The document discusses self-help strategies for addressing personal problems and the impact of blame on negative outcomes in life. It provides steps for achieving closure through a symbolic ritual involving writing, burning personal items, and planting a tree or shrub to represent hope for the future. The author emphasizes taking personal responsibility for one's choices and encourages sharing these self-help techniques with others facing similar challenges.

1. SELF HELP
Personal Problems / Issues, Awareness and Solutions:
+
“ DOING WHAT WORKS “
Personal Problem / Issues Awareness:
Do you often say : Why does this or that negative thing always have to
happen in my life?
Yes ____ No ____.
Do you accept the part that you play in the negative outcomes in your life?
Yes ____ No ____. ( The choices and decisions that you make or made )
Do you always or only blame others for the negative outcomes in your life?
Yes ____ No ____. ( The choices and decisions others have made or make )
Do you use blaming ( past negative influences by others ) to justify your
present negative behaviours? ( any excuse will do )
Yes ____ No ____. ( BLAMING friends, relatives, parents, teachers,
authorities )
Would you prefer to positively deal with these issues / problems and resolve
them?
Yes ____ No ____. ( If Yes and they are resolved you will not be able to
continue to blame others or to use others to justify your present behaviours )
Note: If you no longer can use others ( blaming or justifying ) then you will
have to take responsibility for your own future choices, decisions,
behaviours and outcomes.
( or find some other thing or person(s) to blame and use to justify your
present and future negative / dishonourable / self destructive behaviours ).
* Problems / issues can be brought to closure even when the contributors /
people are no longer living and in situations ( war, drowning, etc. ) where no
body is recovered / available for closure through a proper funeral.
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The Overthrow of the Parent(s) / Authorities = Positive & Negative:

2. Typical rebellion = trying to find one’s own way and independent identity.
A positive overthrow is accomplished by becoming a better = educated
person, student, worker, artist, husband, wife, father, mother, parent, teacher,
singer, preacher, etc. than your parents were / are.
A negative overthrow is accomplished by out = drinking, smoking, doping,
cursing, eating, stealing, fighting, arguing, partying, bar hopping, cheating,
gambling, etc. your parents. ( can go on generation after generation )
Note:
The intended outcome of a positive overthrow brings honour to the
over thrower and to the family name.
The intended or unintended outcome of a negative overthrow brings
dishonour to the over thrower and to the family name.
Proposed Solutions of Personal Problems:
Fire, Smoke, Ashes and ( Tree / shrub is optional = a living monument )
Step 1.
Write down the words that best describe the person(s) that you believe you
have a problem(s) with. ( resentments and appreciations )
Write a description of the event(s) that took place in relation to the
development, outcomes / results of the problem(s).
Note:
If anger surfaces when you describe the person(s) and / or event(s) be sure to
be as clear and detailed as possible in separating the person(s) contributions
and your own contributing factors / actions in bringing about the problem(s).
( Try to distinguish the difference between self anger and anger held against
the other person(s) ).
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Step 2.
Gather together some personal items ( pictures, article of clothing, T shirt,
letters, e-mail copies, etc. ) that belong to the person(s) that you have the

3. problem(s) / issues with.
Step 3.
Find a spot / location that is visible to you ( front / back yard ), where you
can dig a hole ( suitable for planting a small tree or shrub ) and dig the hole.
Step 4.
Bring to the hole (a) a small tree / shrub (b) the papers describing the
person(s) and event(s) (c) the personal items belonging to the person(s) that
you have the problem(s) with.
Step 5.
Read aloud the information on your papers and set fire to both the papers
and the personal items + letting the smoke go into the air and the ashes drop
into the hole, then plant the tree / shrub in the hole.
Note:
“The planting of a tree, shrub or crop represents hope for the future”.
You can do all of this alone ( only for yourself ) or you can include others
who would benefit from gaining closure related to solving the problem(s).
The important thing is to RELIEVE THE ANGER by resolving the
problem(s) for yourself . = ( without a negative confrontation that would
only cause further problems for all concerned ).
Choosing a location of high visibility will provide a constant reminder that
you have buried the problem(s). ( in case you should allow them to surface
again, in the future).
Fire / Smoke / Ashes = Burning, Burying, Planting and LET IT GO =
Then GET ON WITH YOUR POSITIVE ANGER FREE LIFE =
( Forgiving Yourself and Others )
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4. PERSONAL AND FAMILY HISTORY + SELF HELP SECTION:
I want you to inter into an agreement / contract with me to:
1. Use the Personal and Family History questions ( on pages 59, 60 & 61 )
to take you into the Self Help section.
2. Apply the principals and practices of Self Help ( on pages 62, 63 & 64 ) to
your own personal life experiences.
3. You can copy these pages to share this opportunity with significant others,
family members, friends, people that you know who have problems and
others who would benefit from this Self Help Process.
4. By applying your imagination, I’m sure you can find many various
adaptations where this process can be of help in dealing with:
a. Beginnings and endings related to deaths, relationships, gains and losses.
b. Completion of unfinished business.
c. People dealing with addictions, suicide prevention, Veterans, RCMP, Fire
Fighters, etc. and their family members who are suffering from the effects of
PTSD, etc.
d. The need for closure and getting on with new beginnings / lives.
© Copyright # 1090456 CDN 2011 All rights reserved by:
James L. Halstrum P.O.Box 1326 Montague, PEI C0A-1R0
Phone/FAX: 902-838-2218
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