 percent of adults in the U.S. read below the 6th grade level. The average adult in the U.S. reads at the 7th grade level. More than 80 percent below the 10th grade level.
  • 14.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Trend #2: Our attention span is shrinking 14 Our attention is pulled in too many different directions at home … at work … everywhere. The average American’s attention span is eight seconds. (Microsoft study, 2013) And Psychology Today says that only 2 percent of us are effective multi-taskers ... but almost all of us try to. multi-task
  • 15.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain So here’s the situation we face today • Your audience reads at a low grade level. • They have short attention spans. • We’re asking them to make their own health plan purchasing decisions. • We expect them to learn a new vocabulary. What is precertification? What is a tiered network? What is coinsurance? What is step therapy? 15
  • 16.
    Aetna Inc. So ourcommunications needs to be Plain Direct Simple
  • 17.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Why plain language is good for Aetna 17 • Makes dealing with Aetna easier and less stressful • Builds trust • Allows our audience to understand what we’re saying For our customers For Aetna For us (employees) • Makes for satisfied, loyal customers • Helps to keep us competitive • Reduces expensive calls to customer center • Saves us from costly lawsuits (misinterpreted language) • Makes me a more effective communicator • Makes my job easier – fewer phone calls from a confused audience • Complies with the Aetna Way
  • 18.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language has been important at Aetna for a long time 18 “Each letter you write should be short, direct, courteous and clear. Whoever receives it will form his impression of the Company from what you have written.” Morgan Brainard, president and chairman from 1921 to 1957
  • 19.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language uses 19 • Familiar words • Short sentences • Pronouns --“you,” “we” • Bulleted lists • Headlines and subheads • No jargon • Active voice
  • 20.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language 20 Flesch-Kincaid index
  • 21.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Flesch-Kincaid index 21 Developed in 1975 by J. Peter Kincaid and his team for the United States Navy does doesn’t It can serve as an early warning system. It can tell you if your writing is too dense. It doesn’t measure • Organization, logical order • Gender, class or cultural bias • Poor design
  • 22.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain The Flesh-Kincaid formula 22 .39 15.59 total words total sentences total syllables total words+11.8 -
  • 23.
    Aetna Inc. Taking Flesch-Kincaidfor a test drive Go to your exercises in the MS Word document.
  • 24.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Using the tool—Exercise A 24 1. Highlight what you want to test 2. Go to Spelling and Grammar check 3. You’ll get a prompt. “Word has finished checking the selected. Do you want to continue checking the remainder of the document.” 4. Click “NO”
  • 25.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Testing reading level 25 Your goal is: • A grade level of 5.0 to 5.9 for employees, members • A grade level of 9.0 to 9.9 for doctors, brokers, plan sponsors Exercise A Under federal law, known as Michelle's Law, dependents who lose student status due to a disability (that is, serious illness or injury) may be eligible to continue coverage for up to one year from the first day of a medically necessary leave of absence or at such time coverage would otherwise terminate under plan or coverage terms, whichever occurs first. (Reading Level: ) A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. To do this, a student must attend college before the leave starts. The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. The letter must say why the leave is needed. (Reading Level: ) 28.2 5.4
  • 26.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Remember 1. Write a paragraph 2. Check the reading level 3. Revise 4. Test 5. Revise 6. Test again
  • 27.
    Aetna Inc. The sevenplain language principles Now we’ll learn how to apply plain language to our own writing.
  • 28.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 28 1. Use familiar words
  • 29.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Scrape, cut Not cancer, harmless Side effect Heart attack High cholesterol SHORTER WORD Let’s come up with familiar words for … Abrasion Benign Adverse health effect Myocardial infarction Hypercholesterolemia 29 (FROM AETNA’S DIFFICULT WORD LIST) ORDINARY WORD
  • 30.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain More Use Give or add About Private SHORTER WORD Examples of shorter words for these ordinary words Additional Utilize Contribute Approximately Confidential 30 (FROM AETNA’S DIFFICULT WORD LIST) TIP A long word with many syllables can raise your grade level. ORDINARY WORD
  • 31.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Familiar words—Exercise B 31 First, test the sentence. Substitute plainer words for the ones in bold. Now test again by clicking spell check. Research studies have demonstrated that eating additional whole grains may contribute to the reduction of cardiac disease, cancer and diabetes by lowering triglycerides, contributing to insulin control, assisting with weight management and slowing the gradual accumulation of plaque.
  • 32.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Exercise B before and after examples Before: Research studies have demonstrated that eating additional whole grains may contribute to the reduction of cardiac disease, cancer and diabetes by lowering triglycerides, contributing to insulin control, assisting with weight management and slowing the gradual accumulation of plaque. (Grade 23.7) After: Research shows that eating more whole grains may reduce the risk of heart disease, cancer and diabetes. It lowers triglycerides, helps control insulin, helps with weight control and slows the build-up of plaque. (Grade 8.3) 32
  • 33.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 33 2. Use short sentences
  • 34.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Short sentences (and paragraphs) 34 sentences paragraphs Aim for 15 words or less No more than five lines. Four lines is even better.
  • 35.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Short sentences 35 Original Michelle’s Law sentence: 56 words Revised Michelle’s Law sentence: Average length 10.8 words • A federal law called Michelle’s Law helps students who must take a leave of absence for medical reasons. (18) • The law lets them continue health coverage up to one year. (11) • To do this, a student must attend college before the leave starts. (12) • The student also needs a letter from his/her doctor. (10) • The letter must say why the leave is needed. (9)
  • 36.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain How do I make my sentences shorter? 36 delete diet divide
  • 37.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Delete ‘THAT’ constructions 37 Instead of this: Try this: Our records indicate THAT your June premium is 30 days overdue. This letter is to inform you THAT your prescription is covered. It’s a well-known fact THAT a yearly physical is a good idea. Your June premium is 30 days overdue. Your prescription is covered. A yearly physical is a good idea.
  • 38.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Put these phrases on a diet 38 Instead of this: Try this: Each and every month Fair and just decision Clear and simple case Added bonus Personal and confidential Each month Fair decision Clear case Bonus Private
  • 39.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more One sentence: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services whenever you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence, or whenever you are traveling in a foreign country. 39 READING GRADE LEVEL 23.6
  • 40.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more Two sentences: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services. It’s there for you when you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence, or whenever you are traveling in a foreign country. 40 READING GRADE LEVEL 14.2
  • 41.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Divide long sentences into two or more Three sentences: Because you have enrolled in the Aetna Student Health Insurance Plan, you are now protected by On Call International’s worldwide medical information and assistance services. It’s there for you when you travel 100 or more miles away from your primary residence. You can also use it when you travel in a foreign country. 41 READING GRADE LEVEL 10.4
  • 42.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hint: Look for sentences with and or or 42 You can usually split compound sentences – those with “and” and “or” into two or more sentences quite easily. Instead of this: Try this: Your premium is 30 days overdue and we must terminate your coverage. You can get more information by going to www.aetna.com or calling 1-877-555-1111. Your premium is 30 days overdue. We must end your coverage. You can get information at www.aetna.com. You can also call us at 1-877-555-1111.
  • 43.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Short sentences—Exercise C 43 First, test this sentence. Try breaking this sentence into two or more sentences. Can you substitute some shorter words? Manipulation of your call volume is unacceptable and violates our departmental procedures for appropriate call handling and providing the level of service that our customers expect, and, as a result, if at any time in the future you place callers on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts, display any other inappropriate behavior in the normal process of handling a call, or display any other form of misconduct, it could result in your immediate termination without further warning.
  • 44.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Exercise C before and after examples Manipulation of your call volume is unacceptable and violates our departmental procedures for appropriate call handling and providing the level of service that our customers expect, and, as a result, if at any time in the future you place callers on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts, display any other inappropriate behavior in the normal process of handling a call, or display any other form of misconduct, it could result in your immediate termination without further warning. READING GRADE LEVEL 37.6, no passive sentences Please follow our rules when handling a customer’s call. They expect a high level of service. We may fire you immediately if you manipulate your call volume or handle a call the wrong away. Don’t put a person on hold for more than one minute without updating them on your efforts. Don’t show inappropriate behavior when handling a call or display any other form of misconduct. READING GRADE LEVEL 7.7, no passive sentences 44
  • 45.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 45 3. Use pronouns – you, we, us
  • 46.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Pronouns are part of Aetna’s brand voice • Warms up the tone of your writing • Sounds conversational, not robotic Example: My supervisor asked me to do a presentation on the product changes. I told him I wasn’t familiar with them but that Mary can do it. She knows all about the recent additions.
  • 47.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Example of using pronouns 47 “A decision on the above claim cannot be made at this time because not all of the requested information has been received.” “We can’t make a decision on your claim. We did not receive the information we requested. Please send it to us.” or
  • 48.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Using pronouns—Exercise D 48 Use pronouns to “warm up” this paragraph. At the customer’s request, Aetna will send copies of all documents relating to the claim, free of charge. The customer can contact the 800 number on the member ID card, and a customer service representative will supply instructions on how to request copies of any documents used in the decision-making process.
  • 49.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Using pronouns—Exercise D 49 At your request, we’ll send copies of all documents relating to your claim, at no cost. You can call us at the 800 number on your member ID card. We’ll give you instructions on how to ask for copies of any documents we used in our decision- making process.
  • 50.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 50 4. Use bulleted lists
  • 51.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Where can we break up this copy by using bullets? 51 DocFind, our newly redesigned online provider directory at www.aetna.com, provides information on all our participating providers including physicians, dentists, optometrists, hospitals, and pharmacies. DocFind is updated three times per week: Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings, including during holiday periods. DocFind receives provider data updates from our Enterprise Provider Database (EPDB), our single source for all provider data. READING GRADE LEVEL 17
  • 52.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Bullet guidelines 52 • If you find three or more items in a row, pull them out of the paragraph and use them in a bulleted or numbered list • Keep items short (remove details that don’t add value for the user) • Don’t use too many bulleted lists in one piece – or too many bullets in one list (aim for no more than five) Aetna style: • Primary bullets ─ Secondary
  • 53.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain This is much easier to read with bullets 53 DocFind is our online provider directory. You can find it at www.aetna.com. It lists our participating providers, including: • Doctors • Dentists • Optometrists • Hospitals • Pharmacies We update this listing three times a week. READING GRADE LEVEL: 5.3
  • 54.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Use parallel structure Parallel construction helps readers quickly understand what they‘re reading. Unparallel construction is confusing. It forces readers to do a double-take and reread. Or worse, they may stop reading completely. This structure uses all verbs and is in parallel construction. Other ways you can get help with your appeal: • Call the Employee Benefits Security Administration at 1-866- 444-3272. • Go to www.aetna.com. Search on the word “ombudsman” or “consumer assistance.” • Call us at the number on your member ID card. 54
  • 55.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Use parallel structure If one bullet starts with a verb, they should all start with a verb. If the first bullet starts with a noun, the rest should all start with a noun. This is parallel construction. It’s NOT this: Other ways you can get help with your appeal: • By calling the Employee Benefits Security Administration at 1-866-444-3272 • You can go to www.aetna.com. Search on the word “ombudsman” or “consumer assistance.” • Call us at the number on your member ID card. 55
  • 56.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 56 5. Use headlines and subheads
  • 57.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain How are email subject lines, headlines and subheads like highway road signs? Road signs help us find our way as we speed down the highway. Subject lines, headlines and subheads help us find our way while we speed through communications from Aetna. 57
  • 58.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain What do headlines and subheads do? 58 • They summarize your main messages. • They break up copy and make it easier to read. • They’re specific and meaningful. • They’re positive, not alarming. • They’re brief – typically, fewer than 10 words. Remember: • Don’t use punctuation at the end of your headlines and subheads. • Only capitalize the first word. • Focus on why it matters to the READER, not to US. Help us ensure we have accurate information Help us pay your claims faster – give us up-to-date info Use our online InTouchCare diabetes resource guide Here’s help so you can more easily manage your diabetes
  • 59.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Which is easier to follow? Which is easier to read? 59
  • 60.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 60 6. Avoid jargon
  • 61.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Jargon: the special language used by any group or profession. It's our common shorthand.
  • 62.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 62 If you have any questions, please call me. Should you have any questions or concerns regarding the above, please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned. READING GRADE LEVEL 2.2READING GRADE LEVEL 9.1 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
  • 63.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 63 We may ask you to give us proof that you live in the state. Proof of state residency may be mandated. READING GRADE LEVEL 1.6READING GRADE LEVEL 7.3 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
  • 64.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Example of taking out jargon 64 If you give us false information on purpose, we may change or cancel your policy. Intentional misrepresentation may result in the policy being modified or terminated. READING GRADE LEVEL 7.5READING GRADE LEVEL 17.6 NO JARGONWITH JARGON
  • 65.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Do customers know what our jargon means? We adjudicate claims. We terminate members. We incent good health practices. We send information that’s pursuant to a law.
  • 66.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Use Finish Send Call, email Bring everyone up to speed SHORTER WORD Think of another word for… Leverage Finalize Cascade Reach out Level set 66 JARGON
  • 67.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain What does this mean?!@@#$% 67 "I leveraged and re-cannibalized a slide deck that was cascaded to my team because I didn’t have the bandwidth to recreate the wheel." READING GRADE LEVEL 11.6
  • 68.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Translating ?!@@#$% 68 “To save time, I used a slide deck from a coworker to help me get started.” READING GRADE LEVEL 5.1
  • 69.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Use a simple explanation for these terms 69 AD&LM: Aetna Disability & Leave Management (Say this instead: the area that manages Aetna's disability leaves) STD: Short-Term Disability (not to be confused with sexually transmitted diseases) PTO: Paid time off ERISA: Employee Retirement Income Security Act (Say this instead: the law that requires an appeal process for covered benefits, among other things) How did using acronyms start? In the late 1800s, businesses began abbreviating their company names in writing to fit into places where space was limited ─ on a barrel or crate, small-print newspapers and railroad cars. For example, the National Biscuit Company became NABISCO.
  • 70.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Simple initial tips 70 1. Spell out the name, then put initials in parentheses: EXAMPLE: National Insurance Association (NIA) 2. If you only use the term once, don’t use initials. 3. Always assume your reader will forget what an “initialism” means two paragraphs later. If your piece is long, spell out the acronym again, after first mention.
  • 71.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Plain language principles 71 7. Use active voice
  • 72.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Active versus passive voice 72 Active voice describes a sentence where the subject performs an action. It tells what a person or thing does. I’ll always remember my first promotion at Aetna. Passive voice describes a sentence in which the subject is acted upon. It tells what is done to someone or something. My first promotion at Aetna will always be remembered. Active voice Sounds more direct Reader knows what’s going on right away More genuine Passive voice Sounds robotic & business-like Hides who or what is doing the action
  • 73.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain The three-step active voice recipe 73 1.Find out who or what is doing something 2.Put this who or what in front of the verb 3.Use a verb that describes the action Example: PASSIVE: The nonsmoking policy was explained in the letter. ACTIVE: The letter explained the nonsmoking policy.
  • 74.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Passive sentences 74 Passive sentences hide who is doing the action. Your claim was denied. Who denied the claim: My doctor? The hospital? Aetna?
  • 75.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Active sentences 75 Active sentences say who is doing the action. We denied your claim. Oh, OK, you denied the claim. What should I do now?
  • 76.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Passive sentences 76 Passive sentences are indirect because they don’t start with who is doing the action. The report was written by the manager.
  • 77.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Active sentences 77 Active sentences start with who is doing the action. The manager wrote the report.
  • 78.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Put this passive sentence into active voice 78 Your job application will be reviewed by Human Resources. (Using our recipe, who is reviewing?) Human Resources will review your job application.
  • 79.
    Aetna Inc. The Flesch-KincaidHotline How may I help you?
  • 80.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain What other resources are there for writers at Aetna? 1. Aetna Editorial Style Guide (plus, the “Difficult word list”) 2. Writing templates (letterhead, PowerPoint, email) 3. “In Plain Language” newsletter – quarterly 4. Win with plain language – on Aetna Connect 5. Writer certification courses 80
  • 81.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 81 I am getting a high grade level score. What do I do now? • Test one paragraph at a time. Is one paragraph way worse than the others? • Then work on that paragraph.
  • 82.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 82 I am stuck with the word “maternity.” I have to say it in this brochure. How can I get my score down? Say it just once. Then try to use a pronoun in future references. “You can read up on these topics by consulting your Beginning Right® Maternity Program booklet. You haven’t received it yet? We can send it to you today!”
  • 83.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 83 I keep getting a score of zero. What am I doing wrong? • Simple. Make sure your sentence has punctuation at the end. • Your sentence(s) might be too short. I removed some words. But my score went UP instead of down. What do I do? • Keep working.
  • 84.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 84 I am stuck at a 6.2. I just can’t get this down any more. What do I do? • Look at all the sentences that have the word “and” in them. See if you can split them into two sentences. “Or” works, too. • Is there a word you MUST use? Test without it. (Just remember to add back in.) • Is there phone number or URL? Test without it. (Just remember to add back in.) • It’s OK. This might be the best you can do.
  • 85.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 85 Are we supposed to test with legal disclaimers? • No – never. Am I supposed to include websites and phone numbers? • If your score is too high, take them out and test again. Should I test other writing? • Yes. The more you practice and use the tool, the better you’ll become.
  • 86.
    Aetna Inc.Writing Plainis Everyone’s Gain Hotline 86 All this plain language stuff is great. But frankly, to me, it doesn’t seem professional. Or business-like. Thoughts?
  • 87.
    Aetna Inc. The Flesch-KincaidHotline Do you have a question for the hotline?
  • 88.

Editor's Notes

  • #60 What we’re going to talk about today is how to make our communications more effective. And a lot of what I’m going to talk about are things you learned in high school or college. But you probably haven’t thought about these tips and principles since then. Most of us don’t. Today is a refresher. So let’s talk about how we entice people to look at the communications we want them to read. Are the words we use familiar, clear and precise? Or do we use jargon? Are the sentences brief, yet thorough? Have we avoided “the curse of knowledge”? Have we set up our communication to visually capture our reader’s eye? These are the most critical things to remember when we want our message to be read – and acted upon.